Simple and Clean
by rensrenegade
Summary: Chaos and kismet mixed and mingled to create an unavoidable outcome as the two almost innocent boys slept. The bitterness of fate, the oblivion of love, and the wish of destiny held tightly to the two bonds forever sealed. All that was meant to be was forgotten as all that is and should be took its place. And there was nothing the unaware ten year old boys could do.
1. This is Just the Prologue

_Author's Note: I told myself I wouldn't do this. But of course it just nags at me so here is this big creation of mine I've been working on since August. Currently I'm at 566 pages and... it's a biggy. I don't know when I'll stop, I've kind of fallen in love with this so it'll be hard for me to end this story. I don't know how often I will update but I know I've gotten myself in a whirlwind of trouble on another account for practically abandoning one of my other "big" creations -cough- which is why I'm currently under anonymity. (Because if anyone from that fandom were to ever cross paths with me here I would be skewered.) I promise not to leave you hanging like I've left them. (I'll return to them.)_

_I can't say too much about the plot because it'll just give too much away. Pretty much this story is about the lives of Kenny and Butters and their friends from age 10 to... well I'm not sure how old they'll be when I stop, but... we'll see. Most of this is told in a Bunny-centric point of view (third person) but there are certain cases where others will be the focal character (like Kyle and Stan.) A lot of stuff happens, a lot of times I will post a trigger warning__** (warning: there will be a lot of those)**__ for various topics. I will not go into detail now but I just want to forewarn you: this is M for a reason. Not only will there be sexual themes but various other mature topics that the faint of heart should not read. Like I said, warnings will be posted when necessary. For now it's all good :)._

_Right now I will not divulge too much information but there will be slash. There will be femslash. There will be sex and death and blood and a lot of really bad stuff that my mind comes up with at 3 in the morning when I can't sleep. So if you don't like any of that then this is your last chance to click the back button without getting sucked into this idea of mine._

_The title is from the Utada Hikaru song "Simple and Clean" used in "Kingdom Hearts" (which plays a part in this, several times.) Except I also chose this title out of irony, because this story will be anything but "simple and clean". And titles of chapters will usually be song lyrics. I'll post the title of the song and the artist so if you feel like listening to what inspired the chapter as you read you may do so. _

_Oh, and this will probably be the shortest chapter you'll ever read from me._

_Last but not least, I hope you enjoy this._

* * *

All little Butters Stotch knew was he was having his first sleepover tonight with his best friend. The night before he had spent four hours making sure the house was spotless and to his parents' satisfaction. The furniture was polished, the floor waxed, ceilings dusted, and his basement was set up with two sleeping bags, a giant bean bag, a stack of movies and his Play Station 4 games along with the console in front of the large television. His mom had bought all kinds of different snacks and drinks for the two boys to have.

He, however, was not aware of the tiny shifts his decision created in time and the future. With his simple question and personal accomplishment of finally having a true best friend who actually agreed to a sleepover with him, the young Butters altered his time line completely; every fixed point had been shattered and rearranged. Unbeknownst to this, the ten year old boy hummed happily as butterflies flitted in his stomach while he sifted through his movie collection.

Butters frowned as he looked at his DVD and game collection. His best friend wouldn't want to watch the movies or play the video games he had. While Butters was proud of his "Hello Kitty" and "My Little Pony" DVD set as well as his video games revolving around the same characters, he knew his best friend would be more than disgusted. He was a twisted little fella.

When the doorbell rang the little blonde choked on the breath of air he just inhaled. This was the scariest moment of his life. This was a bad idea. Why did he bother? No one ever wanted to come see him or hang out with him. He knew he was weird. Why would anyone want to be friends with him? But he wanted friends,_ a_ friend. So very badly.

"Butters, your friend is here!" Linda Stotch, his overbearing and psychotic mother, called. Butters sighed heavily and mustered what little courage and confidence he had as he trudged up the basement stairs.

Here goes nothing.

The young blonde met a walking orange parka with wide blue eyes at the foot of the stairs. Butters winced as he realized his mother was interrogating him.

"-And bed time is at 8:30, don't keep Butters up late. And no racket music, he-"

"H-hey Kenny!" Butters chirruped; he couldn't help but notice the bored expression in the smaller child's eyes.

"Hey Butters," Kenny responded with his voice heavily muffled by his parka.

After listening to a small lecture from his mom, Butters led Kenny down the stairs to the basement.

"S-sorry bout that, Ken, she can be real grouchy but she m-means well. I don't have m-much but we can p-play "Spyro" or "K-Kingdom Hearts" or watch c-cartoons. I got lotsa snacks so i-if you're hungry-" Kenny's eyes lit up at the mention of food yet he simply shrugged his shoulders. "I'll ask mom to make us p-popcorn then. If that's okay." Kenny nodded and set down his old backpack.

"Thanks for inviting me over, dude." Kenny mumbled, voice distant due to the layers of cloth covering most of his face. Butters stared at him in disbelief and almost felt like crying. Someone wanted to hang out with him? This was why he liked Kenny. Kenny was real; he didn't lie. And he was real nice. And ever since Hawaii he hung out with Butters more. He had a real friend.

"Aw shucks…"

"What's "Kingdom Hearts?"" Kenny asked, switching the subject. Butters gaped in surprise.

Soon they were engulfed in the game. As Butters explained the tale of Sora, Riku, and Kairi and the gameplay, Kenny seemed to be enjoying himself. They were talking and joking and laughing as they each took turns playing; for the first time since Hawaii Butters actually felt happy.

He didn't notice the way Kenny flinched when his dad reached over his head to set down the popcorn bowl. Or the way he instinctively covered his ears when his mother yelled down to them for supper. He did, however, notice how fast the shorter boy ate his food, and couldn't help but stare in awe; he was like a vacuum.

"So Kenny, how's your dad doing?" Stephen Stotch asked. Kenny shrugged his shoulders as he slurped the very last drop of soup from the bowl.

"He's okay." He answered simply, his voice less muffled yet the parka still covered his mouth.

"And your mom's job, how is that going?"

"Double shifts at the Olive Garden so she's gone a lot." He replied in a voice that wavered slightly. "But the money is nice." Butter's parents nodded and smiled sympathetically at the little boy. Butters couldn't help but grin; this was the nicest dinner he had had with his parents in ages.

"So how is school going for you boys?" Linda asked, sounding sincere. Butters kicked his legs excitedly as he simply wanted to burst with the news of his report card. Kenny, on the other hand, seemed to shrink.

"I got an A in all of my c-cl-classes, even an A+ mom! The only one who did better than me was Kyle but he's a g-genius so it's o-okay. I'll do better than him t-though, mom and dad. Next quarter!" he was determined to have the highest grades of all the fourth graders at South Park.

"Butters, that was rude of you to interrupt Kenny. That is a warning." His father scolded and sent him a dark glare. He sank back in his chair and quickly apologized to Kenny who wore a look of confusion in his eyes.

"It's okay," Kenny simply answered, modestly. Butters wasn't quite sure what Kenny's grades were. Everyone shared theirs because of the stiff competition of who has the best, but Kenny was always quiet about his. That was weird to Butters, now that he thought about it. Maybe he didn't have the best grades… he wouldn't push.

The rest of dinner was quiet with idle small talk that went nowhere. Kenny wasn't much of a talker so his parents soon gave up on that. But Butters knew that; that's why he was the talker. Kenny liked to listen, or it seemed like it. He figured he should thank his best friend for putting up with him; he had noticed his stutter had gotten better. So that was a good thing.

After dinner, Butters quickly cleared the table and washed the dishes. Kenny sat on the counter next to him and played with the frayed cuff of his hooded sweatshirt. There were dark stains on the sleeves and front and it looked a little burned on the arm.

"I can get the stains out if you want," Butters offered after rambling on and on about what they could do, which turned into his longing for spring, which had somehow led him to talking about why he didn't like chocolate ice cream and how vanilla was the best ice cream choice ever.

Kenny just blinked and shrugged his shoulders. His hands were hidden in the sleeves now and bits of his hair were sticking out from the hood. "It won't take long, I can get it to you before we go to sleep."

"I don't care, it's not a big deal." Kenny answered. It was Butter's turn to shrug.

So now they were downstairs trying to figure out the difference between delicates and permanent press and why it even mattered. Kenny flipped the dials randomly and tossed in all of his clothes, minus the ones he was currently wearing, and shut the lid. Butters squeaked in fear.

"What?" Kenny asked, now audible due to the lack of hood blocking his mouth.

"Do you even know what you just did? You can't mix c-colors or the orange will bleed on the socks and the whites will turn dark and…" Butters trailed off, "you don't know what setting it's on, what if it-"

"Just chill, dude." Kenny interrupted and smiled a gap-toothed smile. Butters felt his heart fall. What if he just made him angry? He didn't want that.

"I-I'm sorry Kenny, I just…" Butters trailed off; didn't want to get grounded? Didn't want Kenny's clothes to get messed up? Didn't want his parents to see the random dials because they only liked it on normal with an extra rinse?

Kenny was right; he really had to chill.

"You can go if you want, I-I don't wanna be a bother. I-I'm sure Stan and Kyle a-are doing better things." Kenny scoffed and mumbled an inaudible comment to himself. "What was that?"

"I said they're two years away from a boner-fest and I don't want to be near that." Butters looked at him curiously and Kenny shook his head. "Never mind."

"What's a b-boner?" Butters asked, Kenny looked as if he tried not to laugh and he scratched at his arm absent-mindedly.

"It's when your dick gets hard 'cause you're horny."

"Why would Stan and Kyle b-be doin' a bonerfest then?" Kenny just smirked and shook his head.

This confused Butters. He knew what a penis was and he kind of knew what being horny meant. But that was supposed to happen between a boy and a girl. Unless they were gay. But neither Stan or Kyle were girls. Or gay. Were they?

The two boys started watching a stereotypical Adam Sandler movie; Butters figured it would be better than the movies he usually watched. Kenny seemed mildly interested but mostly was fixated on the popcorn he was happily munching on. Butters wouldn't ask for any; he was full, anyway.

"S-so, how's life, Kenny?" Butters asked in the middle of the movie. He wasn't really paying attention. Kenny looked at him quizzically as he chewed on a mouthful of popcorn.

"It's okay," he answered numbly and pulled his hands under the cuffs of his long sleeved shirt. Kenny looked like he wanted to pull the strings of his hoodie to cover his face but it was still being laundered. Maybe Kenny's hoodie was his security blanket… like Butters' security blanket, or gnashing his knuckles together.

"Karen is starting third grade next year, right?" Butters' asked, Kenny nodded and looked a little upset at this. "I bet it's neat having a brother and a sister. Mostly you just have one or the other. Plus you're in the middle so you're not the baby but you don't have to be the one everyone depends on," Kenny snorted at that.

"I guess. Kevin's just a fucking idiot and Karen is… Karen. And I dunno… it's not so easy on mom. But I don't really wanna talk about it." Kenny mumbled nervously.

"S-sorry, I didn't mean to make you feel awkward or n-nothin'," Butters murmured, mentally slapping himself. Kenny didn't talk. Everyone was used to his muffled comments or silence. He wasn't one for the center of attention. Butters understood that.

"It's okay," Kenny responded contentedly and yawned. Butters looked at the clock; 8:17.

"But if you e-ever need to talk…" Butters trailed off, unsure if he could continue. "You can t-talk to me. Even when it's r-real late. I like to listen too ya know." Kenny smiled softly and nodded.

"I know."

Soon the lights were off and Kenny was fast asleep. Butters was wide awake and hoping his parents wouldn't come downstairs. They knew when he was fake-sleeping and he'd be grounded for two months if they caught him doing that again.

And as he lay awake, he still couldn't shake the feeling that something awful was in the making. He always got stupid feelings that eventually faded away but he couldn't help but feed the nagging worry. It tore at his stomach and made his chest burn and tears almost want to fall. He didn't know what was wrong. But something was. And he didn't like it. So he turned to face Kenny.

His best friend was passed out cold; if Butters didn't know any better he'd say the boy was dead. But he could hear his deep exhales and congested and shallow inhales through his nose due to probably allergies or a cold. He looked peaceful, but he always looked peaceful. And he looked very small. He knew Kenny was the smallest boy in their grade, in height and possibly in weight because he looked like a toothpick, but it wasn't too noticeable because of his hoodie and parka. Unlike the other kids he didn't have the plump cheeks because… well Butters didn't know why. But he didn't look healthy. He knew he was strong, after all he was Mysterion, but he looked really weak. That wasn't good. Butters also knew his family wasn't very well to do and that could have a big factor about his lack of height and weight only he didn't want to question. And "not very well to do" was a laughable understatement. But he did notice that Kenny looked happy which made Butters feel better.

So he closed his eyes.

Chaos and kismet mixed and mingled to create an unavoidable outcome as the two almost innocent boys slept. The bitterness of fate, the oblivion of love, and the wish of destiny held tightly to the two bonds forever sealed. The wind rustled overhead. The clock ticked in the dead silence. Deep breaths filled the empty space. Dreams were had. And all that was meant to be was forgotten as all that is and should be took its place. And there was nothing that the two ten year old boys could do.

And there was nothing fate or hope or love or destiny could do except wait.


	2. We've Got Something to Reveal

_Chapter Two: Secrets Pt. 1 "We've Got Something to Reveal"_

_Song: "The Lost Art of Keeping a Secret" Queens of the Stone Age_

In the dead of night, the conscience bears down upon your every thought and desire. It clutches and burrows within to bring your deepest and best-kept secret to the surface. The thought of it being discovered wracks the body and causes the nightly purge as you hope to God, or Satan, or whoever the hell you may or may not believe in that you can go just one more day tucking away the most important detail of your entire existence.

Butters Stotch walked quietly alongside Kenny McCormick in the cold March afternoon. His best kept secret kept biting and clawing at the front of his mind until he couldn't take it anymore. He had to tell someone. The only person he could trust with something like this would be his best friend.

He wondered if sharing secrets had effects like the stages of grief. He was just afraid to tell Kenny something he tried to deny even to himself. And they had only been best friends for two years; he didn't want to ruin that and go back to being friendless. Even Cartman started treating him slightly better.

"I'm afraid of th-thunderstorms." Butters piped up. Kenny's eyes held a look of confusion and he coughed quietly beneath his hood.

"Lightning?" Kenny asked in a barely audible voice. Butters shook his head. "I hate lightning."

"No, thunder." He responded; suddenly his cheeks felt very hot.

"But lightning fucking kills."

"I don't like loud noises…" Butters trailed off in embarrassment as they approached Stark's Pond after school.

Kenny nodded and sighed heavily before pulling down his hood. His dirty blonde hair was in need of a washing and it always caused Butter's heart to stammer every time he saw it; he wished he could do something to help his friend. But with Kyle, Stan, and himself trying to help as best as they could without making it known Kenny was living far better than most of his other family members. The exception was Karen, who Kenny had said was a frequent stay-the-night guest at the Tucker household.

"I'm afraid of life," Kenny mumbled as his oceanic eyes focused on the icy pond. His cheeks were bright red, which accentuated the faint freckles that dotted along the bridge of his nose and under his eyes.

Butters didn't understand.

"That's kinda different... E-everyone's usually s-s-scared of death, not life. Life is b-beautiful… why're you s-scared of it?" Kenny scoffed and laughed quietly to himself. Butters liked his laugh; it wasn't heard often and it was even rarer for it to not be muffled.

"Butters can I tell you something? And please believe me." Butters nodded; Kenny never lied to anyone except his parents and occasionally the teachers. He knew he would only tell him the truth.

"O-of course, Ken!" Butters chirruped happily against his own twisting nausea and nerves.

The two blondes had stopped walking now. Kenny looked more nervous than Butters had ever seen him and really little. Well, he was little for a twelve year old; he was the shortest in their class but that wasn't his fault. But Butters swore his face looked like a little kid about to cry.

Kenny sat down on the bench at the bank of the pond and pulled at the chewed on strings of his hoodie. Silence enveloped them and the tension was strong. Butters knew this was serious and just placed a hand on Kenny's shoulder.

"I'm not scared of death 'cause I can't die," he confessed with his eyes locked on Butters and his voice quiet so only the younger boy could hear. Butters blinked as he tried to comprehend what his best friend had just told him. He had no clue what to say.

"Well, of c-course you can't. You've g-got a lot to live for a-and to do. But everybody dies…"

Kenny raked a hand through his hair. When he began to pace Butters stood as well and tried to calm him down.

"It's okay, Kenny. I get it, I know-"

"No you don't!" The small boy cried emphatically with clenched fists and the whites of his eyes on fire. "No one does! I die, all the fucking time. At least twice a week. And no one ever fucking remembers. I used to think maybe you did, someone, anyone… but no one notices. I've got the scars. Every single fucking scar. I remember."

Butters had never seen Kenny like this before; so upset, so energetic. His voice was cracking and he was shaking on the spot. His malnourished face was flushed and his eyes were now terribly bloodshot with the blue pools appearing as ice in a lake of fire. But there were no tears; Kenny McCormick never cried.

"W-well if you died I'd notice. I would k-know. You're important to me, Stan and Kyle, your family, and even Cartman… and lots of o-other people too. You're r-real important." Butters felt his heart leap oddly as Kenny shook his head vehemently and pulled his hood back over his face and head.

"Fuck this," Kenny growled with his voice muffled. He knew it as pointless to explain. No one ever believed him. Maybe he was crazy after all; he highly doubted that.

"W-wait… Ken, please!" Butters sobbed and reached for his significantly shorter friend. Kenny hook his head again and started to walk away. "Show me!" The blonde turned and furrowed his eyebrows. Butters knew what that look meant. "You said you had the scars… from dying. C-could you show me?"

"I can't," Kenny murmured distantly. "I'll see you later."

"Please?" The twelve and a half year old visibly sighed and pulled down his hood once more. Shaggy and greasy blonde locks fell over and around his face. Butters stood in front of him and willed himself so very hard to believe Kenny. As his best friend he had to… right?

"I…" Kenny trailed off and lifted his long bangs off from his forehead. Butters could faintly see two round scars on his forehead, a long, faded pink gash that ran from his temple to his neck, and lots of little white tiny mars littered his face and neck, passed the collar of his jacket.

"What are they?" Butters asked as he gulped; his stomach was suddenly felt very weak. How had he not noticed those before now? They were definitely noticeable. He watched Kenny's hands pull at his hood yet refrained from pulling it over his face. Were there more scars he was trying to hide? But he noticed Kenny looked ready to get sick as well, so he took a deep breath and forced a soft, encouraging smile.

"Bullets, claws, teeth, spikes. I've been shot, stabbed, decapitated, eaten, quartered, ran over, buried alive… I've been a zombie, but I always come back. Butters… please, please trust me?"

This was a lot like when he thought Eric died. Only he knew Kenny was alive. But the urgency and sincerity of his voice made the younger twelve year old start to believe in what he was saying. This better not lead him to getting tested again.

"How long h-has this happened? Why? I-I don't get it."

"Ever since I can remember, I dunno. Remember Cthulhu? I found out my parents went to cult meetings and there's this book called "The Necronomicon", and there's immortals. Somehow the cult cursed me, I think. I don't know if there's a way to break it or if I can only break it by dying at the hands of another immortal. I don't understand it much either, but it fucking sucks." Kenny said; he knew it sounded he needed to tell someone. And Kyle threatened to have his mom put him in the hospital for evaluation if he brought it up again. His parents couldn't afford those bills; they couldn't afford anything.

"So y-you're a vampire?!" Kenny shook his head.

"I'm a person, I just can't die. Well I can die but I'm resurrected or whatever."

"So have you gone to heaven then?" Kenny nodded, "hell?" Another nod. "What's it like?"

"I help Satan with relationship problems, he's currently pursuing Hitler but he's being too passive aggressive. I've directed Heaven's army," Butters burst out laughing and Kenny joined in as well and grinned a gap-toothed smile. "I hate purgatory but limbo is worse."

"Kenny?" Butters began, "Don't die anymore okay? I-I may not remember b-but I don't wanna lose my best friend. Ever." The older blonde smiled and patted his back comfortingly. That was something he couldn't promise no matter how much he wanted to. To his surprise, Butters' shoulders wracked with sobs and he hugged him tightly. Kenny hugged back and remained silent. "I-I'm sorry you've g-gone through it alone. I'm s-sorry I've never remembered."

"Just try…" Kenny mumbled as he pulled his arms away from Butters.

An awkward silence fell before them as the sun began to set over the pond. Butters was fighting to believe his best friend was an immortal while Kenny was adjusting to the fact that someone may actually believe him. It was a start.

"Ken?" Butters broke the silent. "Can I tell you a secret?" Kenny nodded. The taller boy took a deep breath and whispered, "I watched porn."

For the first time in years, it seemed, the dark blonde beside him fell into a fit of hysterical laughter. He winced and clutched his side but continued to laugh nonetheless, and Butters noticed a chip in one of his teeth as he giggled.

"Did you get off?" Kenny asked once he tried to compose himself. Yet after he spoke he fell into another bout of snickers. Butters blushed. "Dude, literally every fucking guy in our class has watched porn at least once. Don't freak out."

"B-but my mom will see it a-and…" Butters trailed off then shook his head. "It was g-gay porn…"

This time, Kenny didn't laugh. In fact, his cheeks flared red and he coughed into his hand.

"Did you get off?" He repeated with a smirk. Butters' burning red ears and fish mouth was his answer. "If you're trying to tell me you're gay or bi or whatever the fuck there is today… then I coulda told you that like five years ago."

Butters' jaw dropped.

"Really?!" He grew quiet once more, "I don't know what I am... but I-I'll let you know when I figure it out. If you want. I-I'm sorry I just don't want you to h-hate me. But if you don't w-want to be friends anymore, well... I get it."

Kenny just gave him a blank stare before he rolled his eyes and put his arm over Butters' shoulders.

"I'm not my parents. I don't give a fuck who you wanna fuck. You're still my best friend, Butters." Butters smiled tearfully and hugged Kenny again.

"T-that's another thing, Ken… a-another secret," the shorter boy remained silent and pulled his hands into the cuff of his coat; he had extended the sleeves of his old parka from his curtains. "I don't… I don't r-really like… being called Butters."

"Huh?" Kenny replied as he squinted a little at Butters. "But you've always been Butters… how'd you get that name, anyways?"

"Butters Stotch sounds like butter scotch. And d-dad called m-me Butterfingers and Butterball…. I-I hate it." Kenny grimaced and opened and shut his mouth a couple of times. "Y-you can still call me it. E-everybody does. I just… I-I dunno. It b-bothers me a li'l bit." Kenny nodded; he got it. He didn't like some of the things people called him, either. Yet that was his parents' fault.

"Well, I think it'd be fuckin' weird if I just started calling you _Leopold_ in front of everyone, right? So… how bout it'll be a secret best friend thing?" Butters grinned and nodded enthusiastically. "So, hey, Lee?"

Lee. Butters liked that; he never had the chance to pick out a nickname he'd like to be called. He didn't think he was fit to be called Leo. But Lee was nice.

"Yeah?"

"I just… wanted to say thanks. I… I know it's fucked up but I swear on Karen's life I'm telling you the truth. I just don't want to prove it to you. But try… please fucking try to remember." Butters nodded and smiled warmly.

"Sure thing, Ken."

As the two boys walked silently in the direction of their homes, a weight had been lifted from their shoulders. Tension was still high and thoughts were still confusing, but Butters was prepared for that; he knew all about the awkward feelings and what happens when you reach a certain age. Yet it seemed only a handful of the guys had "hit" that age; Kenny and Stan were both among them.

"And if it helps, I just wanted to say I know for a fact you're not the only one who's watched gay porn." Kenny mumbled. Butters' jaw dropped upon hearing Kenny's words. The blush now crept to his neck and Kenny just smirked; Butters knew that look. He was dead serious.

Someone else. Someone else was going through the same thing he was? He wished he knew who it was; it'd be nice to have someone to talk to. Especially if they had non-accepting parents. But he couldn't get his hopes up; except for the fact that if Kenny knew then they had to be fairly close to each other.

Time would only tell, he decided, and shook his head before starting telling Kenny that James Spader was chosen to play the villain, Ultron, in the second "Avengers" movie and how he was excited for the sequel.


	3. Words Are Deadly Weapons

_Author's Note: We'll be getting to serious plot soon with this story. But here is the third chapter. Hope you enjoy._

_Secrets Pt. 2- Words Are Deadly Weapons_

* * *

The deafening silence was overbearing. The thirteen year old redhead stared pleadingly at his second best friend who remained quiet as he absorbed what had been said. The boy in the orange hooded sweatshirt, customized with his bedroom curtains to lengthen the sleeves as he grew, sighed heavily and looked at his friend. The older of the two boys blinked back tears as he waited for him to say anything, anything at all. Even if it were the last words he ever spoke to him.

"Kenny?" Kyle Broflovski asked weakly and feared any response from the shorter boy. The lanky ash blonde haired boy just raised an eyebrow.

"You actually think I'm going to care if you're gay?" Kenny asked and scoffed. The fact that one of his best friends since he could remember feared he wouldn't be his friend anymore because he was gay? That was absurd. He remembered having a similar conversation a year ago with him yet then it was "strictly hypothetical." But the way he ogled Stan… he made it too damn obvious.

"Well, yeah…" Kyle trailed off and ran a hand through his unruly red locks. He couldn't help it; no matter how hard he tried to weigh down the locks, they'd just stick up.

It wasn't important. To Kyle it was, but Kenny could care less about who people did. Besides, he had a lot more things to worry about; like when they next time he would eat would be. He didn't like to talk about his family life, everyone understood why, but by the time Kenny got home from detention or hanging out with his friends there wasn't any food for him. Mostly because of Kevin. His parents were now making meth for themselves more than for their "boss" and they hadn't had electricity for three weeks. His father had grown more abusive over the years and then Kevin started whaling on him every other night too due to being stoned, and Karen was starting to get in the crossfire as well, it was all too much.

He didn't want to be like his family. But his own violence was rising and the only thing to block out the shitfest at home was to get high and pass out at Stark's Pond. He hated it. But it was life and that was something he couldn't escape.

"So you don't hate me?" Kyle finally asked, breaking the silence. Kenny shook his head.

"You're like the last person I'd hate, dude." Kenny responded and patted Kyle on the shoulder. Instinctively, this caused the auburn haired teen to squeeze him in a tight hug and, saying "fuck it" to the other middle-schoolers passing by, he hugged back. "So does this mean I can now turn my advances to you?" Kenny asked jokingly, causing Kyle to blush and cover his face.

"No!"

The older boy just smiled and took a sip of water from his cup. He looked to the lunch line and saw Butters, Cartman, and Stan still waiting in line. Kyle was halfway finished with his sandwich and soda; Kenny had to look away or his stomach would growl. Kyle's eyes were fixated on something ahead of them both and Kenny was confused. He decided to follow his gaze and looked right at the Park County Middle School's first string quarterback.

"Something else you wanna tell me?" Kenny piped up, causing Kyle to jump and blush again before shaking his head. Kenny smirked mischievously, which could rival the Cheshire cat, and poked Kyle. "You've always liked him, haven't you?"

"W-what?! Stan? No way!" Kyle whisper-shouted, much to Kenny's amusement.

"I get it, I totally do. I mean, how can you not stare at those abs in the locker room? And the jeans he wears does not help the fact that he has the biggest ass I've ever seen on a guy, other than yours, 'course." Kenny replied nonchalantly, causing Kyle to choke on the Sprite he had taken a gulp of which caused the fizz to pour from his nose. He spluttered and coughed and Kenny patted his back forcefully.

"Dude!" Kyle gasped in between coughs. Kenny just grinned toothily. The gap in his teeth finally decided to close up some and now you couldn't tell he had a fake tooth so he tended to smile more. "Are you sure you're not gay or something?" Kenny just shrugged his shoulders and smiled even bigger.

"I mean, the way he walks, he's just asking for it, right? And his eyes… and his smile, that special one you have for each other. Come on, I've seen it, don't give me that look." Kyle rolled his eyes and was blushing now. "How long?"

"Years," Kyle whispered in admittance, lowering his eyes so Kenny could see his long lashes and he grimaced. "But don't… don't push it, okay? He's straight. I'm his Super Best Friend and it has to stay that way." Kenny nodded and took Kyle's hand. The red head met eyes with him and Kenny swore he saw tears. Yet before he could tell if they were they were blinked away and a smile replaced the frown.

"It's yours to tell, dude. I get it; it's safe with me. But no one in their right mind is gonna fucking hate you for it."

"Hate him for what?" Stan asked, looking at the two in concern as he approached the table. The blonde and red head quickly pulled their hands away from each other and Kyle shook his head.

"I just got the extra credit right on our science test."

"So he got a 100-fucking-three percent." Kenny grumbled and pulled his hood up before he could be questioned anymore. Stan rolled his eyes and sat over the split in the table just so he could sit next to Kyle. Kenny tuned them out as Stan assured him that "he deserved it and everyone else could go fuck off because they never try."

Kenny couldn't help but notice Kyle's full attention was spent on Stan. They sat too close to be friends, but maybe it was the "super best friend' thing that made it okay. The two had a weird relationship; they always had. Maybe it was the fact that they were practically next door neighbors and spent all of their time together all of the time. But it was his constant and it made him feel safe. Without Stan and Kyle and their infinite bond and loyalty… well Kenny didn't know what would happen. But he couldn't imagine his life without them. He loved that they were close enough to sit like Wendy and Token did… and maybe it made Kyle's year, he didn't know, but Stan looked too comfortable. He couldn't ignore the way the football player's arm was nonchalantly draped around the smaller red head. Or the way Stan craned his neck down so he could be eye level with Kyle.

"Move over, faggot." Kenny rolled his eyes and shoved Cartman away from the space on his right. The chubby teenager narrowed his eyebrows and shoved Kenny.

"You're too fucking fat, the entire table will turn into a catapult and Tweek would go splat." Actually, it would probably be him. Yet Tweek cried out nonetheless and quickly ran from the other end of the table; Craig flipped him off and ran after his friend.

"I'm not fucking fat, it's muscle!" Cartman cried and punched Kenny on the shoulder. He visibly winced and felt pain radiate through his body. Kyle looked at him curiously, yet Kenny was now glaring at Cartman.

"Oh no." Stan murmured and began to eat his hamburger.

Somehow down the line, Cartman's insults and bullying moved from Kyle to Kenny. Of course, Kyle still got shit for being a fucking Jew, but apparently Kenny was more fun to mess with.

"Is that why it shakes?" Kenny asked with his voice muffled by the cloth over his mouth.

"Dammit, you welfare whore, move!" Kenny remained silent and swirled the water in his cup.

"Knock it off, Cartman." Kyle warned and nudged Kenny, who just stared ahead of them all, at the wall. He was angry… no he was fucking pissed. But he had control and he had learned after beating up the fat lard and getting suspended he needed to use said control. He couldn't be like Kevin… or his dad. That wasn't in him.

"I wanna sit hyah." He whined and Kenny closed his eyes and balled his fists in the cuffs of his sleeve. "I'll give you my roll if you move, poor boy."

His eyes opened. Dammit. Play into the weakness he knows so well… he couldn't do it this time. He had to stop letting the douche bag get his way. Except it was food and he was pretty sure his stomach would literally eat him if he didn't get something to eat soon. Four days with only two pop tarts to eat was miserable and he could smell the warm bread from behind him.

"You can't bribe Kenny with food, fatass. Just sit over there." Damn.

"I don't want to sit by the fagmo!"

"Watch it," Kenny growled in warning; Cartman was now talking about Butters, who was walking over and whistling happily to himself.

"Oh no, I insulted Welfare Whore's boyfriend. C'mon. I'll give you a chicken strip too."

Chicken strips…. Kenny's mouth watered. That was it, he needed that food. Kenny moved to stand but he felt a hand on his arm. He looked up and saw Kyle's eyes locked on his and he shook his head. Apparently, his friends didn't understand the urgency of starvation. He could lose this fight today if he could just get a bite of that juicy, hot-

"Heya, fellas!" Butters chirped as he set down his tray. He smiled as he sat across from Kenny. "So, how'd you d-do on that science test? I got a 96!"

"92," Stan mumbled in between bites of his hamburger. Kenny's eyes fell to his tray; most of his food was long gone. That boy had the appetite of a whale.

"98," Cartman replied and shoved Kenny, "C'mon Keeeeeeeenny! Free food!"

"Dammit, Cartman!" Kyle cried and pushed his reading glasses back to settle on the bridge of his nose. "Just sit the fuck down, you asshole!" Then he turned to Butters, blushed, and said, "I got a 103."

"Oh neato, Kyle! Ken, what a-about you?" Kenny kept his eyes lowered and shrugged before holding up the three page long test with a red number written at the top. 81. He was smart, he really was… he just didn't have the time or ability to study like his friends. It hurt his head to read too much, literally; after about a half an hour of straining, he'd give up and watch television or porn until he passed out. "W-well that's a good score! A-and Ms. Bree is offering a re-take t-too. But that's a g-good score." Kenny shrugged his shoulders and folded it back up before placing it in his pocket. "H-hey Ken, the lunch lady gave me too many chicken nuggets… I had an awful b-big breakfast. Y-you want some? A-and I sure don't like crinkle cut fries. S-so you can have them." Kenny eyed them like a hawk but he shook his head. He couldn't do that to Butters, Cartman yeah, but Butters was different.

Speaking of Cartman. The fat fuck grabbed him from behind on the hood and pulled him to the edge of the table's bench. Kenny yelped as his meaty hand grabbed through the hood and onto his hair and he fell with a thud on the cafeteria floor. Stan and Kyle both stood up instantly, and Butters' jaw dropped in shock and confusion. Cartman sat down in the small blonde boy's spot, which caused the opposite end of the table to rise off of the ground.

"Dude!" Kyle cried and looked at Kenny who was now standing; he had fallen on his tailbone; the same spot where he had landed on the corner of their old coffee table after his dad through him. The old table had split under the impact.

"You piece of shit!" Stan cried and slugged Cartman before sitting down.

"I wanted my goddamn spot!" Cartman cried and smiled smugly. Kenny brushed Kyle off and slowly sat down next to Butters, who looked angry.

"That wasn't very nice, Eric," Butters scolded, causing the older, taller, and much heavier boy to laugh at the petite blonde across from him.

"I told Welfare Whore to move, fagmo. It's about fucking time all those poor people learn to-"

Kenny's jaw dropped as he watched Butters' fist slam right into Cartman's nose. Stan's fry fell from his mouth and Kyle's eyes nearly bugged out of his head as he heard a crunch next to him. Blood gushed from the chubby boy's nose. All eyes in the cafeteria were now on their table, if they weren't before, and Butters retracted his arm quickly and looked at his balled fist in awe.

"I-I'm sorry, Eric, I…" he trailed off, and shook his head as Cartman stood up, holding his nose. "N-no, I'm not s-sorry, you jerk. T-that's my best friend. S-so go tell the p-prinicpal or c-come at me, ya big pussy."

All was quiet as Cartman ran from the lunch room.

Kyle cleared his throat and Stan opened and shut his mouth a few times before giving up. Kenny stared in admiration at Butters, who hadn't taken his gaze from his hand. Suddenly, laughter roared from one of the tables ahead of them, and the four boys turned to see Token and Clyde laughing hysterically. More laughter filled the room and soon everyone was overtaken by giggles. Except two people. As Kyle and Stan applauded Butters and snickered, Kenny smiled softly at the taller boy and pulled his hoodie down a ways. Butters couldn't help but notice a scratch on his nose and a fat lip and he wondered if that's because of what Kenny had told him a couple of months ago.

"Thanks, Lee," Kenny whispered before pulling his hood back over his head. Butters shrugged and popped the knuckles in his fingers before picking up a chicken nugget. He slid the tray in between them and couldn't help but grin as Kenny hesitantly grabbed a handful of fries.

Kyle's laughter slowly died as he watched the two. He turned to Stan and noticed how close they sat, and slowly moved his eyes to Kenny and Butters as well; there was no space between them and they seemed to be communicating silently; as if they were telepathic. But Kyle understood. Because he knew the eyes Butters sent Kenny were the very same eyes he laid on Stan. So he turned and looked away.


	4. One Too Many PBRs and a Boxing Match

_Here is the fourth chapter. This is kind of more of Stan's viewpoint than anything, but... it works. Hope you enjoy! _

_Oh. And... I kind of made a blog for stuff about this story when I'm not able to update and whatnot. Right now I've pretty much just posted facecasts, and even then those are just working ones. But if you wanna go check it out... you may do so. Expect random blurbs you may not understand, spoilers, and various other stuff that will usually always have to do with this story. Of course, more will come later. but... yeah! Check it out if you're bored. And if you yourself have facecasts I'd really, really like to know because then... I'd make that. So yeah, check it out if you want. The link is: bunnymcstotchkick . tumblr . com_  
_  
Secrets Pt. 3- One Too Many PBRs and a Boxing Match_

* * *

Thirteen year old Stan Marsh walked into his room after a long hot shower after a long hot day of football practice. All he wanted was to finish his history homework, eat dinner, and sleep. The events of his often eventful day had just been too much; while seeing Butters break Eric Cartman's nose was an amazing sight to see, there was a lot of drama after and Butters earned a week of detention. At least Kenny was there to spend it with him.

The black haired teen jumped as he saw a figure laying in his bed. He relaxed when recognizing the bright orange parka and hand-me-down tattered jeans that poked from under the blankets.

"Kenny, what the fuck? You're s'posed to be in detention." The lump in the bed stirred a little, and Stan was soon met with a pair of tired blue eyes looking up at him as the blonde was comfortably burrito-wrapped in Stan's blankets. His head poked up from the pillows and he slowly unrolled himself from the warmth.

Stan gave him a quizzical look and Kenny glanced to the window and shrugged. Stan sighed as he saw the window still half-way open and turned back to Kenny, who wore a Cheshire cat grin.

"Not anymore. Your front door was locked."

They had all gotten used to the fact that Kenny was pretty much a human cat and could scale practically any building with supernatural grace. The blonde boy was no stranger to sneaking into his friends' rooms to sleep. As long as their parents didn't find out, the boys kept going on with their sneaking.

"Oh, by the way... nice porn stash."

Stan blanched. Of course Kenny would find it sooner or later; he was fine with that. It just meant he saw…

"I take it you like twinks."

Stan's cheeks flushed darkly. He grabbed the magazine from Kenny, who flinched at his sudden movements, yet wore a silly smile.

"The fuck, dude?! You can't…"

"You left it layin' on your bed. Chill out, it's no big deal. I'm glad you don't like grizzlies though. Yeech," Kenny paused, shuddered, and sat up on Stan's bed. He pulled his knees to his chest and wrapped his arms around his legs all the while wearing a warm smile as he looked to Stan. As much as he hated to admit it, Stan actually felt comfortable. "Talk to me."

Stan sighed heavily as Kenny pulled down his hood part way. A fat lip and cut was visible but he knew not to question or assume because Kenny got angry. Although he was shorter then him he had muscle and he could definitely throw a mean punch.

"What's to talk about? You found a gay porno mag. Nothing needs to be said." Kenny quirked an eyebrow.

"What about the Daniels?" He asked quietly.

Stan felt his stomach drop.

"It's not that bad… I hardly do it anymore." Kenny remained silent as Stan deflected; the black haired boy faltered under the gaze of Kenny's piercing eyes. "I have to, nothing is fun anymore; everything is just fucking shit and I just want… I like girls, dude. I can't be gay. I like boobs and long hair and soft skin… I don't need this stress. And drinking makes it go away."

Kenny felt he was the one talking. He got it. But Stan was lucky; yeah, he understood people have different stresses and stress levels but he had everything going for him. Kenny, on the other hand, would be dead soon by the rate his family was going; if he could stay dead, that is.

"You could be bi… it happens. Love the pussy and the cock. Wouldn't it be hot to do it with both at the same time?" Kenny asked, then gave an awkward chuckle. Stan eyed him warily, and his smile faded slightly, "Think about it. But… you could talk to Kyle. About the drinking, and the twink thing. You can't be an alcoholic star football player; it could really fuck you up. I'm the wrong person to tell you that. But dude, you've got a lot of shit going on but you're only gonna see shit if that's all you let yourself see. You gotta do something. And Kyle loves you and he'd be the best person to talk to. I can listen but I'm a fucking hypocrite so..."

"Have you ever said that much before?" Stan asked, Kenny rolled his eyes but smiled softly. "I can't tell Kyle, dude. He'd hate me." Kenny snorted, yet a thought crossed his mind. He grabbed the magazine from Stan again, which caused the taller boy to cry out but not actually harm him, and looked for bent page corners. He opened to the page that had the most wear and tear and smirked.

"Huh. He kinda looks like Kyle," the blonde chirruped, then turned the page so Stan could see. His dark haired friend's cheeks flared slightly and he shook his head.

"Bullshit."

"No, look! He's small, rockin' the fuck outta the innocent nerd look. Just lighten his skin and make his hair longer and red and give him green eyes and voila! An older Kyle." Stan's face was bright red now as he yanked the magazine from Kenny once again. He examined the page and quickly tossed it away from him. "But you knew that... didn't you?"

Stan remained silent and sat on the bed next to Kenny. He laid down and the blonde followed suit. They were all so used to sharing everything, including beds, so this was normal.

Kenny grinned slowly and much too evilly, which made Stan more than uncomfortable, and flipped over on his stomach. "Kyle and Stan… Kan. Nope, that's like me. Stan and Kyle… Style. Style! You two are Style!"

"Kenny!"

"Dude, I've been third-wheeling it since we were five. Let me have my fucking moment." Kenny paused and laughed quietly. Stan didn't exactly mind seeing his usually quiet friend like this; and he did have a point. He was kind of their third wheel. "Do you like him?"

"I don't know… I only ever liked Wendy. But Kyle doesn't make me want to puke." Kenny snickered. "I can't be on the football team and be gay. Or bi." The blonde shrugged his shoulders.

"So? They did it on that shitty Canadian show Karen watches." Stan rolled his eyes.

"That's "Degrassi", we're in South Park. Totally different." Kenny snorted and looked at Stan with amusement glowing in his eyes.

"The fact you know that is really fucking gay." He retorted. Stan groaned and sat up.

"Since when are you gossip central, dude? What kinda shit are you hiding behind that parka?" Stan asked. Kenny shrugged again.

Honestly, he had ran from home for the night and was willing up the courage to ask Stan to stay for the third night this week. Karen practically lived at the Tucker household now, so he didn't have to worry about her.

He had also had the very same conversation they were currently discussing with Kyle today, and Butters about a month ago. And it was not his fault he found that porno mag when he curled up under the blankets to nap. It raised a lot of questions and as one of Stan's very best friends he wanted to know things. Though he already did know a lot about a hell of a lot of people.

"I'm just trying to help, I dunno. Would it be okay if I chilled here tonight?"

"_Again_?" Kenny lowered his eyes and remained silent. "Fine, your parents at it again?" Kenny scoffed.

"No, they're fuckin' like there's no tomorrow," Stan cringed, "it's Stuart and Kevin. Can't fucking handle 'em."

Stan knew at this moment he was walking on eggshells… but in the weirdest and completely "Kenny" way Kenny had helped him. He, Kyle, and Butters as well as everyone and their grandmother knew something bad was happening down the road at the McCormick household. It was evident in their youngest children. No one had been invited over for nearly two years, not that they ever went anyway. No one, not even Butters, was able to get anything out of Kenny.

Except maybe now. But Stan knew it was risky.

"Handle what?"

"It's Kevin and my dad, what the fuck do you think?" Kenny grumbled and subconsciously wrapped his arms tighter around himself. Soon he would pull up his hoodie. So Stan just chuckled softly.

"One too many PBRs and a boxing match?" Stan asked in a way that sounded as if he were joking; he was totally serious. Kenny's eyes flashed with emotion- was that fear?- and quickly turned.

"I can't believe Stuart and Kyle's dad were best friends. Completely fucked up. I mean…" Kenny trailed off, then shook his head. His chapped skeletal fingers poked out of his sleeves and tugged lightly on the strings of his parka. Stan knew he was getting in the defensive mode Butters had told them about.

"Kenny, you can talk if you want… I won't tell a soul. Not even Kyle." Kenny looked up through long greasy blonde locks.

"Can I take a shower?" Stan sighed and nodded; well that was over.

"Yeah, I'll get you some clothes too." Kenny shrugged and darted out of the room.

Stan lost him. He didn't understand Kenny; but no one really did. The kid was a fucking martyr; too selfless, humble, too self-conscious, and had no self esteem where it mattered. He was a great guy. It sucked he was from such a shitty family but his sister idolized him and he had enough potential to make a much better name for himself. Everyone loved him except himself. Stan couldn't grasp why he couldn't ask for help. Was he too proud? Too scared? Too protective of his family? They didn't deserve him.

The black haired boy pulled out his phone and opened up his messaging app. He quickly typed in "Kyle" and "Butters" and sent out a quick message.

_To: Kyle, Butters:_

_Sent: 7:38 P.M._

_Dude kennys here again. _

He waited a few moments and his phone buzzed quietly. He glanced at it.

_From Butters:_

_Received: 7:38 P.M._

_Is he okay?_

_To Butters:_

_Sent: 7:39 P.M._

_Yeah i tried to talk but he clammed up again. What do i do?_

Only Butters understood Kenny; maybe he'd know how to get through to him.

_From Kyle:_

_Received: 7:39 P.M._

_Holy shit again?! Wasn't he there Tuesday?_

_To Kyle: _

_Sent: 7:39 P.M._

_Yup. Hes not talking either. Well kinda. Said its his dad and bro. _

The next text he received was from Butters, which read, _"the last time I tried to find out what was wrong he left. Was he bloody?"_ Stan stared at it and raised an eyebrow; bloody? That was new. But Stan actually wasn't quite sure; he always wore that stupid orange parka. He didn't respond to that text, and instead opened the new message he received.

_From Kyle:_

_Received 7:40 P.M_

_Well duh his mom's always working. Need me to come over?_

_To Kyle:_

_Sent: 7:41 P.M._

_Maybe will let you know. _

Then he opened the message from Butters and quickly sent a simple response of, _"no, why?"._ Stan heard the hall floor creak and he looked up in alarm. He set his phone down and quickly grabbed his history book in case it was Kenny; he could always tell when something was going on. As the door opened, he was greeted by the sight of aforementioned boy with a towel around his waist and dripping hair.

"Dude, you need to cut your hair," Stan commented yet found himself staring at his small body. He felt sick. Stan could see every bone in Kenny's ribcage; he had no fat on his body whatsoever. Dark bruises and welts were littered all over his body, and a black eye suddenly appeared.

"Shut the fuck up, do you have any… what?" Kenny trailed off uneasily and looked down at himself.

"Kenny, what the hell?" Stan asked in a gentle voice. The blonde just shrugged his shoulders, quietly chuckled and grabbed the basketball shorts and ribbed tank top Stan had grabbed out for him.

"Kevin and I were just messing around, chill." Kenny mumbled as he sat down and wriggled into the baggy shirt. Stan gave him a look and carefully texted Kyle.

_To Kyle:_

_Sent: 7:44 P.M._

_bruises everywhere._

"Looks more like Kevin beat the shit outta you," Kenny scoffed in response and slipped into the basketball shorts Stan lended him.

"You should see him. And thanks," the blonde replied and pointed to the clothes on him; the shirt was baggy and he had to pull at the shorts to keep them at his waist. Stan shrugged his shoulders and waited impatiently for Kyle to text him back.

"I'm gonna make myself some dinner, want anything?" Stan asked as he stood up; Kenny remained silent as he folded the damp towel. The black haired boy left with a sigh; he'd get Kenny some leftovers. He wouldn't eat anything from his house if it wasn't an ignored meal from two days prior.

As he walked down the stairs he pulled out his phone and saw he had an unread message from Butters.

_From: Butters_

_Received: 7:45 p.m._

_Forget I said anything. _

_To: Butters_

_Sent: 7:45 p.m._

_He has bruises everywhere. Said it was kevin._

The football player made his way to his empty kitchen and opened the fridge. His dad was working late tonight, same with his mom, and Shelly was at some student council meeting, then was going to hang out with a friend so she wouldn't be back until later that night. That meant it was "fend for yourself" night. His family rarely had dinner together anymore.

Stan popped a Hot Pocket in the microwave and put a sheet of fries in the stove; he hated fried food. He looked at the last pepperoni Hot Pocket in the freezer and grabbed it for Kenny. He also grabbed the container of meat loaf and mashed potatoes; if Kenny didn't eat it he probably would.

His phone buzzed in his pocket and he opened the message.

_From: Kyle_

_Received: 7:47 p.m._

_Wtf? He say why?_

_From: Stan_

_Sent: 7:49 p.m._

_Said he and kevin were messing around. Bullshit._

The microwave dinged and he grabbed out the container. The Hot Pockets were on their own plate and he managed to grab two bottled teas before running up the stairs.

"Kenny, I got you a-" Stan trailed off as he found the small boy fast asleep on his bed. He contemplated on not waking him but he knew that he probably hadn't eaten in days and was a walking skeleton; he looked like Death in orange.

Stan gently shook his shoulder which caused Kenny to jolt awake and gasp before he pulled away from Stan's arm. He relaxed when recognizing the black haired boy and yawned.

"Sorry, how long was I out?" Stan shrugged and sat down next to the blonde and offered him the food. Kenny took it all without hesitation and managed to finish off the fries and Hot Pocket in what seemed like mere seconds.

"Thanks dude," Kenny said with his mouth full. Stan just nodded and took a bite out of his Hot Pocket.

"Well, thanks for… talking to me about… you know, being bi or whatever." Stan finally admitted. Kenny simply smiled and shrugged his shoulders. "So did you and Kevin play extreme football?" As he spoke, Stan swore he could feel all of the joy leave the room in an icy chill.

"No," Kenny murmured with a laugh as he wrapped his arms around his stomach and belched. Stan held up six fingers and Kenny grinned. "Stuart and Kevin were boxing."

Stan looked at him curiously. He remembered he had jokingly suggested that earlier yet he didn't think they would actually box. With Stuart and Kevin McCormick it would be more of a "who knocks who out faster?" kind of deal.

"So you took winner?" Kenny scoffed and laughed to himself before shaking his head.

"Ha, no..." Kenny trailed off, then scratched at his hands subconsciously, "I was the practice punching bag."

Stan's eyes looked from Kenny's hands to his eyes and searched for that ever-present glimmer of humor. He expected him to laugh and say he was kidding. But as he looked at one of his closest and best friends, who was more like a brother, he realized the lack of eye contact and grimace meant he wasn't joking.

So it was true. What he, Kyle, and Butters thought all along was fact. He had to do something; Kenny had to get out of that house.

He looked at his friend, and at his own hands, Stan felt sick. Because, deep down, he knew there was nothing he _could_ do. Who would believe a thirteen year old boy? Who would honestly want to take the time to listen to him _and_ help the poorest family in South Park?

He understood how Kenny felt and why he didn't talk about it. Because the world was shitty and the people were shitty and no one would give a shit anyway. And it made him sick.


	5. When Skies Are Grey

_Here is the fifth chapter, and I'm proud to introduce one of my absolute favorite characters to write: Karen. :) Thanks for reading, all of you, and I didn't realize how short these chapters were. Trust me, they get longer. *stares at 27 page chapter I'm currently working on*_  
_Happy reading!_

_Chapter Five: When Skies Are Grey _

* * *

"K-Kenny are you sure this is okay?" Karen asked quietly. Kenny nodded as they sneaked into the middle and high school pool locker room. The gym was locked up at this hour and the only reason the pool was open was because the swim team had late practices.

"We'll be real quick... I got a surprise for you," he whispered. For once his hood was down but he usually never wore it around Karen. She gave him a curious expression yet smiled a gap-toothed smile as he pulled out a roll from lunch. He had managed to steal it while walking with Kyle as he bought a la carte food. Her eyes lit up as he pulled out a packet of butter that had been squished in his backpack. The bread had gone dry but it was the freshest bread he had managed to score in months.

Kenny meticulously tore the roll, making it look as if he had made it into a perfect half. But he handed Karen three fourths of the roll, and let her have the butter. She needed as much food as she could get; she was growing so fast.

"Thank you so much!" She cried excitedly with tears in her eyes as she nibbled extra slowly on the food. They sat in silence in the boys' locker room, seated on the benches, and savored each and every bite of their dinner. "This is the best day ever!"

Karen always said that whenever Kenny was able to sneak food from the cafeteria. Her cries at night were usually from hunger, but also from having to listen to the screaming matches outside of her room. His little sister always ended up in his room, sleeping in a tight ball next to him. He never minded; at least then he knew he could protect her. And each night he found himself singing her to sleep, to drown out the yelling and the thumps and the moans.

"Mhmm," he agreed as he ate the last bite of the bread. "Karen, remember you can't tell mama or dad or Kev about this, okay?" She nodded brightly and wrapped her arms around him in a hug. They would be going home to share a packet of toaster pastries; he'd give her half of his because, "after the roll he was too full." That usually always happened.

But Karen needed as much happiness as possible because as a twelve year old girl she had suffered from more anxiety and depression than most forty year old people can stand. She always had issues with anxiety and he didn't remember a night that she didn't cry herself to sleep. So it was the little things he could do that made it so much better. And although she was twelve, she seemed more fragile to him; as if she were still a little girl. Half the time she seemed like that shy little girl she had always been.

"Okay, we gotta be quick about this. They're almost done with practice and I have to be home by 8 so I can go to work." Work. His skin crawled at the thought but he kept his determined expression and quickly shed his clothes. Karen closed her eyes and Kenny held up a towel so she could undress; she was already self-conscious of her body and she wasn't even a teenager.

After she undressed she wrapped the towel around herself and made it a point to not look anywhere except the floor. Although they had showered many times together to save water it was still awkward, especially for Karen. And Kenny was appreciative of the "privacy".

"These are like the ones in the gym only the hot water lasts a little longer," he explained, "I'll be over here," he said, then walked to the shower on the complete opposite side.

Kenny and Karen did this once a month. When they couldn't stand the bitter cold, dirty water at their house any more and wanted to actually attempt to be clean, they'd come shower at the school. They rarely did it twice a month, but it had been known to happen. They couldn't take this for granted, after all. If they got caught they would get in so much trouble, and he already had a criminal record.

"It's so warm!" Karen chirped happily; Kenny felt his own heart melt at the sound of a smile in her voice. A true smile. True happiness. He shook his head and felt his eyes burn as he realized how simple it was to cheer her up. It wasn't fair.

He took the green bar of soap and quickly rubbed it over his body. He never felt clean anymore, but at least the soap made him smell slightly better. He rubbed the bar through his hair, then scrubbed his dirty, jagged nails over his head to clean his matted blonde locks. The water scalded his body but he liked it that way.

His shower was over before it began, and he quickly dried off with someone else's towel. He made sure to dress without being in Karen's view, and managed to slip on his jeans before the door clicked open. He froze, terrified that the coach would find him, and stared at the door.

"K-Kenny?" The dark blonde sighed with relief and smiled a little at Butters, who wore a towel over his neck and a green bathing suit. He pulled the goggles from his eyes and set down his towel. "W-what're you doin' here?"

"Uh..." he didn't know what to say and cursed to himself as the water shut off.

"K-Kenny?" Karen's little voice called to him. He put his hand over his face and shook his head.

He felt Butters' eyes taking in his body and his cheeks heated. He didn't want his eyes lingering too long, after all he didn't want anyone feeling sorry for him, and quickly pulled on the t-shirt that reached his thighs. Most of his bruises were covered and suddenly he felt so much safer and not judged. With the baggy clothes you couldn't tell how thin he was; and lately he was looking like one of those kids on those sad Africa commercials.

"K-Kenny, what's going on?" Butters asked worriedly as he heard Karen. He looked back at the shower, then at Kenny, and quickly ran to the door.

"No- no Butters, wait!" He cried in alarm. He couldn't be caught; he didn't think Butters would sell him out like that. Thankfully, his fear was for no reason as Butters put all of his body weight on the door, which wasn't much.

"G-get her dressed... she'll get in trouble." Butters whispered. Kenny nodded.

"Kar-bear, c'mon we have to hurry," Kenny quietly called to her, desperation in his voice. Karen whimpered and walked out, with her hands covering her chest and waist. She quickly found the towel, and bundled up in it.

After she dried herself off, Kenny held it up so she should change. Butters watched them with a sinking feeling in his gut. This seemed so practiced, like a routine. Kenny glanced back and saw his calculating gaze, and grimaced.

"K-Kenny... you... you n-never answered my q-question." Butters murmured as Karen zipped her jacket and clutched tightly to Kenny's arm. He took her old book bag and carried it in his free hand. She tried to disappear in his side and he could feel her tremble.

"I..." he trailed off. What was he supposed to say? Admit that they had been doing this for the past ever because it was the only time they could get a clean, hot shower? There was no way information like that would be taken lightly. His parents could get in trouble again and they couldn't go into foster care. If they did he knew they would all be separated. Kenny couldn't bare the thought of not being there for Karen... or having Kevin there for him, even though he rarely was.

And his mom didn't deserve the criticism. She did what she could by working sixteen hours a day, six days a week. His parents wanted extra money on the side so they did what most poor families did and turned their unused garage into a meth lab. Except now it was mostly his dad and Kevin working on it. And most of the profit went to alcohol, weed, and cocaine.

"Ken, you...you can tell me, I-I won't tell a soul."

"Swear?" Kenny asked; he heard Karen whimper. Butters nodded and looked with worried eyes between the two siblings. "I... we ran out of hot water at the house 'cause Kevin took too long of a shower, so... we had to come here." Kenny felt his heart stammer as he lied and he swore Butters knew. His eyes lowered and Karen sniffled into his side.

But Butters said nothing, just gave him those same sad eyes, sighed softly, and accepted the answer. Though Kenny knew he was more than well aware of the underlying truth, and lie, in his words. That was the thing about Butters, he trusted even if he was more than well aware he was lying.

"O-oh, well you could've just told m-me," Butters replied softly, a blush crawled on his cheeks as he looked at Kenny. "I mean, y-you and Karen can j-just come to my house for that if you want. If-if it ever happens again." Kenny nodded and smiled softly at Butters, who looked as if he were about to cry. "A-an' if you ever need anything else, my door is always open. You know that."

"You'd do that for us?" Kenny whispered, not trying to push his luck. Karen pulled away from him and looked at Butters with astonished hazel eyes. The bright blonde nodded, then smiled at Karen, who ducked behind Kenny, much like a shy child would.

"Course, y-you're my best friend, Kenny." Karen looked up at Kenny with curious eyes. She didn't have to say a word because Kenny could read exactly what her face was saying.

"Butters," Kenny began, then shook his head, "Leopold Stotch, you are the best person_ ever_." he said, then, without thinking, hugged him tightly. Butters blushed and wrapped his arms around Kenny, and held him one more second longer than Kenny planned. "I have to get her home and go to work, but I'll keep that in mind, okay?" Kenny said, Butters nodded and smile sadly as they walked to the door.

"I-is that really Butters?" Karen asked quietly as they walked out of the school, into the bitter dark winter. Kenny shivered and nodded, then glanced down and saw Karen's teeth chattering. He unzipped his parka and handed it to her. Graciously, she took it and he zipped and buttoned it in the way that he did for himself; to keep as much heat as possible so there would be no chill. It worked wonders for sleeping.

"Yeah," Kenny mumbled, biting his lip as his own teeth began to chatter. His body trembled from the biting wind and felt his hair start to freeze. He tried to control the tremors and kept his eyes on the sidewalk.

"You should invite him over," Karen chirped, her voice was muffled and he smiled affectionately down at her as she skipped ahead slightly. There was an extra spring in her step and for the first time her eyes seemed lit with happiness. Suddenly he didn't feel so cold.

"Oh?" Kenny asked with an amused tone. He briefly wondered if he would now be her boy target; it was better than Bridon Gueermo, who she had been obsessed with last year. She nodded brightly, then skipped back to him.

"Yeah! C'mon Kenny..." she dragged his arm as she hurried down the street. He laughed a little, and he heard her muffled giggle, which made him laugh even more. "I like him. He's nice." Kenny nodded and sighed sadly.

"I like him too..." he trailed off distantly, squeezing Karen's hand as she reached for his. She tilted her head and looked curiously at him. "And he sure is nice, inviting us to his house and all..." Karen nodded and swung their arms as they walked.

"Mommy would like him and... and maybe daddy would too." Kenny shrugged; at least half of that sentence was right. The few times their mom had met Butters she thought he was a really good kid, and honestly told him she preferred him over Cartman, and even Stan and Kyle; because they always made him end up in trouble. But she noticed with Butters the only trouble they could get in was using too much imagination.

"Yeah she would... and maybe." She hummed happily and held his hand tighter. "Now, I'm gonna be home late tonight, so you just go to my room and stay there. You can sleep with my coat tonight so you can be extra warm." He told her as they walked down street after street, until approaching the train tracks.

"Why're you gonna be home late?"

"I gotta work late," he explained simply; she didn't need to know the details. She nodded, as if that was a good enough explanation for her, and pulled the hood down slightly.

"Will you sing to me when you come home?" She asked in a voice that sounded embarrassed. But Kenny nodded and she smiled weakly; it was the best attempt at a grin he had ever seen on her face.

"Of course I will, but you better be asleep. I don't want you waiting up like you did last time. Promise?" Karen nodded and looked up at her big brother with admiring eyes. He looked away, at the snow-covered ground; he didn't deserve that look.

"Thank you for tonight," she whispered with an air of excitement in her voice. A smile tugged at his lips and his eyes stung, both from the cold and the heart-wrenching innocence in her words. He put his arm on her back and led her over the train tracks. "Especially the roll."

"You're welcome, Kar-bear," She shouldn't thank him. He shouldn't have to steal so they could ease the constant gnawing in their stomachs. He shouldn't have to sneak into the school showers to feel hot water. The fact that his little sister was a victim in this life made it so much worse for him.

He opened the door to his house and was met with the familiar stench of weed and vomit. Karen breathed freely due to her mouth being covered yet Kenny held his breath and quickly took her to his room. Stuart was cutting a deal and Kevin was getting high with his friends; she didn't need to see that.

"Kenny? Karen?" They both perked up as their mom entered the room. Her eyes were tired with bags under her eyes but she looked happy to see her youngest children. "I got dinner, why don't we just eat in here tonight?"

Karen curled up on her lap and took the offered toaster pastry. They all sat on his bed and Kenny rested against the wall as he tore his apart and offered half to his sister. Carol looked sadly at her son who remained silent and watched as Karen split it, and offered her half of hers.

Kenny's room was the cleanest in the house. He didn't like anyone in his room except Karen and he didn't like people eating in his room. All trash was taken out twice a day, and he used his parka to dust three times a week. Everything was in an order that he understood, and needed it in, and he didn't like anyone touching the few belongings he did own. But here they were and he kept his comments to himself as his knee bounced anxiously.

"How was school today?" Carol asked them both. Karen reached for her bag and pulled out a folded piece of paper in her notebook; they didn't have enough money for folders. Just one notebook for each kid.

"I got a 100 on my spelling test and a 93 on my science quiz. See?" Karen chirped, showing their mom her papers. Carol beamed and hugged Karen tightly. She kissed her forehead and examined both of them.

"Aw, baby I'm so proud of you. Look at that, Kenny! All that studying paid off. I'm gonna put these in my bible to keep 'em forever," Karen smiled softly at her mom, and curled up in her arms. Carol ran her hands through Karen's hair.

The twenty-nine year old glanced to her son and noticed his ashen face.

"How about you, Kenny, how was school?" Carol asked, he shrugged his shoulders and yawned.

"It was okay, nothin' new," he responded calmly. He was trying not to fall asleep, and Carol could see the sleepiness in his expression. It brought tears to her eyes, and she opened her free arm. He scooted to her, and rested his head on her shoulder. She caressed his back soothingly, comfortingly, and fought back tears.

"I finally met his friend Butters!" Karen chirped, Carol looked to Kenny, whose cheeks flushed slightly at that. She smiled and nudged her son on the shoulder.

"Oh?" She asked with a growing smile. Kenny scoffed and shook his head as he bit back a smile, "how'd that go?"

"He was real nice! Not like Eric Cartman at all, and really cares about me and Kenny," Karen said excitedly, Carol turned to Kenny, who flushed darker.

"Well that's real nice, I've met him before. Butters Stotch?" Karen nodded, "he's a real sweet boy, a good influence, ain't he your best friend?" Kenny gave a nod and Karen smiled as she looked to her brother. "You should invite him over sometime, kay honey?"

"Sure, mama. Are you takin' me to work?" Carol bit her lip and quickly wiped at her eyes as she nodded.

"Yeah, baby... your daddy ain't gonna be able to tonight. Kar-bear, you up for a drive?" Kenny looked at his mom and shook his head. "I'm so sorry," she mouthed and he looked away, fists clenched.

Karen looked excited as she nodded, which broke Kenny's heart as he grabbed his bag. He looked to his mom pleadingly and her lip trembled as she put her arm over his shoulder and walked out of Kenny's room with her children.

"I don't want her to see that..." he whispered, voice catching as he caught his mom crying. She sniffled and nodded as she turned the keys to their old beat up truck. Carol took her middle son's hand and kissed his cheek.

"I don't want _you_ to have to do this," she choked and kissed his forehead, "I really don't, Kenny, if I could just drive off now and make a better life for us... but I can't. I'll find a way baby, just give me some more time." Carol told him. Kenny nodded and rested his head on her shoulder. "If I could take your place I would, but your daddy-"

"I know, it's okay, it's not so bad anymore. And you're tired and working a lot too so..."

"You're just thirteen, you should be out playin' with your friends and goofin off, not-"

"Better thirteen than a twelve year old girl," Kenny murmured as he looked to Karen, already asleep. She could sleep peacefully then, rather than restless and constantly waking up from the shouts and the thumps. Carol gave her son a miserable look and let out a shuddering sob. "Don't cry mom..." he trailed off, digging in his bag. He pulled out a wad of cash and handed her two ten dollar bills. "Here, while you're waiting for me I want you two to go to somewhere nice and eat, be warm and have fun."

"Kenny, I can't-" He shook his head and stuck it in her pocket. She wiped at her eyes and turned up the heat as they drove; she could give him some comfort while she could. "I want to tell you something, and only you," Kenny bit on the cuffs of his hoodie and looked at her with wide blue eyes. "Don't look at me like that, baby," she said with a broken voice, "you deserve so much more than I can give you. Kevin and Karen too. And I'm workin' real hard, and pretty soon I'll have enough money to get an apartment... or maybe a house to rent. Things with me and your daddy aren't working out and you three are my life. I'm finally gonna do what I shoulda done after I had Karen. We're gonna move out and I'm gonna divorce him, we'll be happy; all of us. You, me, Kar-bear, and Kev too. And... I'm not ready to tell your brother and sister, and I don't wanna tell your daddy but... I'm pregnant," Carol told him in an almost whisper. Kenny's eyes widened in awe and took a deep breath. He wasn't sure how to feel; honestly right now he just mostly felt scared. "I know it'll be tough but we'll make it, we're McCormicks. We always pull through."

Kenny nodded and stared out the window. Snow fell lightly in the early March night, and he looked ahead at the mostly empty road. He fought back the anger and the worry, the words he wanted to say, and finally turned to look at his mom. She wore a worried frown on her face and as she felt his head back on her shoulder she turned slightly.

"That's great, mama," he murmured, feeling all hope and possibility of happiness crumble away from his heart. He closed his eyes and felt the burn; he fought it off and took a shaky breath. "Hey... mom? Can you... can you sing to me like you used to?" He asked so softly.

Carol felt a tear fall as she nodded. She rubbed her son's arm and took his hand in hers. It broke her heart to see him this way and she knew it was partially her fault. Her apologies were always shrugged off and her arms were usually always empty. Except there were moments like this, and she knew being strong was wearing thin for him.

And he looked up at her with those baby blues that she never quite knew where they came from and looked just like he did when he was four years old. She knew that look all too well and it made the tears fall from her eyes even more; because he wouldn't let them.

So she sang to him; his favorite song as a baby and toddler. It was the one that still comforted him and put him to sleep when all he wanted was to stay up and be with her. With every line her voice grew shakier and shakier as she pleaded to God or anyone who could hear her to take this weight from her son's shoulders.

"_You are my sunshine,  
My only sunshine  
You make me happy when skies are grey  
You'll never know dear...  
How much I love you  
Please don't take my sunshine away..."_


	6. And I Feel the Way Every Child Should

_And now I introduce you to Mr. Kevin McCormick, who is yet another one of my favorite characters to write._

_Chapter Six: And I Feel The Way Every Child Should_

_Title from "Mad World" by Gary Jules, originally by Tears For Fears_

* * *

The first and last time anyone stayed at his house had been purely an ulterior motive. The Marshes, Broflovskis, and Mrs. Cartman wanted their children and his best friends to get chickenpox so they didn't suffer later in life. He knew they felt their parents were torturing them by making them stay at his house. He remembered they tried their hardest to get out of it and Kyle pretty much hated him for awhile afterwards.

What his friends hadn't realized was that he also felt he was being tortured. As an eight year old kid who had spent his entire life trying to keep them from his house and trying to play house in a home that had never seen anything more than frozen waffles and cold pop tarts, he had been severely humiliated. And the fact he was actually sick and miserable didn't help either.

As he recalled, that was the first time he ever killed himself.

And they never went back there to hang out again.

The place he called home was a ruined fort from his father's childhood. The current condition of the shack seemed to be a reflection of the remnants of a broken childhood and the choices his dad had made for his life. They were left to live in the wreckage and fight for survival that seemed impossible some days. It wasn't home in any sense of the word; just a place to eat and sleep.

But it was his life, nonetheless. It was his house, his family, and he was proud of the fact that at least he had learned to how live simple and what not to be. Even though he and his family fought sometimes he loved them unconditionally, well most of them at least.

Except his mom convinced him to re-open the old wounds he received as an eight year old and invite his best friend to his house. He wasn't sick this time; she just wanted to get to know his closest friend. It also just so happened to be his birthday, which would make the probable rejection or judgmental laughter, if not both, a whole lot worse.

All day Kenny sat at his desk with worry clawing at his gut as he fought to ask that stupid eight letter sentence. He didn't know why it bothered him so much; probably because he had been tricked the most out of everyone that day. He actually thought his friends wanted to see him to know he was feeling better.

He had nothing. They hadn't even had electricity the last two weeks and he was expected to have a friend over? What they considered clean water gurgled from the faucet in murky browns that he didn't want to question. They didn't have heat, there were holes in the roof and the walls, syringes and empty beer cans lay on the floor, and a meth lab was in their poor excuse of a garage. No wonder no one ever wanted to come around; hell, he didn't even want to step foot in his house.

The final bell rang and Kenny shuffled out of science. He went to his locker and grabbed his backpack. He waved to Stan and Kyle who hurried to get out of the middle school hallway, and sighed heavily as he slowly shut his locker door. His heart drummed furiously in his chest and he felt like he was going to be sick. Waiting was the worst.

But eventually he caught sight of wispy blonde hair and aqua eyes; his blood ran cold. Right now he wouldn't mind at all if he died. Butters waved to Bebe and Wendy, and hurried up to Kenny with a bright smile on his face. The darker blonde swallowed the acrid taste in his mouth and felt his lips pull weakly.

"H-hey, Ken! You don't look so good," Kenny shrugged and followed Butters to his locker. He felt his eyes move lower and shook his head quickly as he averted his gaze from his observation of how good Butters' legs looked in skinny jeans. "So what're you doing this weekend?" Butters asked chipperly as he opened his locker and put his Earth Science book on the top rack. He grabbed out a couple of notebooks and shoved them in his bag.

"Uh... do you maybe wanna have a sleepover?" He asked quietly, slightly hoping Butters wouldn't hear him. But he did, and his eyes widened in surprise. Kenny felt his face heat as he waited for a response.

This was a bad idea to begin with. He didn't want Butters to see where he lived or how little he had. He didn't want to be made fun of for being-

"Really? You're asking me?!" Butters asked excitedly. Kenny nodded and grunted in surprise as he was enveloped in a tight hug. "I-I'd love to! Can I just go to my house and get a couple things? My parents are gone for the weekend so I'll just tell 'em I'm hangin' out with my best friend!" Kenny felt his face heat even more as Butters squeezed him one more time, then let go and grinned at the taller boy.

"Okay, uh well I can let you pack and then come by and-"

"Well if you wanted to come with me you could, I don't mind. We can look at what movies I can bring. I just got the entire boxed set of the "Iron Man" movies." Kenny sighed softly and slung his backpack over his shoulder.

"I don't have a DVD player... or a VHS player," Butters' eyes widened and Kenny stared at the floor. He could have left that out. Butters loved movie marathons. The shorter boy was quiet for a moment, then brightened.

"Well I can bring a couple board games then! My favorite one too, maybe we could have a game night instead of a movie night?" Kenny looked up and nodded as he bit back his smile.

They walked out of school talking about what they could do for the night. Kenny had to prepare him for a letdown on lack of food and beverages and warmth but he couldn't bring himself to say anything negative while he listened to Butters' enthusiasm.

He stopped walking as he passed by the bench and sat down. Butters faltered his movements and quickly turned around to return to Kenny's side.

"Why'd you stop?" Butters asked, then took a seat. Kenny ran a hand through his long hair and looked to the school.

"I'm waiting for Karen, and my brother's s'posed to pick us up," Kevin had dropped out last semester and if he remembered or was sober enough he would drop them off and pick them up. Usually they'd end up walking; it didn't bother Kenny, anyway. And sometimes they went to the park or played around on their way home.

"Neat-o!" Butters exclaimed, though Kenny could see slight apprehension at the mention of his older brother. Everyone knew who Kevin McCormick was and what he was like. Kenny often thought of him as a more cruel, stupider version of Cartman which was terrifying. But there were also moments that he was the coolest brother ever; those were fewer and far between the strung out sociopathic tendencies.

"If anything he'll just try to scare you, I'll shut him up. Don't worry," Kenny mumbled and pulled the cuffs of his sleeves over his chapped hands. He looked to the school and saw Karen walking out with former bully and now best friend Ruby Tucker. They hugged and Karen waved to the red-head as she ran to her brother.

"Kenny! Guess what?" Karen cried excitedly with a bright smile on her face. He tilted his head and put his arm around her, "I was invited to Ruby's birthday party!" It was the first party she had ever been invited to; she was in sixth grade and he knew it was extremely difficult for her to make friends. "Can I go?"

"You'll have to ask mom, but that's so cool," she squealed excitedly as she nodded and squeezed him tightly in a hug. He could smell chocolate on her, which was weird because he didn't remember her ever eating chocolate in her life. He glanced to Ruby, who had a half eaten chocolate bar in her hand, and smiled quietly.

"Butters, are you really coming over tonight?" She asked in a quieter voice. Kenny caught his smile as he looked between the two siblings and nodded. Karen opened her mouth to speak yet was interrupted by a blaring horn. He saw their old rusted Chevy and sighed heavily.

Kenny was sure the truck was one bump away from crumbling and it was covered in dust. He was pretty sure they could take down the Confederate flags in the back, too.

"C'mon, shitheads!" Kevin yelled as he manually rolled down the windows. Rob Zombie blasted from the speakers and Butters looked to Kenny with slight fear in his eyes.

Kenny took his hand to reassure him, and Karen's to keep her close. Kenny glanced at his left and saw his fingers locked tightly with Butters'; he fought his instincts and quickly turned his gaze to his brother. The giant of a teenager wore a scowl as they approached and his eyes were bloodshot.

"Who the fuck's that?" he growled lowly. He felt Butters squeeze his hand and Kenny bit back a smile.

"My friend, mom told me I can have him over. Karen'll sit on my lap or I can sit in the bed," Kenny said as he opened the squeaky passenger door. Kevin ran a hand through his long greasy hair and sighed heavily.

"Nuh-uh, you 'member the last time ya did that?" He barked, giving his younger brother a look, "just getcher asses in here. I got shit to do an' you're takin' up my time."

"You're not gonna be home?" Karen asked as she perched on Kenny's lap. Butters scooted closer to Kenny as he tried to disappear. Kevin shook his head and drove down the street. "Why?"

"None ya," was his response. Kenny rolled his eyes and reached to turn down the music; he couldn't hear himself think. Kevin hit his hand and walloped him upside the head in response to his move; Kenny saw stars and rubbed the sore spot. He already had a fading bruise there. "So's that your present, Kenny?" Kevin asked.

Kenny groaned loudly and Butters looked at his best friend curiously.

"Present?" He asked Kevin, who gave a judgmental scoff. He raised a pierced eyebrow and gave him a calculating look, one that showed much more intelligence than anyone gave him credit for, and smirked.

"It's my baby bro's birthday, figured that's why mom letcha invite someone over." Butters gaped at Kenny, who hit his forehead with the palm of his hand and shook his head.

"Kenny, I... I completely forgot it was your birthday!" the bright blonde cried, "I thought today was the 21st... you're fourteen... and I'm your best friend and I forgot."

"It's okay, and no that's not why he's coming over, asshole. Turn here."

"Watch it, you little shit, and why the fuck would I do that?" Kevin growled angrily.

"Butters needs to get his stuff and I don't wanna deal with you. You can just drop us off for all I fucking care," Kevin scoffed and slugged Kenny hard on the shoulder. Butters saw Kenny wince and Karen grab her oldest brother's fist.

"Nah, mom wants the truck. She wants to take y'all out or somethin', I don't fuckin' know. But I'm warnin' ya, if ya don't fuckin' quit your ass is mine." Kenny rolled his eyes and looked to Butters with a smile of reassurance.

He didn't want Butters to see this and the look on his face told him he was terrified. All he could do was try to make him feel better but it would be pointless if they were anywhere near Kevin. He instigated everything and dug into old wounds to make matters worse. Kenny swore if he had an ounce of ambition he'd make a better lawyer than Gerald Broflovski.

"Mom doesn't have to do that," Kenny finally mumbled as they drove down Butters' street. Kevin nodded and as Butters pointed out his house, he pulled up in the driveway.

"No fuckin' kidding. Hurry up."

Karen scrambled off of Kenny's lap as Butters got out of the truck. Kenny followed and looked to Butters with a sympathetic look as he shut the door. They were silent until Butters shut the door to his house.

"Is your arm okay?" Butters asked, reaching for his shoulder. Kenny pulled away abruptly and nodded. The bright blonde sighed as he he watched Kenny recoil and put his hand back down at his side. "Is he always like that?"

"Yeah, he's a major asshole, don't worry 'bout him though. Deep down I'm sure he has a heart. Maybe." Kenny grumbled as they walked up the stairs. Karen gave Butters a look, one of weariness and sadness, and he felt his heart ache.

Kenny helped him pack quickly. He told him to bring some snacks for him later because he'd probably be hungry, and a flashlight. Kenny also bundled up the comforter on his bed and carefully placed his belongings in the back of the truck, along with all of their bags.

They drove across the train tracks and Kenny glanced to Butters to see his reaction. He saw the same look he always saw on his friends when they were forced to go to his house; pity. Kenny quickly looked away and felt that shaming feeling burn deeper in his soul. It got worse as they pulled up in their driveway.

"Alright, I'm out. Uh... Butters was your name?" Kevin asked as he wore a face of confusion. Butters nodded and Kevin relaxed, "cool, I'll see you around. Happy birthday, you little shit."

"Fuck off," Kenny retorted darkly, standing a few inches shorter and significantly skinnier than his brother. Kevin grabbed the collar on his coat and lifted him slightly off the ground.

"Watch it, faggot," Kevin hissed as he shook him once, then pushed him away. Kenny stumbled and Butters caught him before he fell on the uneven ground. Kevin pulled the hood on his sweatshirt up and walked away from the run down house. Kenny raised his hand and flipped him off, then sighed and grabbed their bags and Butters' blanket from the truck bed.

"I think this is the second time I've been here," Butters murmured, Kenny laughed sadly and nodded as he walked through the dead grass, to the cinder block stairs, and fumbled to open the rotted door. Karen opened it instead, and Kenny walked in and set their book bags by the door. He ran to his room quickly and put Butters' sleep over bag on his bed as well as the comforter.

When he returned he saw his mom, wearing a grey pullover hoodie and old jeans, smile as she shook Butters' hand. She looked well rested and happy; and as Kenny looked around he realized the house was actually kind of clean. And kind of warm.

"Mom...?" Kenny asked slowly as he took in his surroundings. She smiled and wrapped her arms around Kenny in a tight hug.

"Your daddy might be a bit upset but... I figured the birthday boy woulda liked this surprise," she said with a grin as she kissed his cheek. He blushed and looked to Butters, who glanced around curiously, and back to his mom with a slightly parted mouth. "It's great to finally get to have you over, Butters, Kenny's been talkin' so much about ya lately I figured it was about time, huh?" the bright blonde blushed and nodded sheepishly. "No need to be shy, honey, our house is your house. Not much too it but what it lacks in luxury it gains in love, ain't that right?" She asked her son. Kenny nodded.

With his mom and sister in mind he could agree with that a thousand percent. Put his dad and Kevin in the picture and it was hard to imagine this place as more than a prison. And people were treated much better in prison than at his house. But right now he didn't have to worry about them.

"So, Butters, I got some snacks in here and we can talk for a bit before we head on out. Is that okay with you, baby?" She asked as she looked at her son. Kenny stared at her in confusion; snacks? The only food they had in their kitchen was off-brand Pop Tarts and thawed frozen waffles.

But as he followed her into the tiny corner room he saw she bought a few food items that he hadn't ever seen in their house. All of it was off-brand but that didn't matter. What mattered was there was actual food. He couldn't force his jaw to close as he saw the chips and popcorn, and the healthier stuff too- bread, peanut butter and jelly, lunch meats, and...

"There's milk in the fridge," Kenny blurted as he stared at the half gallon jug. His mom nodded and smiled lovingly at him.

"Just for you, baby, Karen too; you'll have to share. Thank God Kevin hates milk." Kenny beamed and opened the lid, and didn't regret anything as he drank from the plastic jug. His mom shook her head and Butters looked on in silence and surprise. Carol laughed a little at his expression, then sat on the counter as she opened the bag of popcorn and offered it to Butters, "Kenny's favorite drink is milk... and before you freak out like you usually do I used food stamps. That's why your daddy's gonna be angry." Butters furrowed his eyebrows yet said nothing as Kenny nodded and finally tore his mouth from the jug. He twisted the cap back on and put the milk back in the mostly empty fridge.

"I like your h-house," Butters finally said, "it's real humble... and homey." Carol looked at him at first with a disbelieving look yet saw the sincerity in his eyes and her eye softened.

"You really are a sweetheart, ain'tcha?" She asked softly, causing him to blush darkly and look at the floor. Kenny glanced at him and Carol considered his look before she tossed a piece of popcorn in the air and caught it in her mouth. "Well, you're always welcome into our humble abode then." Butters beamed and Kenny's lips tugged in a smile. "So, your parents are the Stotches, Linda and Stephen?" he nodded and Carol nodded slowly, "are they pretty strict?"

"W-well it's only 'cause I have chores and I m-misbehave sometimes s-s-so..." Carol scoffed, not in annoyance but in amusement, and hopped down from the counter. She stood at a mere 5'0" and Butters, who was one of the shortest in their class, felt like a giant compared to her.

"Honey, all boys misbehave. Gol-ly, you shoulda seen this one when he was a little tyke. Always getting' into stuff, but he was real curious. I can't count the times I found 'im somewhere his nose didn't belong. Kinda like now, right?" Carol teased as she nudged her middle son's shoulders. Butters laughed quietly and Kenny blushed as he looked down at his mom. "So if you ever feel like misbehavin' this is the place to do it, right?" Kenny smirked and Karen looked up from her book as she sat at the plastic table. "Now Kenny, where would you like to eat? Anywhere you want."

"Mama..." he trailed off warily, she shook her head and took his hand.

"You deserve it, baby. Just tell me what you wanna do, anything at all. Well, I got your surprise for ya but... other than that, the night is yours."

So they went to Bennigan's because it was Butters' favorite restaurant and Kenny was always curious as to why. He found himself unable to finish his food after only eating a quarter of his meal. His stomach squirmed uncomfortably and he figured it was because he wasn't used to eating actual food. Butters seemed elated that they went there, and Karen had happily eaten her french fries, leaving her chicken sandwich for later.

They were all laughing and joking around and for the first time in forever it wasn't forced for Kenny. His gut hurt from being full, and from laughing so hard his body shook as Butters recalled story after story of them. His mom had tears in her eyes from her laughter, and Karen was red in the face. He watched them all with as his chuckles faded, replaced with a content smile with a hint of sadness.

This is what it should always be like. But it was the moments like this he knew he'd cherish. Karen needed to see this side of their mother as well. He glanced down at her stomach, saw her hand pressed against her abdomen, and he figured that the little brother or sister needed this as well.

"A-and then he came back with all the chi chis, and my people accepted him! It was the coolest t-thing ever and... I think that's when I knew he was my best friend." Butters said as he now recounted the story of how they became close. Kenny's memory faded to Hawaii and sighed wistfully; things were so much simpler then.

Carol beamed and reached her hand for her son, who took it. Her eyes shined with pride and her smile made her look so young and happy.

"He sure is loyal... and I've always been tellin' him he needs a friend like you. Don't get me wrong Stan and Kyle are good boys, a little _adventuresome_, but that Eric Cartman. Man, ain't he a real piece of work?" Butters nodded and grimaced slightly, "not a friend of yours?"

"I-I dunno, he just... he's real messed up and h-he's done a lot of real bad stuff but deep down he i-isn't so bad. T-though sometimes I really don't like him." Carol smiled and leaned back a little as she looked at Butters.

"You don't say a mean word about anyone, do you, honey?" She asked, Butters blushed and shook his head. Kenny felt his knee accidentally knock against Butters' and wasn't sure whether to pull his away or leave it there. Butters didn't seem to mind; he could feel his bounce against his. "You're such a sweet boy, Kenny, why haven't you brought him round before?" She asked. The dark blonde shrugged his shoulders and she caught his look; that one from long ago. "Well, at least I've finally had this opportunity. How 'bout we go do your surprise? No, hon you're not payin' for your dinner..." Carol trailed off as Kenny pulled out his wallet.

He gave her a look, then faltered under her piercing gaze and slid his wallet back in his pocket. Butters was flipping through a few dollar bills and Carol put her hand in the wallet, "you either, dear. This is what I've been workin' extra for, just don't tell your daddy." she said, then laughed as she put her finger to her lips. Karen giggled and rested her head on her mom's arm.

Once they got back in the car and drove out of South Park, Kenny looked curiously at his mom from the middle seat. He said nothing, except he watched the signs tell them they were getting closer to Frisco.

"Ken, this is so much fun," Butters whispered as he looked at the dark blonde. Kenny grinned and nodded. Karen and his mom were singing along to the radio; he recognized it as a song by Flyleaf. "I love your family, thank you... so much, for-for this."

"Of course," Kenny whispered back with an affectionate smile as he nudged his shoulder. "I was kinda nervous, actually. But... this has been awesome." he didn't remember the last time his family had a night out like this. Probably when they went to the amusement park when he wast trying to prevent his mom from having another baby.

"Why were you nervous?" Butters asked, instinctively grabbing Kenny's wrist. Neither of them thought nothing of it and Kenny leaned in closer.

"'Cause... we don't usually have that stuff. I... we haven't had power on for like a month, and... the fact that my mom did that just... I dunno. And I was scared of what you'd think if you saw how it usually is."

"But it's your life Ken," Butters replied with a gentle smile, "yeah there's some holes in the wall and some stains and stuff, but you walk in that door and you feel like you're home. Like you're a part of a family and there's some much love..." Kenny just smiled sadly; he wished it was like that all the time. It usually was, when his dad wasn't around. And if his dad wasn't around Kevin was usually better too. "I love it."

They drove through Frisco, to what was considered the downtown, and Carol parked in the back of a little plaza. She locked the door and put the keys in her pocket as the three kids got out of the cramped front seat.

"What are we doing?" Kenny asked as they walked up the sidewalk, to the front of the plaza. There was a little bookstore, a cafe, a tobacco shop, and a tattoo parlor. Kenny liked books enough but he hadn't wanted a book for awhile, and he liked coffee but if he ever got it then it was from the Tweak's coffee shop so it was pointless to drive to Frisco. His mom didn't want him smoking but she knew he did anyway, but he had a pack of cigarettes so he didn't need it. That only left one thing.

He turned to his mom with eyes ablaze and a grin began to spread on his face.

"No way," he gasped, taking a step back as she walked to the front door of the tattoo parlor. Her eyes sparkled and she shrugged her shoulders.

"I've been doin' a lot of thinkin'... Kevin got his first tattoo when he was sixteen and you're too young for tattoos. But... he got his first piercing when he was thirteen and I took him instead of going to one of his skeevy friends... my best friend from high school is a professional tattoo artist and piercer. She did the tattoo on my back, and my belly button and dermals." Kenny jumped in the air and Butters laughed in awe of how excited he suddenly was.

"You're serious?" He asked, looking at his mom with glowing blue eyes, "we're seriously going in there and I can get whatever I want?" Kenny cried excitedly.

"Well, not whatever... I mean, people do some weird shit. I don't wanna be there for that. I was thinking you'd do that lip thing you've been yammering about, or your tongue. Kev would say you're copying him if you do your eyebrow so... just do whatever you want," Carol replied as she opened the door. Karen was at her side, suddenly quiet and a little shy, and Butters took Kenny's hand in slight nervousness.

"Get outta here, Carrie?!" A voice cried in excitement. Kenny watched as a woman about thirty, his mom's age, ran up with her arms covered in tattoos and several piercings.

"Liz, it's been way too long," his mom said as they hugged and the woman with dyed black hair kissed his mom's cheek. "The shop's changed so much since I was last here!"

"Yeah! We just got another apprentice so good things are comin' our way. What brings you here toni... oh Jesus, these are your kids, aren't they? Shit, I remember when that one was just a tiny little boy and she was nothin' but a baby bump." Carol smiled and nodded as she outstretched her hand to Kenny, who took it with his free hand. "_That one_ ain't Kevin though." His mom shook her head and smiled at Butters for a moment, then turned to her high school friend.

"No, he's... doing whatever he does on his nights. This is Kenny's best friend, it's Kenny's birthday-"

"Shit, son, how old're you?" Liz asked, eying the tall blonde.

"Uh, fourteen," he replied. She shook her head and clapped a hand on Carol's shoulder.

"Man, that's crazy. Happy birthday, bud... is that what you're here for? I just had Kevin in to work on his sleeve, shoulda had you come along." Carol nodded and put a leading hand on Kenny's back. Butters still hadn't let go of his hand and he took a step forward.

"He's been goin' on about getting a piercing so I figured I'd bring him up to the best of the best." Carol said with a happy smile, then gazed at her son, "you decided which one you want?"

"Yeah," Kenny said, then took a deep breath, "I'll pay for one, but I think I wanna do snakebites and my tongue." Butters' eyes widened. Carol let out a breath of laugh and shook her head. Liz eyed him for a moment and sighed.

"You realize you'll sound like you have a peanut allergy, right?"

"People don't hear me anyway," He replied. Butters rolled his eyes.

"Well, I can do a discount if you get three... usually it's $25 for each. But if you two it goes down to $45, and if you wanna do those ones I can knock it down to $55. If you can handle it... it's not that it hurts, but it could, but it'll just be a longer healing process." Kenny shrugged his shoulders and looked to his mom, who nodded.

"It knocks out two birds with one stone," she replied. Liz gave a nod, then put her arm over Kenny's shoulder and led him to a station. He sat in the chair and Karen peeked from her mom's side as they watched Liz sterilize several utensils.

Kenny wasn't worried at all; he had an incredible pain tolerance. He'd been impaled before, so a piercing would be nothing.

"I'm gonna pierce your lip first, look at me straight for a minute," she marked his bottom lip on either side, and help up the clamp. "And then I'm gonna hold this on your lip, you'll feel a pinch, and it might bleed a little but that's rare." Kenny nodded and felt her pinch his bottom lip with the forceps and didn't even have time to blink as she pushed the needle through his lip. He barely felt it, except the slight tug as the bar went through the hole, and when she screwed it in tight. She repeated it with the right sight, and took a step back.

"Not even a flinch, damn you got yourself some tough boys, Carrie," Liz said with an impressed laugh. Carol looked a little sad at that, and Butters looked at her curiously. He looked back to Kenny who looked as if he was battling his instincts to touch his lip. "Tongue out," she said, "flat," she added. Kenny flattened his tongue and watched as she marked his tongue. "How's that?"she showed the placement to him in the mirror, and he nodded; he didn't really care. "I had to move it a little to the right because of the webbing, but that's not a big deal. Hardly noticeable. When I count to one I want you to inhale, okay?" He nodded and grimaced as his tongue was pinched with a different clamp. "Three, two, one... breathe in," she murmured. Butters squeezed his eyes shut as it went through his tongue. Kenny wrinkled his nose as she screwed the ball onto the barbell.

Kenny looked a little pale but mostly calm as he stood up from the chair. Liz gave him a look over, examined each piercing carefully, then gave a thumbs up.

"Now, you're not gonna be able to eat solid foods for about a week or so, maybe two, so you'll have to be careful with that. Try to avoid hot food, and I'll give you a solution to clean the piercings, usually two or three times a day. I'll need you to come back in three weeks to switch out the barbell in your tongue. Do you have any questions?" Kenny thought for a moment.

"When will the thwelling go down?" Butters, Carol, and Karen tried not to laugh as he spoke with a lisp. He grimaced slightly, and touched his chin. It was already starting to swell. Liz smiled and shrugged.

"About five days, try not to talk a lot, take as much ibuprofen as you can, and ice is amazing during that time. With your tongue it could bleed a little and there could be this white film on it, but don't worry. That's normal. I'll check you out again to make sure everything's going normal when you come back in. Kay?" Kenny nodded. "Regretting your birthday present?" Kenny laughed and shook his head as they approached the counter.

"Nope," he replied. Carol pulled out the money to pay, but Kenny gave her half of it back and put his own money on the counter.

"Good, 'cause those really suit you, once they aren't swollen, anyway. Carrie, call me up sometime, or just come visit. I miss you like fuckin' crazy." They both hugged again and with that they got back in the car. Carol looked at Kenny and shook her head; she tried not to laugh as she took in his already swelling mouth.

"Thut up," he mumbled, cheeks flushed.

They returned to the McCormick's home and, like Kenny had said, they played board games for the remainder of the night. Karen won Candyland, and Butters won Sorry!, and Carol eventually won Blind Man's Bluff. Kenny was just having fun, and eventually when he got third place in Rat Race, he couldn't help but laugh as he watched Karen win again.

He looked over the three of them and nothing could stop him from smiling. He was over the moon as they just lounged in their living room, eating pop corn and drinking bottled water, and laughed as they played the games. That was what family was supposed to be like, and Kenny was so happy that his mom had gone through so much to make it better for him. Because he had been mortified when Stan, Kyle, and Cartman stayed the night, and this... this was how it was supposed to be.

Eventually, at 1:30 in the morning Butters was about to fall asleep and Karen had passed out on the floor. Carol kissed both boys on the forehead as she said goodnight, then told Kenny "happy birthday" one last time before she went to bed.

"How's your lip and tongue?" Butters asked in a slurred voice as he was dragged to Kenny's room. He took in the surroundings, incredibly clean and barely any furniture, and watched as Kenny made his bed slightly. It was just a mattress on the floor, and Kenny looked embarrassed as he fixed the wrinkled sheet and put Butters' comforter over the sheet that had once been white but was now a dingy grey.

"My whole mouth feelth like ith gonna pop." Butters tried not to laugh and Kenny looked at him sadly, "don't make fun of me!"

"I'm sorry! I'm not!" Butters assured, "they look really nice, it had to hurt though." Kenny shrugged as he undid his jeans and Butters watched as they fell down due to the fact they were much too large for him. Kenny's legs were a slight shade darker than his own and they were mostly bone. He looked away quickly and Kenny turned to him.

"Uh, I uthually thleep in my boxerth. Ith that okay? I can find thome panth if you want." Butter shrugged, then shook his head.

"We've showered together, I think I'm okay with that," Butters replied, smiling happily at Kenny, who was thankful his swollen mouth already made him look flushed. He turned away as Butters changed, and unzipped his parka. He hung it by the hood on the door and folded his baggy jeans before putting them in the two shelved plastic bin he used as a dresser; not that he needed one.

He was thankful Butters decided to bring a pillow. The poor excuse of the pillow he had was a couple of old t-shirts that he no longer fit into folded in a ratty pillow case. Butters fluffed it a couple of times, then got it in the tiny bed and laid down with tired eyes set on Kenny.

"Confession," Butters whispered; Kenny smiled. This was a game they played sometimes when they would spend hours hanging out together, "this was the best sleepover I've ever been to."

Kenny felt his words pierce his heart, in a good way, and looked down at his hands. His mom had made it that way; if their dad had been here it would be a completely different story. All he was was thankful for the fact that he wasn't here. Because truth be told this was probably one of the happiest days of Kenny's life.

"Confethion," Kenny said, then made a whining noise as Butters snickered, "I haven't had thith much fun in yearth. Tho it wath the betht day I've had in awhile." Butters looked at Kenny with sad, but happy, eyes and smiled; he was glad to have been a part of it.

"Confession," Butters replied as he laid on his pillow, "I... I wish my family was like yours." Kenny sighed softly and also laid down on his pillow. They locked eyes and Kenny had the sudden urge to capture Butters' lips in a kiss. He wouldn't though; he had told himself a long time ago that Butters was off limits and always would be.

"Why?" Kenny asked, then averted his eyes to his room. Butters shrugged and took Kenny's hand. The younger boy's heart leaped but he kept his eyes from expressing that.

"'Cause, you... you might not have a lot, but you have your mom's love. That makes you richer than most of the kids here, or anywhere. I can tell... even Kevin cares about you. He's just... a little messed up right now, but aren't we all?" Kenny was silent as he soaked in Butters' words.

"I gueth, hey... Lee?" He asked; the bright blonde looked up at the nickname, and smiled vividly. "Thankth for not makin' fun of me or being upthet that we don't have much." Butters shook his head and hugged Kenny tight.

"I'd never do that!" Butters replied, "and you have more than you know," he added, closing his eyes as he settled back on his pillow.

Eventually he fell asleep and Kenny stared up at the ceiling. He found images in the cracks and took in the silence of the night. It was never silent. If his parents weren't screaming or fucking, Kevin wasn't blaring his music, and Karen wasn't crying he at least heard the scratching of the rats in the walls. Or the insects chirping and buzzing in the corners. Maybe Butters' presence made that all go away; he didn't know.

But the silence was deafening, and he found himself unable to fall asleep. So he looked at Butters and watched the gentle rise and fall of his chest, took in the peaceful bliss on his sleeping face, and the way his hair seemed to fall over his eyes. He looked cherubic, and suddenly Kenny felt guilty of the thoughts that ran through his mind when he was alone. He shook his head and gripped the comforter tightly; he couldn't think about that now.

He watched the sun rise from the tiny window in his room and he was wide awake. There was no sleepiness pulling at his eyes, and he found it more and more difficult to not watch Butters as he slept. Yeah, that was probably creepy, but he looked young, innocent. Not that he didn't always look like that, but now he could really see it.

When he heard his mom's door open he decided to get up as well. He didn't think Butters would be upset and carefully pulled himself from the arm wrapped over his stomach, and bunched up the blankets to act as him. He put on his jeans, tip-toed out of the room and found his mom in the kitchen with an off-brand pancake mix.

"Mom..." he trailed off, looking at the box. She gave him a look, shrugged, then poured the mix in the only bowl they owned.

"Can't sleep?" she asked, then took a look at his face, "I wish we had some ice for your mouth," he shrugged and hopped up on the counter.

"It'th okay," he murmured, wincing slightly as he tasted blood, "why're up tho early?" Carol smiled and measured out an approximation of the amount of water she needed, then poured it in the bowl.

"I've been up off and on getting' sick, and figured I could make use of myself." Kenny nodded slowly and stuck his finger in the batter, "it's gonna taste like shit," she warned, then laughed as he licked the batter and stared in disgust at his finger. "So did I freak out Butters last night?" Kenny shook his head, "Stephen and Linda Stotch don't deserve that boy, Jesus, I tell you one thing about those two... he's such a good spirit."

"Yeah, well he liked it here. Thaid it wath like full of love and thtuff and that we're rich 'cauthe of that." Carol smiled and took her son's hand as she nodded.

"I'm the richest person in the world 'cause I got three angels for babies. Four soon, and one's a little rough but he still shines in his own way. I wouldn't trade havin' you for anything. And you're gonna be someone, someday. You and your sister, you're getting' out of here. Maybe Kevin too."

"You too," Kenny murmured, she smiled with tired eyes and sighed. "We'll all get out." Carol nodded and turned to the stove that had rarely been used, put a cookie sheet on the burner as a pan, and searched for something to coat the sheet with.

"So, 's there anything you wanna tell me?" Carol asked as she pulled out a cube of margarine from the fridge. Kenny looked at her dumbly and cocked his head to the side, "I mean, it's none of my business but... does Butters play for the home team?" Kenny let out a laugh and sighed heavily.

"Yeah, he'th gay but it'th not like-" Carol waved a hand and raised an eyebrow at her son, who's jaw dropped. "What?!" he barked, cheeks flaming slightly.

"Have Stan and Kyle decided to come out too? Jesus, I remember that summer party years ago Gerald and Sheila invited all us to, and we couldn't find those two anywhere. We ended up comin' across 'em buck naked in Kyle's closet."

"What..." Kenny trailed off, his eyes wide. Carol nodded.

"Yeah, you were off with your brother findin' the trouble ya both always found..." she trailed off with a laugh as she visited that memory, "and that Cartman kid was with you, I mean you were all just little 'uns so it's not like it was a big deal... but I've had a feelin' those two would end up bein' a little queer."

"Mom!" Kenny cried quietly, she tilted her head.

"What? I ain't sayin' it's a bad thing, I'm just sayin' I saw it comin'." She was quiet as she poured the stirred batter on the heated sheet and watched the batter bubble. Kenny's stomach rumbled quietly and he sighed when he realized he wouldn't be able to eat that; at least not yet, his tongue felt huge. "Kinda funny that your best friends are all a little queer, don'tcha think?" She asked finally, looking to her son with a light in her eyes and an inquisitive expression on her young face. Kenny looked down at the floor and held his hands together as his feet kicked the bottom of the counter.

"Yeah, I guetth tho..." he trailed off, then grabbed his arm and fought off the urge to bite his lip. "Ith it a big deal?" He asked quietly, Carol shook her head and flipped the pancake. She leaned on the counter and yawned in her hand, then smiled at her middle child.

"Nope. I'm not your dad, y'know. Love is love and they deserve to be happy, so does my baby." Kenny furrowed his eyebrows and looked at her warily. "I couldn't help but notice that Butters has a certain look he gives you." Kenny glanced up at that and tried his hardest to not show interest in what she had to say. He saw her bite on her lip, as if she was trying not to smile, "I think he might like you."

"W-why?" he faltered, "he can't like me, mom, he'th better than that. He doethn't... I can't do that, not to him. He thould be would like a Kyle perthon, thmart and nithe and... not me. I mean look at what I do, he can't be with thomeone like that." Carol took his hand in hers after she took off the next pancake from the sheet, and wrapped her other arm around him in a hug, "He can do tho much better than me... and it hurth, mama. But I jutht want him happy."

"Oh baby..." she trailed off, kissing his forehead. She felt his face was against her cheek and knew he was trying to fight back his emotions. Kenny sniffled and hugged her tight as he squeezed his eyes shut. "You're so wonderful, I mean all that you do for your family and friends... some of it I pray to God every night that you didn't have to, but you do it. You're such a good person, and I think if you let yourself open up to someone like Butters, in whatever way, you'd be happy. The only one holding you back is you, honey." Kenny grabbed her shirt and rested his head on her chest as she ran her hands through his hair. She kissed the back of his head and held him close as he calmed himself down.

"You're not mad at me?" Kenny finally whispered, "you don't hate me?" Carol laughed and shook her head as she caressed his cheeks carefully.

"No, Kenny, I'm so proud of you." His arms held her tighter and his head burrowed in the crook of her shoulder. "As long as I get grandbabies from you I don't care who your permanent roommate is as long as they're a good person."

Kenny sighed with relief in her arms and couldn't help but feel overjoyed. He hadn't felt this happy in forever, or free. So long he had dealt with being depressed and losing sight of things and fearing what his family would say. He had never had a proper chance to confess his own secret... and maybe someday he'd have a chance to tell his friends; if it even mattered.

But right now nothing could take him off his cloud. And his mom beamed happily at him as she stroked his dark blonde hair. For the first time in a long time he felt truly, one hundred percent, happy.


	7. I Am the Dirt You Created

_Slight trigger warning on this one. This also has a rare appearance of Stuart McCormick._

_Thanks for all of you reading and reviewing, it truly means so much. You're all amazing. _

_Chapter Six: I Am the Dirt You Created_

* * *

"You're doin' your mama and me proud, son," Kenny's face remained stoic as he stepped out of the old pickup truck in Denver. He kept his mouth shut, walked away from the truck, and was enveloped into the darkness of the alley.

His world started falling to shit when he woke up in the middle of the night eight months ago to his parents screaming at each other. About Karen. Specifically about how she was the age where men would pay big money for a go with her; she was only twelve years old.

Kenny remembered the awful sobs that overtook his mom as she begged his dad to not subject her baby to that pain. But Stuart wouldn't budge.

That was when he walked into the tiny kitchen and dining room and as strong as he could said, "I'll do it." He figured he at least knew enough, and it would be easy enough for him to get laid. He had a feeling something like that would happen. His mom's arms held him tight that night as she rocked and sang him to sleep. Kenny would never forget feeling her tears fall down his cheeks and her quiet whispers of, "my baby…" and "I'm so sorry…"

But he wasn't her baby anymore and she wasn't sorry enough to fix the problem. She was sorry for the life she subjected them to but was too scared to step out of line just once more. Though he had been victim to the consequences of pushing the boundaries so he understood; he usually bit his tongue and punched at the walls in the middle of the night. He just wished he was good enough to fight for.

So the next day he set out on a mission to lose his virginity with someone he actually slightly cared about rather than the person with the most cash, who would have most likely been a middle-aged hooker who hadn't seen action in years or some old filthy rich asshole who would make him call him "daddy" before he sucked him off.

Thankfully he wasn't the only one looking to lose his v-card. It just so happened Bebe Stevens had gotten in a fight with her long-time boyfriend Clyde Donovan and they had declared a break. A few winks throughout the day and a couple of suggestive comments later the two blondes lay naked on her bed, tangled in wrinkled sheets and left to wonder if it would ever get better than that. It wasn't like what they had been told.

Kenny wouldn't make it if he were a prostitute who sucked at sex. But thankfully Bebe was up for practice.

The only thing Karen understood out of what Kenny had done for her was he was working a lot lately. But to Kenny it meant the world. It meant she could preserve the fragments of her innocence and youth before she realized how fucked up the McCormick name really was.

He worked four days a week at the convenience store outside of South Park from 5:00 p.m. to midnight. It brought in enough money for his family to pay the gas to get him to Denver; he kept a fourth of his earnings to himself. On the weekend he worked in Denver. His time with friends was minimal; only school association. By the time he was able to text them back he would be passed out at home or at Stark's Pond. Or he killed himself.

Kenny walked into the building off the alley and walked back to the dressing room. From 7:00-10:00 he worked at a strip club on Easy Colfax because his mom actually preferred him working there and "showcasing" his body rather than "selling it." Of course they had lied and said he was eighteen; but they couldn't tell he was four years younger than that. Thankfully, the summer before eighth grade had allowed him to have a growth spurt to where he stood at an average 5'9" along with his friends. He was still growing though; he felt it. And of course, he was the skinniest body there but he was pure muscle so that had to count for something. Plus the boss appreciated the fact that he was the most flexible. And he had a killer singing voice; so he earned good tips.

He ended his Friday nights going from hotel room to apartment to quiet house, where he'd give it to five women or men, depending on the night. He was only a pitcher or he'd give blow jobs; the men didn't mind. They always told him he was the best fuck they ever had. Which he could believe because every thrust and every touch to him was making more money. He was desperate.

Throughout the entire week he earned about $450; he had the record of being the cheapest whore.

So Kenny danced and stripped to nothing but a g-string thong, contorted himself, and pushed himself farther and farther every night. His outgoing endeavors with the crowd earned him more tips, so he kept them coming. And as he gave the females a lap dance, he bit his lip to keep from pulling away from their touches. As he gave the males a lap dance, he felt his throat tighten as he felt their protruding members so close to his shattered innocence. But they loved it.

He opened the doors to the dressing room and sighed heavily. The other men were talking and laughing; he kept quiet and quickly changed into his after-show attire; a pair of black skinny jeans that he could hardly squeeze himself into, a pair Bebe had found for him, which showed just how skeletal he still looked, and a zip-up orange hoodie that clung to his body just right. He wore nothing under that. A pair of thrift-shop black Doc Martens covered his feet and his hair was teased ever so slightly to give him the "sex hair" look. Makeup lightly lined his eyes and shadowed his lids with a light, smokey effect.

He felt eyes on him from the other dancers as he put his bag in his locker and slowly walked out through the side door. He walked four blocks east and settled with leaning against a building with his long legs outstretched; he often compared himself to a daddy-long-leg spider.

Kenny listened to the other people around him; the whores were all talking or working their magic. He always waited and watched; he hated doing it with the desperate. After the bottom-feeders were wiped out the high rollers came in; and that's who he aimed for.

It was now going on 1:30 and he yawned in his sleeve. The November air was freezing, but that was Colorado. The streets were quiet. His stomach knotted from hunger and nervousness. He had been doing this for eight months now, so he was used to the nerves. He absolutely loathed this but it brought them money and they had had electricity for the past two months so he couldn't really complain. The question, "How much longer?" never crossed his mind anymore. He knew the answer to that and he couldn't stand to hear it.

"K-Kenny sure woulda loved that!"

Wait. Was that Butters?

"Where is he anyway?" He heard another familiar voice ask. Kyle. That had to be Kyle; his ears were not deceiving him. And by the sound of their voices, they were way too close. He had to find someone. Now.

"Hey, Goldilocks," Kenny heard a gruff woman speak, "you're in my fuckin' territory."

Kenny could call it in for the night. He had earned enough money to appease his dad and his mom hated knowing he was prowling the streets. He could sneak passed before his friends found him.

"Sorry," he mumbled and pulled himself off of the building. She let out a barking laugh and he walked down the next block with his head low, hood up, and his hands in his pockets.

"Hey, kid." He looked up again and saw Brett, one of the strippers he worked with. "You want some extra money, right?" Kenny hesitated, gulped, then nodded. "I'm so fucking sick of watching you. You don't know what you do; you're like Magic fucking Mike. I'll give you half of my tips tonight if you…" Brett's brown eyes bore into his blue and Kenny felt his stomach clench.

"I'm only a topper."

"I'll change that, babe." Kenny felt the air leave his lungs as a chill crept down his spine. No, definitely not. This wasn't going to happen. "I mean, after all, wearing clothes like that, you're asking for it."

Kenny winced as Brett pushed him against the wall and pinned his hands over his head. He whimpered as he felt the older man's hand slide down his back to cup his ass. Kenny sucked in a breath as he felt Brett's hot breath on his neck.

"Stop," Kenny gasped out as his knees began to buckle from Brett's ministrations on his neck.

"$85; it's more than you'd make now..."

The blonde's cheeks began to flush and he couldn't ignore the hand crawling into the back of his jeans. Brett pressed himself tightly up against him and slowly ground against him.

"Hey, asshole, he said stop," Kenny felt Brett being pulled off of him and he blinked back the haze of momentary lust.

"And who're you to stop me?" Brett asked. Kenny looked up from the ground and saw a boy about his height with his hand on the collar of Brett's shirt.

"I'm his fucking brother, tool," Stan Marsh barked lowly. Brett raised his hands in surrender and took a step back. Stan let go of his shirt yet stood his ground; his jaw was clenched tight and his eyes glowed furiously.

"If you care so much then you'd know this is his job," Brett snapped and hurried off in the night. As soon as he left three pairs of eyes turned to him. He felt like running.

"Kenny?" Kyle asked quietly, in mild shock. Kenny quickly zipped his hoodie and pocketed his hands. "What the hell?"

"I-I thought you said you were w-working," Butters stammered, cheeks slightly pink as his eyes settled on on his best friend who looked much different than usual. Kenny remained silent and rubbed at the eye makeup, causing the liner and shadow to smear and smudge.

"He is," Stan answered for him. "Come on, Kenny. I'm parked a few blocks away," he didn't budge yet Kyle grabbed his sweatshirt and dragged him along with them. The four were silent as they walked to Stan's "new" car, which was actually Shelly's old car. The only sounds were their feet scuffing on the asphalt and the occasional gasp and quiet sob from Butters.

Kenny reached for him but he jerked away and walked ahead, next to Stan.

Kyle claimed shotgun and Kenny slid into the backseat next to Butters. The blonde didn't look his way, yet Kenny saw his shoulders shake.

"Lee?" He whispered, but Butters shook his head and looked out the window.

"Dude!" Stan shouted as he slammed his fists on the steering wheel and turned to face Kenny. "What the fuck are you thinking?!"

"I…" Kenny trailed off, lowering his eyes. How could he tell them he was doing the job Karen was supposed to be doing? How could he say this was out of the goodness of his heart? That if he didn't earn a nightly quota his dad would beat the living hell out of him? They wouldn't understand.

"Stan, calm down," Kyle murmured almost lovingly. Well, it was lovingly to Kenny. If it were any other moment he'd make a comment about it and secretly cheer at their awkward blushes and eye contact.

"Calm down?! Kyle, he's selling his body. He's a hooker!"

That was a slap in the face. Kenny threw his head back and burst into laughter. He had to laugh so he wouldn't cry. He sounded so broken, so defeated, but it's all he could do. He couldn't lose his shit in front of his friends. He couldn't break down and tell them everything.

"Ken, why would you do this?" Butters finally asked as he wiped his bloodshot eyes. Kenny felt his throat tighten, his eyes sting. Butters deserved to know this wasn't his willing choice.

"I… did it for Karen," he murmured in hopes that they wouldn't understand him. Half the time they did.

"What?!" Three voices cried. Kyle's eyes narrowed on him and Butters reached for his hand. Kenny gladly took it and bit back a smile as he felt the smaller boy squeeze gently.

"You have the job at the convenience store, you're earning enough to take care of-!"

"No, listen!" Kenny shouted, and sat on his fists. "Just… promise not to do anything." Butters was the first to nod, Stan sighed in defeat, and Kyle just looked at him. "Eight months ago was Karen's birthday. I woke up to my mom and dad fighting, which is normal…" he trailed off and felt Butter's hand squeeze tighter. "Stuart was saying it was… it was the right time for her to be the most appealing to guys and they'd pay a lot to be with her…."

"Oh God." Kyle gasped.

"So I said I'd do it. 'Cause Karen hardly even knows what sex is, y'know? She still plays with her doll. But mom didn't want me to spend my whole weekend busting my balls. So she called a friend who knows a guy at the strip joint. So, correction, Stan, I'm a stripper _and_ a whore."

Silence filled the car, except for Butters' quiet sobs. Kenny pulled his gangly knees to his chest and looked out the window.

"You have to stop this, Kenny," Kyle finally said, "my dad, he can-"

"No!" Kenny cried, suddenly alive with emotions. "No one can know, this is…"

"But you're going to stop, right?" Butters asked weepily as he wiped his eyes once more. Kenny sighed, then nodded. "Why would… why would your p-parents agree to that?"

"They like 500 extra dollars a week I guess."

"So they subject you to that? That's fucking shit, dude!" Stan cried, "look, I "get" why you would. But I don't get it at all. Why couldn't you just say no?" Kenny just sighed heavily.

Because his dad would kill him. Though he'd come back the next morning. He just couldn't take the beatings anymore.

"So, why was that guy bothering you?" Kenny remained silent. His eyes were going to burn holes into the interior of the car if he stared long enough, he was sure of it.

"Because if I get money, I get money. I work with him," he replied in perfect monotone.

"Wait, you've had sex with guys?" Kyle blurted suddenly.

Kenny couldn't help but laugh. That was Kyle's question?

"Why...?" He asked in a slow deadpan.

"Well how could you if you're straight?"

As he was sitting in the car with a closeted bisexual, and two closeted gays, Kenny was sure now that they were all thinking it. It was amusing to him; after the three came out to him, they just assumed. He still couldn't get over the fact that they were all reeling on this; they were probably going to ask him questions when alone. After all, none of them knew the others' true feelings. And the fact that Stan and Kyle were both practically in love with each other and were oblivious to their love being requited made Kenny want to just slam their faces together. And then he couldn't help but wonder, as he looked at Butters waiting for him to speak, did his own best friend like someone as well? He seemed really fond of Tweek. Kenny shook this thought out of his head.

"'Cause I'm not?"

All of their eyes widened as they stared at him. The three had spoken to him in confidence, and told them their feelings. And he had remained silent. But out of all of them, he was the only one who could outright admit his sexual orientation in front of them all.

"Wait, what?" Kyle asked, eyes scorning him as the same thought Kenny had flickered through his mind.

"I'm not straight, I never said so."

Stan's eyes burned with realization; he remembered Kenny describing Kyle so vividly. Butters just stared at him, tears brimming in his eyes once again; why hadn't he said anything to him?

"B-but…"

"It's not important. I'd totally be out and proud if my dad didn't live here. I just never thought it was important."

"Dude, you're gay. How is that not important to us?!" Stan cried, Kenny shook his head.

"I'm not gay, Stan, I don't know what I am. I can't really say bi… I guess queer. I just don't really care. If there's some orientation about not giving a shit who you fuck then that's what I am," he answered simply.

"That's pansexual," Kyle piped up, then blushed as Stan looked at him curiously, "I heard, I think. Because Bebe likes looking up the LGBTQ issues and stuff and we worked on a paper about it." Kenny nodded and smirked at Kyle, who slinked back in his seat.

"Then guys, I'm pansexual."

Butter's jaw dropped and he stared with wide eyes at their hands. His cheeks heated.

"T-this doesn't change the fact that y-you never told me, Ken. A-about anything. You've been distant, y-you hardly talk to me, even in s-school. I thought I did something wrong. I thought you h-hated me. You could have told m-me about your family and your… jobs… a-and you could have told me that you were queer. I wouldn't have cared. You're still my best friend and it would… it's something you share with your best friend."

Kenny nodded, and looked into Butters' eyes. He saw his pain and his stomach twisted at the thought of being the cause. Just like the scar that went over his left eye, and the rejection he felt after his longest death when no one would accept him because they couldn't get over losing Kenny.

"I'm sorry," Kenny whispered and turned his head. Yet he was watching Stan and Kyle out of the corner of his eye. Both were looking at each other and Kyle was red in the face. They both turned away without a word said.

"So, Kenny, you're gonna stop this, okay? Even if you have to lie to your dad about where you're going and what you're doing. You can't do this to yourself; we're gonna help you. That's what brothers do," Stan told him and Kyle nodded.

"Just… just let us help you," Kyle added softly.

Kenny nodded. His stomach dropped and his heart felt heavy; he was too far gone. They couldn't help him now. He'd stop the whoring and the stripping maybe… but they couldn't stop Stuart McCormick

Stan started the car and drove down Broadway Street. Kenny looked at Butters who was playing with his hands and the blonde nudged the now shorter boy. Butters tilted his head and Kenny sighed softly.

"I'm sorry, Leo," he mouthed, Butters blushed and shrugged his shoulders. Kenny took his hand and squeezed affectionately, like a friend, with emphasis to his words. "I mean it. Thank you," He repeated.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Butters asked in a whisper. Thankfully Stan had turned up the music so the two in the front couldn't hear. "After I told you, I thought…"

"It was your story to tell, you didn't need to hear mine too."

Butters huffed but said no more. The silence between the two eventually made Kenny fall asleep; it had been a long night for him and he had been shocked by the sudden appearance of his friends. Butters looked at him dismally and squeezed his hand before he too drifted off to sleep.

Kyle glanced back as they drove down US-285 in the night. He noted, with furrowed eyebrows, that Butters was using Kenny's shoulder as a pillow. He smiled at that. Then he noticed their hands were overlapped, and for a moment a thought crossed his mind. Could Butters be gay…? That didn't seem far-fetched at all. In fact, it made sense. That would be something he'd need to talk to him about.

"I can't believe it," Stan said quietly, turning down the music. Kyle could hear Butters' deep breathing and Kenny mumble something. "How could his parents make him do that?"

"We can't understand it, we don't… we have no clue what's been happening in that house." Kyle reaffirmed. "And it's disgusting what Kenny had to do… but can you imagine his little sister doing the same thing? She'd be kidnapped. She could be dead by now."

Stan sighed and nodded. That made sense; Kenny could defend himself. And what he did was pretty fucking noble in a morbid way.

"Would you have ever guessed he wasn't straight?" Kyle asked suddenly, Stan shrugged.

"Well he was obsessed with tits and pussy since he was in kindergarten. So, it's kinda shocking."

Kyle nodded and folded his hands together. Now he should say it. Butters was right; best friends should know about their orientation. But… he couldn't bear to tell Stan. He was the captain of the middle school football team; he'd hate Kyle forever. He couldn't bear that.

"Are they holding hands?" Stan asked suddenly, Kyle nodded, "they have to date, I swear to fucking God." Kyle burst out laughing at that. "What?"

"Butters and Kenny dating? Is Butters… that way?" Stan gave him a look of "are you kidding" and rolled his eyes. He did have a point.

"The only reason why I never said anything was because I thought Kenny was straight. But he's fucking not. They're two seconds away from boning each other." Stan said, "you've seen the looks Butters gives him. He's like… in love with Kenny. And Kenny's way too overprotective to be his best friend."

"You know, people could say the same about us." Kyle piped up, causing Stan to look at him with his jaw down and nearly hit the car in front of him. He swerved to the left lane and passed the driver who was probably having a heart attack. So what if he was fourteen; he was still a better driver than most of these assholes.

"I doubt it," Stan grumbled, Kyle rolled his eyes. "Why, do you think that?" he asked, gentler. Kyle shrugged his shoulders, then shook his head.

"No, no, but I'm sure other people do." Kyle mumbled, looking out the window. Suddenly he felt tense and wanted to drop this conversation completely. Stan's knuckles were white as he squeezed the steering wheel.

"Well, people can think what they want," Stan snapped, and pushed his foot against the gas. He just wanted to get home and forget about this conversation.

"Hey, Stan?" Kyle asked quietly after a few minutes had passed. The black haired boys' heart leaped and he glanced at his red headed friend momentarily.

"Yeah?"

"I think you're right about Kenny and Butters." He finally mumbled, looking back. They looked too comfortable to be platonic. He just had to push away the same feelings he had about him and Stan. It was never going to happen; he just hoped Kenny and Butters would have a chance.


	8. Like Sunspots and Raindrops

_This one is really short... but it's meant to be._

_Chapter Eight:_

_In Love and Death Part I: Like Sunspots or Raindrops_

* * *

Butters set the plate of carrots and celery on the coffee table in his living room and opened his biology book. Kyle grabbed a celery stick and continued reading the passage. The two were partners on their biology project and wanted to finish it a week before it was due so they could get the extra credit. They just had to finish the reading and put together their actual project.

It was close to the end of their first semester as freshmen. It felt odd; it seemed as if their childhood had slipped by much too fast. All of their short lives they had been faced with horror and the weirdness of South Park, but now in their own group they were faced with growing up and the loss of innocence. It was hard to realize how long ago being ten years old seemed, and how they wished they could go back. But they knew, like the lesson they learned in the beginning of their year in fourth grade, that they simply could not go back because that was life.

"So pretty much we just have to make a box diagram of a cell. That'll take like a half hour." Kyle said, then closed his book. "Butters, can I ask you a question?"

Butters hated that statement. It always made him feel sick to his stomach and that something bad was going to be said. So he nodded and expected the worst.

"Do you… do you like Kenny?"

Butters' cheeks heated. That was kind of blunt. Yet the truth was he had had a crush on the blonde since Hawaii. He just didn't realize that's what he felt when he saw or thought about him. That and the fact that lately he was having certain dreams about his cheeky grin down around his nether regions made it kind of obvious he was harboring some romantic feelings.

"Uh… w-well sure I do he's my best friend!" Butters chirruped and hoped that would be enough to appease the red head. But the blank expression in his green eyes told him differently.

"No, I mean romantically like. You're gay, aren't you?"

Butters blanched.

"W-what makes you say that?" Butters asked, Kyle just gave him a look. The blonde sighed heavily and raked a hand through his hair. "W-well… I guess so…"

Kyle looked at Butters with admiration; it seemed so easy for him to admit it. Kyle's stomach squirmed with nausea and he lowered his head. If shy, scared, timid little Butters could admit his sexual orientation, then he had to. It wasn't fair. This was a secret kept too long and he couldn't stand it anymore.

"Me too," Kyle finally whispered, causing Butters to grin.

"Really?! Oh neato, so I'm not alone!" Kyle shook his head and laughed quietly. "Why do you think I like Ken?"

"You eyefuck him all the time, and you fell asleep on him. And you call him Ken." Butters blushed darkly and looked to the window. "You do like him!" Kyle cried as the blonde looked away and folded his arms together.

"W-well, no I... aw hamburgers…"

"You should tell him," the red head pushed; Butters shook his head again. "Why not?"

"I think he and Bebe have a t-thing. I don't even want to mention it." Kyle rolled his eyes and scoffed. There was nothing going on between Bebe and Kenny; she had been with Clyde since the 4th grade. And Kenny… well Kenny was Kenny.

"You're his best friend, he doesn't do anything without you… he has to know. And he has to like you too." Kyle pressed, Butters sighed softly and gnashed his knuckles together nervously.

"Well do you like Stan? Just because he wants to hang out with me doesn't mean he wants to…" Kyle's face was red now, and Butters couldn't help but beam. "Oh. You_ do_ like Stan..." the red head sighed heavily and nodded, "if I tell Kenny, you tell Stan." Kyle nodded and took a carrot from the plate.

"Does it bother you about Kenny's… former job?" Butters bit his lip and shook his head.

"It makes me sad. His dad's a d-dick and his mom cares but she drinks too much to really care. It was real nice what he d-did for Karen but it's not fair. It only b-bothers me that he had to do it, not that he did it." Kyle nodded and stuffed his biology book in his backpack.

"Yeah, he's gonna be. But it means something he let you go with, he wouldn't let anyone do that." Kyle smirked as he spoke, and Butters blushed. The blonde leaned against the foot of the couch and popped celery in his mouth. "A-am I the first person you told?" Kyle asked; he couldn't help but wonder. And if he was, then he'd be really happy. Butters sighed and slowly shook his head.

"I told Kenny, but that was w-when I didn't know if I was just q-questioning." Kyle nodded; wait, Kenny had known both he and Butters were gay? "What about you?"

"I told Kenny too." Butters nodded and smiled softly; he knew his best friend was the person to go to for that kind of stuff. He found it peculiar that three members of their group had somehow turned out to be gay, or as Kenny said, queer. He didn't like the label of "pansexual" Kyle had given; he didn't like labels at all. So he just decided he liked what he liked and that was that. It was awesome, and Butters wished he could have a semblance of Kenny's confidence.

"So… what… what made you realize you liked Stan?" Butters had to ask; he had to know if what he felt was normal or if he really did have feelings for his best friend. Kyle turned to face Butters and curled his legs close to his chest.

"I just, I guess I always did. I've never really liked anyone else, so maybe I'm not gay. But Stan is the only person I can see myself being with… but he's never going to like me because he's straight. So seeing him happy will make me happy. I'm just… I can't be that close with someone else. Ever."

Butters nodded and twiddled his fingers together. That made sense; they were the last two pieces of the puzzle. No matter if they were lost or far apart, they needed each other to be complete. And without one there would just be a big hole. You can't have Kyle without Stan, and vice versa. "What about you?"

Butters sighed heavily, "since we went to Hawaii and he saved my people," then he giggled quietly to himself, "and have you ever seen him without a hood?" if he had to be truthful, Kenny was the hottest guy he had ever laid eyes on; and if that's what Kyle wanted to hear, then so be it.

"He's too skinny and pale." Kyle replied, with a soft smile. Butters rolled eyes and laid his head back on the couch.

"Well there's a r-reason for that, a-and he's on the football team now. You just like them stocky."

Both young teenagers looked at each other and burst out laughing. It felt good to finally be able to open up to someone about their unrequited love. Because they understood each other and it made them closer. It felt odd to talk openly about Kenny and Stan that way but… it was nice. Someone understood and it made them feel not so alone.

"Can you believe that all those years and we turned fucking gay?" Kyle spoke up finally as he wiped tears of laughter from his eyes. Butter shook his head as his laughter died, and took a sip of his iced tea.

"I-I never thought anyone else would be…" Butters finally trailed off and looked at Kyle with shining, happy eyes. For the first time he didn't feel so scared about being gay. Maybe now he could finally come out at school.

"It's just weird, but it's-" Kyle's voice was drowned out by a wailing siren outside of Butters' house, lights flashed through the windows and both boys looked up in alarm. Kyle bolted up and ran to the window and watched as an ambulance and two police cars headed east. Down to his house, passed Stan's, then Cartman's, and over the train tracks.

"I h-hope everything's okay," Butters murmured and stood next to Kyle, who was quickly texting Stan.

_To: Stan_

_Sent: 7:19 P.M._

_Do you know what happened?_

He wouldn't let go of his iPhone as he waited for the reply. Right now his mind was reeling with possibilities and he needed to know his mind was just playing tricks on him. There were only a select few buildings over the tracks, and only one family. Kyle couldn't let his mind wander.

"Me too," Kyle replied and kept trying to see if he could see where the paramedics had turned. He heard the chime from his phone and quickly swiped his thumb over the screen.

_From: Stan_

_Received: 7:20 P.M. _

_cartman says theyre at kennys house. meet me there._

"W-what is it?" Butters asked quietly, looking afraid to hear what the redhead had to say. Kyle cleared his throat and grabbed his button up coat from the chair next to him.

"They're at Kenny's." Kyle took Butters' hand as the blonde's shoulders trembled. Tears brimmed his eyes yet they didn't fall; he had to remain hopeful.

But then he remembered something Kenny had told him years ago; he couldn't die. So if it was Kenny, if he was the one hurt, or dying, or whatever, then maybe he was right and he'd come back. But he had to hope, and he had to believe.

Maybe they weren't even at the McCormick's. Maybe whoever told Cartman had gotten it wrong; that happened a lot. He could only hope.

Kyle stopped at the door and turned to Butters.

"Aren't you coming?"

The blonde sniffled, grabbed his dark blue coat, and stuffed his arms in as he ran outside with Kyle behind him. If Death was near, then Butters was going to make Kenny keep his promise; he wasn't going to lose his best friend. Because he knew he would remember; and the pain he was feeling now would be nothing compared to remembering Kenny's death and seeing him alive and laughing the next day...


	9. On Sleepless Roads the Sleepless Go

_Author's Note: I've been updating this a lot more than I thought I would. But that's mostly because I have so many chapters and I also know that soon I won't be able to update as much... so hopefully these quick updates right now are enough. These next few chapters are gonna be kinda depressing, so fair warning. _

_Trigger Warning: Abuse, Death._

_PS: Don't hate me. These were some of the hardest chapters I've ever written and I seriously debated this._

_Chapter Nine:_

_In Love and Death Part II: On Sleepless Roads The Sleepless Go_

_Titles from: "In Love and Death" (album) by The Used and "Hear You Me" by Jimmy Eat World which is absolutely beautiful. You should check it out. _

* * *

Kenny knew it was going to be a bad day. It started when he woke up late. The electricity had gone off in the middle of the night so he woke up shivering violently and able to see his breath. After trying to thaw his hands, he quickly dressed in his hoodie and a pair of sweatpants and ran to school as fast as he could. He also managed to forget his backpack which resulted in not having any of his homework. His teachers had either given him zeros on the assignments or gave him detention.

He spent the rest of the day dealing with a sour stomach and a killer headache. He didn't really talk to his friends much, just listened, and slept through most of lunch. Kenny felt like he was coming down with something, hopefully not the flu, but his hoodie kept him warm so that's all that mattered.

The day was going better until 7th hour where he barely made it to the bathroom before throwing up the minimal contents of his stomach. His mouth burned with the acrid taste of bile and acid and he laid his head on the toilet bowl just to feel something cold against his apparently burning forehead. He would believe it if someone told him he was literally on fire. By then he just wanted to go home and shoot himself in the head; that's how he dealt with being sick.

After school, he went to detention. Thankfully football was over otherwise he'd be late and wouldn't be able to play. But they had lost the semi-finals to Littleton, which he wasn't too upset about. Instead of working on the algebra, biology, and history homework he had, he just laid his head on the desk and slept the hour and a half away; it was a nice break before he went to work. Butters met him outside after his play practice and asked him if he was okay. Kenny didn't even want to talk, so he nodded, mumbled a, "we'll talk later," and slowly dragged himself from South Park High School to the convenience store at the edge of town.

He spent his time trying to avoid looking at the clock. He failed at that; he almost cried when he thought forty-five minutes had passed only to realize it was only eight minutes. He just wanted to go home, curl up, and sleep. His stomach churned, his mouth tasted awful, his head throbbed, and too many people wanted the crappy pizza he threw in the oven.

The walk home was awful. The bitter chill wracked his body and snow fell on his shoulders as he shivered and trudged through the early nightfall. He felt his nose drip and his teeth chattered violently; he simply wiped at the snot with his sleeve, gritted his teeth and bowed his head. His jeans and long-sleeved shirt had practically frozen to his skin in the bitter wind and he used the energy he had to trudge through the knee-deep snow. He'd be surprised if he didn't die of pneumonia tonight.

In the distance, Kenny heard a car horn blaring ceaselessly. He looked up in the dark to see a pair of headlights shining horizontally in the ditch coming towards him. He grew worried and wiped his nose once more and ran through the heavy blanket of snow. He coughed in his sleeve and blinked against the snow that landed on his eyes.

As he approached he saw it was an old tan Chevy pickup truck. His stomach churned as he read the license plates.

"Dad?" He asked himself and ran to the passenger door. The windows were frosted over yet he could see two bodies in the truck and he bit his lip in nervousness. He pulled open the door and felt his stomach flip.

Kenny turned from the strong smell of blood and felt his stomach heave. He wretched painfully and slowly, fearfully, looked back into the truck.

He couldn't help but stare at his mom's bruised head pressed against the steering wheel. Her body was limp and blood poured dark and constant from her parted moth. Her Olive Garden uniform was stained crimson and her neck was at an odd angle no one could fix.

Tears burned his eyes as he looked in the passenger seat.

Karen.

"Oh my God." He whimpered as he saw the unconscious girl. Her forehead was bleeding heavily and the seatbelt had given her a deep welt on her neck. She was held in suspension by the belt around her body. His shaking hands unbuckled her from the confines and he wrapped his arms under the small girl's frame. He cradled her as he slowly and carefully walked away from the truck. He could feel her fluttering pulse in his hands; he knew her life was on the line and it was up to him to save her.

Fuck his family for not being able to afford a cell phone, or a track phone.

"Don't worry, Kar, I've got you," Kenny whispered and pulled her coat's hood over her face so she could stay warm.

Every step was labored under the weight of carrying his sister. She was by no means heavy; in fact his entire family was probably severely underweight. Yet under his own failing health she seemed to weigh as much as Cartman. Nonetheless, he trudged through the snow and kept his eye on the main road.

He soon entered South Park and could feel his shoulders tremble with dry sobs as he entered the town he hated so much. Yet right now it looked so beautiful. The option he had was take her to Hell's Pass Hospital or take her home and call an ambulance. He knew nothing about her condition and knew it probably wasn't smart to take her out of the car, but he had to. And out of the choice of either helping his mom or his sister, the decision seemed obvious.

Kenny's footfalls tracked from the main street to the back streets and over the railroad crossing. He coughed deeply and swallowed back the urge to vomit as his stomach squirmed. Never before would he say he would be happy to see his shack of a home. As he approached the sidewalk he saw the living room light was on which meant Stuart was probably home; he didn't have time to think about that though. With his hands holding Karen protectively, Kenny lowered his head to the doorknob and enclosed his mouth on the metal. His teeth bit down and he slowly turned his head to open the door. His skin had frozen to the metal and closing his eyes he ripped his mouth off of the doorknob.

The fourteen year old rushed inside the house, ignored the startled shouts coming from his father, and laid Karen comfortably on the couch. Without a word, he ran to the phone on the wall and quickly dialed 911. Almost immediately, a female voice spoke to him through the speaker.

"911, what's your emergency?"

"I... my sister was in a car accident. The truck... the truck's westbound three miles out of South Park... but I brought her home 'cause she'd freeze... I don't have a cell phone. I don't know, uh... McCormick, 213 East 5th Street, South Park. My mom's still in the truck and I couldn't... my sister's unconscious and bleeding real bad... and my mom, she... her neck looked real funny and..."

"I'm sending two EMTs now, you said 213 East 5th street, sir?"

"Yeah." Kenny murmured and tried his hardest to ignore Stuart's screaming. He fought off the urge to cry and vomit and raked a hand through his hair.

"Can you stay on the phone with me, please? Respondents have been sent, can you give me some information?" Kenny nodded, not comprehending the fact the woman couldn't see his actions. "What are your sister and mom's names?"

"Karen Annabelle is my sister's name, Caroline Michelle is my mom. McCormick."

"And their ages?" Kenny sighed shakily and

"Karen's twelve. My mom is thirty," Kenny answered and glanced over to Karen who lay motionless on the couch. Her blood was beginning to stain the arm.

"And what's your name?"

"Kenny... Kenneth."

"And-"

Kenny dropped the phone and yelped as a pair of hands grabbed his neck and slammed him hard against the wall. He stared with wide eyes at his dad who's jagged nails dug into his neck.

"What the fuck ya do to 'em?!" Stuart screamed; Kenny shook his head.

"I didn't..."

"Why didn'tcha save yer ma? She brought you into this life and yer better of savin' her!" Kenny remained silent as his dad continued to scream at him. He couldn't handle this; not now. "If she's dead, son, if you fuckin' killed her, I swear to God and the Devil and all of them that you'll be down in that grave of yers fer good. Ya hear me?" Kenny nodded and heard the woman on the other end saying something yet he couldn't understand a word she said.

He slid down the wall and bent his knees to his chest. He cried out when feeling his ear clouted. Kenny swore his eardrum ruptured as blood poured out from the impact onto his face and neck. He closed his mouth as Stuart picked him up by his wounded ear and practically threw him against the legs of the coffee table. His shouts of pain from him kicking his ribs and stomach with steel-toed boots were muffled by his hands. As Stuart shouted and walked into the next room, Kenny coughed and crawled to the couch where he looked up at his little sister. He took her hand and kissed it; her skin felt cold against his.

"Stay, Kar-bear..." he whispered, resting his forehead on the back of her hand.

He was composed until the paramedics came, loaded her on a stretcher, and held him back from riding with her. Kenny shook his head and screamed as he watched his father board the ambulance with Karen; it wasn't right, Stuart didn't care about her at all. He tried to run yet two paramedics held him back and he shouted and thrashed against them.

They asked if he needed checked out for his ear; he just laughed bitterly. He wasn't aware of the tears streaming from his eyes and mixing with the blood on his cheek. The convulsion of his shoulders could have been anger or grief, he didn't know and he didn't care. Karen needed to go, now. Why waste their time on him?

Because without Karen he was nothing. His entire existence meant nothing to him if he didn't have her. She looked up to him and he let her down and it was killing him. He couldn't let her die and he had to be there for her. Unlike him, she wouldn't come back from the dead. And he would give up every life just to see her laugh and smile; because she was the only McCormick who was going to make something of their last name.

Every breath he breathed he wished he could give to her. Every blink of his eye, every heart beat, yet they remained trapped within. His lungs ached, his eyes burned, his heart sank. Kenny would have no purpose if there was no Karen.

"Please... please let me go with. I need to... she needs me, please?!" He begged. Kenny's voice was raw and hoarse in his throat. The paramedic holding him shook his head and sighed heavily.

"I can only allow one person, kid. But you did a lot; you probably saved her life. Your sister is gonna think you're a hero; she's gonna go into surgery when she gets to the hospital and someone will call. I'm sorry."

"No, please?!" Kenny screamed and ran after the man who had rushed back to the ambulance. The fourteen year old burst through the door and chased after the emergency vehicle and entire block Yet he watched them pull down the street and his side was stitching and his bones were giving out under the stress and weakness.

"No, no, no..." Kenny whispered as he panted and watched the flashing lights disappear.

The blonde stared into nothing and felt nothing. Something was off, something was wrong... terribly wrong. He could feel it in his labored breathing, taste it in the blood on his tongue. His stomach knotted and his heart fluttered as a sparrow with broken wings. He had to remain hopeful, there was a chance she could survive, but she already had her hero. Her guardian angel hadn't gone to save her, he had, and the realization that he, Kenny McCormick, could never save his sister from the pain and misery of the world bore down on him like a knife to the spine.

He wasn't sure of when he had fallen to the ground; he was practically out of his mind at that point so the cold was simply a reflection of his negative emotions. His cheek was hot against the snow and the wind chilled his body; he was sure he had a roaring fever yet it didn't matter.

Kenny felt arms pick him up and carry him away from his house. God have no mercy on his cursed soul. He deserved nothing more than the lowest layer of hell.

His eyes blinked at the impact of warmth and bright light. He looked into the face of Stan Marsh, who shook his head and told him he was a fucking idiot. Kenny heard Kyle and Butters from behind Stan but couldn't understand what they were saying; he wasn't sure if he wanted to. Everything was white noise and fuzzy and his ears rang and he wanted everything to slow down. His brain was swimming and he felt like he was falling.

The next thing he remembered, he was sitting on Stan's bed; the raven-haired boy was searching through his dressers, Kyle had an arm around him, and Butters was holding his hand.

"My mom called the hospital, they're gonna call here to let you know... what happened?" Stan asked, throwing him a pair of shorts and a t-shirt. Kenny shook his head slowly as his mind made sense of the vowels and consonants that spewed from his friend's mouth; he didn't want to impose.

"Mom and Karen were... there was an accident. I found Karen and... there was so much blood, I..." Kenny looked down at himself; there was blood on his hands and his hoodie. Karen's blood. His blood. He was coated in it.

Kenny dove for the trash can at Stan's bedside and wretched painfully; there was only bile in his stomach and it burned his esophagus as he heaved worthlessly. He felt a hand on his back rubbing the muscles as they clenched in his back and stomach. Another hand brushed his long, bloody, sweaty blonde hair from his face and he spit the remnants of the acrid vomit into the trash can.

Kenny turned to find Butters with his hand still on his back and puffy eyes. At that moment, Kenny just wanted to cry in his shoulder and hope the smaller boy would hug him and not let go until he stopped weeping; yet he had to be strong. He didn't cry.

"Where was the accident?" Kyle asked as he pricked his finger to check his blood sugar levels.

"I was coming home... from work... I saw the lights..." he trailed off distantly, replaying the scene over and over in his mind. There was no way things could have turned out differently. He didn't see a way things would turn any better.

"Ken, you're burning up," Butters said as the smaller blonde felt his forehead. Kenny shook his head and pulled away from Butters. "And your ear... what happened to your ear?"

"How are your mom and sister?" Kenny looked at Stan, took a deep breath, and sighed heavily.

"Guys, he's in shock..." Kyle warned, as he sent a sympathetic look to Kenny. His eyes looked like nothing more than pity. Pity he didn't deserve.

"Both unconscious... and I couldn't get to mom..." he couldn't feel his mouth move yet his shaking began to subside.

"Don't worry, dude, I'm sure they're gonna be okay. The fact you found them means a lot. And taking Karen home... that's like... amazing." Kyle assured him, yet his words fell on deaf ears; Kenny wasn't going to take any praise, especially if his mom and sister were fighting for their lives because he couldn't do more. "Hey Stan, can I get some juice?" Kyle asked timidly, "I'm running kinda low." He gestured to the glucose meter on his bed.

"And we can get ya cleaned up... or you can, I mean... and take your temperature." Kenny shrugged, shook his head, and looked out Stan's window.

"I need to be there..." he trailed off in a whisper. Stan and Kyle gave Kenny and Butters a sympathetic look before walking out of the room. Butters took Kenny's hand and squeezed tightly. The taller blonde looked back at his friend, blue met blue, and Butter's smile seemed to relax him slightly.

"I know... how about... you let me help and I'll talk to Stan about taking you?" Butters asked, "I know you're worried sick, but you_ are_ sick... I was worried about you today and you're on fire."

"Fine, if I can go to the hospital, then you can help," Kenny murmured and let Butters practically carry him to the bathroom. Butters locked the door and set the pair of sweatpants and a long-sleeved shirt on the toilet seat and turned around.

"N-now, take off your clothes and shower and I-I'll get the First Aid s-stuff... you sure your ear is okay?"

Truthfully, Kenny doubted it was but he figured he could deal with it until he died and rose again. He stripped off his hoodie and set it on the floor along with his frayed jeans and grey, too small boxers. Kenny picked up the pile, and tapped Butters on the shoulder. The 5'6" blonde turned and took the clothes, then realized Kenny was naked right in front of him and flushed a deep red.

"Thanks, Lee," Kenny mumbled distantly and leaned on the wall as he turned on the water. He turned it on as hot as he could stand it, he hardly ever got to shower in hot water, let alone warm water, and pulled up the shower plug. Butters shook his head however.

"You're not gonna break your fever in that," Butters told him, trying his hardest to avoid looking at and touching him as he turned the dial to make the water colder. "And don't get water in your ear," Kenny couldn't help but smile a little at Butters as he stepped into the shower.

By the time he washed his hair and body he was wracked with tremors in the chilling water. Goosebumps had covered his body and his skin was stiff as he turned off the water. He pulled open the curtain and slowly stepped out of the shower, fighting off dizziness, and grabbed a towel from the rack.

Butters was setting out the last of the medicine and bandages and turned to Kenny.

"Your ribcage is swollen," he murmured, Kenny shrugged; it was probably broken. "K-Kyle had some Tamiflu to stop the puking and I have some Ibuprofen for the fever, swelling, and pain. Y-you look a little better." Butters chirruped as happily as he could, and Kenny just blinked dismally at him. "D-don't give me that look."

"What look?"

"Like you're gonna cry, 'cause I-I'll cry... and I've already c-cried too much."

"I can't lose her, Lee... I'm supposed to protect her. I'm supposed to... I can't... I..." Kenny trailed off and covered his face with his hands. He sniffled and squeezed his eyes shut; he wouldn't cry. He couldn't.

He felt a pair of arms wrap around him tightly yet loose enough that his body wouldn't scream in pain. Kenny rested his head on Butters' shoulder and took deep breaths to regain composure. He felt Butters' run his hands through his drenched hair and his bare back and the fourteen year old boy couldn't help but let a few tears slip through.

"Karen is s-strong, Kenny. You saved her life, you always save her. She looks up to you like you're God and... and she's gonna be fine. I promise." Butters told him, and Kenny actually believed him. As he pulled away from his shorter friend, Kenny swore he could kiss him; the thought did cross his mind. Yet he looked away and slowly pulled his legs into the baggy sweatpants. He let Butters bandage the cuts on his stomach and sides and took the medicine he offered; he just hoped he wouldn't throw it up. "I talked to Stan, he said that he'd be willing to take you... but you can't sit next to your dad." Kenny shook his head and squeezed Butters in a hug.

"Thank you, thank you so fucking much..." Kenny trailed off and didn't let go when Butters thought he would. "I love you," he told the short blonde, who blushed darkly and hugged Kenny slightly once more before letting go.

"I l-love you too, Ken."

Kenny's knee wouldn't stop bouncing during the entire ride from Stan's house to Hell's Pass. Butters was texting someone, and Kyle was texting someone, and Stan was silent as he focused on the purpose of getting to the hospital. Because of the heavy snow falling, the ten minute travel took nearly a half an hour. Kenny tried to force down his impatience and the urge to puke as he stared out the dark window.

As soon as they parked, Kenny zipped out of the car in a flash and was passed the emergency room doors before the other three were even completely out of the car. Kyle stared after him in mild shock and Stan shook his head.

"And that's why he's varsity wide receiver..." he trailed off, put his arm around Kyle, and led the way to the emergency room doors.

"Do you think... do you think they know about his mom?" Kyle asked nervously as they walked up the stairs to the automatic doors. Stan sighed heavily and shrugged his shoulders.

"Depends on her condition, I think..." Stan replied and looked back at Butters who was strangely quiet. "Are you okay?" Butters nodded and smiled softly at the two.

"I'm just worried... and... hamburgers..." he trailed off, blushing darkly. Kyle raised an eyebrow and turned to Butters.

"What happened between you two while we were gone?" Stan looked at Kyle and Butters in confusion. They should be in there with Kenny now except the two decided to have a little gossip session about Kenny and Butters. Wait...

"He... said something." Kyle grinned and Stan's eyes scanned the two skeptically. "And he was naked."

"Well yeah, he was in the shower," Stan replied, rolling his eyes. Kyle gave him a blank look and sighed heavily before turning his head.

"What'd he say?" Kyle asked, stopping at the front doors.

"Have one of you ever told the other that you loved them?" Butters asked, Kyle thought about this.

"Once I think." Kyle answered, glancing sidelong at Stan who was now oddly quiet. "He said that to you?" Butters nodded and Kyle smirked. The blonde boy rolled his eyes and pushed passed Stan and Kyle into the emergency room waiting room.

The laughter in his eyes and throat died as he saw the doctor with a somber expression talking to Kenny. Kenny looked as if he had been slapped in the face and gutted like a fish as the doctor consoled him.

"I'm sorry, we did all we could."

Stan and Kyle halted on the spot and their faces drained of color upon hearing the words. The doctor walked away from Kenny, who began to curl and uncurl his fists and stood stock still. Butters ran up to his stoic best friend and felt his heart break as he crumpled to the floor like a sky scraper being torn down to the ground.

An agonizing wail filled the waiting room, much like an animal giving up the good fight after being shot and hunted. Kenny's face pressed up against the cold, sterile floor and violent sobs wracked his fragile body as he cried pitifully in grief.

Never before that the three boys heard something so heartbreaking.

Kenny curled in upon himself and couldn't stop the tears or the screams or the shaking. He was lost, in limbo, his breath was ragged, and his life was torn apart right before his very eyes. He could have done something, he could have saved her, them... it was his fault he didn't try harder.

"Ken...?" Butters whispered, placing a hand on his shoulder. Kenny shook his head and the younger boy swore he could hear him whispering, "no," over and over and over until it made Butters' head swirl and his stomach churn with nausea. Against his better judgment, Butters used all of his strength to pick up Kenny and managed to rest the older boy's head on his shoulder.

He was hot, burning up, and his face was soaked with tears. His mournful wails had quieted to somber gasps as he tried his hardest to breathe; yet it was wasted. Butters pulled back the long side bangs from his forehead and rocked back and forth slowly, comfortingly. Stan and Kyle sat next to them in silence, unsure of what to say or do. Kyle wiped at his eyes and Stan took the pale redhead's hand in his own.

"What... what did the doctor say?" Butters asked gently. Kenny looked up from his shoulder and blinked with icy blue eyes against the flaming bloodshot red in the whites of his eyes.

"My mom..." Kenny whispered in a sob as large tears fell from his eyes and streaked down his blotched cheeks, "I saw my mom dead..." he gasped, shaking in Butters' arms, "and Karen won't wake up..." Kyle and Stan both placed an arm sympathetically on his shoulder and squeezed tightly. "It's my fault... I'm so sorry..."

Tears fell from Butters' eyes as he held his best friend. Because he was sure of the thoughts running through his head; if Kenny couldn't die, he thought it should have been him. If Kenny couldn't die he knew Kenny was terrified of death... not for himself but for everyone he loved... because he'd never be able to see them again. So he held him tighter because right now he was all he had.


	10. May Angels Lead You In

_Author's Note: Well on this really depressing note I just want to say thanks for reading this far and I want to let you know that it gets happier from here... and then there's another bit of depressing... and then it gets better... but where I'm currently at it's just a bunch of depressing. You're on a rollercoaster ride, by the way. Be prepared for that. _

_But thank you all so incredibly much for your views, your favorites, follows, and reviews. I don't ask for that, and the fact that you've given this the time of day means a ton. _

_Also: Don't hate me; last chapter was necessary... for reasons. _

_This one doesn't really have a trigger warning. It's just really sad, to me at least. I don't advise listening to depressing music whilst reading this. But if you do... kudos._

_Chapter Nine- In Love and Death Part III: May Angels Lead You In_

_The title is once again from "Hear You Me" By Jimmy Eat World... and if you haven't listened to that song yet then do it now. Like... now. _

* * *

The next day Kenny was absent from class. Butters couldn't keep from worrying and it didn't help that everyone was asking him what happened. He figured the news reported it well enough for people to understand; although half the time he, himself, had a hard time believing the news.

Everyone was quiet at their table at lunch; carrying on a conversation seemed to be a chore and the tension was thick. All Butters could think about was what he could do for Kenny and how he could help. He planned to stop over at his house after school; Kenny had been sick and it had been hard enough leaving him in his brother and father's care. He didn't want to think about it; he just wanted to know Kenny was okay.

Right now Butters just wished Kenny had a cell phone.

"My sister just texted me," Stan mumbled, "she's sick today... and I guess Kevin went over for awhile." Kyle looked at him oddly and tilted his head.

"Kevin and Shelly are friends?" Stan shrugged and nodded once as he quickly texted his sister back.

"Yeah, I didn't know she _had_ friends."

"And _Kevin?_" Kyle quipped, earning a barking laugh from Stan. Butters grimaced and played with the food on his tray. He wasn't hungry, and hearing about Kevin made him worry about Kenny even more; which he didn't know was possible.

"Can you ask her h-how Kenny is?" Stan smiled softly at Butters as he quietly asked his simple request. Cartman scoffed and grabbed the fries off of Butters' tray; he didn't mind, looking at food made him feel queasy.

"Worried about your boyfriend?" Cartman grumbled. Butters just stared at his tray and flinched as Kyle punched the chubby boy. Stan sighed heavily as the two began to bicker, and followed Butters' eyes; they settled on the empty space across from him.

"Cartman, lay off," Stan murmured as he smiled softly at Butters, who gnashed his knuckles together. "Butters, Shelly said he's at my house too." The bright blonde perked up and Kyle bit back a sad smile as he saw the boy's alertness. "And Kevin said he's a little drunk and a little high. But considering that's Kevin saying that..." Butters sighed heavily and swirled the pasta he hadn't touched around the tray. So that's how Kenny would deal with things, he figured; by not dealing.

"Go fucking figure, he's a poor piece of shit," Cartman said, then stole Butters' milk; once again, he didn't mind. Kyle slugged him again, and the brunette whined as he rubbed his arm.

"Well what would you do if your mom died?" Stan barked, then winced at his own words. Cartman shrugged and dropped his fork. Butters felt tears well in his eyes once more and felt a hand take his. He looked up a little and saw Kyle with his head bowed.

"Why her? Why not Stuart? No offense..." Kyle mumbled, "but seriously?" Stan shrugged and looked at the door with sad eyes.

"Because it's a shit hand," Stan replied, "and someone's gonna say everything happens for a reason but that doesn't. God I don't even wanna imagine..." Butters bit his lip as tears fell from his eyes. He quickly wiped them away and asked that if Kenny's mom could hear him, to watch over her son. Because he had a feeling there was no way anyone could help.

After school Stan told him that Kevin and Kenny had gone back to their house. He was then squeezed in a bone crushing hug by Stan, and tried to stop his shoulders from shaking.

"He needs you," Stan whispered quietly; Butters closed his eyes, "more than anyone else right now. Just text me and Kyle, okay?" The blonde nodded and smiled weakly as he swung his bag over his shoulder and waved timidly.

He had stopped taking the bus awhile ago. None of his friends did anymore and the walk wasn't too bad. But with his mind focused on getting to Kenny's he didn't pay attention to the usual things. He didn't watch the squirrels, or wave to the shop owners, or stop for a coffee. His eyes stung and he kept his gaze low as he hurried down the sidewalk, until the asphalt turned to gravel and he passed over the train tracks.

He saw the truck running in the grass in their poor excuse of a front lawn. Exhaust poured from the pipe and he lowered his eyes as he saw Stuart slam the door shut. He pretended to walk aimlessly, extra slow as he waited for Stuart to drive off, and sighed with relief when the truck barreled out of the driveway.

Butters ran to the door and knocked timidly. He crossed his arms as he heard the old television mute and was greeted by Kevin, who had glazed, bloodshot eyes.

"Butters, right?" The brunette asked, voice detached, quieter than his usual gruff tone. The bright blonde nodded and was pulled inside by the giant of a human, who towered over him in height and size. He was pure muscle, which scared Butters to no end. "Uh, Kenny's sick but... he's in his room. I ain't got a peep outta him all day so you can try."

"H-h-how are you?" Butters asked and flinched out of instinct. Kevin just looked at him and shook his head before he closed the door and walked to his room. Butters heard glass break after a moment's pause and he jumped in fear.

The air in the house was suffocating and felt as if he were breathing in shards of glass that nicked his lungs. For the first time Butters realized what life for Kenny was truly like. He hadn't ever seen it on a "normal" basis, which Kenny had been happy about, but now... now he understood. Without Karen and Carol all that was left in the house was ruins. Failure. Aggression. Hate.

It hurt so much Butters' shoulders shook with violent sobs as he made his silent way to Kenny's room. The air was so tense and all he wanted to was hold Kenny and let him know he loved him.

After he knocked there was no response. He knocked again and murmured a quiet, "it's Butters." Silence was the only answer he received, so he chose to open the door. The bright blonde peered in and saw Kenny sitting on his bed with a blank expression as he stared at the wall. He was flushed from fever and his eyes were slightly hazy, either from sickness or from being drunk, and his knobby knees were pulled against his chest. The hood on his parka was shut tight, so all Butters could see were his eyes, part of his cheeks, and bits of straw blonde hair.

"Kenny..." Butters murmured and walked to the side of the mattress. Kenny didn't move, or even turn his head to face Butters. He just stared, unblinking, completely still, except the tremors from a constant chill.

Butters sat on the bed next to the blonde, and nudged his knee. He remained still, except he tightened his arms around himself.

"Ken, I'm here... just... talk to me, please?" He asked quietly, then wrapped his hand around Kenny's wrist. The darker blonde slowly turned his head and caught Butters' eyes.

The look in his eyes nearly made Butters' heart stop; they were dead. He swore he was drowning, and he found it hard to breathe as he gazed at Kenny, waiting for any response whatsoever.

"I know you're blaming yourself but you weren't there. It wasn't your fault, okay? I know you don't want to hear that now but your mom wouldn't want you to blame yourself." Butters put his hand to his forehead and felt the heat pour from him. "You're burning up... please just talk to me?"

"I don't_ want_ to talk..." Kenny whispered finally; he closed his eyes and rested his head against the wall. Butters, unsure of what else to do, put his arm around Kenny's back and scooted closer to the boy. Kenny slowly rested his head on his shoulder and Butters grimaced as he felt head radiate from him.

"Well... what do you wanna do then?" The question almost seemed like a cruel joke to Butters yet he was willing to do anything for his best friend; anything for the person he had grown to love in secret. Kenny laughed hollowly at that, and shook his head.

"Die."

That was a slap in the face. The bright blonde closed his eyes and breathed a shaky sigh as he tried to find the words. He knew the deeper meaning to the word because apparently Kenny did die. Only he was resurrected every time. But what he meant wasn't "to die"; what he wanted was to "stay dead". And that hurt more than anything Butters ever felt.

"I... I want my mom," ended up saying, to break the silence. It was enough to break Butters' heart and tears fell from his eyes. Kenny scratched at his hands blindly and didn't flinch when Butters rested their heads together.

They sat in silence and stared at the wall. Nothing could be said or done to change what had happened and Butters knew enough about Kenny to know what was running through his mind. It wasn't fair, Butters felt, that the parent who cared and loved her children unconditionally had to die. It wouldn't be fair if his dad died either, but he knew Carol was trying to change their lives.

Well, no matter what she had changed their lives, just not in a way any of them had planned or expected.

He figured Kenny was feeling completely alone. At home, his interactions were mostly with his mom or his sister, and both of them were gone from his life. Karen was in a coma at least, but there were no chances she'd be waking up any time soon. Kevin was there and seemed to care but showed it in the worst ways. And Stuart... Stuart caused them more pain than good. Butters knew there were times when he could be like a father; he remembered how excited Kenny was when he talked about when they went fishing after Stuart stopped getting high for awhile. When he was sober he was a good person, but Butters didn't remember the last time he had a clear head. And if Kenny blamed himself there was no telling how Stuart felt about his middle child.

"I know..." Butters trailed off, unsure of what else to say. Kenny took Butters arm and put it over his shoulder, which caused the bright blonde to tremble as he suppressed his sobs. He felt Kenny hug him tight, and responded in the same manner; he'd never let him go, if that's what Kenny wanted.

Feelings be damned, his best friend was hurting and he needed him. There were no words that would make him feel better, but comfort could at least help. He just wanted to let him know he wasn't alone, no matter how he thought he was. "Kenny?"

"Hmm?" Was the dull response he received. Butters squeezed his hand tight and pulled him in tighter.

"I just want you to know I love you. You're the best friend anyone could ever have and I love you." He felt Kenny rub his back and burrow his head in his shoulder.

"I love you too," Kenny whispered into his shoulder before he let out a hitched gasp. Butters rubbed his back and sniffled as tears fell from his eyes.

"We missed you at school today but you didn't miss much. What... what all did you do today?" Kenny pulled away from Butters and sat cross-legged on the bed.

"Got a little buzzed, a little high... tried to wake up but I guess I'm not dreaming after all. And we're figuring out arrangements so..."

"Oh..."

"Kenny?" A knock was heard on the open door and Kevin poked his head in the room. Butters turned to the door; the brunette's cheeks heated and he quickly looked at the floor as he saw the two boys on the bed. He could tell he was on his way to a high; his movements were slower as well as his voice. "Everythin' okay?" He asked quietly, then shuffled his feet awkwardly. Butters nodded and briefly caught the oldest McCormick son's eyes. He broke contact when he felt the same sinking ache from his eyes when they locked.

"Yeah," Kenny just looked at his brother yet didn't say a word. Kevin nodded to Butters, then to Kenny, and pulled out a cigarette. The bright blonde tried not to cough as he took a drag and exhaled the smoke. Kenny didn't seem to mind, however; his room already smelled like smoke.

"Kay... well I'm goin' to see a friend so... I'll be home by midnight I guess. I wouldn't worry 'bout dad tonight, he'll prolly be over at Skeeter's or somethin'. So just... just chill." Kenny gave a nod and a small wave before Kevin disappeared.

"I keep thinking Karen's gonna walk through that door. She's gonna come sit in here and talk to me about her and Ruby and Ike... and I'll help her with homework and she'll fall asleep right here. And mom will come in and... and say goodnight. But they won't... and..." Kenny trailed off as he stared at the door almost pleadingly, every ounce of him hoped and prayed his little sister and his mom would walk right through the door. But the sinking reality that he now had to face his life without two of the people who cared the most about him felt like a knife to the gut; and he knew how that felt. "And it's all my fault."

Butters shook his head and looked at Kenny, who appeared to be on the verge of tears yet wouldn't let them fall. He shivered from a cold chill and hugged himself as he stared at the dingy sheet on his broken mattress. He then let out a deep whooping cough that sounded painful, and clutched his head.

"You can't blame yourself; the roads were icy and if you hadn't found them it..." Butters trailed off; he knew not to finish that sentence. Kenny was already emotionally drained; one word taken out of context would have him in a rare rage. "It wasn't your fault," he softly finished as he bowed his head. "How're you feeling?"

Kenny's head snapped up and for a moment a flash of anger struck his face but in an instant he was left with miserable eyes and a permanent frown. But Butters hadn't meant emotionally; he knew better than to ask about that. "Sickwise, I mean."

"It's nothing, I'm sick all the time," the darker blonde replied in a soft voice as he played with the cuffs of his sleeve. "It hasn't hit me yet," he finally admitted. Butters tilted his head as if to ask Kenny to continue. "It hasn't hit me that they won't be coming home again."

"Well... Karen's just in a coma and-" Butters tried to offer but Kenny shook his head.

"Not if dad has any say about it. If it just could have been me... it should have been. My mom wouldn't be able to miss me too long, I'd be back in twelve hours. But I can't bring her back. I can't..." Kenny wiped at his eyes and dug his nails into the skin of his hands. Butters saw his flesh was raw and chapped.

"Ken, it's okay to cry..." Kenny shook his head and rubbed harshly at his eyes once more. His fists were clenched as they ran over his eyelids.

"I'm just tired, Lee..." Kenny murmured quietly, "but I can't sleep. I don't want to sleep. I just want my mom... I just want Karen... I just..." he trailed off, then laid down on his bed. Butters gazed at him with uncertainty but sat next to Kenny, who reached for his arm and held him.

"Is there anything I can do?" Butters asked; he'd help in any way that he could. Even if it meant going out and buying drugs or something; he'd do it for Kenny. He wouldn't approve, but he'd do it.

"Just..." the taller boy murmured and gently pulled Butters' arm, "just stay."

Butters knew he meant more than the obvious meaning of the two words. Of course he would stay with Kenny; he was his best friend. He wouldn't ever abandon him until Kenny didn't want him around anymore. And then he'd look back on their friendship with a smile on his face and hope for the best for them both. But he knew Kenny meant stay with him as in "don't die". And that was something he couldn't promise because everyone has to die. Even Kenny dies, apparently, and he promised Butters he wouldn't anymore. But he could stay until his time was up; and as long as Kenny wanted him around he'd stay with him.

"Well... I'll stay until I have swim practice. But you can come with me if you want and then we can go to Kyle or Stan's. I know they missed you today." Kenny laughed sadly and laid on his arms, using them as a pillow. It wasn't a real laugh, but it was some form of emotion; and Butters would take it. If he could make Kenny happy right now he'd do whatever it took.

"They were on their way from Karen's dance recital," Kenny whispered, then tensed slightly when he felt Butters' arm wrap around him. "They were gonna pick me up from work and mom lost control... if they had just gone home, if they-"

"Kenny, stop. It was the weather, it was ice on the road and snow, not you."

"But if they just went home then they would have been fine! They would be here and Karen would ask me to help her with her homework even though I'm shit at math and spelling and mom and dad would be fighting and Kevin would be high and everything would be normal. I just want it back, I want the yelling and the fighting and the broken glass. I want to hear them scream at each other that they'd rather die than say sorry and I'd rather lock me and Karen in my room and hold her and sing to her 'til she falls asleep and hope that dad won't break down my door again because I hate putting it back up and I hate hearing Karen scream... but I just... I want it. It's _normal_, Lee, it's my normal and why did they have to decide to get me? They never did. I don't mind the walk and it wasn't safe. If they had just come home then everything would be fucking _normal_ and mom would be alive and Karen wouldn't be fighting for her life. I'm s'posed to protect them, I'm s'posed to make sure Karen doesn't get hurt but I'm the _reason_! I'm the reason she's in a fucking coma. It should be ME not her!" By the end he was shouting and shaking as he fought back tears. His voice was raw with pure emotion and his eyes were glowing, like ice against flames. He buried his head in his arms and Butters held him tightly as he tried to calm him down and make him feel better. But he knew that was impossible, and tears fell from his eyes as he rested his head on Kenny's and rubbed his back as violent sobs, like coughs, wracked his shoulders and agonizing wails were blood-curdling screams stifled in his arms.

It wasn't Kenny's fault. He hadn't been there and he had no idea that his mom and sister were going to pick him up from work. But here he was blaming himself and he wouldn't see it any other way.

* * *

Butters walked into the church three days later with his head bowed and tears in his eyes. He was instantly enveloped in a hug. He felt his shoulders shake as Stan rubbed his back and for a brief moment he forgot his parents were behind him. He heard his father clear his throat and quickly pulled away from Stan, who smiled sadly at him.

"Dude, this doesn't feel right," he murmured to Butters, who nodded and walked with him down the aisle after making the sign of the cross with holy water. They sat in the front row on the right side, the Marshes and the Stotches smiled faintly at each other and Shelly was talking to Kevin in front. He looked as if he hadn't slept for days, and Stuart still stood by the doors.

Butters felt a tap on his shoulder. Both Stan and Butters turned to find Kyle, looking at them with bloodshot eyes.

"Hey..." he murmured quietly. Stan took his hand and squeezed tightly as he patted Butters' knee. "This sucks." Stan nodded and looked to Kenny's brother, who appeared emotionally raw and completely sober, which was rare. Shelly was hugging him, and he looked as if it were the first hug he had been given in his entire life. Stan quickly looked away and saw Butters looking around with his eyes.

"Kenny's not here," Butters piped up. Kyle looked to the back of the church and grimaced when he realized Butters was, in fact, right.

But before they could talk about it the funeral director approached them.

"You are the other three pallbearers from last night, correct?" He asked pointedly, they nodded awkwardly and glanced at each other. "You may sit here as we discussed and I will motion to you when the funeral is complete. As I remember we had you two," he pointed to Kyle and Butters, "in the back, you and that fat boy in the front," he looked to Stan, who nodded, "and Kevin and Kenneth led, correct?" They all nodded and the funeral director bowed his head. "Then please watch for your cue and keep in mind the importance of this task."

"Except Kenny and Cartman aren't here..." Kyle trailed off as the director walked away.

Ten minutes later the chubby brunette boy entered the church with his mother, who gave a sultry wave to the funeral director. Cartman glared at her before he walked down the aisle and sat next to Kyle.

"This is fucking weak," he grumbled to them. Butters was surprised he didn't crack a joke. He then watched as Shelly pulled out her phone and dragged Kevin along with her as they walked up to the doors. They disappeared and Stan watched them curiously.

"Huh. She really does have friends..." he said offhandedly. Kyle chuckled and Cartman scoffed.

"A friend, and I think Kevin counts as more of a half than anything," Kyle replied. Butters inwardly winced at that comment but smiled feebly. However, Sheila Broflovski turned to her oldest son with a stern expression and Ike watched in awe as she whisper-shouted at him to be respectful and to not talk in such a way. He mumbled an apology and glared at Ike, who smiled quietly as he thumbed through one of the hymn books.

"Y'know I always thought his parents would like beat each other to death or OD or something," Cartman grunted. He received several horrified looks and he raised his arms, "what? It's true!" Kyle hit his head on the pew and Butters bit his lip to keep from saying anything.

Fifteen minutes later Kevin and Shelly walked back in and Stuart approached his son. Butters could see them talking quietly, and their father shook his head before he walked back to the front pew. He had never seen Kenny's father for more than a few moments. The effects of meth and alcohol were evident in his face and body. But now his eyes looked sad, and a little kind as he sat and stared at the altar. He looked sober.

"I can't believe it's an open casket..." Stan trailed off, "I hate open-casket funerals."

"H-have you been up there?" Butters asked as he looked at the casket. Stan shook his head and sighed heavily.

"Too afraid... I guess we're gonna have to anyway."

At that the funeral started. It felt familiar to Butters as the age-old introduction was heard. But something about this scene was something he had experienced before, or something similar, and a sense of confusion washed over him. For a moment he half expected to see Kenny in that coffin, and he didn't understand why. But it scared him and rattled him to the core.

Father Maxi spoke of the bittersweet life Carol McCormick had led. How she was a strong supporter of the community, a cheerful smile in the worst times, kind-hearted, free-spirited, and loving. She cared for her family more than anything else in the world and would do anything for them. Not a lot was said of her past or her poor decisions in life. That wasn't how she should be remembered, Butters figured. But it didn't feel completely honest; although she didn't deserve to be cast down for events in her life she couldn't exactly control.

But it was beautiful. There was so much love and although this was one of the scariest and saddest moments for him he felt as if she were still there. Still looking out for her children. He felt like her love was around the room; and he was lucky enough to have experienced that warmth for comparison.

"And now, Kevin Michael and Kenneth Daniel McCormick have a few words to say in honor of their mother," Father Maxi announced, before he stepped from the altar, made the sign of the cross and gave the seventeen year old brunette a quiet smile as he walked up to the microphone.

"It's been a... a rough couple o' days so I didn't have a lotta time to actually write anythin'. But... I know what I wanna say. My mom was a dreamer. She didn't have much and she gave up a lot for us but she always saw the better stuff in life. She was just happy. I guess she was kinda like a kid in her own way 'cause sometimes she'd be more excited about Christmas than us... but it was nice. She was the best mom I could ever ask for and... we didn't always get along. I guess the last thing I said to her was "I hate you". And... that really sticks with ya, ya know? Ya gotta watch out what you say 'cause you don't know when your last words will be the last thing ya say to someone. 'Cause I didn't hate my mom, I never did, I was just mad for somethin' stupid as always.

"But if I had one more minute... I wish I had one minute... or a second. I'd say I'm sorry. I'd want to show her I loved her, but I think she knows that. I think she's lookin' down at us and sees all of us here and I know she'd be screamin' and sayin' "don't be sad! I don't want you sad!" And she wouldn't. She'd be doin' anythin' to make us all laugh and smile because that was Carol McCormick. That was my mom. So if ya take somethin' from this today... don't be sad. Just smile and tell the ones you love you love 'em 'cause ya won't know when that'll be taken from ya. Be like my mom... I guess. I... I love you, mom." Kevin said, his voice cracked as he looked at the casket. Butters trembled on the spot and Stan put an arm around him as tears fell from his eyes. He glanced to Shelly and saw her silently crying, with her arms folded over her chest. "I love you so much and I'm sorry. I'll make you proud... I promise." He stepped down at that, and bowed his head as he quickly left the silent church, filled only with the occasional sniffle or sob. He ran passed the doors that creaked as they swung back, and Butters watched as Shelly hurried to follow against her parents' whispers.

"And... is Kenneth here?" Father Maxi asked Stuart, who sighed and shook his head.

"Nah, he's got pneumonia or somethin'. Could barely get outta bed this mornin' an'-"

"No..."

Everyone slowly turned and saw Kenny sitting in the back row, looking pale and ragged as he watched everyone cry and listened to everything that had been said. Butters could easily believe he had pneumonia; he trembled as he stood and he looked miserable at best, physically and emotionally, as he took a step forward.

"I'm here, Father," he whispered, then closed his eyes as everyone clapped quietly for him. He shook his head as he walked up the steps, not making the stations of the cross as he stood in front of the microphone. But Father Maxi stepped in front of him, and put an arm around Kenny's shoulder.

"Now I just want to take a moment to applaud this young man. If he hadn't found his mother and sister when he did, we wouldn't be saying goodbye to just Caroline Michelle McCormick, but her youngest child, her only daughter, Karen Annabelle, would be with her as well. So, Kenneth, thank you for your bravery and your selflessness."

Kenny looked ready to attack but said nothing as he bit his cheek. Butters looked at him miserably as he hid his face while everyone clapped. His father watched him with cold, almost dead, eyes, and that was when Butters realized Stuart blamed Kenny. For everything.

Father Maxi stood behind him and Kenny took a deep breath before he looked to the doors. His eyes scanned the room tiredly, but finally fixed on Butters, who shrank slightly. But he saw Kenny's disposition soften slightly, so he kept their gaze locked.

"I..." he trailed off, his voice wavered and he scratched at his hands as he stood before his community, his friends, and their families. To face what he didn't have, and never had. He could almost taste their pity; the poor family lost their main income source, how sad. But his mom was more than that. His mom... he shook his head; they didn't need to know how good of a person she was. They wouldn't listen, anyway.

"Everything I want to say will fall on deaf ears and the only one who needs to hear it can't. But all I want to say right now is I'm sorry. Because I could have saved her. I'm the reason she went out that night. I'm the reason she died.

"No one would give a second thought to my mom and all that she's done for our life, because your wealth is measured in monetary value. My best friend told me I was the richest person in South Park because my family loves each other, unconditionally. And I agree with him. What we don't have in clothes and shelter and food we have in each others' company. We have trust and loyalty, but most of all love. Or... or we did. And that was 'cause of my mom... and my sister. But if it weren't for me we wouldn't be here today, so I'm sorry. I'm not asking for forgiveness, I don't want it. I'm just saying sorry."

At that he stepped away and coughed violently in his arm as he walked down the altar. He looked unsteady as he walked towards Butters. The bright blonde felt that with one more step he'd see Kenny collapse either from illness or from breaking down; but the determination to make it was strong on his face. Yet he could tell, deep in his eyes, he was falling apart; he needed someone to hold the pieces until he could bring himself together again. And everyone seemed too afraid to move.

So as he took a stumbling step passed, Butters stood and, without thinking, held him tightly in a hug. Kenny froze and Butters felt his face heat as all eyes settled on him; his parents, Kenny's father, Kenny's family... their neighbors and friends... everyone. But at that point everything and everyone faded away in the silent church; everyone except Kenny, who clutched him tight and shook in his arms and seemed too afraid to let go.

Kenny had been there to hold him together more times than he could count. That's how Kenny was. So right now... right now he could try to be that support for him. Because he knew Kenny felt completely alone and completely in the wrong.

And he was sick. Butters could feel the fever pouring from his skin and the clamminess of his face as he brushed his hair back and pressed their foreheads together; that was their thing. A best friend thing. Kenny called it "mind-melding" and that was when Butters found out he liked "Star Trek" but was sworn to secrecy. But it was their thing, nonetheless, and it was what Kenny needed.

"Come on..." Butters whispered, "we'll go talk... or do nothin', okay? You're not okay, Ken, you're not..."

"I'm fine..." he trailed off as his eyes welled with tears, "why can't I be in there instead?" Butters gave a look to Stan, who peered at Kenny worriedly but said nothing. He put an arm around him and walked slowly up the church, to the doors. They creaked shut behind them, and as soon as they did, Kenny covered his mouth as he let out a sob of agony. "It's not fair, it's not fucking fair..." he cried as he burrowed his head in Butters' shoulder, "just let me die instead, let me be the one... not my mom. Not Karen... _WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO ME_?!" He shouted so loud Butters thought the church would crumble, and shook violently in Butters' arms as he looked up at the ceiling, "_WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME_?! It's not my fault, just- just _stop_!"

"Kenny..." Butters murmured as his own body trembled from sobs, "Kenny, there's nothing you can do. I'm sorry, I am. But you can't..." he trailed off, his heart breaking with every hitched breath and every tear that fell from Kenny's eyes, and there was nothing he could do. He wasn't strong enough to hold the fragments and put them back together. He didn't have that ability; only Kenny did.

The outside doors opened and Butters turned to find Kevin with angry-red eyes and splotchy cheeks. Shelly followed behind him, looking shaken to the core and emotionally raw as she grabbed her wrist and kept her eyes low.

Kenny let out a wail as Kevin approached and wrapped his arms tightly around his little brother, who seemed to hide in his embrace; much like Karen had with Kenny. And for the first time in his life Butters saw it; Kevin cared just as much for his younger siblings as Kenny cared for Karen. And Kenny deep down looked up to Kevin, just as his little sister looked up to him. And there was love between them, like brothers should have, and Butters wiped his eyes as he realized that was all Kenny needed. The reassurance that in such a shitty situation someone in his family still cared enough about him. And always had.

"Ya can't say that, ya shit head," Kevin choked as he held Kenny, "you can't say you wanna take her place, Kenny."

"W-why not?! Why can't I be the one in there?! You know as much as I do it doesn't mean a _fucking thing_!" Kevin shook his head and held Kenny tighter.

"'Cause it means somethin' to _me_, ya shithead!" Kevin cried as he shook his brother's shoulders, then stopped and looked down at him with tears biting his eyes. "'Cause it never gets any fuckin' easier for me! I can't lose my mom, my baby brother, and my baby sister all in the same week. I can't lose you, buddy... so... so don't you fuckin' say that."

And Butters cried harder, because it was the closest to an "I love you" the two brothers had ever said to each other. He knew it, and they knew it, and he was pretty sure Shelly knew it too.

And it felt like a machete to the heart.


	11. The Quiet Things That No One Ever Knows

_Author's Note: Upon reviewing last chapter I realized I'm a really terrible person and that was just really cruel. So I decided to update a little earlier and edit this chapter so it was a little happier. That being said, a few other scenes were cut, but none of them were really important and I'm happy with this right now. So, for awhile you can just take a breather because only good things are happening for a good while._

_Thank you again for reading and continuing this little journey with me. _

_Chapter Eleven: The Quiet Things That No One Ever Knows_

_Title from Brand New. _

* * *

Something happened that night.

Butters never had the chance to find out because Kevin went missing and Kenny didn't speak a word. At first everyone thought it was a cry for help but his silence wasn't something particularly unusual. As a child he often went days without making a single comment and half the time even now he was just a bystander. Always observing, never being. But Butters had asked him one night why he wouldn't speak and something looked like it snapped within his best friend.

And then Butters saw exactly why his best friend wouldn't... or couldn't speak. He remembered the sight had made him throw up. Through chicken scratch handwriting he was told the answer never admitted, never confirmed. It was suicide gone wrong because he didn't die. And couln't. A slit to the throat that didn't kill. And then a bullet. The gash should have killed Kenny instantly.

And Butters didn't tell a soul. It's why he kept his parka up and a bandana over his mouth at almost all times. And if he wasn't wearing his hood, he kept that cloth around his mouth and neck; even in the summer.

A year had gone by and they had all found a way to communicate with him; facial expressions, hand gestures, and eye rolls. In fact, he spoke a lot more with his eyes than he ever had with his voice, they noticed. They could tell when he was happy, when he was sad, when he was bored, and just about everything in between.

Butters, Kyle, Stan, and Cartman knew the times between 6:30 and 8:00 every night were his alone time; meaning he was visiting Karen in the hospital. There were occasions when he would let them go with, but usually they couldn't even text him on his cell phone, which Kyle had given him for his 15th birthday, until a half an hour after he was done visiting his sister.

Of course they visited her as well, at least twice a month. Butters visited the most other than Kenny, and he would just talk to her about how Kenny was doing and how everyone in her class and in the theater department missed her.

One day, Butters arrived at the hospital at 5:00, his usual time, greeted the receptionist, and walked up to the third floor. He saw the door was slightly open, meaning no one was in there, and slowly pushed it open.

"I will always, _always, _be here for you, Karen. I'm always watching over you. No one will ever hurt you again..." The gravelly voice trailed off and Butters' jaw dropped.

Right in front of him was Mysterion. And Mysterion was Kenny. And Mysterion was _speaking_.

They had quit superheroes after Cthulhu had almost destroyed the Earth. In fact, he had even given up Professor Chaos because he didn't want to be evil like the dark lord Cthulhu. He knew something happened between The Coon, Mysterion, Mintberry Crunch, and Cthulhu when they were twelve but he wasn't exactly sure _what_. After that it seemed everyone had stopped playing; except one person, apparently. And Mysterion stood right before him, in his unsung masked glory.

"K-Ke..." Butters stopped himself, "Mysterion?" He asked in shock. The caped and masked vigilante spun around in alarm and stood away from Karen's bed.

Mysterion's mouth opened and shut multiple times before he shook his head and leaped out of the open window.

It had been over a year since he had heard Kenny speak. And although Mysterion wasn't Kenny... he was... and it welled his heart with hope. He sat down on the chair next to Karen's bed and took her hand.

"Good afternoon, Karen!" He chirruped uneasily and looked at her peaceful face. He knew Kenny brushed her hair every day. He also painted her nails and had left her a small pile of presents for various reasons; Christmas, her birthday, the anniversary; all remained unopened for when she awakened. They all had a strong feeling she would; they just didn't know when. "The play this year is going really well, I got a main part but I'm not the main character. We're doing a play about the French Revolution but it's not "Les Mis" but we might be doing that sometime. We managed to get some outfits from the playhouse outside of Fairplay. I think you'd be the main daughter; she is perfect for you. But you can be in the spring play..."

He continued to speak to her as he usually did but his mind couldn't stop reeling on what he had seen. Mysterion. Kenny speaking. Mysterion was Karen's guardian angel still? She still believed in the hero after all these years? He began to wonder if Kenny had ever given up the hero, or if he still roamed the streets at night, protecting the people of South Park.

That was when he decided he had to find out for sure.

"I'll bring your brother back, Karen. I know you're waiting for that. I promise he'll be back for you," Butters whispered, kissed her cheek, and left a bouquet of roses in the vase by her bed. He tucked her in comfortably before he left the room.

He wanted to tell someone else but he knew how sentimental it must be to Kenny. As his best friend, he knew he had to keep this secret. He would wait until nightfall and go to the top of the mall; where he and Mysterion used to duke it out all of the time.

Butters was hardly able to concentrate on his chemistry homework as he stared at the clock continuously. 10:30. That was when he would leave. The minutes passed like hours and he swore by the time the clock switched from 10:29 to 10:30 he had aged forty years. Yet he was still small, fifteen year old Leopold Stotch; the only thing that aged was his impatience.

Silently, he crept out of his window and ran to his bike at the side of the garage. He pedaled as fast as he could to the mall in the middle of town. His heart was racing from nervousness. This was his chance to speak to Kenny- Mysterion- and he couldn't give up the last chance he may ever have.

Like the days of his childhood, he ran up the stairs connected to the garage and all the way to the roof. He stood in the northwest corner, waiting. Watching. The wind was freezing and the night was dark. Much darker than normal. There was no moon or stars. That only meant one thing; he hadn't felt this kind of fear since his days as Professor Chaos. Same with the adrenaline rush.

"Leopold."

Butters jumped and spun around to find the masked figure perched at the edge of the three-story building. His knees were bent and his hand was on the ledge; just like Batman. He didn't understand how Kenny did that; could he fly? Maybe he really was an angel- a dark angel?

"M-Mysterion," he stammered nervously; he couldn't show any weakness or signs he "knew" it was Kenny. Otherwise he'd lose him for good.

With a flutter of his cape, Mysterion now towered over short Butters. He thought his 5'8 1/2" was tall for his family, yet Kenny -er Mysterion- stood at a whopping 6'2" and was still growing. Compared to the lanky superhero, Butters was a midget.

"What are you doing, Mysterion? South Park is safe."

"Far from it," he growled lowly, eyes shifting back and forth, "this is my duty. This is my life. I won't rest until all of South Park is safe."

"Meaning you won't rest until Karen McCormick wakes, right?" Butters asked softly, Mysterion remained silent.

"What happened to Karen and Carol McCormick isn't anyone's fault," the hooded figure stepped back. "But they weren't the only ones who died that night. I lost my best friend; he's... he's just a shell. A-and I can't s-stand to see him in pain over something uncontrollable, Mysterion. Karen is safe... it's Kenny who isn't. And I-I don't want to let him go. He said he'd come back to life... but I c-can't bring him back. And Karen needs him to be safe and she's probably waiting for him to come back so she can too."

Mysterion remained silent as he soaked in the words Butters had said. Finally, he took a deep breath and looked up. "I... I can't do it alone." Butters took his gloved hand in his and squeezed tightly.

"You won't, and neither can I."

Mysterion smiled brokenly at Butters; although half of his face was blocked by the mask, Butters couldn't contain his happiness. It was the first time he had seen Kenny smile in a year. "This is not your cross to bear alone. I made a promise, I'm _not_ letting you die, Kenneth Daniel."

"Lee..." Mysterion trailed off in a faltering growl and lowered his head. Butters patted his shoulder and smiled warmly up at the taller blonde. He gasped in fear as Mysterion put both of his hands on his shoulders and gripped tight; his body was tense as he feared Kenny would lash out against him physically. This was Kenny, he wouldn't hurt him; yet Mysterion might.

He was scared until he felt a pair of lips delicately brush against his. There was no passion behind it and no force; just a chaste, searching, bittersweet kiss that nearly knocked Butters' off his feet in surprise, shock, and excitement. And at that moment Butters swore he could feel everything Kenny was feeling; that hollow agony sank his heart, worry twisted his gut, his mind seemed to race with nothing, and his heart swelled unbearably. His azure eyes met closed lids beneath a mask and his heart skipped erratically. Butters looped his arms around Mysterion's neck and leaned into the kiss. He swore he was flying as Mysterion's gloved hand cupped his cheek and pulled him in deeper.

Oh, how he wanted, no needed, this to go on forever. The taste of cigarettes, cinnamon, and iron mixed in a way that was so perfectly Kenny... or Mysterion. Whoever. He felt their lips meld as one and teeth nibble like a flutter on his lower lip.

A soft, wet pop was heard as they slowly pulled away from each other. Butters' breath hitched and his mind and legs were jelly. Mysterion's oceanic eyes were heavily lidded as he stroked his thumb over Butters' cheek and down to his swollen lips.

"I-I..." Butters trailed off, unsure of what to say or do. He didn't even understand what just happened. Did he just get kissed by a nationally known vigilante superhero? Or was that his best friend? Or... both? As his eyes refocused on the masked boy, Butters grimaced; he was gone. The blonde boy placed his index finger over his tingling lips and smiled; either way, Kenny McCormick had just kissed him.

Instead of running home, he went to Kyle's house. So much had happened and he had to keep most of it private... but he had to tell Kyle they kissed. He couldn't hide his excitement and confusion from anyone or he'd burst. As he walked, he hoped and prayed he wouldn't lose the sensation in his lips; it was like Kenny was still kissing him.

Butters knocked on the door and waited patiently. A booming voice was heard, followed by a thunderous cry, and he jumped in alarm. Suddenly, the door opened and a stocky black haired boy stormed out of the Broflovski household.

"Stan, _wait_!" The tall boy shook his head and turned around with his fists clenched.

"No, fuck you!" Stan hollered and ran to his house across the street. Butters' smile faded as Kyle stood in the doorway with a blotchy and tear-streaked face.

"W-what...?" Butters trailed off, still unable to form proper sentences. He had to make his legs stop feeling like jelly, too.

"Stan saw our texts..." Kyle choked as his shoulders shook, "he found out through _texts_ I'm gay. Texts I didn't even send to him. I kept it from him... and now he fucking hates me. Just... just like I knew he would." Kyle whimpered and wiped his eyes, "we're falling apart, Butters. Kenny won't talk.. Stan hates me..."

Butters shook his head and made a cut-throat motion before he quickly pulled Kyle into the house and shut the door. He didn't want to risk Mysterion overhearing them. The red head looked at him curiously.

"Kenny kissed me." Kyle's eyes widened and he grinned.

"W-what, how...?" Butters blushed.

There were things he had to leave out, of course. He was sure Kenny didn't want them to know he was still roaming the streets as South Park's one true protector. He was also more sure of the fact that Kenny wouldn't want anyone to know he talked. So, as his best friend he figured he could keep those hidden gems tucked away.

"I told him I wasn't gonna g-give up on him because as his best friend I promised. I thought he was gonna h-hit me but... he kissed me!" he squeaked as the redness in his cheeks grew even more. Kyle sniffled and laughed in mild shock. That was certainly good news. "Listen... Kyle. Go talk to Stan, he has to understand. He... he's just upset you didn't tell him."

"No, he's upset because I'm gay!"

"You're gay?"

Kyle whipped around in fear and Butters looked in the dining room walkway to find Kyle's eleven year old brother Ike standing there with a large bowl of pudding.

"Oh my God," Kyle buried his face in his hands. Butters looked between the brothers; Ike seemed completely unfazed. He lifted the wooden spoon to his mouth, winked, and swallowed the chocolate pudding as he looked between Butters and his brother with a cheeky grin.

"Stan's gay, too." Ike piped up, with his cheeks full of pudding. Kyle threw a pillow at him. "Come on, I seriously thought you were dating for the past three years. And if you two weren't having sex in your room last week then I _really_ don't wanna know what those noises were... blech." the black haired boy quipped as he shuddered, then rolled his eyes and walked back up the stairs, bowl in hand. Kyle stared at the space where he had once stood in complete horror.

"_Shit_!" Kyle screamed after a few beats as he tore at his tamed red curls. Butters sighed heavily and dragged him by the shoulders to the doorway.

"Don't worry about Ike, go talk to Stan. Now." Kyle sighed heavily and nodded.

"I-I'll call you later." Butters gave an annoyed nod and nudged him forward.

"Kay, now go."

Butters walked the short distance to his home, yet he felt there was some unfinished business he had to tend to. Quickly pulling out his Blackberry, and knowing he would respond to texts on the track phone he sometimes had minutes on, Butters texted Kenny.

_To: Kenny_

_Sent: 11:37 P.M. _

_SOS. Meet me at Stark's Pond._

His parents could ground him for all he cared. He'd either be in trouble... or they forgot he existed again. Butters pocketed his phone and walked over the light snowfall. He wasn't sure what he'd say or do but he had to do something. Kenny didn't make sense. Nearly a year of silence and then he kisses him? That was Butters' first "real" kiss.

What the hell?

He stopped at their usual spot, the large oak tree, and waited. Butters was afraid of the dark but he had to ignore it; Kenny, or Mysterion, would be here and he knew either one of them would protect him to the death.

The crunching of snow and dead leaves was heard to his side and he turned to find Kenny, not Mysterion, standing in what was probably one of Kevin's old gray hoodies and tattered baggy jeans. The bandana was tied around his mouth, the point of it landed a couple of inches down his neck, and he had a cut on his cheek.

"Are you gonna talk?" Butters asked. The blonde's bangs were peeking out of his hood as he shook his head once. "Why?" Kenny just stared at him yet his left eye twitched slightly. "After all that you can't talk?" Kenny nodded and Butters sighed heavily. Kenny put a hand on his arm and squeezed lightly. "It's okay, I'm just confused." Kenny shrugged. "You're still Mysterion. And you think you have to redeem yourself. But you agreed you'd let me help you... but why won't you talk? You kissed me but you can't say "hello?" And now I'm worried about Stan and Kyle. Stan found out something and-" Butters stopped talking as his phone vibrated.

_From: Kenny_

_Received: 11:48 P.M. _

_u know i cant. did he find out kyles gay?_

Butters gawked for a moment, then scowled at Kenny as he looked back up at the teen, who shrugged once more.

"You talk as Mysterion though. I thought it was 'cause of..." he trailed off and pointed to his own throat. He couldn't bring himself to say the words. "And yeah, how'd y-you know?" He watched Kenny type something into his flip phone and quickly shut it. Moments later, the fifteen year old received a text.

_From: Kenny_

_Received: 11:50 p.m. _

_its hard to explain. not important. kyle told me when u did he didnt tell stan by now?_

"It's okay..." Butters breathed defeatedly. It wasn't okay, and he was fairly sure Kenny knew it wasn't, but there was no fighting it. Baby steps. " And I knew you knew but didn't know you... anyway, Ike said Stan's gay but I... highly doubt that. He and Wendy-"

_From: Kenny_

_Received: 11:52 P.M. _

_wendys got the hots for cartman. stans bi._

"What the fuck then why's he pissed at Kyle?!" Butters fumed and couldn't help but roll his eyes as he watched Kenny punch the numbers on his old flip phone.

_From: Kenny_

_Received: 11:53 P.M. _

_they waited 2 long and kept it from eachother. stan loves kyle._

"Kyle's in love with Stan." Kenny nodded, "and they're both fucking oblivious." The tall boy nodded again and quickly typed.

_From: Kenny_

_Received: 11:56 P.M.  
remember i said they were gonna fuck when we were kids? just leave it theyll figure it out. & dont tell them i text. _

Butters sighed heavily and nodded. He was right; Stan and Kyle made it through everything. And after this... well they'd probably be dating after this. But Butters was still unsettled.

"Ken, why did you kiss me?" He finally asked. Kenny turned away, shuffled his feet, and shrugged. Slowly, he held up his thumb, index finger, and pinky. Butters recognized that as American Sign Language for "I love you." His cheeks heated considerably. He then noticed Kenny was shivering. Although it wasn't the answer he was expecting, it would be enough for now. "C'mon, y-you're gonna catch another cold. I'm going to Kyle's house and then home and you're c-coming with," Kenny's eyes crinkled and he nodded. As he walked and spoke to Kenny, he felt the older boy's larger bare hand enclose his smaller gloved hand. Butters remained silent about this, yet sent a knowing smile to Kenny.

In comfortable silence they arrived at Kyle's house; after Kenny scaled the roof they found their friend wasn't home.

"He must be at Stan's still." Butters said as Kenny landed on the ground much too gracefully for a normal human being. Kenny nodded and pulled his hands into the sleeve of his hoodie. Before they were tucked away, Butters saw his skeletal hands and fingers were red, raw, and chapped. He kept that to himself as they walked across the dead street.

Kenny took a running leap, kicked off the tree in the front, and landed like a ninja on the sloped roof. He dug his fingers into the shingles and righted himself quickly. Tip toeing and not making a sound, he approached the window to the left; Stan's room, and waited for Butters. The smaller blonde was struggling to climb the tree and Kenny huffed quietly.

He pounded quietly on the roof and got Butters' attention. Kenny waved him over and laid down on his stomach with his head first. Outstretching his hand, Butters was able to jump and grab Kenny's hand. He was expecting them both to fall yet Kenny must have had a super grip because Butters found himself on the roof next to Kenny.

"Thanks," he whispered, Kenny nodded and stood up once again and brushed dead leaves and snow off of his front. From what Butters could see, his cheeks were bright pink against the cold; he had a feeling Kenny was going to be sick for weeks.

Kenny slowly and silent dug his nails under the window and pulled up; almost losing his balance because he found out too late someone had locked it. Butters steadied Kenny with his hands on his sides and Kenny sent him a quick smile before unlatching the window and pulling it up; Butters hadn't move his hands from his sides; he was in awe at how he could feel every one of Kenny's bones protruding beneath his fingers.

"S-Stan..." Interest and curiosity perked in Kenny's eyes and they both climbed through the window; Butters first, followed by Kenny. There was no one in the room. Kenny silently shut the window, walked out of his room, and pointed to the bathroom next to Stan's room and Butters nodded, seeing two feet in the light at the floor. "Nngh..."

Kenny's eyes widened as Butters' hand grabbed the doorknob. He shook his head and grabbed at his best friend's arm as he realized what was happening behind the closed doors. Butters didn't stop, however, and opened the bathroom door.

His jaw dropped as he was met with the sight of Kyle sitting on the counter top, his hand on the wall and gripping for something yet finding nothing, in oblivion and pure ecstasy as Stan's mouth attacked his bare chest and his hand was down the redhead's pants. Kyle's glazed eyes shifted slightly, saw the blonde, and Stan quickly shoved himself off of Kyle.

"Uh... uh..." Butters trailed off, looking back at Kenny who was on the floor in a silent hysteria. "H-hamburgers... carry on..." he whispered and quickly shut the door. His cheeks were flushed and he felt his heart beating too fast; he grimaced, knowing what that meant. "Kyle and Stan are f-fine, Kenny... l-let's go to my house and... c-catch some sleep."

Kenny sat up off of the floor and looked at Butters with shining eyes full of laughter. Butters swore he could just pounce on him and- he shook his head, those was his bad thoughts talking. He lowered his head and walked in silence to his house down the road after they high-tailed it out of Stan's room. He couldn't let Kenny know those same things he saw Stan and Kyle doing were what he saw them doing together in his dreams.

A sniffle was heard in the silence and Butters looked to Kenny. He saw the taller boy wipe his nose on his hoodie and Butters grimaced; he was definitely getting sick. Once they snuck back into Butters' house and situated themselves in Butters' room, the spiky blonde haired boy tip-toed to the bathroom and grabbed Nyquil and a bag of cough drops.

He reentered his room and saw Kenny sitting cross-legged on his bed. His head was down and his hands were hidden in his sleeves. Butters dug in his bottom drawer and found a pair of too big blue pajama pants and a ribbed tank and handed them to Kenny. He nodded at Butters and wriggled out of his hoodie.

Butters knew he usually didn't wear anything under his hoodie or parka. He just rarely had the chance to see Kenny without a shirt. It always made his heart hurt as he saw every rib and every circle of his spine poking through his skin. His hip bones jutted out and his collar bone looked caved in due to the lack of body fat. Butters wanted to go downstairs and cook him a feast right then but he knew he'd be grounded if he got up. Instead, he had some chips in his top drawer and got them for Kenny.

He couldn't help but watch Kenny as he took off his jeans. He heard the zip of the zipper and the clinking of his belt buckle as they practically fell on their own off of his famished body. Without shame, Kenny shed his underwear and Butters' throat tightened as he caught sight of Kenny's pale and round bottom; he shouldn't hide that thing in baggy pants, he thought with burning eyes. It felt so wrong to stare but he couldn't help himself; kissing Kenny, seeing Kyle and Stan... and knowing that's what he wanted from Kenny, as well as seeing him in such a way was frustrating; to say the very least.

Kenny looked behind him and saw Butters staring. As he slipped his legs into the soft fabric he wiggled his hips a little and heard Butters squeak softly.

Butters closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He had to calm down or he wouldn't be able to sleep. And it was finals week before winter break and he had to get an A+ on all of his exams or he'd be grounded until the end of second semester.

Kenny sneezed quietly, drawing Butters out of his train of thought. He saw Kenny clutch his head and lean on the wall. Butters put his hand to the other boy's forehead and felt the heat radiate into his hand.

"Ken, you're sick," Butters told him. Kenny shrugged his shoulders, causing the smaller of the two to roll his eyes and push Kenny onto the bed. "You gotta t-take care of yourself," he mumbled, then grabbed a bottle of water and three Ibuprofen pills.

Kenny sat up, and put his hands behind his head. Butters watched in awe as he pulled the bandana from his mouth and folded it neatly. Butters couldn't help but stare at his neck, but quickly averted his eyes when he felt queasy.

Kenny popped the pills in his mouth and downed them with one fourth of the bottle of water. He shook his head when Butters showed him the liquid Nyquil. "You don't like cough syrup?" Kenny shook his head again and stuck his tongue out this time. "I'll make you breakfast tomorrow," Butters made breakfast anyway but it would be different because Kenny would be there. Kenny blinked and turned away yet his stomach gurgled against his reaction. "Bacon included. Lots of bacon." Kenny curled his nose and grabbed the Nyquil. He opened the cap, poured the green syrup into the lid and downed it.

His face contorted in disgust and he kicked his feet as he forced himself to swallow the Nyquil. Butters covered his mouth to stifle his laughter as he watched his best friend flail and gag. Kenny glowered at him with genuine hurt in his eyes and sighed; it was the first sound Butters had heard him intentionally make in a year. Butters beamed at this. Kenny opened his phone and quickly texted something. He half-smiled at Butters and leaned against the wall. Moments later, his phone buzzed. Butters scrolled to the message.

_From: Kenny_

_Received: 12:22 A.M. _

_im pretty sure i deserve a hug or something for that_

Butters rolled his eyes at Kenny who wore an innocent face as he gazed at him. Butters sat on the bed next to him and wrapped his arms around Kenny's gaunt figure. Kenny hugged him back and rested his forehead on his shoulder. They remained like that for awhile, and the stillness and the innocent embrace felt nice. It had been awhile since Butters had actually hugged anyone and he didn't realize how much he missed it. Kenny felt hot against his skin, and his breathing was ragged as he hitched in a breath.

Kenny finally lifted his head from Butters' shoulder and pulled away enough so they could look at each other. It had been over a year since Butters had seen Kenny's full face, and for the first time he saw the subtle changes his growing body had given him. A stronger jaw, dark bags under his eyes, he was already so handsome but seeing his mouth, seeing his full face, made Butters realize he was the kind of person who everyone dreamed about. He seemed perfect, in every physical way; but with all of his faults, his worries, and his behavior he was perfect for Butters; as his best friend, as anything.

Butters bit his lip as Kenny gazed deep in his eyes; he felt as if the dark blonde was searching his soul and found his deepest secret. But the look in his deep pools made him feel safe, warm, and loved. He felt calm. And he knew, deep down, that no one ever made him feel like that; only Kenny. It was always Kenny and realizing that, facing that, made Butters' eyes burn.

He was too afraid to move, too afraid to break this moment. They had developed a form of communicating over the past few years that only they understood. A simple look could be a paragraph; a certain twitch in the lip, an eyeroll, or tucking back a strand of hair. It all meant something. But right now Kenny was unreadable, and right now he looked extremely vulnerable. As if... as if Butters was also searching deep within his soul, passed the heartache and the grief and the guilt... and found that sliver of happiness and hope and years of suppressed thoughts and feelings.

Butters wasn't sure who moved first but their lips slowly met in a cautious, testing manner. This was what he wanted. Every move was calculated and hindered, as if unsure of what to do next; which was weird because Butters knew Kenny knew exactly what to do. But the tenderness in his touch and the way their lips massaged so soothingly rather than sensual against each other made him feel overjoyed and ready to burst into tears all at once. Because he knew this was Kenny reaching out in probably the only way he really knew how. He could taste his heartache, feel his loneliness, hear his vulnerability.

But seconds passed and Butters found himself wanting to feel more, to see more, and he cupped Kenny's angular face in his hands. Kenny's arms were wrapped around him as their lips moved in a slow rhythm, and there was no lust behind it. It was about opening up, communicating, finally declaring to each other that, yes, there was something more than a platonic relationship between them.

Their kisses and touches grew more heated as time went on; it seemed like forever, a blissful forever, and Butters had lost track of time as he melted in Kenny's arms and came completely undone as he allowed his fears and worry to be carried away in almost therapeutic kisses. Kenny's breath hitched as their tongues pressed together and sought for more closeness, more understanding. Butters searched Kenny's mouth in hopes he could memorize every corner, every taste, every sensation. And Kenny seemed to be doing the same. They sat, nearly curled into each other as they caressed each others' hair, faces, shoulders; craving more touches, more feeling, just more...

It was getting to know a completely new part of who they were. It was thrilling and more than a little terrifying. But Butters couldn't help but feel safer than he ever had in his life.

Growing more courageous, the bright blonde's hands slid under Kenny's shirt and began to massage the taut muscles in his back, to his abdomen, and up to his chest. Kenny's eyes slowly fluttered opened and he ran a hand through Butters' hair. He then cupped his cheeks in his hands and kissed him once more before he slowly pulled away. His lips lingered a moment longer and he stroked the soft skin beneath his fingertip. Butters looked at him curiously as if he had done something wrong; although it was very obvious as he perched on Kenny's lap he was doing everything very right.

"W-what?" Butters asked, fingers dancing elegantly on Kenny's chest. The dark blonde just smiled sleepily and took Butters' free hand in his.

"Not now," Kenny mouthed and yawned silently. Butters nodded with a flushed smile and rolled off of Kenny, who didn't let go of his hand. He was incredibly shocked he had put a halt on their physical exploration. Perhaps he had gotten too close to understanding Kenny. Too close to the part of him he hid away to preserve and protect. But deep down Butters wasn't sure if he could take much more; physically or emotionally. Kenny appeared the same way, but he was also battling off sleep and failing miserably. With each blink his eyelids grew heavier and he automatically laid down on Butters' pillow, leaving enough room for the shorter boy.

"Hey Ken?" Butters whispered and looked to the mute teen. His furrowed eyebrows softened as he saw Kenny's eyes shut and his swollen lips parted as he breathed through his mouth; he was fast asleep. Butters placed his hand on his forehead, felt the fevered skin, and grimaced before closing his eyes in the crook of Kenny's arm.


	12. The Chasm Isn't Fixed Yet

_Author's Note: All I can say is :). _

_Oh, and gracias. Merci. Grazie. Danke. Obrigado. Kiitos. __Go raibh maith agaibh. Thank you. _

___And this one goes out to the girl sitting in front of me reading this story in our terrible history class. You are awesome!_

_Chapter Twelve: The Chasm Isn't Fixed Yet_

* * *

It was fifteen minutes before the very last final that led to winter break. Butters and Stan were talking, Kyle was studying, and Kenny was trying to get rid of the sinus headache causing near blindness and that felt too similar to a hangover. He probably failed the other finals but he didn't care because his head was swimming in a fog and he couldn't read the tiny print anyway.

He felt an arm on his shoulder and looked up to find Kyle standing over him.

"You okay dude?" Kenny grimaced slightly, "well you look like shit." He glared at Kyle, who put his hands up in defense. "I wish you could just tell me what's up." Kenny just stared at him and raised an eyebrow. "I told you, Stan and I are working things out. You haven't told me about you and Butters." Kyle whispered, Kenny looked away and rolled his eyes. "Okay, seriously, what's wrong?"

Kenny held his head, made a gun with his fingers, shot himself in the head, and pointed to his eyes. Then he coughed and sneezed at the same time, which scared him because he always thought if that happened your eyes would pop out, and everyone around them turned to look at him. The pressure from the sneeze caused his head to throb and his vision to swirl; he slammed his head on the table. He relaxed as a cold hand squeezed and massaged his neck gently.

"Dude, you're burning up," Kenny made a garbled noise, similar to a strangled moan, and he jerked up in shock. He, Kenny, hadn't been able to make any sound other than a sigh for a year. Kyle looked at him, expecting him to speak, yet shook his head when Kenny said nothing. "You probably have that flu going around. I got it last week, I couldn't eat for three days." Kenny sent him a wary expression Kyle understood as, "welcome to my life." "Don't give me that look, you know my mom cooks to feed an entire bar mitzvah and you're always welcome to join us." Kenny huffed and laid his head back on the table. "Why are your eyes bothering you?" Kenny shrugged and glanced to the side over at Butters who was laughing as Stan impersonated Cartman, who flipped him off and started yammering.

"I could talk to my parents about helping with an appointment," Kyle suggested, Kenny shook his head and pulled out his phone. He quickly typed something and set it back down on the table.

Kyle, had found Butters and Kenny texting so he was now aware of Kenny's form of "talking". He immediately unlocked his phone's screen and opened up his messaging app. The text from Kenny appeared almost instantly.

_From: Kenny_

_Received: 2:27 P.M. _

_its ok ive dealt with it for years thanks though. _

"Well what's wrong then?" Kenny quickly typed back.

_From: Kenny_

_Received: 2:28 P.M. _

_everything goes all wonky when i look at stuff idk why im just blind i guess. _

"How did you pass all the exams we had in elementary school?" Kenny shrugged; he conveniently died those days. Kyle shook his head and chuckled, "I can call my eye doctor, he-"

Kenny's phone buzzed lowly on the table. Curious, he flipped it open and gasped. All color vanished form his skin and he practically threw the phone at Kyle. The redhead read the caller ID; Hell's Pass Hospital. With a shaky hand, Kyle answered the phone and cleared his throat. Hoping he could change his voice enough, he spoke.

"Hello?" A pause, "yes, this is Kenny McCormick." Stan and Butters, as well as Token, Clyde, Tweek, Craig, and Cartman looked over to see if the mute had actually spoken. Butters stood up when noticing the terrified state Kenny was in, and walked over with Stan following a step after. "Yeah?" another pause, "she what?!" Kyle cried into the phone. Kenny lunged at the shorter boy who nearly lost his balance. His eyes and body were filled with an animalistic desperation as he silently begged to know what was happening. His stupid fucking vocal chords. "Thanks so much, I'll be there after school."

Kyle shut the phone and Butters had managed to pull Kenny off of him and calm him down slightly. He was saying, no screaming something, through the fabric of the bandana, with tears glistening in his eyes that only his three best friends saw. There was no voice behind his words yet Butters could almost hear his voice loud and clear in his head.

"Tell him, Kyle," Butters spoke for him, "W-what's going on with Karen?" He wasn't sure he wanted to hear; both for his and Kenny's sake.

"She said something, dude. They don't want you to get your hopes up, it happens in comas all the time but it's a good- Kenny, wait!"

Stan ran after the boy who had dashed out of the classroom with superhuman speed. Butters saw he left his phone and pocketed it; he'd see Kenny tonight. Stan returned a couple of minutes later, red-faced and panting. Regarding Kyle and Butters' questioning eyes, he shook his head and pulled out his inhaler.

"He's gone, I couldn't even find him..." Stan trailed off and took a puff of the medicine before he slumped forward in his chair.

Kenny didn't even stop for breath as he sped through the streets. He passed neighborhoods and streets and buildings and was nearly hit by a truck but fate dealt him a winning card today, apparently. All that went through his mind was that he needed to get to the hospital, get to Karen, as fast as he could. His body screamed, his head ached, and his lungs gasped for air yet he just kept running through the snow with lightning speed.

As he finally approached the hospital that he was much too familiar with, he practically flew up the sidewalk and stairs. He zipped passed the alarmed receptionist and up the two flights of stairs. In a miraculous moment he was in Karen's room, perched at her side with her hand in his.

The cards and flowers had slowly lessened. Butters always brought fresh yellow roses and Kyle decorated her room for the holidays. Right now there was a tiny Christmas tree and a Star of David above it. Kenny's present pile had grown significantly throughout the year. Their dad hadn't gone to visit her once, he blamed her for their mom's death as well as Kenny; Karen was on the way home from a dance recital in Fairplay.

Kenny bowed his head and kissed her small hand and squeezed it tightly. He opened his mouth and strained to speak yet his vocal chords seemed cut. The fifteen year old sighed heavily and resigned himself to brushing her long wavy brown hair.

"Karen, wake up..." he mouthed, as he pulled her hair away from her heart-shaped face. "Please, Kar-bear?" He begged voicelessly.

Silence consumed the room and he rested his head on the mattress. He knew it was incredibly stupid to be in a hospital while sick but he didn't care. The hospital bed felt nice under his head. Nice enough to close his eyes and drift off to sleep. He hadn't slept for days.

He heard his mother's voice. Calling to him, telling him everything he needed and wanted to hear and he wished he could see her. Perhaps it was fever or hallucination or perhaps it was real, he wasn't sure. When he died the past few times he never saw her, he always went to hell so it made him happy she was in heaven. But now he could feel her presence all around him, hugging him, kissing him, telling him she was proud. Telling him to come back and be strong because that's all Karen has.

Karen. His little sister. The little girl who played with dolls when she was twelve. The girl who saw the beauty in their life and made herself better with all of the shit hands she was dealt. The girl who wanted to be someone, who could dance like a dream and make him laugh until he cried. The girl who saw fairies in fireflies and gold in his heart. His little sister who he had to, and failed to, protect. The girl who loved him unconditionally and idolized him and all he did when he was the worst person in the world.

He remembered holding her for the first time and how scared he was. But once he held her he knew his life would be devoted to protecting her. She was his flesh and blood, he was her provider. Kenny saw little movies play in his dreams, haunting and tormenting his mind as he saw her first steps, her first lost tooth, the excitement on Christmas when he gave her that rag doll he spent two months working on in his home-ec class that she slept with every night. He saw the happiness when Kenny finally learned how to braid her hair, the nights holding her while she slept to make sure she didn't cry in the middle of the night, the nightmares, the laughter in her sleep, the honor roll grades, her first dance recital, her first crush... all to be destroyed because he couldn't save her in time. His mind reeled.

"Kenny... Kenny wake up," a distant voice echoed in the deepest crag in his mind. Slowly gripping him and dragging him from the memories and hopeful visions of the future, like a wormhole from what should be to what was. "Kenny?"

The blonde boy opened his eyes and found himself in a hospital bed. Wait. What? His bleary eyes focused slightly on the three figures in his room and he sighed heavily; blonde hair, red hair, and black hair. Their faces were still blurry and had been since as long as he could remember.

"Oh thank God," Kyle murmured and ran a hand through his hair. Kenny looked at Butters and tilted his head slightly.

"You were in Karen's room and the nurse found you passed out on the floor and you had a real h-high temperature, so... they wanted to give you proper medical t-treatment and make sure you were okay," Butters told him. Kenny's mind swirled in what must be a medical-induced fog and he yawned.

That meant Karen was in a different room; he needed to be there for her, not in his own hospital room. Kenny looked at his friends and tried to bolt out of the bed. Stan must have been prepared for this as he grabbed Kenny by his bony shoulders and forced him to lay back down. As strong as he was, Stan was stronger.

"You need to rest," he warned Kenny, who could have spit in his face in response. Yet he remained silent and looked around the room. A tiny Christmas tree met his vision, as well as a Star of David, with small presents surrounding the two decorations. The bed next to him had a bouquet of roses.

His heart dropped as his mind put two and two together. He was in Karen's room; only she wasn't there. He looked around frantically and reached to pull out the IV in his hand yet Kyle stopped him this time.

"Kenny, there's something you need to know... but you have to stay calm, okay?" Kyle told him. Kenny shook his head. No, she was getting better. She was waking up, he felt it, he knew it. The look in the eyes of one of his dearest friends told him everything he didn't want to hear. That once again he had failed and had tarnished the already black McCormick name.

"No," he mouthed and shook his head. Butters sat down on the bed and reached over to the side. Kenny followed his gaze and saw a bouquet of red roses and a balloon. He always liked roses on his caskets, they smelled much better than lilies. But daffodils were his favorite; he mostly liked them because of the name.

"Kenny, Karen is... ahh Butters, you tell him." Kyle said, passing the invisible talking torch to Butters, who stammered incoherently. Kenny's eyebrows furrowed.

"O-okay... Karen isn't in here b-because she... well she's g-going through s-some brain tests and vitals a-and stuff..."

Kenny's heart skipped as he heard Butters speak. So Karen was alive; he could kiss Butters for telling him that. But they had checked her vitals yesterday; all of her brain activity was normal and she seemed just fine... as always.

"K-Kenny, Karen woke up," Butters murmured as a smile grew on his face.

Silence filled the room. Kyle, Stan, and Butters hovered in the quiet waiting for any reaction from Kenny. Much like he appeared at the funeral, he was ashen and completely frozen. His hands trembled slightly and they watched his eyes slowly shift to her bed, back to his, and to the door.

Karen was awake. She was blinking and talking and moving. Kenny hadn't completely failed her and he'd never let himself get that close to doing so again. He couldn't lose her, ever. He was given a second chance; he could do something right with his life. He could make amends for what he had cost his family.

Kenny buried his face in his hands and sniffled. He felt his eyes prickle and he let a couple of tears fall yet he quickly wiped them away as he kept his head lowered. In and out his breaths went as he fought to keep composure. He had to see her, he had to tell her he was sorry, he had to hold her and laugh with her and tell her he was going to make sure she'd never come so close to death again. He'd make a deal, he'd sell his soul, he'd do anything to stop that from happening.

His stomach knotted with nervousness. Would she understand what he tried and failed to do? She would hate him for letting their mom die. She'd resent him for letting a year of her life go by when he could have done something to stop it. He was her guardian angel, he could have done something more. Something better. It's what Mysterion would have done.

But Kenny wasn't Mysterion. Mysterion was someone else entirely and although he "was" the superhero, everything was forgotten. He was a completely different person under that mask. He was what Karen needed, not Kenny. Kenny fucked up her life... but Mysterion picked up the fragments in Kenny's wake.

"Now her... her head's gonna be all f-fuzzy from bein' in a coma for so long a-and the doctor said not to stress her out and she's gonna wonder why you aren't talking." Kenny nodded slowly.

"So if you actually can talk, now would be a great time to start," Stan commented, causing Kenny to roll his eyes and flip him off. He wished he could turn into Mysterion right now but he knew that was impossible. Unless... he looked at Butters, who was staring at Kenny and sighed heavily.

"You can't get out of bed." Butters denied him, Kenny sat up and smirked at Butters, whose cheeks heated profusely. "She needs her brother," he added. Kenny grimaced; he had a point, a really valid point.

The door squeaked open and all eyes focused on the small teenaged girl in the wheelchair being pushed by a nurse. Her long brown hair was pulled back in a braid and her eyes were unfocused as she slowly stood up to lay back down with the help of the nurse.

"You've got some visitors, dear. And a roommate now." Her nurse spoke, Karen tilted her head curiously.

"I-I do?" Tears burned Kenny's eyes as he heard that quiet, high pitched voice. He never thought he'd hear her speak again. He almost forgot how her voice sounded. But it was different; slow and slightly slurred rather than quick and sharp.

"Yeah, they've been here to see you almost every day. And I'm sure they're excited to talk to you. But only for a little bit, you need your rest. Your doctor will be in soon to share your results and your father has been notified." Karen nodded and smiled weakly as the nurse walked out of the room.

Kyle pulled the curtain back separating Kenny and Karen's beds. Kenny, against his friends' wishes, stood up and clutched his head. He remained unmoving as he stared into his sister's bright hazel eyes and her confused face. That curious McCormick look, her features were quizzical rather than passive, peaceful. She looked bewildered, disoriented. He couldn't believe it; Karen was awake, Karen was looking at him, and... smiling.

"Kenny, why... are you here?" She asked, with that slur in her voice. Kenny looked behind at Butters as he sat down next to Karen and trembled on the spot. Slowly, shakily, he took her hand, and squeezed gently. For the first time in a year, she squeezed back.

He couldn't help it. The tears came pouring from his eyes and his shoulders wracked with sobs as he pulled her in to a tight hug. He kissed her head, her forehead, her cheek, and held her close to him. Karen was awake, hugging him, laughing, and telling him he was embarrassing her.

This was the happiest day of his life. His sister was there with him. She had missed a year of her life but he would make it up to her, somehow. For now he couldn't explain the horrible accident of last year but she would know, all in good time. Her health was his main concern, as well as her happiness.

"Kenny?" She asked, "are you okay?" he nodded and smiled, truly smiled, and laughed silently through his tears, as he nodded again. "Why are you here? Why am I here? What happened? ...why aren't you talking?"

Kenny opened his mouth to speak yet no words or voice came through. He bowed his head low.

"Karen, you need your rest, Kenny will talk to you about it tomorrow." Kyle said, Karen scoffed.

"I was in a coma. I know it was a long time because you all look different. Older. And something happened and I deserve to know what." She murmured slowly, her words were slightly mushed together.

"Kenny?" Stan asked his best friend, who shook his head slowly. He looked up with glittering eyes as if to say, "I can't."

"What's the last thing you remember?" Butters asked, sitting down next to Kenny.

"I... was at my recital. Mom picked me up after her shift at the Olive Garden and we were gonna pick up Ken from work 'cause it was too cold for him to walk. And... it started snowing real bad..." Kenny couldn't believe how much she sounded like their mom. Tired, worried, a pretty yet wavering voice. "And there was a semi truck... and we hit... a patch of ice. And then everything went black. But then I heard a voice, and God sent an angel to save me, 'cause I saw these wings and a halo and I remember mom telling me everything was okay... then I'm here." Karen looked at Kenny now, who was trying not to cry, "Kenny, where's mommy?"

He lowered his head again and shook his head. He felt Karen's grip tighten on his hand and he allowed two tears to fall. For happiness and sadness.

"Karen," he mouthed, praying to God or someone out there that he could just make some form of noise to show her he wasn't fucked up even more than before. A tiny whisper filled the air, loud enough for Karen, Stan, Butters, Kenny, and Kyle to hear. His friends stared at him and he placed a hand to his throat. He felt it; that was him. "I'm so sorry..."

"Why are you sorry? Why are you all looking like you just saw a ghost?" Karen asked weakly, laying her head back on the pillow.

"Kenny hasn't spoken much... since you went in a coma." Kyle corrected himself, Karen looked at her brother oddly.

"And how long was that?"

"A year." Stan finally answered one of her most important questions. Butters and Kyle shot the raven-haired boy a look. The shock settled on her face well, and she nodded.

"So I'm thirteen... and you're all fifteen. No wonder you look funny," she said, making the boys chuckle quietly, except Kenny, who simply blinked. "Ken, why isn't mommy here? Or Kevin?" Funny, she didn't ask about their father.

He coughed and clutched his head as dizziness consumed him. "Kevin..." he managed to whisper quietly, "was busy." Busy as in getting high in Denver with his friends since he practically lived there now. "And mom..." his voice hitched and he furrowed his eyebrows, "mom... I couldn't save both of you. I was... I couldn't... You were closer to me... and... it's my fault... it's all my fault... I'm so sorry..."

Stan, Kyle, and Butters were still trying to come to terms with the fact that Kenny was speaking. Although his voice was only a whisper, it was more than they had heard in a year. It was incredible.

"What's your fault?" Kenny shook his head and he rubbed furiously at his stinging eyes. "What... what happened? What's his fault? K-Kenny..." she whimpered, clutching his shirt with shaking, weak fingers. "K-Kenny... tell me. P-please?"

The blonde pressed a kiss to her forehead and she coughed a sob as she felt his tears fall onto her skin.

"Mama... mama didn't make it, Kar-bear."

Karen's face scrunched as she tried to absorb this news. Her breathing labored and she looked ready to get sick, but she kept her cool. Instead of crying, she took Kenny's other hand.

"She... she's... dead?" He nodded slowly. "But... but I saw her, Ken," she told him, he looked up, "She's been here all the time. I saw her in my dreams. She told me she was proud and that she loved me and you and Kevin and papa. I talked to her, we talked about everything. Except... this, I guess. She also says you've gotta stop blaming yourself for everything, you did it when you were four and you're doing it now."

Kenny's eyes held a curious look. He had heard people had dreams of loved ones while in a coma. But... had she actually seen their mom?

"Were you... were you the one who saved me?" Karen asked, Kenny's eyes lowered, "my guardian angel wasn't there. I know it wasn't him. He has a question mark on his head." Stan and Kyle glanced at each other, then down to Kenny who kept a stoic expression, "but my angel sounded like you. Was it you?" Kenny slowly nodded. "You had wings and a halo."

"You were... seeing things..."

Butters considered this. He had a feeling Karen and Kenny were both telling the truth. He remembered when Kenny told him he couldn't die... that he'd been to heaven and to hell and everywhere in between. Perhaps he was an angel. Perhaps he was a demon, perhaps he was some weird being in between. But he was Kenny, and he was something else.

"A year..." Karen whispered as the reality began to hit. Her slightly hazy eyes filled with tears and she looked at Kenny for more understanding. "And mom...?"

Kenny reached out to her and she fell in his arms, crying and sobbing. He rested his head on hers and rubbed her back soothingly. His friends backed away, allowing the siblings to have their moment, and Kenny silently thanked them. Yet every breath, every heart beat, and every tear she shed Kenny cherished, because for the first time in his life, he hadn't completely failed.

And Karen may be hurting now, and confused, and have to go through treatment to get back to her prodigal mind, yet he was going to be there and help her every step of the way. Mysterion was her guardian angel... yet he was her angel... she looked up to him. She looked to him to save her. He had... and he always will.


	13. Happy Christmukkah, Here's the Kicker

_Author's Note: This was one of my favorite chapters to write, so I really hope you like it. Thank you all so much for reading, I know I say it a lot but I can't thank you enough. :)_

_Also, when I wrote this I actually had no idea "Christmukkah" was a real thing. Literally just found out about five seconds ago. Huh. _

_Chapter Thirteen: __Happy Christmukkah, Here's the Kicker_

* * *

"What's your favorite color?" Butters asked.

"This is stupid," Kenny whispered as he sat across the blonde on the floor of his bedroom.

So far this was how their winter break had gone. Each day was spent visiting Karen, snowball fights, sledding, Christmukkah (what Kenny and Stan had "invented" long ago so Kyle didn't feel so alone), hot cocoa, sleep overs, video games, movie nights, "Kingdom Hearts", and "therapy sessions." And by therapy it was simply Butters asking Kenny ridiculous questions in attempts for Kenny's voice to go back to normal.

"Is not," Butters whined and rolled from his bed and onto the floor next to Kenny with a loud thump.

"It is when you already know the answers," Kenny retorted and laid down on the floor alongside Butters. They hadn't talked about what happened between them the night before winter break. It seemed like a silent mutual agreement to never bring it up. "Fine, orange," Kenny sighed in a huff, yet he wore a smile. Butters beamed and they both looked up at the glow in the dark stars on the ceiling. The air was chilly in Butters' room; that's why he was in a blanket. Kenny, on the other hand, simply wore his old grey hoodie that hung baggy on his lanky body. Both boys had slightly turned their heads to face each other.

"How is Karen today?"

"She got to eat Jell-O so that's an improvement. And she's starting physical therapy to get back to walking tomorrow. But other than that it's about the same, sleeps a lot, talks a little. It's hitting her randomly and hard about mom... and that Stuart hasn't visited her. She's opening all her presents on Christmas... she wants Kev to come but I doubt he will."

"Can I join?" Butters asked, Kenny shrugged and nodded. "It's sure nice to hear you talk again," the older boy scoffed, barely. "I have an idea!"

"Hmm?" Kenny questioned lazily as he propped his head on his arms like a pillow. As he bent his arms back his shirt lifted and Butters couldn't help himself from staring at the sliver of skin peeking at him from under his shirt.

"Why don't you try singing?" Kenny raised an eyebrow. "Singing is used for speech therapy, it could work to project your voice. It didn't work for me but I'm like Mumble from "Happy Feet."" Kenny chuckled, he doubted that. "But you're like... amazing. At singing." Butters quickly added the last part when catching Kenny's smirk.

"What would you like me to sing?"

"Your favorite song." Kenny sighed heavily at this and pondered about what his favorite song was. He didn't really have a favorite song or artist or even a favorite genre of music he listened to. He grew up with classic rock, rockabilly, and country. He used to listen to teenwave but he outgrew that shit real fast. Dubstep sounded like dial-up, Gwar and Amon Amarth reminded Kenny of Kevin's raunchy booty calls he had the displeasure of hearing due to the fact they shared a room up until Karen let Kevin have hers three years ago. He did like rock, and techno was always fun to do his dorky little dance to. He was indifferent to top 40s. And he was favorable to bands who had awesome guitarists. So Kenny decided to sing his mom's favorite song, the one she always sang to him to sleep when he was younger.

"_I close my eyes, only for a moment, and the moment's gone__  
__All my dreams, pass before my eyes, a curiosity__  
__Dust in the wind, all they are is dust in the wind__  
__Same old song, just a drop of water in an endless sea__  
__All we do, crumbles to the ground, though we refuse to see__  
__Dust in the wind, All we are is dust in the wind__  
__Don't hang on, nothing lasts forever but the earth and sky__  
__It slips away, all your money won't another minute buy__  
__Dust in the wind, All we are is dust in the wind..."_

Kenny finished singing with a little bit of vibrato in his voice and felt his throat was sore due to lack of use and suddenly singing crescendos. He rubbed at and cleared his throat, then looked at Butters who was silent. Finally he looked at Kenny and shook his head in awe.

"Why are you not in choir?" Butters cried, "we need you!"

"I can't afford the deposit," Kenny answered truthfully, voice at a strained higher volume. Butters grimaced and sighed heavily.

"Well that was amazing. And Kansas? I sure haven't heard them in a long time." Kenny smiled and looked up at the plastic stars again.

Silence fell over them and Butters finally looked away from Kenny and toward his dresser. His heart fell and he felt nervousness rise as he turned back to Kenny, who wore a calm expression as he stared up at the stars with his arms tucked under his head. He had never found the time and place to say this, and if he had thought coming out to his best friend had been difficult... then this would be even worse. But considering all he made Kenny do the past few days, he should do something in return.

"Ken can I tell you something?" Butters asked quietly, nervously, and Kenny nodded. "Well, r-remember when we were kids and the girls played with the fortune teller and you all wanted me to get it and so I had to dress up as a girl?"

"Marjorine?" Kenny asked with a smirk, "ha, yeah, I remember." Butters' face fell, causing the older boy to tilt his head, "why?"

"I still..." he trailed off and covered his face in his hands. Kenny was suddenly struck with realization and nudged Butters.

"Just for fun? Or...?" he didn't finish his sentence and Butters shrugged his shoulders before mumbling something incoherently. Kenny sighed as he lifted the smaller boy's face in his hand.

"Lee, c'mon..." he coaxed gently. Butters couldn't tear his gaze away from Kenny's oceanic puppy dog eyes.

"Some days... I dunno... I just feel like I'm Leopold... but then others I feel like I'm more like a girl. B-Bebe told me it's called gender queer or bi-gender and that it's common. But I-I understand if you..."

"Please, for fuck's sake tell me the name of your... female side is not named fucking _Marjorine_." Butters blushed darkly.

"No, I don't really... have a name, I just don't think of it that way." Kenny shrugged.

"If I had a chick counterpart her name would be Kendall. And she'd be fuckin' ugly. I guess there's Kendra but I hate that name." Butters burst out laughing when hearing the sincerity in Kenny's voice. "What?!" Butters shook his head and stifled his laughs. "I'd have no boobs, I'm skinny as fuck so everyone would think I'm anorexic and I'd have a weird fucking face." Butters shook his head as tears of laughter streaked down his face. His body shook with quiet giggles and Kenny jokingly glared at him.

"I just think you'd be a blonde Karen but with blue eyes instead of hazel." Kenny shrugged but then shook his head.

"She looks more like mom, I only got mom's eyes... and the Gillan blonde hair." Butters nodded slowly, "mom's family," Kenny mumbled, as if that explained everything. To Butters, it did.

"Well you don't look like your dad."

"That's because he's all bloated from the alcohol," Kenny replied slightly jokingly, "do you dress like a girl then?" Butters blushed and gnashed his knuckles together. Kenny's eyes lit up. "You _do_. Can I see?" Butters sighed with nervousness and nodded slowly. He then went to his dresser and smiled weakly at Kenny before exiting the room.

Kenny knew Butters was very attractive, and he wasn't biased because he had been harboring feelings for him for the past three or so years. He was an average height yet had a smaller build. Butters even had curve in his hips and the hottest ass in skinny jeans Kenny had ever seen; even hotter than Bebe's... and _damn_. His hair was quite long but still shorter than Kenny's so he couldn't judge on that. Butters was hot, beautiful in a slightly androgynous way. And fuck it if Butters was gender queer or whatever the fuck he identified with, it didn't change anything except Kenny might be able to see Butters in a dress; and the thought of that was too much for Kenny to handle.

He would totally ask Butters out if he knew he couldn't do better. Kenny was headed nowhere fast; Butters was a genius. He would only hinder his success and tarnish whatever name he would make of himself. He'd always be there for his best friend, though; he just wanted to see him happy. It was a yo-yo of emotions; the way they acted like nothing happened even though less than two weeks ago they had made out with each other.

Kenny's thoughts came to a crashing halt as he caught sight of the most beautiful person he had ever laid eyes upon.

Long, curly blonde hair cascaded on his best friend's shoulders. Elegant and almost professional makeup accentuated Butters' icy eyes, apple cheeks, and pouty lips. A simple v-neck light blue shirt clung to his petite frame and a pair of small, yellow, fleece pajama shorts reached his shaved upper thigh. Kenny knew the shorts rode up his backside and he silently begged for Butters to turn around.

He hadn't realized his cheeks were flushed and he wasn't breathing until he inhaled shakily. His blood flowed with lust he tried so hard to control. It was hard enough being around Butters, who unknowingly teased him with every giggle and playful touch that suggested something more than their current stance. It took all of Kenny's mental and physical strength to not pounce on Butters and... well he never really got passed that part. More like he wouldn't allow himself to.

Kenny just stared, with his mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water.

"I-I usually sleep like this. I'd never go to school..."

"Hmm..." Kenny managed to hum and he shifted his body carefully before laying on his stomach, he grimaced at the discomfort.

"Ken, are you okay? You don't look so good." Kenny shook his head.

"I'm fine... you look great, Lee." He assured and took a slow, deep breath. Dammit to hell.

"You sure? A-about both things. I-I hope I didn't upset you." Butters murmured, placing a hand on Kenny's shoulder; he stiffened and tensed at the contact. "I'm sorry." Butters was squeaked in shock as Kenny lunged forward and entangled their lips together in as much want and passion he could muster. The smaller boy boy moaned in surprise and kissed back cautiously; he hoped with every caress of their tender lips that this would never end... but it always seemed to.

Kenny groaned quietly as Butters seemed to accidentally nip his lip. He couldn't help himself; his tongue parted Butters' lips and he rolled over so Butters could be more comfortable. The smaller boy's legs settled on either side of Kenny and he hovered over him, so close to touching but not quite.

"Lee..." Kenny whispered and closed his eyes as he began to suck and nibble the soft skin on Butters' neck. "Is this okay?" He felt the boy squirm and nod as his nails dug in his flesh. Kenny arched his back as pleasure and lust poisoned his blood. Butters pressed more of his weight down on Kenny; he desperately needed that friction. He couldn't... but it felt so good. Kenny hissed as he felt Butters adjust his legs, and possibly try to grind, against him. His hips rolled slowly, experimentally, and all Kenny felt was fire in his body as he felt the arousal of the smaller boy and his body so close to his.

His hands ran over Butters' back, over the curve of his spine, and to his ass.

"K-Ken..." Butters whimpered, his cheeks flushed and breathing ragged. "What are we doing?" Butters sat up slightly and put his weight on Kenny's lap. He slightly lifted Kenny's shirt and trailed his fingers up the smooth and bruised skin. He would kiss every scar if he could... make every wound and every hurt that marred Kenny's skin into something he could appreciate. He felt every muscle of Kenny's twitch from the caress and ever bone protruding from his skin as his breath heaved raggedly in and out. "I mean... obviously I like you and I think you like me too... I like you, okay? I just didn't think someone as good as you would like me and... I mean, you're my first real kiss and I sure want it to mean something."

Kenny sighed and his eyes fell as he twirled a lock of hair from the wig. He reached up and cupped Butters' face with his other hand.

"I can't do this to you," Kenny mumbled sadly, Butters tilted his head. "I can't be what you want me to be because that's not me. And I'm not good for you." Against his words, Butters shook his head.

"I don't see how or why 'c-'cause you're my best friend, you're good for me like that... I just... like you a lot. I love you. And I don't want to turn out like Stan and Kyle. They're so confused and d-don't know what they want. But... I just... want you." Butters blushed and moved his hips against Kenny's slowly, causing the boy beneath him to hiss a deep breath. "And I'm _pretty sure_ you feel the same way." Kenny held Butters' hand and smiled sadly.

"You're my best friend and I don't want to fuck that up." Butters took off the wig and wiped off the makeup with his hand. "I just... don't want to lose you." Butters shook his head and slowly lifted Kenny's shirt off of his torso. The boy beneath him squirmed slightly and blushed.

Too skinny, too gaunt, marred and bruised and beaten to match the weary soul within. Scratches and scars, colors of all types made his body a canvas of the effect of a punching bag. Butters ran his hands up from his navel, passed his hollow stomach and jutted ribcage, to his chest, and to his heart. He felt the organ flutter frantically beneath his skin with a beat much faster than he had ever felt. Butters then dipped his head and pressed a gentle kiss to his heart, to the faded autopsy scars and various bruises and scratches that lines his upper body.

"What are you doing?" Kenny finally asked hesitantly as his nerves of being unclothed finally began to settle. Butters smiled softly as he pulled his head away from Kenny's abdomen.

"Kissing you... the parts of you that no one remembers. The parts of you that have only been hurt."

Butters swore he saw tears in Kenny's eyes, yet the more experienced boy just smiled and enclosed his hand with his. Of course, Butters had to give up trying to kiss every single scar, he had gotten to 37, but Kenny had been attentive to each kiss. Butters didn't ask where or when, all he knew was Kenny's body was littered with horrors and pain no one remembered except himself, and that his mind, heart, and soul must be in the same scars and bruises. As he finally gave up and laid down next to Kenny, their temples touched as they silently gazed at the plastic stars, Butters made it his goal to make all of that hurt vanish. No matter what.

That night, or early morning, Kenny left Butters' house before Mr. and Mrs. Stotch woke up to check on their son; usually that happened at 5:00 in the morning. He tried sleeping in his uncomfortable broken bed with too-thin sheets and a freezing draft coming from the broken window. His mind wouldn't let him sleep, anyway. He was confused about what had happened between him and Butters; no one had ever been so intimate with him and yet it felt purely innocent. It was the weirdest thing... but it was Butters. He still didn't want to ruin his best friend's life, but he'd just have to see where things went from here.

Kenny turned right on the corner from Butters' house and headed up two blocks. There, he stood in front of Bebe Steven's house and grimaced slightly. It was still technically dark out in South Park, and her parents were light sleepers. But he needed her help.

Taking a deep breath, the blonde took a running leap and latched his fingers into the gutter of her house. Quickly, he swung himself up onto the slanted roof with ninja-like reflexes. Silently, he tip-toed to the second window and nearly slipped yet caught his balance. He quietly tapped five times on Bebe's window and waited. He was greeted with a gust of hot air and a baseball bat in front of his face. The blonde girl pulled back the bat when seeing it was Kenny, barely in time to avoid losing a couple of teeth, and set it on the ground.

"What the _hell_ are you doing? Get your ass in here." She whispered in a growl and pulled him in by the collar of his parka. Not so gracefully, he stumbled in and fell on the white plush carpet of her room. He was still shocked at how girly her room was, even though he had been in there more times than her boyfriend. The walls were a Pepto Bismol pink and the floor was the softest carpet he had ever felt; it was probably more comfortable to sleep on than his bed.

"I need help." Kenny mumbled incoherently, then pulled down the hood to his parka. He discarded the wet garment on her floor and Bebe glared at him.

"At 6:00 in the God damn morning?" Kenny sighed heavily and shrugged his shoulders. "Fucking Christ..." She set down the baseball bat by her bed and laid back down. He looked up at her from the floor.

"I heard you're the best with this kind of stuff." Bebe eyed him suspiciously a moment before a smirk crossed her lips. Interest gleamed in her eyes as she looked down at Kenny.

"Fuck, McCormick, are you coming out to me?"

"No. Well... no. Maybe. Yes. I don't know..." he responded, causing her to giggle quietly into her hand. Kenny exhaled lowly and rubbed his hands on his neck. "Butters told me he's gender queer. And... I want him to like... feel comfortable about it. And I want to do something for him to show that it's cool." Bebe nodded and ran a hand through her sleep-mussed blonde curls.

"Fuck him until he can't stand for a week?" Kenny rolled his eyes and shook his head; that was not what he had in mind. "I'm kidding, kind of. I don't know... what would you be willing to do?"

"Considering who I am... just about anything and everything." He responded, which caused Bebe to snort. "I just think this is something big... and he's probably scared shitless." Bebe shrugged her shoulders and yawned into her hand.

"You could dress in drag and do the hula," she jokingly suggested.

"I'm not a fucking lemur," Kenny grumbled and yawned quietly; he was ridiculously tired yet there was a lot he had to do and he couldn't rest.

"Timon was a meerkat, not a lemur," Bebe countered; the blonde boy shot her a dirty look and she rolled her eyes.

Kenny and Bebe had a weird relationship. Most people thought they were either in a relationship or couldn't stand each other. One day they could be giving each other bedroom eyes and sharing cigarettes at the back of the school and the next they could be barking insults at each other in the middle of class. What they had was understanding. They got high together and didn't question each other as to why they'd meet up nearly every night. Both knew it was to avoid some sort of shit going on in their lives but it didn't matter. They simply understood. And as the two hung out more they realized they were nearly the male and female versions of each other; she was a bitch, he was an asshole. The only difference was Bebe didn't die all of the time.

"Do something outrageous, something completely not you. Something like..."

"Like dressing up as my inner sexy chick and shakin' my stuff around school?" Bebe looked at him oddly and slowly shook her head after a moment.

"You'd be a fuckin' ugly girl."

"Yeah, that's why I said _in-ner_." Kenny retorted, pronouncing the last word slowly. The blonde girl chuckled lightly.

"Well... you could join our girl power up routine for the student council benefit." Kenny tilted his head. "You know, the fundraiser for student council where it's pretty much a Battle of the Bands without the band because no one actually has a band. All of us cheerleaders wanted to do our own songs and no one would ever expect you to do that." Hearing the words he had said before caused him to seriously consider doing this. All signals were blaring and he felt highly uncomfortable... but maybe this was something he could do. He could sing okay... and she was right; no one would expect Kenny McCormick to sing as a girl for a student council fundraiser.

"What would I do?" He finally asked; Bebe grinned.

"We're all singing different female empowerment songs... I'm going to be singing "Super Bass" by Nicki Minaj, Red is performing "Crazy Kids" by Kesha, Wendy "I Don't Care" by Icona Pop, and Nichole is singing "Paparazzi" by Lady Gaga."

"How are those empowering?" Kenny asked in confusion. Bebe rolled her eyes and smacked his arm lightly.

"That's besides the point. Would you do it?"

"The only girl singers I really know sing rock." Bebe shrugged her shoulders and Kenny sighed; he could try listening to pop music for a little bit. But Karen didn't even listen to pop; her favorite band was Flyleaf. The closest to pop his sister even listened to was Lindsey Stirling, the instrumentalist.

"Well pick one, you want to do this for Butters, right?" She asked, Kenny nodded hesitantly. "What size of clothes do you wear? I'll buy you an outfit and you have to wear makeup..." he shrugged his shoulders. Been there, done that.

"I don't really know, I just wear Kevin's old clothes. He wears size 32," Bebe nodded slowly; his cheeks turned crimson.

"Well you're a twig and your clothes are a pound away from falling off," Bebe stood up and walked to her wardrobe. She dug around the third shelf and pulled out a pair of grey skinny jeans. "Try these."

Kenny caught the jeans as she tossed them and unbuckled the tightly secured belt. Just like she thought, his jeans fell from his bony waist in a heap on the floor and she whistled lowly.

"Damn boy, when's the last time you ate?" She asked as Kenny hopped into the legs of Bebe's jeans.

"Good question," he replied as he pulled them up his pale wispy legs. He zipped them and blushed a little darker as he realized they fit nearly perfectly, size wise, but were much too short.

"Jesus Christ these fit you better than me." Bebe gasped, "you're a skeleton, there's a turkey in the fridge for tonight. Do you want me to get it for you?" Kenny shook his head. "Well, those are a size five in girls which is fucked up 'cause you're tall. So you're going to wear whatever I find for you and let me do whatever I want with your face and body." Kenny smirked.

"With pleasure," he purred as he stroked her cheek. Bebe rolled her eyes and punched him lightly.

"Whatever, come over to my house in two days. I'll have everything then. Now get the fuck out of my room." She grabbed Kenny by the ear and dragged him to the window. He gave her a look, flipped her off and hopped onto the roof. He looked back at the pretty blonde and smiled softly at her.

"Thanks, B," he murmured, she nodded and sent a warm smile back at him.

"Hey, Kenny... merry Christmas." He nodded, waved her off, and hopped down the roof.

As he began his walk to the his house, his phone vibrated multiple times and Kenny realized someone was calling him; Karen. He answered the phone and heard a soft crying on the other end.

"K-Kenny? I need you." Karen sobbed in a whisper.

"What's wrong? I'm on my way..." Kenny trailed off as he stopped at the front the door to his house. He ran down the sidewalk, passed Kyle and Cartman's quiet homes, then Stan's, and Butter's, and everyone else. It was weird that everyone was sleeping. Everything seemed so peaceful.

"I don't know what's wrong..." Karen replied and wept quietly on the phone. Kenny said to her words of reassurance and encouragement; he knew she was in a fragile state. Her emotions were on haywire; sometimes she would have these anger fits that scared the shit out of him but the doctors all told him it was normal coping.

"You're gonna be just fine, Kar-bear. I'm almost there." Kenny told her as he ran passed Tom's Rhinoplasty and the old Hollywood Video. "Did you call a nurse?"

"No, I'm embarrassed." Kenny's eyebrows furrowed as he turned onto the next block and ran straight for the hospital in his line of vision. Soon he was in the doors and making his way up to Karen's room, still on the phone with her. She hadn't told him what was wrong, tried to evade the question, but he knew something was bothering her.

He found her standing by the bathroom with her hands wrapped around her stomach. Kenny rushed over to her and helped her sit down.

"What's going on?" He asked, yawning slightly. He only received about three hours of sleep; his eyes were watering as he tried to stay awake.

"W-well... I... I'm bleeding." Kenny tilted his head curiously and looked his sister over. There was no blood anywhere and she had to be extra careful not to get cuts.

"Where?" he asked, looking at her arms and head extra closely. Her eyes lowered and his face drained of all color. Oh. Oh crap.

"And my stomach hurts really bad and I don't want anything to be wrong..." Kenny took her hand and helped her to the bed. Karen looked up at him with terrified hazel eyes brimming with tears and he sat on the bed next to her.

"Karen, you're not hurt or sick, nothing's wrong..." oh boy. How was he going to go about this? Karen sniffled and tilted her head, just like her older brother.

"Then why... why am I bleeding... down there?" she ended with a whisper, embarrassed beyond reason. He could tell. So he wrapped his arm around his not so little sister and laid back on the bed.

He could call Bebe. She was bound to be awake right now. She would be a lot better at explaining this than him. But Karen barely knew Bebe and she'd be really scared and would lie and say nothing happened. Kenny tried to remember what he learned about the scientific aspect of the female reproductive system and grimaced. This was a conversation he never wanted to have with her; then again it was better than the sex talk he had been intentionally avoiding for years.

"Kar... you know you're a girl, so you have all those girly bits." Kenny tried to keep a straight face as Karen gawked at him with a fiery blush on her cheeks. "And I'm a boy, so I have all these guy bits."

"Kenny!" She gasped, covering her mouth so he couldn't see her grin. He snickered and ruffled her hair.

"See, you won't ever know what happens to guys when they get older. But girls, you gotta know that... here we go..." he reassured himself. Karen's smile faded as she searched his face for answers. "Well... when a girl reaches a certain age, she starts getting tits. And then training bras and the sports bras and then the pretty lacy things that hook in the front..."

"Ke-en!" She whined, covering her face in her hands.

"It's called puberty, Mr. Garrison taught you that."

"Yeah, but then she was Ms. Garrison so it was really awkward because she talked about how tight cunts are the best." Kenny's jaw dropped in shock; it was the first time he had ever heard Karen curse. He didn't even think she knew what that meant. Quickly, he wiped the look off of his face and sighed heavily.

"So, I'm working with a gender-confused... history teacher." Karen nodded once. "Great. You shoulda heard what he said to us. Anyways," he interrupted himself when catching his little sister's curiosity beginning to peek in her eyes. "So, you know the whole you get breasts, you gotta shave your legs and your armpits..." he trailed off and rubbed his neck with his hand awkwardly as he mentally scrubbed his brain of the thoughts currently running through his head. "'Cause only the French don't shave that shit and you gotta do that." Karen nodded and pointed to her smooth legs.

"I got that from mom when I was nine."

"So why didn't she tell you about getting your period?" Kenny asked, Karen shrugged. He groaned softly and shook his head. Someone above or below was laughing their ass off right now. "Did she mention the menstrual cycle at all?" Karen blinked. "The time of the month? Aunt Flo? The week she wanted to kill dad?"

"Didn't she always?" Karen and Kenny burst out laughing; only they would see the humor in that.

"Well, okay... as your older brother, I have to inform you that your body is changing a lot. A girl, once a month, has her period. Only girls, but Cartman thought he got his because he ate too much Chipotle. What happens, is for like... five days I think, you bleed... down there..." he cleared his throat, "because you have unfertilized eggs. So they just... turn into blood and ick. I don't know why it's five days, but Wendy and Bebe say it hurts like hell. You crave chocolate, you get cramps, and bloated and all puffy, and you want to watch _chick flicks_. There are a couple of things you use so the blood doesn't get on your clothes and all over. Tampons and pads. Pads you just kinda put in your underwear and tampons you... insert it. I don't know how."

"But why do girls get it?"

"Because, girls have babies and it's part of the menstrual cycle or something like that. If you don't get pregnant, once a month you have your period because you're getting rid of the unfertilized egg."

"So it's a potential baby."

"No, because... well yeah, but in your case no."

"Why not me?"

"Because you're never having sex. End of discussion on that." Karen scoffed and crossed her arms over her chest. Kenny nudged her. She wouldn't look at him. "I can't think of my baby sister like that, c'mon, Kar-bear..." The brown haired girl sighed and looked at him with wide eyes.

"So what do I do, Kenny?" Karen asked him. "I don't like this..." She rested her head on his shoulder and wrapped an arm around his stomach as she laid on him.

"You just... be a big girl, because you're not little anymore. You're not a girl anymore, you're a young woman. And pretty soon I'm gonna have to be chasing guys away from you 'cause you're gonna be a real spitfire." Karen blushed and looked up at Kenny.

"You think so?" He nodded and smiled at her innocence. He had saved that. He had saved her.

"You're the only one of us poor souls who got some good looks," he told her and she shook her head.

"All the girls in my class always asked about you. And the younger girls too. They thought you were some mysterious character... like a real life Edward Cullen or something." he gave her a dirty look, "well I didn't agree with them, I always told them you were like Dean Winchester." Kenny snorted.

"That's my sister..." he mumbled.

"Can I ask you something?" She asked, he nodded once more. "If girls get periods because they have unfertilized eggs, then what happens to guys if they don't make a girl pregnant?" Kenny shrugged.

"Nothing really, the little guys just chill out until duty calls." Karen nearly lost her jaw as she stared at her brother in shock; he thought it was pretty clever. "Guys are way different than girls. They don't really deal with anything like that."

"Why not?"

"Because they deal with... other things..." he trailed off and looked away once more. "And that is something you'll never find out about. Or witness."

"But I'm not a little girl anymore!" Karen fought back. Kenny smiled sadly.

"To me, you'll always be."

Karen laid back down on Kenny with a huff and traced the scars on his arm. The one on his shoulder was her favorite; it went with the freckles to make the big dipper.

"Do you need me to get you anything?" Kenny asked her, realizing she probably didn't have any of the feminine hygiene products he had spoken about. Karen shrugged her shoulders. "Well, I'm hungry, so I'll be back in a minute."

Karen nodded and closed her eyes as Kenny left her room. He sighed heavily and first walked to the nurse's station, where he asked what he should do in this situation. The nurses smiled at him and told him he was a great brother for all that he's done for her and her nurse, Amy, quickly went to her room. Kenny waved them off and walked down the hall to the vending machine.

Funyuns, cookies, Cheetos, candy bars, and Chex Mix stared at him tantalizingly. He figured he should probably go to the cafeteria to get something but this was cheaper and way more convenient. He chose a candy bar, knowing Karen hated crunchy food, and bought a bottle of water as well.

He returned to Karen's room, found it empty except the bathroom light was on, and he sat on the chair. Kenny inhaled the Butterfinger and downed the water in a matter of two minutes. His stomach growled with hunger yet he ignored it.

Karen returned, blushing and quietly thanking Amy, who helped her to the bed and told her breakfast would be brought to her before exiting the room.

"Do you have a girlfriend, Kenny?" Karen asked as she brushed her hair with the small brush on her table. Kenny shook his head. "All of the nurses have told me you're a great guy."

"Well, they don't know me now do they?" Karen rolled her eyes at his devilish smirk.

"You couldn't harm a fly. You are great."

"I nearly blinded Lee." Karen tilted her head, and Kenny's eyes widened momentarily.

"Who's Lee?" she asked.

"Butters," he replied monotonously. Karen nodded slowly and furrowed her eyebrows.

"No one calls him by his real name... can I ask you something?" Kenny nodded, "A. what is going on between Kyle and Stan? B. Do you have a _boyfriend_?"

"For both A and B; why do you ask?"

"I know Stan and Kyle have a thing, I saw Stan groping Kyle's thigh when they were here. You coulda seen that happening a bajillion years ago." Kenny snorted and smiled at his sister. "And Butters has got to be gay. And he saunters. And I ask because I'm your sister."

"When did they do that? I'll kill them. Does he?" Kenny asked, slightly amused. Karen nodded.

"Last time they were here. There's a little wiggle in his butt when he walks. It makes me laugh. Kyle is all stiff when he walks but he's really uptight. Stan is kinda flowy like he doesn't really care what's going on."

"How do I walk?" Kenny asked curiously.

"You walk like you're ashamed. Sometimes you goof around though. Like when you went all sassy that one night."

"I don't go "sassy."" Kenny retorted.

"You did so!" Kenny rolled his eyes and stuck his tongue out at Karen, who giggled. "So, do you have a boyfriend?"

"No, but wanna know a super sibling secret?" Karen asked and Kenny scooted closer to her. This was just like when they were kids; they'd play this secret game for hours. Or find shapes in the stars and clouds. "I've liked Lee since I was twelve." His cheeks darkened as Karen grinned a shit-eating grin only ever seen on her older brother's face.

"I KNEW IT!" She cried excitedly, grinning from ear to ear. "You two would be adorable!" Kenny blushed even more. "Have you kissed?" Kenny remained silent. "You have! Was he good?"

"Karen..."

"What about second base?"

"Karen Annabelle..."

"Third?"

"Karen Annabelle Elizabeth McCormick!" Kenny hissed, his cheeks blushing furiously. "No."

"Kenneth Daniel Aidan McCormick," she giggled, using his confirmation name just as he had used hers. "Fourth?"

"I already answered no to third, what would make you think yes to fourth?" He finally answered her, then patted her shoulder twice. She scooted forward and he curled his legs up as he sat behind her. His fingers separated her hair into two parts and began to fishtail braid her hair. "So... you don't care?" He asked after silence fell over both of them.

"No, why would I care if you like dudes too? Especially..." Karen paused and looked to the side of Kenny and smiled sweetly, "Butters, hi!" Kenny's head snapped to the door and found none other than Leopold Stotch leading Stan and Kyle into the room. Butter's arms were full of presents and he set them down next to Kenny's small pile. His cheeks were red from the cold and he waved brightly at the two.

"Merry Christmukkah!" He chirruped as Kyle and Stan took off their coats and gloves.

Kenny's heart ached at the sight of the presents; he had never seen so many in his life. And the fact that they were for Karen made it so much sweeter.

"Guys..." Kenny choked, his emotions getting the best of him, "you didn't..." he trailed off as Karen hugged the three in a matter of seconds. Butters had tears in his eyes as he saw the McCormick siblings' reactions.

Kenny looked out the hospital window and took a shuddering breath as he gazed at the snowy view of South Park. This was what Christmas was supposed to be like. Nothing could penetrate his happiness right now; Karen was so blessed, so appreciated, and so loved. They never really had Christmas presents; if they did they were returned for money. The sight before him brought tears to his eyes.

He felt a hand on his shoulder and he turned to find Butters smiling softly up at him.

Sniffling, but not crying, Kenny pulled him in a tight hug. He whispered quietly in his ear and Butters blushed lightly when catching the soft-spoken words.

"This is the best Christmukkah ever. Thank you. I love you so much." Butters just hugged him and patted his back. Stan clapped Kenny on the back and Kyle hugged him loosely.

Butters set a chair by the tiny tree and after Karen sat down he handed her presents. And Stan turned the radio on to a station played round the clock Christmas songs and sat next to Kyle. Karen glanced at Kenny, smirked, and wiped her eyes.

"Thank you so much," Karen whispered as Butters handed her a present. The wrapping paper had little candy canes all over and was wrapped rather poorly. Karen didn't mind; her hands trembled as she opened the presents. Stan had gotten her some makeup, a green sweater, and a new Zac Efron movie.

Kyle got her a necklace, an iPod Touch, and a cell phone, to which Karen practically tackled him to the floor in excitement. She was crying now, and smiling more than Kenny had ever seen her. He felt his fragile and shell-shocked sister was finally happy.

Butters had bought her a collar, a food and water bowl, and a new perfume that was purple and had glitter.

"What's this for?" She asked, slightly confused as she held up the pet supplies.

"I couldn't bring your last present in, no puppy policy..." he trailed off, Karen's face lit up and Kenny smiled sadly; another mouth they couldn't afford to feet. But Karen always wanted a dog of her own; she wasn't too fond of cats and hated Stuart's Rottweiler. In fact, no one really liked the Garland; Kenny felt bad about that.

"Is it a boy or girl?" Karen asked as Butters showed her several pictures on his phone. Her eyes shimmered with tears of happiness.

"Girl, she's an Australian Shepherd so she won't get too big. She'll shed quite a bit though." Karen laughed and scrolled through the pictures of the small puppy.

"Can I name her?" Karen asked, looking at Kenny and Butters. Both nodded. "Thank you so much, all of you!" She chirruped, standing up to hug Kyle, Stan, and Butters. They each murmured something in response and Kyle handed her something.

"It's not Christmukkah without mistletoe!" He chirruped. Stan rolled his eyes and shoved Kyle playfully as Butters gnashed his knuckles together.

Karen held the mistletoe over Kenny's head and giggled as she kissed his cheek. He ruffled her hair and picked up the presents he pitifully wrapped in newspaper. Suddenly he felt he had done wrong; his friends had outdone him. Now all that he could give her would be worthless.

But she smiled at him just as excitedly and opened them as timidly. She was probably afraid they'd be taken away from her, like every other McCormick Christmas. Only this was the Brothers' Christmukkah so her presents were safe and hers for the keeping.

"Ken..." she trailed off as she held the framed photo in her hands. A two year old Kenny with ever-messy ash blonde hair and curious blue eyes held his newborn sister and was kissing her cheek. The photo beside it was taken a year ago; Kenny, with his hood down and blonde shaggy hair blowing in the South Park's early winter chill, was holding a small, fragile Karen with glowing honey-green eyes and long brown hair on his shoulders. She wore a happy smile while he gave a crooked grin. His gloved hands held her knees protectively as they posed. They both looked happy and so similar yet so different. Those were his two favorite pictures of them.

He just shrugged and felt his cheeks heat. She rested against him and set the picture in her lap. It was nothing, it was stupid... and yet he spent a lot of money and time on the presents.

The next present she opened was a painting he had done after hours in art class. It was a landscape of Pike's Peak at sunset, only it was in Kenny's style so it looked very surreal.

"Did you do this?" Karen asked, Kenny nodded, and Kyle's eyes widened as he examined the piece.

"Dude, that's awesome!" He cried, Kenny mumbled a quiet thanks.

"I titled it "Karen Annabelle."" Kenny began, "because you loved Pike's Peak when we went, and the sunset always reminds me of when we were little." Karen held his hand as tears leaked from her eyes.

The next present was a pack of letters Kenny had written to her every day while she was in her coma. He told her it was so she could see every moment she missed. By now, tears fell heavily down her cheeks and Butters was sniffling. A CD by Flyleaf, who was her favorite band, a pair of earrings, a stuffed rabbit, and sock puppets followed those presents, in that order. She looked at him oddly as Stan and Kyle silently laughed when she held up the sock puppets.

"I made them in here one day and thought you'd enjoy them... I did, anyway." Karen stifled her laughter while Kenny pulled them on his hands and reenacted "Titanic." When the Rose sock finally let go of the Jack sock, Jack the Sock Puppet flew off of his hands and into the hallway. Roars of laughter ensued and Kenny stared sadly at his bare hand; that was not planned.

"Holy shit!" he cried; this was the first time his voice had a normal projection. His friends ignored this as he slipped back into a falsetto voice. "God damn it, Jack, come back!" he squealed and threw Rose the Sock Puppet into the hallway as well to join Jack. "And that's how we get to the beginning of "Inception". The end," he ended in his normal voice.

Karen was laughing so much her entire body shook, and Kyle burrowed his head in Stan's shoulder to stifle his laughs. Butters, giggling, retrieved the sock puppets and handed them to Kenny, who had met him halfway.

"I heard that, by the way," Butters told him quietly and smiled warmly. Kenny grinned toothily.

"So that's how you got by while I was out?" Karen asked as the two walked back into the room together. Kenny nodded once. "You're crazy," she teased and Kenny stuck out his tongue. He handed her one last present, wrapped in black paper and green ribbon.

"Last one, Kar-bear." Her eyes widened and, in silence, she opened it with shaking hands. Kyle looked at Kenny in confusion yet he said nothing.

Hundreds of small purple and green question marks fluttered across Karen and the floor when she opened the present. She gasped as she peered inside. Slowly, she pulled out a silver ring with an onyx gem and a strip of paper was attached.

No one said a word as Karen slipped the ring on her right finger and examined it. Green and purple filled in vine etches and she smiled adoringly at the ring.

"He was here..." she whispered, looking out the window. Stan's eyes met Kenny's, and the blue eyed boy gazed hard at the floor.

"We're not done here," Stan announced with a smile in his voice. Karen tilted her head and Kenny looked up; they couldn't have possibly gotten her more presents. Instead, Butters pulled out a small present from his coat pocket and handed it to Kenny.

"W-what?" He stammered in shock; they had gotten him a Christmukkah present. He hadn't wanted anything, or expected them to. This was about Karen, not him. He had plenty of things and seeing Karen happy was all he wanted.

"Well, we all chipped in to get you something, we would've done more but..." Butters trailed off, "well open it!" Kenny's fingers held the box in his hand and he remained still. They had outdone themselves...

A sob stuck in the back of his throat as he slowly peeled back the wrapping paper. A smart phone. He looked up with shocked eyes at his friends Karen who just grinned at him.

"How...?" he trailed off, unsure of what to say. He had no words, this was incredible.

"Well, you were on our plan anyway, and we figured you'd want something a little more up to date than that flip phone you've had for years... so I talked with my parents and Stan and Butters helped and we decided on this one." Kyle explained, Kenny shook his head and squeezed Kyle in a tight hug.

"You're the best," he murmured, kissing his cheek, which caused the red head to widen his eyes and blush a little. Stan's face was red when witnessing the sight, and Kenny held back an eyeroll as he tackle-hugged Stan.

"Don't kiss me!" Stan cried as Kenny squeezed him tightly. He stopped wriggling in Kenny's arms after the taller boy promised. The black haired teen groaned in anguish as Kenny kissed the top of his head, with a loud "mwah!" sound. Karen was giggling and Butters looked like a deer in the headlights as Kenny approached him.

"Thank you, Lee..." he whispered, wrapping his arms around the petite boy in a hug much longer than the other two. Butters just laughed nervously and rested his head on Kenny's shoulder.

"Ah, gee Ken, I..." Butters fumbled for words and finally ended up laughing again. "You're not gonna kiss me now, are ya?"

Kyle looked at the two curiously and hid a smile. Karen caught his look and laughed quietly. Stan looked at the two in confusion, then turned to Kyle who was watching them expectantly.

"I dunno," Kenny replied teasingly with a cheeky grin, causing Butters to falter slightly.

"O-oh geeze..." Butters whispered, cheeks a fiery red. He squeaked as Kenny kissed his nose.

Karen scoffed as they parted and Kenny shot her a death glare.

"That's all we get for you being under the mistletoe?" She asked, Stan raised his eyebrows and Kyle pushed Kenny forward. The blonde's cheeks turned pink this time and Butters looked ready to run.

"There is no mistletoe," Kenny mumbled warily; he had seen Karen holding the artificial plant... unless...

Kenny looked up and grimaced when spotting the mistletoe above his head. Karen and Kyle had to have plotted this together. Butters looked scared, his eyes shifted anxiously around the room and he jumped when Kenny's large skeletal hands covered his own.

"Merry Christmas, Lee," he murmured low enough for only Butters to hear. He closed his eyes and brushed his lips lightly against the smaller boy's. Like the last two times, Butters massaged his lips against Kenny lovingly and cupped Kenny's gaunt cheeks in his hands.

It felt right, heavenly, and Kenny never wanted to stop. Butters was warm and soft and he craved the euphoria he felt when touching the smaller fifteen year old. With Butters Kenny felt safe and home. He felt warm. Right.

He didn't know when their tongues began their normal dance. Or when Butters' hands got lost in his long hair. Or when he got so good at sucking on his tongue that it made Kenny moan softly and his entire body tingle and turn to mush.

Kyle cleared his throat, which prompted the two to separate with a loud pop as the suction on their lips separated. Butters quickly sat down on the chair farthest from Kenny and looked out the window. Kenny ruffled his hair awkwardly, wiped his tingling mouth, and blushed lightly.

"Jesus Christ it was a simple peck not a Hoover Vac competition!" Stan cried in awe at what he just witnessed. Kenny let out a nervous, high pitched giggle and sat next to a shocked Karen. Kyle looked at him expectantly, then at Butters, who was redder than a strawberry.

Karen blinked at Kenny three times, and he replied with a single blink. A grin spread across her lips and Kenny blinked twice. She just stared with blank eyes and an evil grin; he did not like her looking like that at all.

"Butters, you okay?" Stan asked. The small blonde stood up and kept his head low as he nodded.

"Y-Yeah, I gotta go. G-get home 'cause my p-parents are gonna be awful s-sore. Merry Christmas fellas, Karen. I-I'll see you tomorrow."

In a second he was out of the room and Kenny was on his feet.

"Wait, Lee!" He cried, racing out the door. But he was gone. "Dammit..." he trailed off, his stomach clenching uneasily as worry raced through his veins. "What?" He asked when turning to find three pairs of eyes on him.

"Lee?" Stan asked in disbelief. Kenny sighed heavily and paced the room. This was bad. Butters was pissed at him... he had never seen him so upset. He needed to go after him... but this was Karen's Christmas. He wasn't fucking up her day too. Karen smiled sadly and Kyle put an arm on his shoulder.

"Don't worry, Kenny... it's not a big deal. Except you can't tell me you haven't been harboring feelings for him." The blonde glared ominously at the redhead through his bangs.

"Right back at you," Kyle blushed and refrained from making eye contact with Kenny.

"C'mon, I'm sure "A Christmas Story" is on, I love that movie!" Karen chirruped. Kenny sighed heavily and smiled weakly. He sat down on the bed with her as she put on all of her jewelry and wearable gifts.

As they all settled comfortably to watch the movie, Stan and Kyle sat much too close and Kenny swore Kyle was being groped, Kenny pulled out his phone and typed a message to Butters.

_To: Butters  
Sent: 10:58 A.M._

_lee im sorry please text me? _

He laughed with Karen, nudged the lovebirds warningly with his foot, and distracted himself from the horrible feeling sinking into his bones. After the movie, he checked his phone and felt his heart sink. No messages or calls from Butters.

Son of a bitch.


	14. When Did This Storm Begin?

_Author's Note: Well, you had a break from the sad. It was nice, right? But without further ado I present to you... the trigger warnings:_

_Trigger Warning: Abuse, Death. _

_Chapter Fourteen: When Did This Storm Begin?  
_

_The song is by Shiny Toy Guns. _

* * *

Four days had passed and Kenny still hadn't heard from Butters. He had tried texting and calling and even visited his house yesterday but Linda had answered the door and told him he was sick. Then she told him to stop visiting her son and slammed the door in his face.

He had no clue what to do... but he knew he fucked up.

Karen was coming home on the 2nd so he was busy preparing his room for her return. His big-busted women posters came down and his porn stash was stored under the loose floorboard under the stained rug. His bed was made for her, and he made a small bed in the opposite corner out of a blanket and two towels for him because he knew until she was fully recovered she had to sleep on her own. She would struggle with that more than him, though. Doing this preparation was enough to keep him from thinking about Butters for a little while. But his heart weighed heavy and his mind constantly drifted to the small blonde.

He just wanted to say sorry...

Bebe and Wendy called Kenny after he forced a stale off-brand toaster pastry down his throat; they couldn't even afford the after-expiration-date Pop Tarts anymore. The other pastry would be for dinner. He zipped up his parka and walked the long way to Bebe's house so he could avoid the temptation of knocking on Butters' door or climbing to his window. At the sight of him, both girls knew something was wrong but didn't push; his emotions were worn like an open book on his face. They dragged him up the stairs and into Bebe's room. For his protection, they locked the door.

"Do you know what song you're doing?" Kenny nodded.

"Mashup." he responded numbly. Bebe sent him a sympathetic look.

"What happened?" She asked as she dug in her closet. Wendy opened a large makeup kit fit for the theatre department; in fact, it probably was the theatre department's makeup.

"I fucked up," he murmured.

"How?" Wendy asked, handing Bebe a pair of scissors. Kenny looked between them nervously.

"Relax, I'm trimming your hair; it's like you chopped it with a knife." Bebe assured him.

"I kissed Butters under mistletoe and he hasn't talked to me since and I don't know what the fuck I did. But I did something." Wendy choked on the cider she had taken a sip of.

"What?!" She gasped. But Bebe just kissed his forehead and went back to cutting his hair.

"Aw, hon, relax. He's like a stray cat. He was probably scared. He's not your usual slut, or... y'know, the _other_ one." Kenny rolled his eyes as she snipped his hair.

"Well yeah, except the night before we-" he cut himself off and was determined not to finish that sentence. Bebe and Wendy both looked at him, expecting him to continue, however. The blonde girl kicked him when he remained silent.

"The night before... _what_?" The blonde pushed; Kenny shrugged his shoulders. "Answer now or you get a mullet with a reverse mowhawk." Kevin did that on purpose once, it wasn't pretty.

"He told me he liked me. And that was after we made out. But I'm so confused, Bebe this has never happened to me before." She patted his shoulder reassuringly. Wendy still had not gotten over this information as she stared at him with an incredulous expression.

"You and _Butters_?" She asked incredulously, "I always thought..."

Bebe ruffled his hair and examined the locks to make sure they were even.

"You already look so much better," She murmured cheerfully to brighten his day. Kenny tried to look at himself but she turned his view from the large mirror. "Now, put these on."

Bebe dumped the contents of the blue bag on the bed and Kenny gawked.

"I'm gonna look like... an _emo_!" He cried, shaking his head.

"No you're not, if I know you, you're gonna love this." Kenny sighed and slowly undressed himself. Wendy looked away in upset as she caught sight of his malnourished body. He ignored her reaction and quickly slipped into the black skirt.

"I also figured you'd want to have tits." Bebe murmured, handing him a special bra. He examined it and smirked.

"That's fucking awesome! I gots me some titties!" he chirruped, slipping his arms through the straps. Wendy tightened it, careful not to touch his bony skin, and adjusted the front.

"Now the shirt," she told him and then helped him get into the form-fitting tank top.

It was odd but it was one of the first times his clothes actually fit, albeit a little tight. The fact that they were girl clothes made it weirder. He squished his feet in the boots Bebe bought and laced them up quickly. The two girls looked at each other, then Kenny, then back at each other.

"I'll do his hair, you do his makeup," the blonde said, Wendy nodded and Bebe pushed him back down.

His hair was tugged, teased,and sprayed; it was awful to touch. He couldn't get used to the foundation clogging his skin or the brushes and pencils poking at his eye. Lipstick smelled and tasted awful and his eyes stung from the mascara.

The girls stepped away from Kenny nearly thirty minutes later and smiled brightly.

"Stand up, Kenny." Wendy told him. He followed orders and towered over them even more than usual due to the boots. He straightened out the skirt and pulled the shirt down a little.

"Shave your legs and you're gorgeous, I can't fucking believe it." Bebe assured with an impressed smile as she pointed to the mirror.

Kenny caught his reflection and his eyes widened. His legs, other than the light blonde hairs, looked feminine and perfect in the tall boots and the grey mini skirt. The top, a tight dark blue spaghetti strap tank top with a midriff black jacket, hugged his body; he could see the outline of his ribs through the shirt.

His chest was what intrigued him; the breasts looked natural and fit well with his body. It was the weirdest thing he had seen; him with boobs and looking like an actual girl, Princess Kenny didn't count because he had been ten, and he couldn't help but touch them. They felt real... _looked_ real... Kenny smirked.

"Don't start groping yourself." Bebe scolded with mirth in her eyes. He dropped his hands and examined his face.

He never gave himself more than a glance in the broken mirror in the morning. But now... his skin looked smooth and one-toned rather than dotted with freckles on the bridge of his nose and spots of acne. His eyes looked huge and smokey with grey and black shadow; the cat-eye effect with the eye liner helped that as well. Mascara brought his lashes out to be much thicker and longer than he thought they were. His lips were a deep red and shiny with gloss, causing them to look thicker than they really were. Instead of laying in a choppy mop that reached his shoulders his hair was teased and heavily layered.

He actually kind of looked like a girl. An actual, semi-pretty girl at that. Kenny touched his face and hair, then awkwardly danced in front of the mirror.

"Kenny, you look ridiculous," Wendy said with a smile.

"I look _sexy_," he countered in a high, airy voice. Wendy lost it when he spoke, and Bebe rolled her eyes as she laughed quietly to herself. "I have tits, and they're sexy."

"So you have your song? Do you want to perform as you rather than your female counterpart? We have enough room for two more acts. If you want, that is." Kenny shrugged; this was a bit much for a high school fundraiser. "For doing this you also get free tickets to the winter formal afterward." Bebe smirked and handed him four tickets.

He had never gone to any of the dances before and it wasn't something he was too interested in. But he took them anyway and murmured a thanks.

"Now, don't eat more than you normally do for another week. You have five days until you perform and then you really need to gain forty pounds-"

"At least," Wendy added, Kenny nodded. It was difficult when his dad spent all of their money they earned on drugs and alcohol. Off-brand pop tarts and frozen waffles were the only food they had in their house. But he knew she was right...

"Because you're a foot taller than me, you shouldn't be wearing a size smaller than me. You should be like-"

"I got it, I _got_ it, I have to get fat." Kenny snapped a little too roughly; he hated it when people got on his case about being so thin. He didn't look as bad as someone who was intentionally starving himself. It's not like it was his fault; he tried to eat as much as he could. His budget and savings didn't allow it now. After he was sixteen it may be a little different.

Wendy took the coat off of him and he quickly wriggled out of the boots, skirt, and shirt. He stood in his boxer briefs in front of the two girls; Wendy once again making it a point to look the opposite way.

"You know, if Cartman could spare twenty pounds..." Kenny trailed off jokingly and nudged her. Her cheeks heated as she shook her head. "How can you even manage to look at that?"

"What are you talking about?" She asked defensively and in denial. Kenny shrugged his shoulders and smirked as he buckled the belt to hold his jeans up and zipped his parka. He'd worry about washing off the makeup at home.

"I dunno..." he trailed off, giving her a side glance as he folded the clothes and put them back in the bag. He then winked, smiled at Bebe, thanked her, and gave both girls a hug.

"This is going be perfect, Kenny," Bebe told him as he climbed out her window. He nodded, waved them off, and jumped from the roof.

His instincts told him to walk by Butters house yet once again he took the opposite way. He tightened his hood over his face so no one could see the makeup and walked with his head low. The wind was freezing and biting, anyway, so his stance looked normal.

He willed himself not to even think about Butters. Right now, he had to go home, shower, clean his room a little more, then go spend the rest of the day with Karen before going over to Kyle's and playing Xbox.

He opened the door to his house and wrinkled his nose at the stench of vomit, beer, and cigarette smoke. He didn't mind the last two as much, but the three smells together in musty air was awful. It reminded him so much of his father and he hated it.

"Shut the fuckin' door!" Stuart cried with a deep slur at him from the couch. Kenny slammed it shut and hurried into his bedroom. He took off his coat, threw it on the floor next to his bed, and pulled out a cigarette from the pack in his pocket. He lit the stick and took a deep breath. The smoke burned his lungs and throat but he was so used to the feeling that he loved it. Needed it. He held his breath until his eyes prickled and he exhaled slowly. He'd save his joint for later tonight if he needed it; he probably would.

The ashes fell to the floor and after awhile he put out the cigarette and opened his bedroom door.

"Dad, you in the bathroom?" Kenny called, expecting to hear a belligerent shout from the living room. Instead, he heard the toilet flush and before he could look away, or down, or anywhere, the door opened and his father nearly bumped into him.

"The fuck's on your face?" Stuart asked and Kenny froze on the spot. He took a deep breath and shrugged. It was better to not talk. "Kev, c'mere! Take a look at your faggot brother!" He heard loud thumps coming from Kevin's room and in a moment a hardly dressed Kevin had his head poking out the door. He took one look at Kenny, burst out laughing, and slammed his bedroom door shut.

Oh crap.

"What are ya? A fuckin' girl?" Kenny remained silent and lowered his eyes. He felt his father's hands slam him hard against the wall; his head snapped back and he bit his lip. "Answer me!"

"Fuck off," Kenny spat and shoved Stuart away from him. It was enough force to push the older man away in time for Kenny to run into the bathroom and lock the door. He pressed all of his weight on the door as he ran the cold water and splashed his face furiously. He scrubbed as hard as he could with toilet paper and his fingernails. The makeup smeared but soon it began washing off.

He ignored his fathers screams and pounds on the door. Kenny knew he was in deep shit but he at least wanted the makeup off of his face. It was stupid to have thought his father and brother wouldn't be home... they never went anywhere except to get drugs.

"Kenny, open the God damn door!" Stuart hollered as his fists pounded endlessly on the door.

"Eat shit!" Kenny hissed vehemently as he dried his face off with the towel without haste. His skin was broken and red from his jagged nails but it didn't matter; he'd be worse in twenty minutes, anyway.

Kenny opened the door and was instantly thrown against the opposite wall again. His head cracked the wall and he hissed in pain.

"The fuck is goin' on with ya?" Stuart barked, "No son o' mine is gonna wear fuckin' makeup like a fairy faggot!" Kenny rolled his eyes and laughed; that earned him a blow to his bad ear and his jaw. "Ya fuckin' heard me, Kenny?!"

"Sorry dad, I'm as faggy as they come. It's your fault though. You make me get on my knees for _everyone_ I meet on the corner. The women just don't bite... but the men make me _bleed_. I just can't get enough cock in my mou-"

Kenny fell to the floor at the forceful hit to his head. He felt the kicks and beatings on his body and kept his mouth shut. He had gone too far; he felt it as blood gurgled in his throat and spilled from his nose. Kenny pinched his eyes shut and covered his mouth as he stifled his pain-filled cries. Stuart's steel-toed boot came in contact with his left eye; he heard something crack. Searing pain shot through his face and body and he felt vomit mix with the blood in his throat. Kenny swallowed it down.

"I'll beat it outta ya, boy! Don't think I won't!" Stuart shouted drunkenly, Kenny scrambled to his feet before Stuart could do anymore damage. Yet his body screamed in protest. He sent his father a crooked smile.

"You're gonna have to kill me first 'cause nothing gets me off better than getting fucked in the ass and sucking dick." Kenny spat as his nails dug into the wall to keep him standing. Everything was foggy and his movements were slow; he was slowly losing consciousness and he couldn't in his dad's presence.

Kenny gasped as something sharp stabbed his ribcage. With wide eyes, he looked down and saw his dad's switchblade handle pierce through his shirt and deep within his flesh.

"Don't mind if I do," Kenny closed his eyes and leaned against the wall. He grabbed for something yet found nothing. He knew better than to take out the knife; he'd bleed out much faster and it was not in it for him to die now. It had been too long and he'd be gone for a long time if he did... he couldn't risk it. Kenny was blinded by a powerful hit to the head and yelped in pain as he landed on the floor. The force lodged the blade deeper in his stomach. Bile, saliva, and dark blood gurgled out of his mouth, and he briefly choked.

Another thud was heard and Kenny snapped his head up to see what happened. Hazy eyes fixated on his stocky older brother. The brown haired boy snorted softly, a habit now, and kicked the unconscious form of Stuart.

"Kev..." Kenny whimpered, voice garbled by the blood. He needed help. He needed to get to the hospital. Kevin stared at him, mind tripping, and slowly reached down. Kenny gasped in pain as Kevin lifted him effortlessly and stumbled as he carried him to the door. Carefully, his brother set him down on nearly useless legs.

"Kenny, get out," he managed to slur as Stuart began to stir. Kevin sounded harsh yet his eyes were sincere, almost pleading with his younger brother. "Ya gotta. _Please_?"

Kenny nodded, bit his lip, and staggered out of the house. He didn't look back as he stumbled through the ice and snow, falling every so often.

* * *

Butters laid on Kyle's couch next to Kyle. Stan sat at Kyle's feet. The Broflovski house was empty, except for the three boys. Ike had been there too for awhile but had gone to the hospital to talk with Karen.

Butters was nursing a hot cocoa and Kyle had just taken his insulin shot. They were relatively quiet as they watched the re-runs of "Terrance and Phillip". Not much had been said at all. The silence was driving all of them crazy yet no one was saying or doing anything about it.

"So, Butters," Kyle finally piped up. In alarm, Butters jumped, which caused the hot cocoa to splatter on his sweater. He grimaced yet didn't really do anything to clean it. "Have you spoken to Kenny?" Butters shook his head and felt his cheeks heat. "Why not?"

"I just... don't know what to say."

"He kissed you, dude. Obviously you were okay with it. Just ask him out." Stan offered, Butters gave him a blank look and set the cocoa mug on the coffee table.

"It's not that simple, Stan. K-Kenny and I... oh who am I kidding?" Butters grumbled, curling his legs to his chest. "I've t-told him I like him, okay? That wasn't the first time we've... done that. He said he didn't want to be with me because he isn't good enough... but then he does _that_. I don't wanna be a m-me-mess around b-buddy, y'know? I've liked him for a real long time. And... I don't think he gets it."

Kyle sighed heavily and nodded. He understood that. It's kind of what he was dealing with with Stan but... they made what they had work. It was pretty much the same as usual except they ended up making out instead of wrestling each other. But there were no claims of each other, except for "Super Best Friend", and he didn't like that.

"How is he?" Butters asked suddenly. He knew he hadn't spoken to Kenny in awhile, four days and five hours to be exact, and it was difficult. Butters saw the texts and the calls; he just didn't know what to say. He had said all he could and Kenny didn't understand.

"Karen is going home on the 2nd so... how do you think?" Butters grimaced; probably worried. Very worried. Kenny probably needed him and yet he had gone out of his way to ignore him. He even told his mom to tell him he had the flu yet hung out with Stan and Kyle not even three hours later.

"I think you just need to talk to him, Butters." Kyle said, smiling warmly. "You and him... you're inseparable. You always have been, really. As long as I can remember. You can work through this. If it's meant to be, it'll happen. If not, you're still gonna be best friends. " Butters glanced at Stan who looked as if he was absorbing each and every word Kyle said. It rang true for them as well; obviously they were fine with whatever weird relationship they had. Maybe... maybe he and Kenny could be as well.

All he could do was try. He missed Kenny a lot. It was extremely tough not talking to him and he was really lonely. Even though he hung out with Kyle and Stan it just wasn't the same. Honestly he felt like a third wheel; even if they were just playing Wii Bowling or having a snowball fight. They needed Kenny to square things off. It felt wrong without him... and Butters needed his best friend. He didn't remember the last time they went this long without talking. He honestly didn't think they ever had.

"You're right," Butters murmured and pulled out his Blackberry. He texted Kenny quickly, telling him to call or text when he can, and grabbed his warm mug of cocoa. "Terrance and Phillip" came back on and silence resumed.

No text or call for an hour. That was unlike Kenny; even with his old phone he'd always text back within twenty minutes. But if Butters had given him the cold shoulder then he was probably give him his sweet justice. Butters sighed heavily and leaned against Kyle. The redhead put an arm around him for a moment and patted his shoulder.

"Butters, can I ask you something?" Stan piped up this time. Butters nodded and kept his line of vision on the television. "Is Kenny a really a good kisser like he says?"

Butters' cheeks heated and Kyle kicked his romantic interest in the back. He then began to massage his tight muscles with this feet. Stan leaned back and closed his eyes; Butters watched the two curiously. He didn't get it. But they probably felt the same way about him and Kenny.

"Uh..." Butters trailed off, covering his face with his hands. Kyle snickered and nudged Butters playfully. "Yeah, I-I think. He's the only person I've really kissed though so I don't really have c-comparison. But my lips go all numb and tingly. He bites though. But it's not a bad thing. It's like real soft like..." he grabbed Kyle's arm and gave him a soft nibble on his forearm. Kyle gave him an odd look. "But that's usually on my neck or... what?"

Stan tried not to laugh and Kyle shook his head while chuckling softly.

"Nothing. Continue."

"What's so funny?" Butters asked defensively.

"It's just, you're so innocent and he's so _not_. And hearing you describe this, it's just... ironic." Kyle finished with a smile. Butters shrugged his shoulder.

"Well I was the one who kissed him last time. He actually looked scared. A-and I took off his shirt and kissed all of his scars."

"That's morbid," Stan commented, Butters shrugged his shoulders again.

"Kenny liked it," Kyle snorted with a laugh, "but he didn't really do anything... he just kinda held my hand and fell asleep."

"You mean he didn't try to get in your pants?" Butters shook his head.

"Never. Which kinda sucks."

Stan and Kyle burst out laughing and Butters even joined them. Talking about this was awkward but he had Foot-In-Mouth Syndrome so he never knew when to shut up. Apparently he had gone too far. But it didn't matter; he was an open person. He just liked to share things.

A soft, single knock on the door brought them from their hilarity. Kyle grabbed his glucose meter on the way to the door and set it on the other table before opening the door. He peeked in the keyhole and saw Kenny.

"Speak of the devil..." Kyle told them as he opened the door, "Hey Ken- holy shit!"

Kenny stumbled into the door, shaking, coughing, and bleeding as he collapsed at Kyle's feet. His blonde hair was stained with red, as well as his teeth, skin, and shirt. His blue eyes were clouded and he smiled weakly at Kyle before taking his hand.

"A little help here?" He asked in a hoarse whisper. The blonde's hand moved from his stomach and Kyle heard Stan heave into the trash can. The end of a knife protruded from his stomach and Kyle's head swam with nausea.

Butters ran forward and gripped Kenny's shoulders. The older boy groaned in pain and closed his eyes.

"S-sight for sore eyes," he mumbled before resting his head on Butters' shoulder and coughed.

"Help me!" Butters cried, trying carefully to stand without hurting Kenny. Stan approached and lifted Kenny in his arms. His long legs dangled from Stan's arms as he carried him bridal style. His head limply turned and his eyes rolled in the back of his head as his breathing grew more and more labored.

"What the fuck?!" Kyle cried as he ran to call an ambulance. Butters covered his mouth and fought of the urge to throw up as he ran upstairs to join Stan in Kyle's room.

"Butters, get the first aid kit." Stan told him. With shaking hands and a foggy mind, Butters ran into the bathroom. He opened the medicine cabinet and grabbed the small box, as well as any and all other medicinal products he could find. He returned to find Stan slapping Kenny's face softly, which began to rouse the latter boy.

"Kenny... stay with me, okay?"

"Mm..." Kenny mumbled, turning his head a little.

"Don't fall asleep, dude. Talk to me and Butters, keep your eyes open."

Butters sat down next to Kenny and placed his hand on his cheek. Blood smeared on his skin and he told himself it was just ketchup; it's wasn't Kenny's blood.

"Hey, Ken..." Butters whispered, smiling gently at the boy who gave a sleepy grin. Blood streamed from the corner of his mouth and his chest heaved for breath.

"Wanna see a magic trick?" Kenny asked jokingly, reaching for something with violently shaking fingers. Butters took his hand in his and shook his head.

"No, no, you're gonna stay with me. Okay? 'C-cause I love you and so does Karen... and Kyle and Stan. And this is just a little bit of blood and a few scratches." Kenny laughed bitterly yet stopped to moan in quiet pain. "W-who did this?"

Stan cut Kenny's shirt off, and was careful around the knife. His hands quivered as he neared the wound, and he had to look away at the sight of the blood and bruises. "Kyle!" He cried, stepping back; he hated blood... he hated seeing one of his best friends like this. It made his stomach churn with nausea and familiarity.

Meanwhile, Kenny ran a thumb over Butters' hand and smiled softly. The pull of his lips caused blood to leak from the corner of his mouth and the other blonde felt sick. He made a choking noise and more crimson spilled down his chin.

"It doesn't matter," he gasped, his words hindered by shallow breaths as he begged for air. "Stan, stop." Kenny whispered, his eyes going in and out of focus. He was used to this. The pain and the long process; he usually suffered.

"No, Kyle's calling 911 and you're gonna be fine, dude. It's not that bad." Kenny barked a laugh and scrunched his face in pain. His teeth were stained pure red. Butters ran a hand through his hair and looked into his eyes.

"You're gonna be okay, Ken. You promised me, remember? You said..." Kenny shook his head and parted his lips to try to breathe through his mouth.

"I promised I'd _try_." Butters sobbed and wiped the blood dripping from his mouth and from his broken nose. His left eye was completely swollen shut and the entire side of his face was swollen. But Butters saw passed the wounds and the hurt and saw, in his glassy blue eye, a scared little boy. Just like when they were little. Kenny was scared... did it never get any better? "Lee? I- I'm sorry for what I did, I get it. I get why you'd hate me, and I d-deserve it. I.. I'm sorry for putting you through so much and... and being such a shitty p-person... that's all I w-wanted to tell you. I'm sorry. And I love you."

"Ken, stop talking like you're gonna die." Kenny's blue eye looked alert for a moment as he looked at Butters. Stan laughed nervously and Kyle carefully knelt on the bed next to Kenny.

"The paramedics will be here soon, but I'm going to try and stop the bleeding." Kyle's gloved hand wrapped around the knife and Kenny jerked in pain. He began to pant and he tilted his head back. Butters lifted his head in his hands and he brushed back the layered bangs from his cold, sweaty face.

"Fucking cold..." Kenny whispered; he hated dying in front of others. He wished they would leave. His chest heaved for breath and he arched his back as Kyle pulled out the blade. He felt the warmth of his body leave him as the blood poured from the wound.

Butters pressed his lips against Kenny's as Kyle applied pressure to the warmth. He tasted iron, it was strong and thick and it made him want to throw up but... if it could keep Kenny alive, he'd do whatever it took.

"I forgive you, I'm sorry too." Butters whispered as he pulled away from Kenny, whose eye was fluttering open and shut lazily. "And I love you too, Kenneth Daniel."

"Leo, can I...?" Kenny trailed off, Butters answered his question by brushing his lips on Kenny's once more. Tears fell from his eyes as he felt Kenny's hand run through his hair. His fingers felt like ice. The dying boy closed his eyes and relished in the warmth radiating from Butters.

Butters continued to kiss him even when Kenny stopped kissing back. He placed tiny kisses on the corner of his mouth, his nose, his forehead, his lips... he held his hand and whispered to Kenny to respond. A tiny squeeze of a hand was his only response. And then there was none.

The fifteen year old heard a shuddered breath and felt Kenny convulse beneath him. Kyle was still applying pressure on the wound and looking at Stan with teary eyes. Stan's head was bowed in prayer or anguish. Butters felt Kenny still beneath him, and he whimpered.

"Kenny?" Butters asked quietly, pulling away from him. Kenny's head was tilted slightly to the side, his mouth was parted, and his right eye was open and staring into nothing. He looked vacant. He looked... "Ken?" he repeated, blood trickled from his nose still, as well as from his mouth. Tears flowed from his eyes as he pressed his head against Kenny's chest; no heart beat. He placed his ear by Kenny's mouth; no breath.

"Oh my God," Stan gasped, backing away from the body on Kyle's bed. Butters felt shock strike his body as he stared at his beaten and battered friend. He could _never_ forget this. His best friend's dead body... feeling him die beneath him... it was too much. He couldn't believe it; could Kenny be joking? Would he come back? Or was that all just a ten-year-old boy's fantasy? He couldn't lose Kenny...

"He isn't..." Kyle trailed off, his face ashen. Butters looked at them both and let out a strangled cry as he burrowed his head in Kenny's still warm chest.

Kenny McCormick had died.

And it was all his fault.


	15. This One Won't Die Like The Others

_Author's Note: This one is really short because I wrote it as kind of an interlude, to begin a transition. So consider this an intermission piece. Or a brief "scene" before the second act. _

_Chapter Fifteen: This One Won't Die Like The Others_

_Title from "Knowing That You've Already Arrived' by Tides of Man_

_And then there is a reference to "What It Is To Burn" By Finch._

* * *

He was floating. One of his most favorite things in the world was floating. Not flying, as it required effort. But floating... it was so peaceful. Everything was peaceful.

"Kenny...?"

The fifteen year old felt warm. His eyes opened to bright light and he looked around. He was in heaven this time. He must have had his wings. Kenny yawned and stretched his tired body. He felt great; renewed.

But as he looked around he realized this wasn't heaven. He had never seen this place before and it scared him. The only three places he had ever gone were heaven, hell, and purgatory. Except the couple of times he was thrust into limbo, and limbo was the worst. But this definitely wasn't limbo. It was almost like a personal heaven. Except it wasn't so crystal.

"Kenny, baby, c'mere." The blonde looked toward the opposite direction, he didn't know which way, and felt overwhelming happiness. He had the urge to cry but no tears fell. No one cried in the afterlife.

"Mom?" He couldn't see her. But he could feel her presence all around him. She reached out to him with love and hope and so many feelings he just couldn't comprehend. Couldn't stand to feel. He could smell her... not the stench of weed and cigarette and alcohol... but the sweet perfume she wore. Like vanilla and spice. And roses.

"You're gonna be okay, baby. Everything's gonna be okay."

"I miss you... mom, I'm sorry. I tried, I just... wasn't good enough. Wasn't fast enough. Why... why can't I see you?"

Everything was blinding white and there was nothing he could really make out. But bright red hair came in his vision, and arms held him tightly in a hug. His mom was there.

"I know, I know... and I am so proud of you."

She told him to be strong. She told him motherly nothings. She held him close and never let go. It could have been years or months or a couple of minutes... Kenny could never tell how long he was gone. He'd always go back and no one would remember. He could stay there forever; he really liked eternal peace.

In fact, he didn't want to go. He was happy here. His mom was with him and it was beautiful and warm and nothing bothered him. Maybe this was nirvana; he had heard a lot about that idea. Although it wasn't a life form he took, but rather an after-life ascension, it could be his nirvana. His eight-fold path to eternal bliss.

But like a dream, the warmth slowly dissolved away. His mother's embrace left him empty and alone. His euphoric high was crashing and like a star he was falling faster...


	16. Isn't Something Missing?

_Author's Note: I don't have much to say about this one. It's super long though but I didn't really want to split it in two parts like I did with several of my other long ones that are coming up. This one had to stay together. This one was also a long time coming. Heh..._

_But thank you for all of your favorites, reviews, follows, everything. You guys rock._

_Enjoy. :)_

_Chapter Sixteen: Isn't Something Missing? _

_Title from "Missing" by Evanescence_

* * *

"Butters, how did you do on your ACT?" Kyle asked, "I got a 32!"

Butters shook his head and smiled weakly. Kyle was a genius, he knew that. But he had been proud of his 27. He worked pretty hard, he understood mostly everything, but Kyle was his competition. It was okay, though. Kyle deserved it. Especially if he was going to end up in medical school.

"I managed a 27," he responded softly. Stan dropped his milk carton as he sat at the lunch table and shook his head.

"The fuck?!" He snapped, laughing incredulously. "I got a 24 and my parents threw me a fucking party!"

Butters took a small bite of his vanilla yogurt yet set it down. He didn't eat much anymore. He never really had an appetite. A part of him was missing, his parents had him in therapy now. But he couldn't explain it. They virtually found nothing wrong with him and he got grounded for begging for attention. For six months.

"That's awesome, guys!" Kyle chirruped, "like, really. You're set for scholarships. Did you ever hear from that scout at the University of Nebraska, Stan?" The black haired boy nodded.

"Yeah, they're looking for a wide receiver but..." Stan trailed off, glancing at the empty spot next to Butters. "I'm thinking about it. They're a Big 10 University and Lincoln isn't so bad..."

"Where else would you go?" Butters asked; he hated Lincoln. Stan shrugged.

"I had a scout from Boulder check me out... Oklahoma State, Northwestern, and Washington, so far. I'm apparently a good prospect." He laughed a little. "I just..." he trailed off as Cartman took the empty spot next to Butters. The small boy scooted away enough for there to be an open space.

There always had to be that fucking empty space. Kyle hated it. It was a blatant slap in the face and he had to get a new bed and didn't sleep in his room for two months.

"I know," Kyle murmured, squeezing Stan's hand from under the table. "Boulder would be the best I think. But Nebraska has a really good medical program too. And Northwestern is pretty good too."

"But you could go to Harvard!" Butters cried, Cartman snorted and murmured something under his breath.

"Well yeah, but I would be way closer to home and I wouldn't have to deal with fucking assholes." Butters sent him a look and Kyle blushed a little.

"W-what'd you get on the ACT, Eric?" Butters asked politely. The stocky boy, who had slimmed down slightly due to also joining the football team last year but quit after breaking his toe, grinned.

"30."

"Dammit!" Stan cried in anguish and slammed his fist down on the table. "How the fuck did you do better than me?!"

"I don't spend my nights getting drunk." Cartman replied, giving Stan a look. The black haired boy rolled his eyes and Kyle looked suspiciously at Cartman and then back at Stan who went back to quietly eating his food.

Butters sighed heavily and looked at the empty spot. Ten months had been too long. Kenny lied. And the fact that he did made him bitter. And Butters hated being bitter. He just wanted... he shook his head and stood up.

"I'm going home," Butters mumbled, giving Stan his barely eaten yogurt. He gladly accepted the offer. Kyle raised an eyebrow at his "Super Best Friend" then turned to Butters.

"You okay?" The blonde nodded and pushed his hands into the pockets of his hoodie. "I'll cover for you," Butters sent him a thankful smile and Kyle nodded.

Today was October 29. Butters hated that specific date and number... 29. It reminded him of December. And he hated December more than anything. He felt tears prickle his eyes yet he shook them off and walked out of the school without even grabbing his bag; he wouldn't have homework for the rest of the day. He grabbed his keys out of his pocket and unlocked his Toyota Camry from the edge of the parking lot. The silver car beeped once and he quickly sneaked into the comfortable car. It smelled like vanilla and was absolutely spotless; it was his birthday present from his parents. Thankfully they hadn't taken it from him when he got grounded.

He turned the ignition and carefully backed out of the parking lot. Out of the pickup trucks, SUVs, and old clunkers, Butters probably had one of the best cars. The two exceptions were Stan and Kyle; Stan had gotten Shelly's old Ford Focus and Kyle had a Hyundai Elantra that was a year old. Cartman had a decent car; a Dodge Neon.

Butters pulled out of the parking lot and drove in silence down the road. He didn't bother with the radio. Usually, he'd plug his iPod into the auxiliary but he didn't really care today. He drove down the quiet streets. Snow had begun to fall, it lightly coated the ground, but it would soon melt away; it was still fairly warm. The leaves had changed and were falling heavily now; autumn was his favorite season. He loved the smell and the crunch of leaves and Halloween.

Butters turned down the block and stopped his car. Turning it off, he stepped out and walked to the entrance to the cemetery. Just like he had visited Karen everyday, he visited Kenny. He told him everything. He asked when he'd be back. He asked for a sign that he heard him. Nothing ever happened.

Kenny was the best and worst friend he had ever had. And no one would ever get that close to Butters again. His best friends were Kyle and Stan but they couldn't come close to the connection he had had with Kenny. He didn't want them to try.

He remembered the sad smiles and the pity everyone had given him. He hated hearing "sorry about your best friend" and "oh my God, Butters, how _are_ you?" Everyone was too nice to him when usually they were all so mean or indifferent. Their fake sympathy disgusted him; he'd rather be alone.

Teachers had taken pity too. For the first couple of months he had straight A's even though he hardly did anything to pass his classes. They never called on him, gave him extensions, and always asked how he was. For awhile he wasn't invisible. Just because he lost his best friend didn't mean he wanted the world to suddenly give a shit.

He knelt down by the gravestone and pressed a kiss to the granite. His finger traced over the name, like always, and the dates carved in stone. It was wrong... so wrong. Kenny was just a boy. Kenny didn't deserve it.

No one knew who had been the one to stab Kenny. At least, no one confessed and there were no witnesses. All he knew was that Kevin was angrier and Stuart hadn't shot up since Kenny had died. He still drank as if the world were ending, but he had lost his wife and one of his children. Both Kevin and Karen seemed rather unusual about the death of their brother. Kevin just remained Kevin, smoking and drinking and wasting his life while Karen had cried for a little while but waited patiently at his grave stone. As if she were expecting him to pop back up from the Earth.

"Kenny... I don't know how much longer I can come visit you." Butters said tearfully. "I keep praying and hoping for a sign... but nothing happens, you liar. And I know me hoping is just wasting my time. I need to move on. I need to... get over you. But you said you'd come back and that gives me hope. It's a vicious cycle that I need to break. I'm doing okay, other than missing you. I got a 27 on the ACT and Kyle shot it out of the water... Stan did good too. Cartman did better. I'm sure you'd do good. You'd do better than Stan too, just to spite him." Butters laughed a little bit and wiped tears from his eyes.

"Karen has got a lead in the play. She's the only freshman in it, too. I think she likes Ike Broflovski... but she hasn't told me. They've started hanging out more though. Mostly because she hangs out with me and I hang out with Kyle. They'd be pretty cute. She's happy though. Kevin is... hanging in there. He has a girlfriend now. I think she's actually good for him because he has been trying to stop using cocaine. I... don't know how your dad, I know from Karen he doesn't do meth anymore... but he's gone a lot. Kevin's been taking good care of Karen. He's looking out for her... but she misses you an awful lot. We all do. Kyle and Stan are actually dating. I mean... not publicly but they got over the whole... _what are we?_ stage and just went with it. They're really happy. It makes me sick."

"Hey," Butters snapped his head back and found Karen standing there with something in her hand. He smiled at the girl who had grown significantly in the past ten months. Her hair was beautifully wavy and layered, thanks to Bebe, and she had also mastered the art of makeup. She didn't wear too much but enough to accentuate her features. She was very skinny but had developed some curve in her early teen years, and thanks to Kevin they now had a daily food supply of more than one toaster pastry. She wore a familiar green sweater and grey skinny jeans. Her eyes were sad.

"Hey," he greeted and Karen sat next to him. He wrapped an arm around her and she leaned into his shoulder.

"How're you?" She asked quietly, twirling the ring on her finger.

"Shouldn't you be in school?" She scoffed and gave him a funny look. "I'm... not good."

"Me either. He... always comes back." Butters tilted his head. "I mean..." silence overwhelmed them both. "Butters?" He glanced at Karen. "Is... Kenny my guardian angel?"

"Hmm?"

"You know... is Kenny... Mysterion?" Butters' face fell as he heard her question.

"Why?" He asked, sounding genuinely curious rather than defensive she sighed heavily.

"Because when Kenny didn't come back right away I asked for my guardian angel to come. And every night since then I've asked for them both to come back home... but... neither of them have." Butters remained silent.

"Well... he could be. I don't really know."

"I ask because... if he isn't..." she trailed off, handing Butters something. He glanced down and stared at a green question mark in the palm of his hand. "I found this on the floor."

The question mark that sat atop Mysterion's cloak. It had to be. It was the right size, it was the right... everything. Of course Kenny probably kept the superhero getup in the closet and it would have probably been stored there. Karen had his room now, so she said, and she'd end up finding it somehow, he was sure of that.

"I want the truth."

"Karen, I can't tell you that."

"Yes you can, Butters. You have to!" She gripped his shoulders with tears in her eyes. "You're the only one who knew Kenny... _really _knew him. I didn't even. He was... is so protective, too protective. I was scared to tell him things because I knew he'd just be my overprotective older brother. And he's all I've ever had for stability and same with Mysterion and..." she broke down in Butters' arms and he held her tightly. Tears slipped from his closed eyes and he rested his head on Karen's. She understood how he felt. She got how much he hurt.

But he knew Mysterion was Kenny's last way of keeping Karen's innocence. If she didn't believe in guardian angels and someone watching out for her then she didn't need _him_; Kenny had expressed that to Butters. But Karen would always need Kenny. Just like he did.

He felt a hand on his shoulder and he hugged Karen tighter.

"Hey now, no crying, Kar-bear."

Karen jerked in his arms and gasped.

"Kenny?"

Butters snapped his head to face the direction she was looking and his jaw dropped.

There he was. Kenny-fucking-McCormick. Blonde hair, angular face, 6'4", and looking as if he had grown nearly a year older along with him and every other junior. He wore that stupid orange parka and old tattered jeans. He pulled down the hood and smiled. No missing teeth. No blood.

His heart leaped and sank at the same time. His blood ran hot and cold and a shiver crawled up his spine as he stared at that cheeky smile he hadn't seen for ten months.

"Hey Kar-bear," he greeted. She ran and hugged him tightly. Her piano-hands grabbed at his parka and her head burrowed in his chest as she cried happy tears for the first time in ten months. She murmured incoherently in his shoulder and he just smiled and patted her shoulder as he hugged her tight.

"I've missed you so much..." she whispered, kissing his cheek. Kenny smiled weakly and ruffled her hair.

"I missed you too. You're okay?" She nodded.

"Kevin too... he's doing better." Kenny gave another weak smile and turned to Butters, who hadn't said a word. "Hey, thanks for watching Karen for me. Do you think you can help me with homework?"

Butters blinked once and felt his lip curl in a scowl.

"Homework? You want help with fucking _homework_?" Butters snapped, then shoved Kenny a little too hard. Kenny lost the color in his face as he was taken aback. "I-I waited ten _fucking_ months for you! Y-You promised me you wouldn't die. And now you're back and... and you act like nothing fucking _happened_?! I-I can't deal with that, Kenny!" Butters screamed, "FUCK YOU!" tears streaming down his face. Kenny, still hugging Karen, let go and stepped forward.

"Wait, you remember?" Kenny asked with genuine shock in his voice. Butters gave a nod. "No, you don't remember. No one remembers except my family."

"You died _exactly_ ten months ago. A-and now you're _here_." Butters' anger faded as his hope and anguish mixed and fell in bittersweet tears down his cheek. "How?" He asked shakily, gripping Kenny's parka with fury running through his veins.

"I don't know. Like I said, Lee, I don't know." Kenny responded, grinning from ear to ear, "but you remember? You actually fucking remember?!" Butters nodded and stiffened as Kenny squeezed him in the tightest hug. "Oh my God, I've missed you so much," he whispered, not letting go. Butters hugged him back and tried his hardest to not scream at him and kiss him at the same time. Instead he sobbed, embarrassingly loud, and rested his head on Kenny's shoulder as he clutched that stupid coat.

"W-what the hell is happening?" Butters asked quietly, he heard Kenny laugh. "God, you... you're here. Kenny... you're here!" Kenny nodded and squeezed him tighter as they held each other. "Y-you... you don't know the half of it... missing you. I..." he trailed off as the taller boy kissed his forehead. "I just... seeing you that night. I can't... all I see is you... like that." Kenny shrugged.

"Wanna see the scar?" He asked nonchalantly. Butters pulled away and gave him a disgusted look.

"Kenny no one likes to see your scars!" Karen cried, standing close to him. He smiled at her and shrugged his shoulders.

"Maybe later then..." Butters blushed darkly.

"I just... I grieved for you. I had to... I buried you. We put you in the ground... and... you're here. I cried every night hoping you'd come back. And I was going to give up... but..."

"Here I am, as promised." Kenny mumbled with a smirk. "As always."

"Will... will Kyle and Stan remember?" Kenny shook his head.

"Doubtful. I don't even know how you did. You didn't the other times." Butters tilted his head. "Dude, I died like 100 times before that one." Butters shook his head. "Hit by a car, slipped on ice, washer fell on me, got sick, explosive diarrhea-"

"Ew!" Karen exclaimed, giving her brother a dirty look. He shrugged his shoulders.

"Trust me that was not fun for me, either," he commented back. She sighed heavily and held onto his sleeve. Butters rolled his eyes and laughed quietly.

"Come on, you gotta get home... You're still adjusting." Karen told him, Kenny sighed heavily and nodded. Butters looked at them curiously. "He has to get used to everything being different. I have to fill him in on everything so he's up to date on stuff."

"I-I can help..." Karen smiled sweetly at Butters and nodded.

"That would be great, I don't know what's going on in the life of Style." She murmured, causing Butters to snicker. Kenny tilted his head. "Kyle and Stan." He nodded slowly. He had come up with that name, way back when. It was doubtful that any of them remembered that tidbit of information.

"I'll drive," Butters chirruped and led them both to the car. Karen smiled and ran ahead, claiming she wanted to put her stuff in the trunk. Kenny watched her go then turned to Butters.

"I'm sorry about the whole... dying thing." He murmured, Butters shrugged. "It had been awhile."

"You looked scared." Butters said, Kenny shrugged his shoulders again.

"I guess I was... I don't like dying in front of people. Like that. I mean it's not a big deal if we're walking and a plane falls on me, then it's kinda funny." Butters raised his eyebrows. "It happened."

"I just... missed you. That was the worst... it was awful." He replied, then blushed as Kenny took his hand. Butters relaxed when feeling warmth radiate from the taller boy.

"I'll try harder. You look different." Kenny said, swinging their arms as they walked to the car. Butters blushed a little.

"I-I dunno, I just... is that a bad thing?" Kenny shook his head.

"You just look tired... and sad." Butters' blush darkened. "And older."

"So do you," Kenny smiled and squeezed his hand.

Kenny marveled Butters' car as they approached. He grinned when realizing he could sit in the passenger seat and leaped in. Karen smiled and began texting on her phone; this caused Kenny to be curious as to who she may be talking to. He ignored this when he felt Butters grab his hand.

"Happy belated birthday," Kenny said, glancing at the date on the stereo. Butters just smiled and murmured a quick thanks as he pulled onto the highway.

"Did you go to heaven this time, Kenny?" Karen asked from the backseat. He nodded.

"I don't know," was his quiet reply. Karen furrowed her eyebrows. "I don't know where I was... but I saw mom. It was like that one seen in "Deathly Hallows" where Harry and Dumbledore are at King's Cross and there's that creepy Voldemort baby." Karen giggled and Butters stifled his laughter at Kenny's comparison. "Maybe I was the Voldemort baby..."

They arrived at the McCormick house and Kenny looked at it curiously.

"We've been... trying to clean it up a bit." Karen trailed off and Butters nodded slowly. "After what happened, I've never seen dad like that, Kenny. He just... something snapped. He stopped shooting up that day. He was so high... you know... it's not..." Kenny nodded slowly. Their dad wasn't usually that violent. He probably had had too much in his system and he was still angry at Kenny for not trying hard enough to save their mom and his wife. He hit them, and beat them when he was drunk.

Kenny just figured it was his way of getting even for killing their mom. He never looked at him the same; because he may be the cursed one, but he was their curse as well. And he was Stuart's blatant reminder of who he had lost and who he had to live with. Their dad always thought Kenny was a little different, a little off, and Kenny knew that. Kevin was Stuart's favorite. Karen had been their mom's only daughter, but tried to show equal love for her younger children.

But he knew she had been afraid of what was in him. They both were. His parents didn't blame themselves though.

Kenny shook his head from his thoughts and looked around the yard. While it was still run down and the house was no doubt unfit to live in, the yard looked significantly better. The truck was actually in the garage and there wasn't trash all over the place. They had finally gotten rid of that beat up station wagon and broken fridge that had been "lawn ornaments". The windows and walls had actually been washed, not painted, but it was enough to make it look a little better. Their old dog Garland was gone, replaced by an Australian Shepherd who waited patiently by the cinder block steps.

"C'mere Bunny!" Karen cooed, the fluffy dog ran up to her with lightning speed and wagged its tail happily. "This is the dog Butters got me for Christmas, remember?" Kenny nodded; he had never actually seen the dog before. The shepherd dog pulled her ears back as she approached Kenny and tentatively sniffed his free hand.

"So you named her Bunny?" Karen nodded.

"She likes rabbits... she protected them from a cat when she was little." Karen explained, Kenny scratched behind the dog's ears and she wagged her tail happily. So much for a guard dog, but Karen was happy. "Kev, Kenny's home!"

Butters tensed at the gruff voice and Kenny peered in the house curiously. There was new... everything. Except the television. They had gotten a new couch and a couple of chairs and a better coffee table. Rugs covered the stains and the cracks in the wall were sealed with plaster patches and putty. It was a start. A very good start.

"I swear to fuckin' God if you pull that bullshit again yer ass is mine, ya little fucker," Kevin barked, coughing in his sleeve before wrapping his brother in a one armed hug. Butters was confused; how could they be so nonchalant about Kenny's sudden appearance?

Then again, he was probably dying all the time so they had gotten used to it. After awhile, his deaths probably got annoying. But never to him. He'd make sure Kenny never died again.

"I'm not even fucking gay, dude." Kenny responded, causing Kevin to burst out laughing.

"So he flipped his shit for no fuckin' reason? Jesus Christ, kid!" Kevin shook his head and walked into the kitchen, still laughing to himself. The house was warm and there was light; if their dad was off the rock and Kevin continued a legit job then maybe they had a chance. "Dad went to Arizona for a deal. He'll probly be back by the end of the week so 'til then I'm the boss man." Kevin said as he re-entered the room. "I got a job with a contracting company and workin' part time at a car shop. It's not much but it pays better than anythin' we've ever seen." Kenny nodded and clapped his brother on the back. The brown haired young man turned to Butters and tilted his head; it must have been a McCormick trait. "The fuck? Is that you, Butters? I haven't seen you for a long ass time."

Slowly, timidly, Butters nodded and Kevin nodded a brotherly greeting.

"So to wrap up my life since you been gone I got off the snow but I'm still lightin' up, can't take the pot from the kid. I have my jobs, and I got a girlfriend. So I'm pretty fuckin' busy. Half the time the old man an' I ain't even here but Karen is usually with Butters or over at the Brof's so she's okay, right, girlie?" Karen nodded and smiled softly at Kevin. They were never too close, but they loved each other all the same. Kenny was sure that in his absence his older brother had stepped up; it was obvious he had. "And now I'm goin' to sleep. See ya in the mornin', _faggot_." He finished, then snickered which turned into a yawn.

"G'night Kev," Kenny mumbled as the brunette ran into his room.

Butters swore that was one of the weirdest family moments he had ever seen. So dysfunctional yet... so close. Like a clan. It was so bizarre and he didn't understand; he wasn't sure if he wanted to. But they seemed happy.

Karen went to the kitchen and returned with two glasses of water and a Sprite; Kenny's favorite had been Dr. Pepper until that awful foster care stint. She handed Kenny the Sprite. He stared at the can in awe.

"Here's what you need to know... you're in the middle of your junior year of high school. You're probably in some tougher classes so get a tutor because you're not dropping out. You also have to take the ACT in December. I will make you. Not much has happened here since you've been away but Stan's parents are thinking about separating so he's in a bad place right now. By the time you get to school no one is going to even remember you were gone. You know the drill, just nod and laugh."

"Yup, I taught you that."

Butters had seen that before. A lot of times when they were younger Kenny never spoke; he just nodded and laughed and remained quiet as everyone talked about things. Did he not understand their inside jokes? Did he feel left out? Suddenly, Butters felt awful for not realizing Kenny's... situation... and realized he probably felt like as much of an outsider as he had. Maybe that's why they were so close.

"Right? Cartman's still a douche. Bebe's head cheerleader. Wendy is school president even though she's a junior. Ike skipped another grade so he's in my class now and I'm sure he'll skip at least one more. Umm... what else do you want to know?"

"What movies are out now?" Kenny asked.

"Uh... movies. Butters...?"

"Not any good ones. JK Rowling announced a new Harry Potter movie. Not too many great ones. They're making too many "Hunger Games" like books and movies so it's getting old really fast. I finally saw that movie Cannibal! The Musical you told me about, too."

"Music?"

"Music sucks. All of the bands I listen to are changing or dying out and it's dumb." Kenny grimaced and sighed heavily.

"Figures."

"Stan and Kyle are dating. It's not public though but between the four of us, y'know? And Karen too. When we're alone they're really... open about it. But Wendy knows too, she was actually really happy for them."

"What do you mean by 'open'?" Kenny asked curiously as he rubbed his temple.

"They don't mind making out in front of me. I guess Kyle's a really good kisser." Kenny chuckled softly.

"At least they finally got their heads outta their asses," the blonde replied.

"Mhmm... and Stan is being scouted by Oklahoma State, the University of Nebraska in Lincoln, Northwestern, and Washington. Kyle made an app so he's got people from different software companies talking to him. And he wants to go where Stan goes even though he could go to Harvard or somethin'," Kenny chuckled lightly and looked curiously at Karen as she led them to his old room.

"I'm in Kevin's room for the time being, he took mom and dad's, 'cause dad usually just sleeps on the couch. But I'll move back in here... if that's okay." Kenny just gave her a questioning look, as if she really thought it would bother him. "That'll probably be in a week. Considering you're... adjustment period and all... Anyway, I'm going to go make dinner. I'm sure you're starving."

"_Make_?" Kenny asked bluntly. They never had enough money to make anything, let alone toast the pop tarts they had in their possession. But Karen beamed happily at her brother and pointed to Kevin's room.

"We've slightly upgraded from pop tarts and thawed waffles... boxed mac and cheese!" She chirruped.

"With real milk?" Kenny asked excitedly. Butters' heart sank at the question and his enthusiasm for something so common. Karen stuck her tongue out and shook her head as Kenny's smile fell.

"Non-dairy instant creamer. It lasts longer but has the same stuff in it. Besides, the fridge is broken still." Kenny sighed heavily and pouted; Butters had never seen him like this. Was this what he was always like when coming back? Or was this how he was with Karen?

"I can go get some milk if you want." Butters offered. Both McCormicks shook their heads and smiled.

"He's just being a baby," the brunette girl responded as she smiled affectionately at her older brother.

"I'm _growing_!" He fought back; Karen rolled her eyes and lightly hit Kenny on the back of the head before running to the kitchen.

Butters looked at Kenny and couldn't help but wonder if that was true. But he did look adorable right now. He wore a genuinely dejected, yet happy, expression on his face and he radiated innocence which was weird considering it was... Kenny. He looked different, both younger and the same and it was surreal for Butters to see. It was as if every age he had ever lived was trying to be expressed on one face. His eyes showed the most difference; they were wide and happy.

"I forgot how much you liked milk," Butters said with a smile as Kenny flopped onto his bed. The ash blonde teen nodded.

"It's my favorite. Probably because I never freaking get it." Butters smiled sadly.

"I'll get you milk every day at lunch?" Kenny snorted and turned to face Butters with a soft smile.

"So are you getting the hell out of here too?" Kenny asked, "or are you sticking around here for college?"

"I want to go to a fine arts school but mom and dad would be upset. So I'll probably go to Boulder. I'd love to go to Rochester but... that'll never happen. What about you?" Kenny laughed out loud.

"I am so fucking far behind on school I'll probably just go in tomorrow and drop out." Butters shook his head. "That way I can work full time."

"You promised Karen and I you wouldn't do that," Butters countered and Kenny sighed heavily.

"It may seem like I've been there to every one else... but I haven't. And I'm gonna go in there and be completely fucking lost on all the homework and shit and how the hell can I start Advanced Algebra Two or whatever the fuck I'm taking...? I'll fail."

"I'll help you!"

"Besides I'd probably end up at a community college and get some shitty technical job."

"If you could go anywhere and do whatever you wanted, what would you do? Where would you go?" Kenny shrugged.

"Uh... I dunno. Graphic design is cool 'cause I like digital art and making stuff. But being a radio DJ would be cool too. But I have more of a digital art portfolio than any broadcasting time or whatever..." Butters nodded.

"Do you have any work here that you've done?" The taller blonde nodded and looked around his room. To Butters' shock he rolled right from his bed and onto the floor with a loud thud. Quickly, he pulled up the old rug and the loose floorboard. After grabbing what he searched for, he laid everything back as if he had never touched it. In his hand was a purple bag.

He handed Butters a full folder from the bag and dug around in it some more. He pulled out a little baggie full of green stuff Butters slightly recognized as marijuana. "Woohoo!" the lanky boy cried happily as he pulled out an empty Pabst Blue Ribbon can with a couple of small holes poked through the aluminum.

Butters flipped through the folder. Several sketches and drawings caught his eye. Apparently Kenny's main media was Sharpie. He shook his head and smiled. The seemingly disorganized scribbles and lines formed a unique art style that was so Kenny... and so good. Faces, scenes, and endless patterns met his eye and in the weirdest way they looked so real. A sketch of Karen, in pencil and charcoal, Butters wouldn't doubt it was the charcoal used to grill, was next, then an oil pastel drawing of Stan and Kyle in only colors of red, orange, blue, and green, then a small pencil drawing of Bebe flipping him off, and... Butters blushed.

"Is that me?" He asked, holding up a printed digital art piece. A boy with bright blonde hair, sky blue eyes, pale skin with pink cheeks who looked just like Butters looked as if he were laughing. Kenny took a look and nodded.

"Yeah, that was last year when Stan was imitating Cartman the whole night and you were laughing like crazy." Butters' cheeks grew darker.

"It's really good," Kenny smiled softly and shrugged his shoulders.

"You can keep it, this one is my favorite." Kenny replied nonchalantly as he held up a printout of a bird's eye view of...

"That's South Park?" Butters asked in shock; Kenny nodded again. "Holy buckets, there's like... everyone in this picture!" The blonde shook his head in disbelief. "This is amazing!"

"Thanks, want it?" Butters shook his head. He loved it but he couldn't take it from Kenny. Not if it was his favorite.

"I wouldn't..."

"I can just print another copy, dude. No worries."

"Ah, gee, thanks Ken. Can I... can I ask you a question?" Kenny nodded and rested his head on his arms. "Do you like... physically change at all when you come back or are you just the same? Do you feel weird? Does anything change in your personality? And do you really get hungry?" The ash blonde boy burst out laughing and looked at Butters in amusement. He sat up and rested his hands on his knees.

"I've had differences when I come back but nothing major. Sometimes my dominant hand changes but I think I'm pretty much ambidextrous now because of that. My hair changes too sometimes, it's been lighter or darker and one time it was like an orangey-blonde-ish red. But usually it's this color." Kenny pointed to the shaggy honey-ash colored hair at the top of his head. "Um... but other than that I think I'm physically the same. Never noticed a difference. I guess it feels weird if it's been this long. I've only been gone this long one other time and... that was when Cartman went crazy for stem cell research. Usually it's just a 24 hour period but the longer I'm gone the... weirder it is. Usually I just wake up and feel like I got the best sleep ever. A week I feel kind of out of it and fuzzy headed for a few hours. Now... I feel really weird. Like... everything is new. It's kinda like that show Karen watches with Ruby where there's that time traveler and he regenerates or whatever..."

""Doctor Who"?" Butters asked, Kenny nodded.

"Yup, that one. It's kinda like that. I feel like I have new senses and taste buds and I'm like aging all at once. That'll stop soon." Kenny paused for a moment. "My personality hasn't ever changed. I'm just the same ol' Kenny. And yes, I'm starving. Do you want to stay over?"

Butters was still trying to process all of the information Kenny had provided and then the fact he just asked him to stay the night as if... well it wasn't a big deal but then Butters would have to ask his parents and go through a lecture.

"I dunno, I mean I'd like to but my parents have stupid rules so I'd have to ask them." Butters replied, his heart twinged as Kenny's face visibly fell slightly, making him look even littler.

"Okay, that's cool. Do you wanna stay for dinner at least? I know it's not much but..."

Butters actually shook his head as he looked sadly at Kenny. Everyone always opted for Stan and Kyle's house; even Butters' a couple of times. Of course, Kenny probably wanted to get as far away from his house as possible so maybe it wasn't a big deal to his best friend. Seeing the disappointment on Kenny's face caused his heart to ache, though.

"Yeah, I can stay for dinner. I'll text and ask my mom if I can stay the night. Could we go to my house quick?" Kenny nodded and smiled brightly.

The two left Kenny's bedroom and told Karen they would be back in a little while. Instead of walking, they drove to Butters' house. He smiled when realizing his parents weren't home. He raced to his room, with Kenny behind him, and quickly packed an overnight bag. After double checking to make sure he had his toothbrush and contacts case, he texted his mom to let him know he was staying at Kenny's house; he didn't even bother to ask. He would ignore her calls. Besides, he was already grounded; they couldn't do much worse to him.

Before he left, however, he dragged Kenny into the kitchen.

"Close your eyes and open your mouth." Butters told him, causing the taller blonde to smirk.

"With pleasure, babe." Kenny teased, Butters' cheeks heated as he poured a glass of milk and put a straw in the glass. He was right, Kenny was still Kenny. Nothing would ever change. He didn't realize how much he missed his perverted remarks; of course they would get old but... they were Kenny.

"Now close your mouth." Kenny did as he was told and furrowed his eyebrows. "Suck." He laughed with his mouth around the straw and took a sip of the milk. His eyes opened and he grinned at Butters. He winked momentarily before hollowing his cheeks and taking the biggest gulp he could muster.

Butters had seen that look, in the darkest night in his deepest dreams, and he felt his heart skip a beat. He grabbed onto the counter and averted his attention from Kenny; he couldn't let his hormones get the best of him. He had them under slight control now, and that was incredibly difficult to do.

Kenny quickly finished the drink and rinsed the glass. After setting it by the other unwashed dishes, he squeezed Butters in a hug.

"Thanks, dude. I know it's stupid but..." Butters shook his head and held Kenny in the embrace still.

"Not stupid, I really like green tea but I don't have it a lot either so I get it." His situation was completely different from Kenny's but... he had to say something to make him feel better. It apparently worked, because he saw Kenny grin toothily as he pulled away from him.

"Well, I'll have to try that sometime. And I know I only have a black and white TV and I don't really have any video games but... we can still do something. Karen and I usually play board games when we're bored. She likes Candyland. Kevin's favorite was always that Rat Race game, and I always liked to play Blind Man's Bluff. Like when you stayed over that one time?"

"Sounds fun, and I can bring my laptop too." Butters replied chipperly. Kenny nodded and pocketed his hands in his parka. "Hey, why don't we surprise your brother and sister?" Butters suggested, causing Kenny to tilt his head. "I-I mean, mac and cheese sounds great but I don't think it's real fitting for your return. And I'm really craving beef stew and it's a perfect night for it. I have most of the ingredients but we might have to stop over at the grocery store." Kenny shrugged.

"It's not a big deal, Lee," Butters crossed his arms and gave Kenny a look.

"It is to _me_, c'mon," The smaller blonde dragged Kenny by the cloth of his parka. He sighed heavily and took the items Butters grabbed from the cupboards and freezer. Well, we just need potatoes. See? Not a big deal."

Kenny looked uncomfortable but nodded. He carried the bag of ingredients to the car and waited for Butters to get in before he sat in the Toyota. Butters looked at him curiously, knowing something was wrong but didn't want to push, and put a hand on his shoulder.

"You alright?" He asked and the ash blonde nodded, smiling weakly.

"Never better," Kenny responded and picked at the skin around his thumbnail. Butters sighed and shrugged his shoulders before turning on the radio. A song by Of Montreal and Kenny looked slightly interested at the radio.

"Is that the original stereo?" He asked, Butters nodded and he grinned, "that's awesome. Good speakers and subs. How's the heat?"

"Really hot," Butters told him and turned the knob to "high." Kenny stuck his hands in front of the vents and smiled contentedly. He curled his legs up onto the seat and rested his hands on each of his knees. In the weirdest way he did look comfortable, but small. His eyes were closed and as Butters parked at the store he realized he was asleep. It confused Butters as to how he could be tired but... he didn't understand the process. He didn't even understand how he was "okay" with talking to his best friend after ten months of grief. Or the fact that up until an hour ago he was dead. Everything seemed to begin to fade from his memory, but he remembered all the same. The fogginess eased his pain, however, and found himself feeling mostly overjoyed at being with him again.

Butters let him sleep in the car and quickly bought a five pound bag of potatoes; his parents could use them too. He smiled at the clerk and handed her an extra dollar for her nice customer service; she looked very appreciative. He figured she deserved it and he wasn't going to miss a dollar.

Butters put the bag of Russet potatoes next to the paper bag from his house. Kenny's forehead was pressed against his knees as he slept and a light snore came from his parted mouth. Butters smiled adoringly and sighed heavily.

Honestly, the first thing he had wanted to do when he saw Kenny was kiss him. But Kenny seemed different. And that put him off. Perhaps it was just temporary as he got used to this whole "being back" thing. He never noticed him like this, then again he had been unaware he ever died and didn't exactly... believe that he did. He had never seen it since Kenny had brought up the subject. But now... he felt extremely guilty for doubting his best friend and he didn't understand how everyone else could just forget.

As Butters sat in the driver's seat, he brushed back Kenny's long hair from his forehead. He felt extremely warm, almost feverish, but he looked fine. Kenny was always a toaster, anyway. Even if he was cold, he was warm to everyone else. It was bizarre. Unable to help himself, he stroked his thumb over Kenny's cheek. His skin was soft and smooth, yet marred with scars that made small grooves and raised his skin. They lay right along his jaw, and looked like two claw marks. As he looked back at Kenny's closed eyes, Butters jumped and pulled back his hand in alarm.

His eyes, in fact, were not closed. But wide open as they stared up at Butters in a way he had only seen on puppies or in horror films. But the fact that those blue orbs were watching him and he remained silent and still...

"Hamburgers, Ken!" Butters cried, laughing nervously, "I-I'm sorry, I just..." Kenny smirked at him from his bent position and blinked slowly. He didn't look innocent now. He looked like... _Kenny_.

"Just... what?" He asked, faking innocence. He knew exactly what Butters was going to say.

"I just... wanted to feel you, know you were really here and I wasn't going crazy."

"Happen often?" He teased, Butters shrugged his shoulders. Kenny sighed and lifted his head from its bent position. He popped his neck; Butters cringed at the cracking noises his bones made.

"Not really..." Kenny smirked once again and put his hand on top of Butters', which rested on the gear shift.

"I know it's weird. I'm not used to anyone remembering but... you don't know what it means to me that you actually do. And you're going out of your way for a fucking sleepover." Kenny added, glancing in the backseat. The bright blonde boy remained silent; the least he could do was remember. After all, they were best friends. He didn't understand how anyone could forget.

The blood and Kenny's laugh and the way he felt beneath him... the way his kisses grew nonexistent and his body became limp and vacated... seeing him lifeless had scarred him. He hadn't slept for a week and nearly every night he had nightmares. He couldn't ever forget that. Even if Kenny never died again, and years went by and he was always there... he'd still see those glassy eyes and the blood on his shirt.

"Stop thinking about it," Kenny surfaced him from his drowning thoughts. Butters exhaled the breath he hadn't known he was holding and met Kenny's gaze. "I'm gonna shower quick when we get back... but then I'll help you cook. I've never really done it but... I can figure out something to do."

"You don't touch the knives. Or anything sharp." Kenny nodded. "And you don't reach for anything or climb to get anything-"

"Why would I have to climb?" Butters rolled his eyes and turned the key in the ignition.

They arrived back to the Kenny's house and, as he said, Kenny went to shower. Karen had lost the macaroni and cheese to Kevin, who had woken up from his nap when smelling food, and was quite happy they had planned something else. Butters asked for as much of her help as possible so Kenny wouldn't have to be in the kitchen; he didn't want him getting hurt somehow... or anyhow. Kenny was unlucky and he didn't want to see him get killed again.

"Butters?" Karen asked as she diced potatoes like an expert. Home economics must have done the trick for her. "Do you like Kenny?"

He wasn't sure what to say; he thought his feelings were obvious. Especially to her. But, if she didn't know then she at least deserved to. So, he nodded.

"He likes you too, he told me. But don't tell him I told you because I broke our code." Butters blushed and smiled at Karen a little; he and Kenny had this conversation long ago. A part of him wondered what would have happened if Kenny hadn't died that night. If he showed up... would they be dating now? If so, they would be together longer than Kyle and Stan.

He was also well aware of Kenny's reputation but he didn't think he'd kiss people like that if he didn't have feelings for them. "I think you'd be really cute, and you'd compliment each other really well. I know he's a little crazy, but he means well. Being outgoing and... adventurous is his way of venting I guess. I'm the opposite. But I know that he needs you. You're like Stan and Kyle but... different. But like them you can't have you without him. I saw it and it didn't work. I just... think you're the best thing that's ever happened to Kenny. No matter if you're boyfriends or just best friends. He needs you."

Butters felt his lip tremble and he hugged Karen in a sibling-like hug. She wrapped her arms tightly around him and kissed his cheek. He could feel her ribs in her petite frame and grimaced but said nothing.

"I love you, Butters," she whispered, smiling warmly up at him. He laughed quietly and kissed her forehead.

"I love you too, Karen."

They understood each other. They got each other through those miserable ten months. That was something he would never forget. He knew there was a bond between them that, like Kenny, no one would understand. No one wore the grief like they had.

"If you don't kiss by the end of the night though I will force it," she murmured with the famous McCormick smirk. "Now, do you want me to drain the tomatoes?"

By the time Kenny got out of the shower all of the ingredients had been mixed and now the stew was cooking. He walked out in a pair of old flannel pajama pants and a grey t-shirt. His hair was dripping wet and he already looked more like the Kenny he had lost ten months ago. Most of the crossing of ages stopped by now, which was a relief to Butters.

"The fuck? I wanted to help!" He barked, Butters and Karen just gave each other a knowing look and smiled at Kenny innocently. "Well, anyways it smells great. Best smell this pit has ever had, I'd say." Karen snorted and sank onto the old couch comfortably. Butters sat next to her and Kenny took the floor in between their feet.

"I hate to break it to you but we have homework," Butters murmured, causing Kenny to groan loudly and move to hit his head on the back of the couch. Before his head made contact, the younger boy placed his leg where Kenny's head would smack. He looked behind and sighed heavily.

"What do I have to do?"

"Find a poem from the Romantic period and read it out loud tomorrow. Then there's an essay involved. Tomorrow night is also the homecoming football game."

"Am I still on the team?" Karen nodded, "fucking hell."

"And Saturday is the dance! I'm going, Ruby is letting me borrow a dress." Kenny furrowed his eyebrows as he slowly turned to face his sister.

"You can only go if you have a date..." he trailed off. She gave him a look and his fist clenched. "Who is it?" He asked in a tense voice. Butters put a hand on his shoulder.

"Ike, we're going as friends because we both wanted to go. He's picking me up... but Kyle is driving us."

"With Stan..." Butters trailed off, "as _friends_ though," he added with a wink. Kenny nodded slowly. "They just couldn't find anyone else to go with, it was _such_ a shame..."

"You should go!" Karen chirruped to her brother. Kenny scoffed.

"I hardly even know what grade I'm in, I'm not going to a stupid dance," he grumbled as he crawled to fidget with the television. Static came through and he hit it a couple of times. The news played in fuzzy grayscale. "I'll probably just call in sick tomorrow so I don't have to play the game."

"You can't, you're nominated for homecoming king."

Kenny's jaw dropped as his sister spoke. "You got popular because you're the wide receiver..."

"You're going up against Stan, you're the only juniors except for Token." Butters added more information. Kenny nodded slowly.

"So I have to go to the dance?" Karen nodded.

"You should take Butters!" She chirruped and nudged the boy next to her who suddenly paled. He hadn't been planning on going to the dance, either. He was just going to watch movies and read until he fell asleep. He'd go to the football game, of course, but dances weren't his thing. He hadn't gone to any of the homecomings or formals.

"Uh... uh no, that's okay." Kenny shook his head and smirked devilishly at him. Butters tried to shrink into the couch. "Honest, I-I..." The taller boy got on his knees in front of him and reached for his hand. With a dramatic flare, and trying not to laugh, he held his hand in a posh manner, and bowed.

"Leopold, will you go to homecoming with me? And if I win homecoming king then fuck the queen, you're dancing with me. And you're going to like it." Butters' mouth opened and closed as he fought for words. Kenny was serious. He actually just asked him to homecoming. "And we're gonna show South Park something it's never even thought of... okay?" His cheeks heated as he caught Kenny's eyes.

"I-I guess..." he trailed off hesitantly. What would everyone think? His parents would find out. Everyone would say things and make comments and... he shook his head. Fuck it. Fuck them. Kenny was his best friend and if Kenny wanted to do this, Butters did too. "It sounds great," he added more confidently. "I'll get us matching boutonnieres." The dark blonde boy nodded and squeezed his knee.

Soon enough dinner was ready and Kevin conveniently woke up in time to eat. All of them talked around the coffee table as they ate. Their chatter was mostly to help Kenny catch up on the happenings in South Park and the world. A couple of times he felt Kenny's bare foot brush up against his and he jumped when feeling Kenny's left hand take his right hand in his own. But he passed it off as his back itching and squeezed Kenny's hand gently.

He remained silent about how much they ate; he knew it would be the biggest, and probably best, meal they had eaten in a long time. Which was why he had doubled the recipe. Kevin ate the fastest and the most; four bowls were inhaled within twenty minutes. Butters was pretty sure he had a food coma as he lay on the ground, nearly passed out with the first genuine smile on his face any of them had ever seen. Karen only had two bowls and ate daintily. She seemed almost nervous as she picked at the vegetables and sipped the broth. Kenny managed to fill his bowl with mostly potatoes and broth the first time around, then ate one more regular bowl. He tried to control how fast he ate but considering how starved he was he still wolfed it down; Butters understood. He was just happy they liked it; and it actually was good. He actually had two servings himself.

Karen cleared the old bowls and set them in the sink. Kenny was leaning on the couch, clutching his uncommonly full stomach and talking non-stop to a sleeping Kevin. Butters sat next to him and knocked his knee with his. He smiled crookedly at him and nudged his leg back. They repeated this for quite some time until Karen stood up from her curled perch on the couch.

"Kenny, can I go to Ike's for a little bit? We have a project due tomorrow." Karen chirruped, he shrugged his shoulders and looked at Butters momentarily before nodding.

"Be back by 10:00," he added before she shut the door; of course she wouldn't abide by it. There was no such thing as a curfew in their house. Kenny sighed and turned back to Butters. "Does she hang out with him a lot?" Butters nodded.

"Kyle says Ike has a crush on her but is afraid to do anything about it."

"Why?"

"Because he's two years younger than her. And because of you," Butters responded, causing Kenny to smile smugly. "And Kevin too, but... he's seen you beat people up and it's not pretty." He felt uneasy at the happiness Kenny was radiating but didn't say anything. "Do you want to watch a movie? I brought a couple movies. Or we could play games too like you said."

"Sure, whatever you want. I'm gonna have a smoke though, kay?" Kenny asked, pulling out a homemade cigarette. But as Butters looked at it closer he realized it wasn't tobacco but pot. Hesitantly, he nodded; he didn't want to go home with the smell of that on his clothes but he was sure there was nothing else he could do. He watched curiously as Kenny lit the end of the joint and took a deep inhale. Something about him seemed to relax at that point, as if he needed the smoke. Marijuana wasn't addictive, Butters knew that, but he seemed desperate.

But the way he looked with his pupils dilated and so relaxed intrigued Butters. He wasn't in an altered state, he was just same old Kenny, except he looked open.

"Can I try?" Butters asked finally; he couldn't believe those words came from his mouth. Kenny blinked and peered at the shorter boy curiously, unsure what to do. "I-I..." his hands shook as he was handed the joint.

"Put it in your mouth and take in a few breaths but not big. You'll cough. Then hold it until you can't hold it anymore." Butters did as he was told and felt the smoke burn his throat and lungs. It smelled and tasted weird. Really weird. But it wasn't bad like cigarettes; he hated the thickness of cigarette smoke. It felt nice.

Soon the two were passing the joint back and forth and talking. Butters' mind was slowly losing focus but gaining... something. He couldn't tell what. He just felt like nothing could bother him. All of the stress was relieved from his shoulders and the smell of the pot was strangely comforting. No wonder Kenny did this.

"Ken... I want a taco." Butters announced after who knows how much time had passed. Kenny raised his lip slightly in acknowledgment.

"You feeling okay?"

"Wonderful! I just want a taco. They're speaking to me." Kenny chuckled and looked at the clock; 8:58 p.m.

"Taco Bell? I'm feeling a Baja Blast,"

"Those cinnamon crunchy things... and ice cream. We need ice cream, Kenny. And tacos."

"Can you drive?" Butters looked at his hands and felt his head swim slightly. He shook his head. "Would you let me drive?"

"If I get tacos then you can do whatever you want." Butters blurted, Kenny's eyes widened, and he handed him the keys to his car. Normally he wouldn't have let Kenny but now... now he didn't care. Fuck it if his parents found out; they did enough crazy shit. Why couldn't he just be a normal kid for once? If this was normalcy then he wanted it all the time.

Kenny sat in the driver's seat and turned on the car. He grinned as he patted the steering wheel and wiggled a little in the seat. Soon, after Butters fumbled with the seat belt they were off down the road.

"We're going to Frisco, that's like the closest Taco Bell."

"Frisco's a good cat name. Like Felix... but frisky." Kenny snickered quietly as Butters rambled to himself.

Butters stared at the dashed yellow lines on the road and giggled quietly to himself. As Kenny slowed down slightly, he tilted his head.

"What's so funny?"

"Have you ever noticed the lines in the highway are like Pac-Man? Like... whacka whacka whacka..." Butters repeated the "Pac-Man" sound repeatedly as Kenny drove. The high boy shook his head at his higher companion and covered his mouth to hide the fact he was laughing at him, and not with him.

"Dude, you're so baked," Kenny snorted as he gave up and burst out laughing. Butters giddily giggled and laid his head on his best friend's shoulder.

"I feel so _happy_! Ken we should do this all the time. Kyle too. He needs to get that stick outta his ass."

"I'm sure Stan's more than a stick..." both boys fell into fits of laughter that wracked their bodies and caused tears to stream from their eyes. "But I agree, he's too uptight." Butters nodded on Kenny's shoulder.

"You have pretty eyes. Like frost on windows... or frosty skies. But... deep. Like I could swim in them."

"Oh, yeah?" Kenny purred. It sent shivers down his spine and he felt his stomach tingle in a very familiar way.

"You're the saddest song I've ever heard because you're so happy with the simple things even I take for granted and you're just so beautiful... your name rolls of the tongue like... Romantic poetry."

"Lee, you're making no sense."

"But I am, you see? You make no sense to me. But I understand you completely."

Kenny remained silent. His smile had faded and his knuckles were white as they clutched the steering wheel. Butters was comfortable in the silence. Except he wanted music. He flipped on the stereo and a top 40s pop song played through the radio. He hummed quietly along with it as he drummed his hands on his thigh.

"Do... do you know what you want?" Kenny asked in a hoarse voice, then pointed to the drive-thru menu.

"Hi, welcome to Taco Bell, may I take your order?"

"A cool ranch Doritos Locos Taco box, a crunchwrap supreme, and two churros." Kenny's jaw dropped momentarily but shrugged.

"Hola seniorita, buenos noches!" He chirruped in a voice that sounded like he was on helium. Butters threw his head back as he laughed uncontrollably. Kenny was laughing with his mouth closed.

"That's an Indian accent with Spanish..."

"I'm a Spinach!"

"I'm Popeye the Sailor Man..." Butters sang, then burst out into hysterical laughter. Kenny snorted and cleared his throat. "What did you want again?" The order was relayed again, and this time Kenny spoke in that same chipmunk-y voice Butters couldn't figure out.

"All right, that'll be $13.27 at the first window," the drive-thru clerk replied. She gave Kenny and Butters an odd look as she took the $20 bill Butters had handed to Kenny, then shrugged and gave them the bag of food and the 16 ounce drink.

"Have a good night!" Kenny chirruped uncharacteristically and winked before peeling out of the drive-thru lane and onto the main road. After driving a quarter of a mile he slammed the brake at the stoplight. Horns honked and he slowly drove through the light; he flipped off everyone that passed him.

"But that was totally illegal..." he murmured to himself, now flipping off the truck that was driving nearly bumper to bumper. Butters shook his head as he chowed down on his food.

"No, it was green... green means go."

"Oh, right..."

"And yellow is gun it," he giggled, then choked as a Doritos crumb went down his throat the wrong way and he grimaced.

"Can I have a sip?" He asked in a strangled voice, Kenny nodded and focused on the lines in the highway. As they got onto the open road, he drove straight in the middle so Butters could play Pac Man. This seemed to occupy his attention for a few minutes, until cars began to pass them.

"Y'know, I"m surprised you got high, most people don't the first time. Like I just felt really bad... then again I was seven so..." Butters shrugged.

"I love this stuff, sell me some." Kenny shook his head.

"No, it's leverage for you to hang out with me," he teased, then poked Butters' nose. The bright blonde gave him a look and took his right hand in his.

"I always wanna be with you, Ken," he whispered softly and kissed his cheek. He heard the older boy gasp softly in a hitched breath and his widely dilated eyes turned to look at Butters. All he could see was black, no cerulean, and he felt his cheeks heat. Kenny smiled softly and he pressed his foot on the break... or was it the gas pedal? Butters inhaled a shaky breath and he closed his own blown eyes as he lifted his head from Kenny's shoulder. Their lips were millimeters apart when a horn blared loudly, pulling them out of their moment. A pair of bright lights glared in the windshield caused Kenny to swerve and swear under his breath as he veered back into the right lane. He then pulled over to the side of the road and ran a hand through his ever-messy hair. Death was fine but not with Butters.

As he regained his composure, he glanced at the smaller blonde who was laughing hysterically.

"I think that guy shit his pants," he choked between laughs, Kenny shook his head and chuckled in disbelief. Normal Butters would be hyperventilating and probably crying. But high Butters was a completely different story. He kind of really liked high Butters; he was completely carefree.

"I have never felt so adrenalized... is that even a word?"

"Yes," Kenny breathed in a quiet chuckle. He wasn't sure though.

"When we get back let's go to Stark's Pond!" Kenny shrugged and nodded; school be damned. "We can look at the stars like we used to, that was always so much fun..." he trailed off and laid back down on Kenny's shoulder. The dark blonde boy sighed heavily and smiled contentedly as he began to drive once more.

They arrived nearly forty minutes later without nearly dying. Butters ran to their spot, a jutted out bank on the north side with an oak tree nearby. Kenny joined him and laid down, just like they used to.

"I'm still hungry," Butters murmured. Kenny offered his drink; he shook his head.

"Well you have another churro..."

"I got it for you, they're delicious."

"We can split it," Kenny suggested, "I'm not really hungry." Butters smirked.

"Only if we do it _Lady and the Tramp_ style." Kenny rolled his eyes and smiled weakly.

"Kay," he murmured as Butters opened the Taco Bell bag and put the churro on Kenny's lips. Trying not to laugh, he parted his lips and enclosed them around the cinnamon stick.

Butters did the same and Kenny snickered at how ridiculous they probably looked. He took the first bite. Soon, there was only enough for one person to eat and they both remained still, waiting for the other to move. Curling his tongue back, Kenny popped the fried treat into Butters' mouth.

His body went into haywire as Butters captured his tongue between his lips, sucked gently for a moment, and then pulled away to chew the last bite.

"Cinnamony," Butters murmured, then turned to Kenny. The bright blonde didn't have a chance to even take a breath before the sixteen year old pounced on him. He smiled down at Butters as he landed on his back, and they locked eyes.

"Hi," Kenny whispered, unsure of what to say or do. He felt his heart race as Butters stroked his cheek and ran a hand through his tousled hair. His head lowered and he could feel his lips brush his ear as Butters whispered for only him to her.

"Shut up and kiss me already."

His lips crashed against Kenny's in an electrifying kiss. Butters tightened his legs around Kenny's waist and gasped as he felt the taller boy straddle him. The ash-blonde boy ran his skeletal hands up Butter's back and relished the warmth on his hands as their lips danced together in such a familiar rhythm; it nearly brought tears to Butters' eyes. Butters breathed shakily through his nose as Kenny's mouth claimed his; he hadn't realized the strength of his pent up desire until the ferocity of his hungry kisses sought satiation.

Hearing Kenny moan quietly as he accidentally bit his lip caused Butters' stomach to squirm. He felt his muscles in his abdomen twitch as the bony hands gripped his hips with a gentle strength. He squeaked as he felt Kenny's tongue at his lips, and he quickly opened his mouth to grant him access.

Butters' hands fidgeted momentarily before tugging the hem of Kenny's hoodie. His eyes met Kenny's lust-blown and already dilated eyes and he felt him smile as he pulled off of his lips with a loud pop. Butters shook his head; he didn't want to lose the contact. Ten months without this... without feeling Kenny was making him desperate for whatever game they had started nearly three years ago.

"Lee," Kenny whispered as he unzipped his hoodie and shrugged it off his shoulders. He was naked underneath; Butters licked his lips as he stared at the pale skin that seemed luminescent under the orange harvest moon of October. The wind billowed gently and goose pimples broke his skin. "What time is it?"

Butters felt his head swim at the question; that was what was on Kenny's mind? He shrugged his shoulders; he didn't care. He just wanted this to continue. He was not going to allow Kenny to stop this, not this time. And never again.

"I don't know," he replied shakily, his fingers brushing against Kenny's too-skinny abdomen. He did have muscle, he could feel the tautness in his stomach, and he didn't look as malnourished as usual. No matter, Butters thought he was beautiful. He could feel the scars as his fingers brushed over his skin, from his navel, to the ribs that raised his skin, and to his chest. His heart fluttered rapidly against Butters' touch and his skin was hot, radiating warmth he didn't think he had. "Please..." he trailed off, index finger drawing circles on his chest. Kenny tilted his head and Butters sighed heavily. "Please... don't stop this..."

He wanted to taste his skin; he could smell Kenny's scent and it was driving him wild. But Kenny just peered down at him with black eyes and he smiled weakly.

Butters jerked as he felt Kenny's mouth softly kiss his neck and his hands roam freely under the cloth of his shirt and sweater. He arched his back and whimpered quietly as he felt his teeth nibble and suck on the sensitive skin of his collar bone. He wasn't sure if it was supposed to tickle, and his mind was in over-drive as it short-circuited.

Kenny's knees bent as he straddled Butters' left thigh, and he pushed up his two shirts. Butters sat up so they could be pulled off of him and Kenny smiled as he revealed the bare skin.

Butters knew he wasn't impressive; he didn't work out but he wasn't chubby. He had a soft stomach and definitely wasn't toned; he was just average. But Kenny seemed appreciative nonetheless as his head dipped lower on his chest, pressing kisses down the trail he started. Butters bit his lip and stifled an astonished cry as Kenny's tongue flicked his nipple tenderly. He laughed when Butters bucked his hips against his knee for friction.

"K-Kenny... wh-what...?" he trailed off in a strangled moan as Kenny's mouth expertly nibbled his skin and soothed the red spots he had marred on his flesh with his tongue. It was almost too much, and he had no clue what his body was doing. He giggled quietly and squirmed when he felt his tongue circle his navel, yet nervousness suddenly rose in him. No one had ever been this close to him and no one had ever made him feel like this. He felt hot blooded as his heat boiled deep in his blood, and he could feel Kenny's hot, shaky breath on his skin as he placed a gentle kiss at the waistband of his jeans.

When those eyes looked up at Butters inquisitively, he swore he came right then and there. Yet he didn't; he knew what that felt like. But Kenny looked so... devilishly innocent. His cheeks were uncharacteristically flamed red and his hair was tousled with his bangs wet on his forehead from sweat. His lips were red, puffy, and glimmered with saliva after licking them instinctively. And his eyes... no matter black or blue they looked angelic. Innocent; but he was so, so wrong.

"Can I...?" Kenny asked with a slightly strained voice. Butters inhaled sharply as he felt one of his hands on his hip, the other massaging his inner thigh and brushing over the bulge in his skinny jeans. Butters locked eyes with Kenny and fought his nervousness with desperation.

"I... want you to. But... I'm nervous." Butters whispered in a pant. That face, those eyes... he could understand how Kenny could worm his way into anyone's bed. He was, in his own way, beautiful. And Butters couldn't say no to those wide eyes. "And... I don't want this to be a casual thing, Ken. I want... you. I don't want the feelings. I want _you_," his senses must have come back to him sometime, although his mind was floating for a completely different reason. Kenny nodded as his elegant fingers unbuttoned his jeans. "I don't want to be just another person."

He moaned quietly as he felt Kenny's hand brush against him again as he undid his jeans. His stomach churned with nervousness and anticipation as Kenny slowly pulled down the dark grey pants by the belt loops. They were settled around his ankles and he watched as the ash blonde teen crawled slowly back on top of him, his knees rested on either side and he smiled gently at Butters.

"You've _never_ been just another person," he whispered honestly as he looped his hands under the dark boxer briefs on Butters' hips. The blonde beneath him hitched in a breath as he felt Kenny's tongue run up his length through the fabric. His breath came out in a shuddered gasp and he couldn't help but bite his lip as the older boy teased him and made him feel... amazingly incredible and fantastic and scared all at once.

His eyes opened as Kenny pulled down the briefs from his waist and modesty washed over him, as if he wanted to push him off, pull on his clothes and run. He didn't want Kenny to see him, to think he was less than what he was. He didn't want Kenny to laugh as he was exposed. Nervously, he looked at Kenny, who had pushed the garment down with his foot that had become bare some time ago, Butters didn't know when.

"You don't... have to..." Butters trailed off, Kenny raised an eyebrow as he trailed his hand up his thigh.

"I know. Do you want me to?" He asked quietly, seriously, his hand halting on the spot.

"Don't make fun of me..." Kenny tilted his head in the way he always did, the way the Butters always thought was adorable.

"Never, Lee. I'm not good with compliments... but... you're fucking gorgeous." Kenny whispered, his hand reached up to grab Butters'. "Your soul, your looks, body, you... all of you is gorgeous. I mean it," he said, causing Butters to blush as his hand trailed back down his soft stomach, passed the thin line of hair, "just tell me if you want me to or not." Butters nodded.

"Thank you..." Butters trailed off and Kenny smiled before tentatively taking his arousal in his hand. Butters' eyes widened at the feeling and he jerked slightly.

"I don't get how this fits in those super tight pants you wear," Kenny murmured with a smirk, before tenderly kissing his inner thigh as he slowly stroked his member. Butters gasped and closed his eyes as he felt the slow movements; he never knew this could feel so...

"O-oh!" he shouted when feeling something warm and wet enclosing around the head of his cock. He looked down and saw Kenny looking up at him with those wide eyes that would get him anywhere and everywhere, and felt his heart leap in his throat. His hand was still pumping him gently yet firmly and he gasped and writhed and moaned; he couldn't help it... this was the most amazing feeling he had ever felt. All because of Kenny, all because...

Kenny's tongue circled the tip and trailed down the underside of his shaft, his eyes were bright as if he were a kid in a candy store. Butters stammered and flailed his hands. He had to grab something, the grass wasn't good enough. A hand took his and he found his fingers woven in Kenny's soft blonde and now damp hair. Better. Much better.

"K-Kenny!" he trailed off, crying out as Kenny sucked lightly on his balls. Euphoria and ecstasy coursed through his veins as pleasure sent his nerves on haywire. He couldn't help but watch as Kenny pulled his mouth away and took a shallow breath before licking his lips. The boy between his legs sent him a smirk before taking his entire length in his mouth. Butters shouted and quickly covered his mouth as he felt the warm wetness of Kenny's mouth pumping expertly on his shaft, his cheeks hollowed as he willed his gag reflexes to calm as he deep-throated Butters.

He choked as Butters thrusted and he placed his hands on the petite boy's hips to still them.

Butters swore he had never felt something so incredible. The way Kenny sucked and licked and grazed his teeth so very carefully was the best feeling in the world, he swore. His mind was lost in the world of pleasure and moan after moan echoed from his lips as Kenny's speed picked up. The way the sixteen year old looked before him, so at ease, so eager to do this, it amazed Butters. He clutched and pulled his hair, eliciting a moan from Kenny and Butters' eyes widened at the vibration on his member.

His toes tingled. A familiar buildup was growing in his stomach and he felt sweat practically drenching his hair as he writhed and moaned in his hand. Kenny seemed aware of this as well; his movements slowed, yet he sucked hard and caressed his balls as his other hand kept his hips from bucking into his throat.

"Ken... Kenny... oh G-God..." he breathed, his sentence growing incoherent as the boy on him drew him in deeper, coaxing him. His fingers tugged Kenny's hair roughly, and he seemed to brace his head. Another moan, louder, vibrated from Kenny's mouth and Butters' words were lost in a mewling whine as his body jerked beneath Kenny and he lost himself in the waves of pleasure coursing through his mind and body. He squeezed his eyes shut and dug his nails in Kenny's head, grabbing for something, and cried out; his voice echoed in the night yet he didn't care. Kenny continued sucking, milking him until the waves of his orgasm stilled and he began to soften. He pulled his mouth off of Butters with a pop, swallowed thickly, and wiped his mouth.

Butters gasped and panted as he tried to regain his breath and composure. Kenny coughed quietly and turned to face Butters as he laid down beside him once more. His eyes met Kenny's and he smiled weakly. He felt hot, sweaty and sticky. His cheeks felt overheated and his body trembled and felt fatigued, like he could sleep for years.

"Ken.. w-wh... that was..." he trailed off, shaking his head, "you're amazing."

"I know," he teased with a smirk as he wiped his brow. "We should get back,"

"But... what about you?" Butters asked, Kenny shrugged and sat up.

"I'll manage," he responded, offering a hand to Butters. Both boys stood up, Kenny more awkwardly than Butters, and walked hand in hand to Butters' Camry.

"That isn't fair," Butters murmured sleepily as he walked on weak knees to the driver's side. Kenny just shrugged and smirked.

"Take me home and maybe you can do something about it," Kenny whispered in Butters' ear. The bright haired boy whimpered, his over-sensitive cock twitched, and he nodded. Turning the ignition, he backed out of the gravel parking lot, and drove home with a foggy head and shaky legs. He couldn't focus on anything except how his body felt.

It only took about five minutes to return to Kenny's house. As he got out of the car, Kenny tied his hoodie around his waist. Butters couldn't help but gaze at his back; prominent muscles and bones moved with the motions of him tying the sweatshirt. His boxers were slightly peeking out from his baggy sweatpants.

"Walk ahead of me," Kenny murmured, then practically followed Butters on his heels as they entered the house.

Karen was sitting on the couch with a book in her hand and raised her eyebrows at Kenny.

"God, I don't want to see that!" She cried, shielding her eyes, "where have you been? What happened to enforcing curfew, brother?" She grumbled with a smirk, pointing to the clock. Both blue eyed boys followed her finger; it was 10:44 p.m.

"Sorry, Kar-bear. But Lee wanted churros and I was a little hungry too," Kenny's hand rested on Butters' back conspicuously for a moment, which caused him to blush and turn away.

"Oh my God you went on a date!"

"We went to fucking Taco Bell, that is _not_ a date..." Kenny trailed off, obviously flustered for one reason or another. Karen rolled her eyes and glanced to Butters to see if she could pry anything out of him.

"Did you bring back anything?!" Kevin called groggily from his room.

"No!" Kenny shouted back irritably, wringing his hands and fidgeting slightly, "Karen, just... you should get to bed soon. I'll be... in my room..." Kenny finished with a slight whine in his voice, then ran to his room.

"Jerk," Karen murmured then smirked at Butters. "It was _so_ a date," Butters blushed, shrugged, then shook his head. "Uh-huh... I'll be in to say goodnight," she told him. He nodded and raced after Kenny.

"Ken, are you o-" he stopped talking as he gasped and quickly shut the door behind him. Kenny's hand instinctively flew out from under his sweatpants and he looked like a deer in the headlights. Butters silently locked the door and took a step forward.

"You sure you wanna take care of that yourself?" He purred, trying to be seductive. It mostly seemed to amuse Kenny, however.

"Jesus, it's not a big deal," Kenny murmured, his eyes still lowered in awkward embarrassment. Yet he gave in as Butters captured his lips in a kiss. Kenny's lips felt swollen as their tongues danced.

"Right, like you and I believe that," Butters whispered in his ear, then nipped the lobe; he saw that in a movie and wanted to try it. Apparently, according to the low moan, Kenny liked it. His breath hitched and his body relaxed as he leaned into Butters' embrace. "N-now I've never done this stuff so bear with me..." Kenny shook his head.

"You really don't have t- hnnngh..." he whined, actually whined, in pleasure and Butters felt his blood rush south at the sound. He wanted to hear that over and over again; he wanted to be the reason Kenny made that noise.

"You're right, but I want to," Butters whispered, cautiously kissing the nape of his neck. His thumb massaged into Kenny's hips, which made him lay back on his broken mattress.

As Butters planted kisses all over his torso, he tried to map out the areas where Kenny would squirm, arch his back, or moan into his hand. As he nipped at his collarbone, Kenny cried out and curiosity struck Butters. While kissing and sucking every inch of his exposed skin, his hands snaked behind Kenny. The boy under him was breathing heavily through his nose and he had instinctively thrusted a few times. His eyes were closed and his cheeks were pink.

Butters took the opportunity and slid his hands passed his sweatpants and boxers and settled on his ass, which was plumper than Butters thought. He squeezed the flesh a little, causing Kenny's heavily lidded eyes to lock on Butters momentarily. Butters ground his hips into Kenny's rather forcefully.

"Mmmph!" Kenny exclaimed, panting and desperate for friction. "Please, Lee, oh my fucking God..."

"You're vocal," Butters teased with a smirk as he bit down on Kenny's collarbone.

"Leopold... I swear to everything... if you don't stop teasing me... Jesus fuck... I will... mmmm... go insane." he panted, writhing as Butters palmed him through the fabric of his pants.

"Be patient I'm new at this," he murmured, digging his nails deep into the back of his thighs. Kenny stifled his cry with his hand and his hips jerked desperately.

Butters pulled down Kenny's pants and boxers in one go. As he pulled his clothes from his ankles, Butters gaped.

"Kenny, you're _huge_," he gasped quietly in awe at Kenny's stiff cock, now freed from confines, that lay heavy on his stomach.

"I dunno, I think you're bigger," Butters shook his head at Kenny; he could impale someone with that thing. Truth be told, Kenny knew he wasn't too much above-average and he was fairly sure Butters was bigger; though it was probably the biggest cock Butters had ever seen on another human.

On the other hand, Butters was trying to figure out how he'd go about giving him a blowjob.

"Don't... don't do anything you aren't comfortable with," Kenny breathed. Butters rolled his eyes and nipped at Kenny's thigh as he wrapped his hand around Kenny's cock. His hand trembled nervously as he gave a couple of pumps; Kenny hissed.

"No so hard..." Kenny murmured through gritted teeth, Butters blushed in embarrassment.

"Sorry," Kenny shook his head and smiled. "Like this?" he relaxed his grip slightly which helped make his movements more fluid. The blonde groaned and threw his head back. Butters smiled and kissed his thigh after sucking on the skin. He pulled away and paled.

"I gave you a hickey."

"I gave you- ahh- six. Fuck yes..." Kenny replied in a moan. His pre-cum gave Butters enough lubrication as he quickened his movements.

Looking up at Kenny, he saw sweat beaded on his forehead which caused his ash blonde bangs to cling to his flesh. His cheeks were on fire and his mouth was parted slightly in pleasure. His head slowly moved from side to side every so often and his fingers gripped the edge of his mattress.

Butters smiled to himself and licked his lips. Kenny cried into his arm as Butters suckled gingerly on his balls. He slowed his ministrations and barely touched the boy beneath him. This caused Kenny to whine and moan as he writhed on the bed.

"Jesus Christ... fuck me," he whined as Butter slowly licked from his balls up the underside of his thick shaft to the head of his cock.

"Patie-"

"Fuck patience, fuck me..." Kenny gasped, trying his hardest not to thrust. Butters loved seeing him like this, completely undone, cheeks red, slips swollen, with sex blown eyes. He wasn't quite sure if Kenny was just swearing or if he actually wanted to go all the way but that's something Butters wasn't ready for.

Butters kissed the tip of his cock and slowly licked all the way around. Taking a deep breath, he enclosed his mouth around the head and sucked softly. He was careful not to expose his teeth to the sensitive skin. He tried his hardest to mimic what Kenny had done as well as what he had seen in pornos he had watched. Judging by the sounds from the older boy, he was doing all right.

Butters tried to take in his entire length but choked and gagged. Kenny ran a comforting hand through his hair; Butters liked that. He decided to suck and lick at the head as he pumped the blonde quickly. He could hear Kenny panting and moaning quietly at his ministrations. Butters felt his cock twitch in his mouth and hand, and Kenny put his hand on Butters' head.

"Lee..." he gasped, trying to push his head away. He shook his head, however, and continued to suckle hungrily. This seemed to excite Kenny even more; he came undone in a slew of curse words and quaking muscles. Butters jumped slightly as his cum shot, warm and slightly salty yet continued to stroke Kenny as he rode out the final waves of his orgasm.

"Ken?" Butters asked hoarsely, crawling up to lay down next to him. With heavy eyes, Kenny turned to Butters and smiled weakly. He outstretched his hand and wiped Butters' chin, laughing quietly as he did so. "H-how'd I do?"

"If that was seriously your first blow job then you've... that's gotta be natural Hawaiian talent or something," he replied breathlessly as he regained composure. His chest heaved for breath as he took Butters' hand. "Thanks, you really didn't-"

"I've wanted to do that for awhile now," Butters admitted bashfully, kissing Kenny tenderly.

A knock on the door broke them apart and Kenny moved with surprising speed to pull on his clothes once more. Butters opened the door and smiled awkwardly at Karen.

"I'm going to bed, I just wanted to let you know," she murmured, with a look of amusement on her face. Kenny and Butters both hoped their faces weren't too flushed. "I'll make sure you wake up in the morning."

"Thanks, you got your homework done?" She nodded.

"I'm ahead, Ike and I work together so we're a couple chapters ahead in our classes."

"Smarty pants," Kenny grumbled with a smile, "g'night Kar."

She smiled and looked to Butters. He felt extremely awkward and nervous as she stood there; she must have sensed this, because she soon opened the door once again.

"Sleep well," the brunette girl chirruped happily, walking out of Kenny's room. Before the door completely shut, she poked her head in, "oh yeah, Kevin says keep the noise down, Kenny," she gave her brother a pointed look, sent a smirk to Butters, and shut the door behind her.

Butters turned to Kenny in horror and squeaked.

"They _know_!" He cried in a whisper, Kenny chuckled and sighed heavily.

"My bad..." he mumbled uncomfortably as he laid down on his broken mattress. "Don't worry about it... fucking awkward... and my bed isn't the greatest," he pointed to the holes and the springs protruding. Butters simply ignored this and wriggled closer to Kenny. His bed was small, much too small for Kenny's lanky frame, and the sheet and blanket were old and grey from age.

"It's not bad, I've slept on way worse. Hey, we never played any games..." the messy blonde haired boy hummed in amusement as he laid on his back.

"We couldn't have done anything better tonight."

"We could've-" Kenny kissed Butters to silence him and shook his head, smiling as the younger boy fumbled for words.

Butters rested his head on Kenny's chest and curled up, relishing the body heat in the cool, drafty room. Kenny rested his head on his and wrapped and arm protectively around Butters.

"G'night, Kenny."

"Night," he replied gently, running his hands through Butters' light blonde hair. The feeling was comforting and soon Butters was fast asleep.

This was more than either of them knew. Kenny understood that. He felt God, Satan, Cthulhu, or the leviathan of purgatory finally dealt him a winning hand. Fate was on his side and maybe, just maybe, he and Butters could actually try whatever it was they were doing.

Kenny knew what he felt was more than simple affection and attraction. He _loved_ Butters; every ounce of him screamed this fact yet he couldn't face it. He couldn't live without Butters and that's what killed him. Because sooner or later, he'd have to. Everyone in his life would die. Everyone would finally get that everlasting peace that was so temporary for him. Because of his curse. He was ageless... timeless... and nothing, literally nothing, else was. He was terrified of life because life would prohibit him from joining the others in death. Life would take away everything and everyone he loved.

He clutched Butters tightly and pressed his lips to his forehead. His eyes stung and his throat was in knots but he willed the tears away. There was no use in crying, he cried as a ten year old boy when Cthulhu was sent back to his dimension. That was his way out. There was no other immortal except him. He had come to terms with the fact that he'd eventually be the only poor soul left on this Earth.

And it fucking sucked.

He must have dozed. His eyes opened as his bedroom door creaked.

"Kenny?" Karen whimpered. He pulled his head up from the comfortable position on Butters' own head and saw tears had streaked her pale face. The younger boy mumbled in his sleep and burrowed his head deeper in Kenny's chest. Karen sat down next to the mattress and pulled her knees to her chest.

She would always be his little sister. Even now she looked like that sad, clinically depressed and porcelain hearted girl who came to him in the middle of the night with her rag doll and body wracked with sobs. No matter how old she grew, he would always see the tiny girl he had to protect.

"Hmm?" he asked groggily as he rubbed his bleary eyes. He pulled the covers down and Karen squeezed in the space that was perfect for her size. She curled into Kenny's left side.

"I had a n-nightmare..." she whimpered into his shirt. Kenny's free hand rubbed her back and he smiled sadly at her. He knew what her nightmares meant; it was as if her frightful dreams were her curse. She had had them for as long as he could remember. Just like he died. And Kevin had fits sometimes, but the doctors said he didn't have epilepsy.

"Tell me," he whispered quietly, running a hand through her hair. It always calmed her. "When was the last time you had one?" He knew the answer to that.

"The day before you died," she replied, "Kenny I don't want things to go back to how they were..." she sobbed, "I want mommy..." Kenny nodded and held her tightly to him. He knew how she felt. But she realized everything would, in fact, go back to normal. It was inevitable.

"Wanna know a super-sibling secret?" Karen nodded then wiped the tears from her eyes. "I've saved up as much money as I could from what I've earned. It's in a secret hiding spot. When I'm 18 I'm gonna move out and get my own place and if you want... you can move in with me. If you want," Karen nodded and laughed softly through her tears. "No leaky gap roof, no rats, no fleas... we'll always have heating and air, we can take turns cooking and cleaning. I'll take you to school and-"

"What about your college?"

"As long as I have two jobs I'll be okay without a degree," Karen shook her head and sighed heavily. "Besides, I have to be here for you. I wouldn't want to be anywhere else."

"What about with Butters?" Karen asked, glancing at the boy sleeping on him. Kenny exhaled deeply and glanced at his best friend. "Ken, you wouldn't let anyone sleep on you like that. You can't deny it. You're in love with him; it's not messing around."

"Kar..."

"You love him, don't tell me otherwise."

"Fine. But-"

"No buts, you deserve to be happy."

"I want him happy and he deserves better than me. I'm not going to be that person for him. But you're right, I can't live without him. That's what fucking sucks." Karen rested her chin on his shoulder and pulled at a lock of his hair gently, as if measuring it.

"Don't think about that. Just live for today, that's all you really can do," she laughed, "but... I know what you mean." Kenny tilted his head. "I like this boy... and I don't want him being stuck with me either. I doubt he'd ever even like me." He furrowed his eyebrows.

"Don't say that, no guy is good enough for you. Dammit, you like people now? When did that happen?" Karen groaned in annoyance. "I'm sorry but all I see is four year old Karen when I see you. Not... fourteen year old. Just for my sanity don't ever like any guy like me."

"Why not?" Kenny gave her a groggy, yet pointed look. He could give her a 1,000 paged list of what not to like about him. "I can't like a guy who's nice, funny, smart, who protects me more than anyone, who is caring, genuine, selfless, humble, loyal, who would lay down his life for me, and who will always love me?"

Kenny blinked; well that's exactly the kind of guy he wanted her to be with. But that was not how anyone would describe Kenny. His name was synonymous with "whore."

"Dammit, that's not what I meant," he grumbled, laying his head down on his lumpy pillow.

"But that's how I see you. You're too hard on yourself. You taught me right..." she trailed off in a yawn. Kenny smiled gently at her as she rested on his chest, like Butters, and he put his free arm around her. He was not used to being sandwiched, but he was actually warm in his bed so he wasn't complaining.

"Thanks, Kar, everything's gonna be okay. I won't let anyone hurt you. I trust you but I'll never be okay with the idea of you dating or getting married unless he is the perfect guy, but I can't help it. I'm sorry. Just... be careful, okay?"

Kenny waited for a response but received none. He glanced down and his lips curled as he heard her deep breathing; she had fallen asleep. Glancing at Butters who was snuffling quietly, not quite snoring, Kenny closed his eyes and drifted into a dreamless sleep.


	17. Wonk Uoy Naht Noitceffa Erom Deen I

_Author's Note: _

_Here, I'm in a good mood so here's another update. As always, there will be yet another update on Sunday. And then we'll probably just go back to an update every Sunday deal because of life._

_Aww, I remember a long time ago when I first wrote this chapter I felt like I could potentially end it here. Or, well, with the first half. I don't want to give anything away. In fact I almost ended it with the lyrics. I left it for awhile but then I got the Bunny fever again and I was convinced there was more that needed to be told. And there was. Which is why this is currently over six hundred freaking pages. (When will it end?!) _

_This is just... fluff. Tons of fluff. This was another one of my absolute favorites to write. And seriously, you should listen to the song. Because... it was the entire basis of this story and it's just a beautiful song anyway. There is one other song that is, in my head, the perfect song for Bunny... but that'll be shared later. Actually, two. You'll see later. Like I said :). _

_Title from "Sanctuary"/"Passion" By Hikaru Utada_

_Oh, and this is the one I have in mind for this chapter: watch?v=fz2eJl5KSzI_

_Chapter Seventeen: Wonk Uoy Naht Noitceffa Erom Deen I_

* * *

By the end of fifth hour, Kenny had a splitting headache. He was sleep-deprived, blurry eyed, and feeling incredibly stupid. He was ecstatic when he found out it was only a half-day due to the homecoming game. That meant all that was left was lunch, the pep rally, and a brief football practice before the game. He truly was excited when he entered the cafeteria, yet his slumped figure at the table made it seem otherwise. The blonde waved lazily at Karen, then rested his head on the table.

Kyle grabbed his packed lunch from the refrigerator and walked to their usual table. He saw Kenny's orange parka and fought off the feeling of odd overwhelming happiness as he laid eyes on the teen in the same spot he sat in everyday.

"Hey!" Kyle chirruped as he sat down at the table, "are you excited for the pep rally?" Kenny slowly raised his head and gave Kyle a disbelieving look at his cheeriness. "I mean, you and Stan are both nominated for homecoming king." Kenny shrugged his shoulders and lifted his head so he now sat normally.

"I'm only entered in as a joke, you realize that, right?" he asked in deadpan. Kyle slowly nodded; it was because the seniors would get a kick out of the school's manslut being king. He heard them all talking in his chemistry class. "So have you and Stan butt-fucked yet?"

Kyle nearly choked on the bite of apple he began to chew. He slugged him on the shoulder and shook his head.

"You ask that every fucking day. Jesus Christ..." he trailed off, "I'll call you when we do," he finished; his voice dripped with sarcasm. But his harshness melted when he saw Kenny's grin.

"Or during. That'd be pretty hot," Kenny cheekily answered with a smirk on his face. Kyle slammed his forehead against the table and shook his head. Stan joined the table, patted Kyle's back, and gave Kenny a stern look.

"Dude, you're gonna know when we do it. One of us is gonna have a limp for a week. So no phone calls and no sneaking in," Kenny pretended to pout and sent his puppy dog eyes to Stan. "No."

"Oh, I'll be there," Kenny drawled with his characteristic smirk. Stan rolled his eyes and laughed quietly as he examined his chili dog.

"This is kind of grey..." he trailed off, shrugged, then ate it anyway. Kyle wrinkled his nose as he continued nibbling his apple. "Tastes okay..." Kenny watched the chili dog be devoured and couldn't help the small growl from his stomach; he had eaten more than enough last night though.

Butters sat down with a pack of Easy Mac and a juice box. "Hey fellas!" He exclaimed happily as he scooted closer to Kenny. The golden-blonde boy jumped when feeling Butters' hand squeeze his thigh.

His cheeks heated and he instantly pulled the strings on his hoodie. In revenge, Kenny's hand conspicuously massaged his inner thigh as he ate, causing Butters to struggle with such a simple task. Kyle watched them curiously; something was different. Very different. He glanced to Stan to see if he noticed. The black haired boy was watching them suspiciously; so his feelings were accurate.

"What did _you two_ do last night?" Stan asked slowly, slightly in a sing-song voice as a grin spreading on his lips. Butters blushed and shrugged his shoulders.

"Butters..." Kyle prodded, causing him to squeak. He didn't know what to say.

"I can tell you three things, and you can believe whichever you want. We got high together. Or we went to Taco Bell. Or we gave each other blowjobs." Kenny answered calmly as he unzipped his hoodie; a faded Led Zeppelin t-shirt hung baggy on his skinny frame.

"...I honestly can't say which one I believe more." Kyle said in shock, turning to Stan, who nodded.

"Either way, I _loved_ it," Butters added, much to Kenny's surprise. "I wanna do it all the time." Kenny's breath hitched as Butters cupped him through his jeans. Kyle peered at the flushed boy.

"Kenny, you okay?" He nodded.

"It's probably the Taco Bell..." Kenny murmured with a smirk, trying to fight off the growing bulge in his jeans. Kyle rolled his eyes.

"What's that?" Stan asked, reaching across to Kenny. Butters glanced over to where the quarterback was pointing and blanched. The ash blonde boy felt his own neck and grimaced slightly; the skin was sensitive. But Butters was seeing a very dark, splotchy hickey just above the collar of his shirt.

"What do you think?" He asked innocently. Butters had stopped touching him by then and had scooted a couple of inches away from Kenny.

"A nasty ass hickey, who'd you lay, a vampire?" Cartman asked as he sat next to Stan. Craig, Token, and Tweek joined them.

Kenny smirked. "Or something..." he trailed off. Butters busied himself with his macaroni and cheese; he was afraid of what Cartman may say if he did anything too suspicious. Both Kyle and Stan noticed this, however. Kyle couldn't get over the fact that there had been a change; a seemingly big one. Like when Stan finally...

Kyle's eyes widened as he looked at Butters. The blonde accidentally made eye contact and immediately looked away.

"What?" Stan asked worriedly. Kyle looked away from the two blondes ahead of him and tried to find something, anything, else to blame. He would not be having this discussion in front of Cartman. His eyes fell on his younger brother; perfect. Kyle shook his head and coughed a little.

"Nothing, I just... think my suspicions on who Ike likes have been proved." Kyle covered quickly, rubbing the back of his neck as he nodded his head in Kenny's direction. Some of the boys turned and realization dawned on their faces. Turning back to the table, Token and Tweek looked to find out who was going to speak first.

Kenny turned and watched as the younger Broflovski walked up to the trash can with his younger sister to throw away the remnants of a lunch most likely shared between the two. Ike murmured something to Karen who laughed louder than Kenny had heard her in a long time and playfully hit his arm. The black-haired boy ruffled her hair and continued their conversation as they walked back to their table.

"Well it's bound to happen, Kinny. All the freshmen say she has the biggest tits they've ever-" Stan could barely hold Kenny back as he lunged at Cartman. The stocky boy cried out in terror and Butters helped pull Kenny back down. His muscles were tense, fists clenched, and teeth gritted tightly. "Well it's true, welfare whore," Cartman grumbled numbly.

"Dammit Cartman, just keep your fucking mouth shut!" Kyle cried.

"Suck my balls, Jew."

Craig groaned in annoyance as he clawed at his hair.

"Why did I sit here?" he grumbled mostly to himself.

"Well at least it's not Bridon Gueermo, right?" Kenny sighed and nodded, looking at Karen who was, in fact, sitting next to Ike and a few other boys and girls in the freshman class. He grimaced slightly.

"I'm... sorry?" Kyle wasn't sure what to say. Kenny just looked up at him and shrugged. It wasn't necessarily Ike he was upset at; it was the fact that she was interested in dating now. She was fourteen, she was too young for that. And suddenly he felt like a major hypocrite.

"It's kind of funny though, I mean Karen and Ike? I'm pretty sure Shelly and Kevin had something going on for awhile so that's kinda like..."

"That's cuuuuute!" Cartman mocked, "you could all be related to poor-ass scum!"

"Shut the fuck up!" Kenny sighed wearily. "Kyle, tell Ike if he likes my sister he has to talk to me," Kyle nodded and smiled weakly at Kenny, who slumped over on the table. Butters knocked his leg with his in attempt to cheer him up.

After awhile the conversation went back to "normal." Everything was as it always had been. Except as everyone talked about Bebe's party last week, Kenny just smiled softly and listened intently.

"That was the best, but the alcohol was shit."

"Better than at your party"

"Clyde, aren't you having a party tonight?"

"Yeah, after the game. You're all chipping in on booze."

"Fuck that!"

They continued this banter and began to repeat quotes from the party. They all laughed and fired inside jokes from the night back and forth, causing everyone to laugh hysterically, except Kenny. Butters noticed the ghost of a smile on his face and he furrowed his eyebrows.

"H-hey I don't remember much from t-that night. W-would you mind telling me what all happened?" he asked, Stan snorted.

"That's 'cause you and Kyle ended up in the bathroom with Kenny."

"Yeah, dude, you're fucking crazy! The only person as wasted as you was Craig." Token laughed, Craig rolled his eyes.

"Didn't you end up projectile vomiting like fifteen feet?" Clyde asked, Kenny shrugged.

"I don't remember a fucking thing," he truthfully said yet wore a smug smile.

"Yeah, he did. On Bebe's homecoming dress," Kyle added, "and then you made me hold your hair back for twenty fucking minutes. That was disgusting," Butters laughed nervously and nodded.

"I usually hold my liquor well," shrugging slightly, "sorry dude."

"Well mix it with rotten milk and you've got a reenactment of "The Exorcist". And don't say sorry to me; Bebe's vowed revenge on you at the pep rally."

Kenny blanched and slowly glanced to the junior girls' table. Bebe glared at him with a sadistic smile that rivaled Craig's, then pointed to the clock. It read 1:12, which meant-

"All football players, cheerleaders, and marching band members please report to the new gym at this time." Principal Withers announced. The entire table, minus Craig, Tweek, and Cartman, stood up and walked towards the cafeteria doors.

"Between you and me," Stan murmured to Kenny, "I hope you get homecoming king." Kenny scoffed and smiled crookedly before shoving him slightly.

"Dude, I'd be the fucking homecoming jester," Stan rolled his eyes and wrapped an arm over his shoulders as they headed to the locker rooms. Kyle and Butters waved at them as they ran to the music room.

"So how's Style?" Stan grinned and blushed a little as they entered the locker room.

"Great, awesome. My mom knows and I'm telling my dad tonight. It's already been eight months, it's so weird. Can you believe that?"

"Nah, seems just like yesterday," Kenny replied coolly as he discarded his shirt and pants on the bench.

Stan had his jersey in his hands and helped him get his arms in; they always did that. It started in junior high after the boys made fun of them for dressing each other yet after the won the championship everyone considered it their good luck charm.

"You are covered in hickeys, dude." Stan acknowledged as Kenny wriggled into the jersey.

"Better than bruises."

"Technically it's the same thing," the black haired boy quipped, "who is it?" Kenny stuffed Stan's arms and head in his own jersey and straightened out the fabric for him.

"Oh, I _never_ kiss and tell."

"Boy or girl?"

"Depends on the day..." Kenny murmured, considering this. He then shrugged again and slipped his feet into the too-small tennis shoes Stan had given to him. He would put on the borrowed cleats later.

"Dammit, Kenny, you're my best friend, I think I deserve to know."

"It's not you, it's the fact that I'm protecting him, Stan."

"Butters?" he mouthed, Kenny sighed heavily as he twirled his helmet in his hands. "Details. Now."

"You are so fucking gay right now," the blonde retorted. Stan slugged his stomach and Kenny groaned quietly as he was dragged to one of the locker room corners. No one thought anything of their private conversations anymore. Everyone knew how close Stan and Kenny were. Kyle had been included in that yet now most of the populace was in the dark on just how close the Super Best Friends _really_ were.

"You and Butters... did what last night?"

"We got high. We went to Taco Bell."

"What else?"

"I ate a churro?" Stan gave him a look, "Look, I either ate a churro or got the best blowjob ever. Take your pick because the story ends in two different ways."

"...start with the churro."

"He got the munchies so we drove to Frisco for Taco Bell. He got a shit ton of food, too. And then we played Pac-Man. We went to Stark's Pond and chilled for awhile."

"And...?"

"Well we split the churro_ Lady and the Tramp_ style. I think I was on Lady's end but I'm not quite sure. No, wait, Tramp's, Lady ends up with meatball... heh." Stan rolled his eyes as Kenny snickered, "So then we just started making out and then I gave him a blowjob because I'm _really_ good at those, I can show you if you-"

"No." The raven-haired boy glared at his friend, who smirked.

"Fine, you're missing out though. Anyways, I gave him a blowjob at the pond and then we went back to my house and he gave me one. Which I swear I died and went to heaven, see 'cause he's a bit of a scratcher and a biter and I'm a bit of a masochist," Stan's eye twitched.

"Too many details..." he mumbled uncomfortably, "you gave each other blowjobs and... are you dating or just fooling around?"

"That doesn't matter right now. I just-"

"Dude, yes it does. Butters is in _love_ with you, you realize that, right? You're only going to hurt him if he's your _plaything_."

"It's not like that," Kenny barked quietly; there was no way he was getting into a fight with Stan about how he felt. He was the one who had been harboring feelings since he was eleven years old. "I asked him to homecoming, happy? You don't understand, I don't want to-"

"You don't want to ruin his chances at a good life because you're poor and don't deserve a good person because of your low self-worth. You think you'll drag anyone down who has a semblance of a chance at a good life so it's skanks for you, right?" Kenny cleared his throat and shuffled slightly; that pretty much summed it up.

"Well fuck that. Because coach told me there's a couple of scouts coming tonight for you. I wasn't supposed to tell you. But Kenny, you've got a chance. You're not going to be stuck here, even if you don't play football. Fuck what everyone says and thinks, there's a chance for you so get over this bullshit about you not being good enough. You're not gonna get stuck here."

Kenny's jaw dropped.

"Why me?"

"Have you not seen the papers? You're third in the state for rushing..."

"Shit, son..." Kenny trailed off, shaking his head in awe. That was before, though. Now it wouldn't happen; he wasn't good enough, he wasn't conditioned, and Stan could even be lying. But Stan wouldn't lie about something like that.

He didn't have time to ask or even finish the conversation. The boys cried out, some whistled, and Kenny was yanked down about a foot by his shoulder-length hair.

"You ass fucker, you're coming with me," Bebe hissed. Kenny smirked at her lopsidedly.

"_Always_," she rolled her eyes as he patted her bottom, and dragged him out of the locker room. She pushed him into the girls' locker room and slammed him against the wall.

"You fucking owe me for my dress. So you're not gonna join your fucking team. You're gonna join mine for the pep rally and maybe, just maybe, if you do right, I'll let you play your stupid fucking game tonight." Kenny's face fell as Bebe smirked evilly. She had killed him before, so he didn't doubt her words.

The gymnasium was full of teens talking and clapping along to the school's fight song. Butters was excited to just watch the assembly and cheer on his favorite two players. He played the drums as cheerfully and excitedly as he possibly could. He was just so happy; he loved being able to play music and nothing could tear down his good mood. Butters played the snares in time with the bass drum and felt as if his drumming could shake the earth; he played that way, at least. Kyle was standing close by playing the alto saxophone; there was no particular order they had to stand or play in at the pep rallies.

After they played the Park County High fight song, "Another One Bites the Dust", which was Butters' favorite to play, and "The Final Countdown" they sat down on the bleachers.

Kyle sat next to Butters, anxiously tapping the keys on his saxophone. His knee was bouncing similar to Tweeks' and Butters placed a calming hand on him.

"Are you okay?" Kyle nodded and turned to face Butters. Coach Wilson was going on and on about how proud he was of his team and how they were going to pulverize Pueblo; it was the same speech he gave every year, he just changed the name of the team they were playing against.

"Yeah, it's stupid but I want Stan to be homecoming king and I'm worried about what Bebe is going to do to Kenny."

"Well yeah, but they're friends... she might just be saying that."

"She can be a major bitch though. Anyway, did you know a scout is coming to watch Kenny?" Butters' eyes widened and he looked to the first row of bleachers to find Kenny. He wasn't there.

"Does he know? From where?"

"It's a surprise, and in-state I think. Hopefully we'll find out tonight." Kyle whispered softly. Butters grinned.

"That's amazing!"

"Now, let's hear it for the best team Park County has ever had!" Coach Wilson cried; surprisingly the student body cheered loudly. The freshmen lined up first, Ike included, followed by all six of the sophomores.

"How about our juniors, give a loud cheer for number nine- Token Black!" Token walked with his helmet in hand and waved. The cheers were almost deafening. "Number thirteen- Stan Marsh!"

Kyle cheered the loudest, which was an incredible feat, for the star quarterback. Butters whooped and clapped happily as well as the muscular boy ran to stand next to Token. He was grinning madly. "Number twenty-seven- Clyde Donovan!" Another uproar filled the gym as he ran to stand next to Stan; the two high-fived. "Number forty-six- Kevin Stoley!" A few more players who Butters and Kyle knew were from North and Middle Park were called. "Number sixty-nine- Kenny McCormick!" Bellowing cries echoed in the gym for the team's wide receiver. However, no one stepped forward. "Kenny!" Coach Wilson barked, upset, this time. "Marsh, go find him!" Stan nodded, set his helmet down, and quickly ran out of the gymnasium.

The rest of the role call was announced and the senior co-captains gave speeches of their own. All eyes were on the two empty spots, however. Butters glanced worriedly at Kyle who patted his shoulder.

"He's going to be here, he always is." Butters couldn't help but laugh at the irony of that statement. His knuckles rubbed together nervously and bit his lip until it bled. He hadn't felt this nervous in a long time.

The pep rally continued with a few games that the senior boys were forced to play and two performances by the dance team.

Stan had returned without Kenny and was talking in the corner with his now red-faced coach. Kyle clapped Butters sympathetically on the shoulder; neither could shake the weird feeling and nervousness that perhaps something was wrong. Butters knew Bebe wouldn't put him in any danger but he knew how angry and bossy she could be; she was too controlling in the theatre department and he just knew they were going to butt heads next year on who was going to be captain.

The cheerleaders ran out, Bebe included, and Kyle couldn't help but notice she looked too peppy and overboard she was with her excitement as they performed their intricate routines. Butters noticed this as well and began to peer around with nervous eyes for Kenny.

She and Wendy ran up to the microphone, pompoms waving wildly, and she began to giggle.

"Thank you so much!" She cried happily, then began to laugh a little. Wendy looked at her momentarily before taking the microphone.

"We'd like to announce that tonight is a green out so everyone wear green and be the loudest student section in Colorado!" She exclaimed, then handed the microphone back to Bebe before running back to the squad.

"We have a special performance by a _very_ special person. I've been waiting for this for a long time." Red shut off the lights and Bebe ran to the locker room.

Silence filled the gymnasium except for two whispers and an annoyed groan from behind the corner. Butters' heart hammered in his chest and Kyle glanced warily at him. Bebe's tennis shoes squeaked as she hurried back to the center of the floor.

The sound of clicking heels echoed in the gym and a low murmur was heard as a very tall, very skinny girl followed behind in a thigh length puffy powder blue dress made of satin and fine netting.

"Oh my God." Kyle gasped, covering his mouth. Butters gawked. "That's _Kenny_."

The lights turned on and the person in the center looked up with cerulean eyes through straightened golden blonde hair.

The students laughed and some gave wolf calls while the teachers gasped and exclaimed as Kenny McCormick stood before them looking like Alice in a vomit-stained dress. Butters squeaked and his cheeks turned pink. He could see he was wearing makeup; his eyes were lined elegantly with smokey liner, causing his blue pools to appear an ice color. His cheeks had a natural looking pink tint and his lips were plump and shiny with gloss. Kyle shook his head in disbelief.

"How does he always manage to look pretty like that? I mean, _really_?" he whispered to Butters, who glanced at him as Kenny cleared his throat.

"He is a Princess, after all," Butters murmured, causing Kyle to scoff. He shifted uncomfortably and looked around. Finally his eyes settled on Butters and he smiled weakly.

"I, Kenneth Daniel McCormick, formally apologize to Bebe Renee Stevens for puking on your homecoming dress. You looked way hotter in it than I do."

Someone from the bleachers yelled "faggot!" and laughter echoed through the gym. Butters visibly winced and his heart thudded painfully as Kenny just smiled softly. Kyle closed his eyes and shook his head.

"I kind of am just a bunch of sticks, if you look at me from the right angle. So sure, I'm a faggot, why not?"

Kyle laughed into his hand and Kenny sighed heavily into the microphone.

"I'm supposed to do something embarrassing but the fact that I pretty much will do _anything_ if asked defeats that purpose, sorry B. But I think if I have a mic I could say or do something, right?" Butters was hanging onto his every word. He remembered sharing his darkest secret with Kenny; and yet here he was. His eyes stung as he watched a boy, his best friend who was always pegged as something he wasn't, stood brave in front of hundreds of students and faculty, as well as his football team and coach, in a frilly dress. It was flamboyant, yes, yet it was more than Butters could ever do as well as so many other identity-confused teens. And Kenny managed to look so confident although his nerves were probably on high.

"Uh, okay... well... I know a lot about sex. And when I say a lot I mean _a lot_. I've seen and done a lot of crazy things. I know a lot of people, some in this room, are gay or bi or lesbian... some are genderqueer or transgender too. I don't get why it's a big deal. You call me a fag? I don't care. You like dudes? Do 'em. If you like chicks then get at it. And if you like both of them then that'll be a really fun night, right? If you wanna be a guy go ahead and if you wanna be a girl, by all means go ahead. If you feel like you're both? That's okay too because what's not to love, right? I say this seriously, no jokes about it. I like _people_. I don't see why I can't think girls are hot but be totally in love with a boy who sometimes sees himself as a girl. I could totally love someone transgender. Love is love, people, and if you think I'm a fag then that's cool, I guess, but really I call it queer. We're in the 2000s not the Stone Age... heh... well I kinda am..." he laughed quietly to himself.

Butters shook his head and laughed as tears leaked from his eyes. Complete silence filled the room. Kyle's lungs screamed for air; he hadn't known he was holding his breath. He couldn't believe it; Kenny just came out to the entire school. His football team included. Gasps and murmuring ensued as Kenny stood up at the front of the crowd awkwardly, unsure of what to say or do. The underclassmen had turned to Karen whose jaw was slightly agape as she watched her brother.

"I... I literally have no shame. I have no embarrassment because... well... I really don't care. I'm standing here in a dress and I'm completely comfortable. Except it's a little itchy, the poofy stuff, and it's a little drafty." Some people laughed. "Anyways, um... there's one more thing I have to do before someone tries to beat me up. I'm supposed to sing this mashup I made because I wanted to sing In This Moment rather than Ke$ha. But... Bebe you realize this has been an epic fail so... I just feel like I should sing this song because it's a step in the right direction. And I know someone out there will understand what I'm trying to say."

There was no music, just a microphone and a voice rarely heard but rich and so varied in range. Kenny took a deep breath and locked eyes with Butters momentarily; he found him. Kyle watched Butters wipe his eyes and rub his knuckles together as Kenny smiled and closed his eyes.

"_In you and I, there's a new land..."_ Kenny sang slow and smooth in the microphone. Butters covered his mouth with his hands and shook his head. Kyle looked at him curiously.

_"Angels in flight  
I need more affection than you know  
My sanctuary, my sanctuary, yeah  
Where fears and lies melt away  
Music will tie  
I need more affection than you know  
What's left of me  
What's left of me now...  
I watch you fast asleep  
All I fear means nothing..."_

"Is that the song from _Kingdom Hearts II_?" Kyle asked the blonde beside him in total disbelief, he nodded.

Butters brushed away tears as he listened to Kenny sing in a comfortable tenor range. He was still as he sang with his eyes closed and a calm expression was on his face. This was _their_ song; after they played _Kingdom Hearts_ and _Kingdom Hearts II_ Kenny had said that the moment the credits had ended. He remembered that, years ago, as two ten year old boys had been throwing words around. They hadn't realized what that meant. Or maybe Kenny had all along.

Had Kenny liked him that long ago?

This was what he needed; proof that he meant what he said last night and the other times. That what they had going on was more than fooling around. Butters knew, as he listened to the passion in Kenny's voice, that he was pouring his entire heart and soul into the words.

"_In you and I, there's a new land  
Angels in flight  
I need more affection than you know  
My sanctuary, my sanctuary, yeah  
Where fears and lies melt away  
Music will tie  
I need more affection than you know  
What's left of me,  
What's left of me...  
So many ups and downs  
My heart's a battleground_

_I need true emotions  
__I need more affection than you know  
__I need true emotions..."_

Kenny continued to sing, emotionally now, eyes still closed, as if reaching out and trying to find the one who needed to hear the words the most. He poured his heart into his soulful singing. His feelings were expressed on his open-canvas face, and Kyle looked to Butters. He smiled as he saw his eyes were closed as well, with tears slipping through quietly. He shook his head then turned to look at Stan, who was watching with his hands folded and pressed against his mouth.

"_You show me how to see  
That nothing is whole and nothing is broken  
In you and I, there's a new land  
Angels in flight  
I need more affection than you know  
My sanctuary, my sanctuary, yeah  
Where fears and lies melt away,  
Music will tie  
I need more affection than you know  
What's left of me,  
What's left of me now..." _

Kenny's face was hot as he belted out the final bridge. His body was shaking with emotion as the lyrics floated in beautiful tones from his vocal chords. This was the only way he knew how to express himself. This was his way to maybe show exactly how he felt. As he held the note, he bowed his head and tried to dig out all he could so he could be truly open for him. It only left him vulnerable.

_"My fears, my lies..  
Melt away..."_

Stan stood up and ran to him as he softly sang the last words. Kenny remained still with eyes still closed. The black haired boy wasn't sure what to do or say so he just stood there, waiting for Kenny to move. Or speak.

"Just like them, you've always had my heart," Kenny said weakly into the microphone.

Kyle stood up and started clapping and pulled Butters up as well.

Bebe stood, along with Wendy, Karen, Ike, Token, Clyde, and Tweek. Craig looked at the blonde on the gym floor with unfocused eyes. Cartman gawked. Kyle hollered out to him and in a moment, most of the people at the pep rally had begun to clap.

Stan took the microphone from Kenny, who was now oddly quiet and looked highly uncomfortable. His arms were folded over his chest and he looked rather nauseous.

"If anyone wants a go at my best friend and brother then you gotta go through me first. And then you gotta catch him. He isn't our star wide-receiver for nothin'." Stan said with a grin as he patted him on the back, "and for the record, I know you're all thinking it. He makes a _really_ hot girl."

Principle Withers took the microphone promptly and cleared his throat. Stan turned to the blonde to lead him back to the team but he was gone. He saw Kyle racing down the bleachers with Butters right behind him and Karen not too far behind them.

"W-well that surely was a... pep... talk...?" Mr. Withers trailed off unsure of what else to say.

"That way," Kyle said to Stan, pointing to the exit on the left.

The four bolted for the door yet were abruptly stopped by Bebe who had Kenny's football gear in her arms.

"Here..." she murmured, handing Butters the uniform and Stan the pads. "I don't know where he went, but tell him we're way more than cool." She said with a smile. Stan nodded and they pushed passed her as fast as they could.

They split up and checked the locker rooms and his favorite closet to sleep in. The classrooms were locked and the bathrooms were all empty.

"Kyle!" The red-head turned to find his brother running toward him. "He's at the field!"

"How do you know?"

"It's a hypothesis. Everyone's going to the bonfire after this. No one will be at the field until 6:00 and he probably wants to be alone." Kyle shook his head in disbelief; Ike had a very valid point. He ushered him to tag along as they walked out the front doors. Stan and Butters ran ahead of Karen, Ike and Kyle.

"Do you think people are gonna h-hurt him?" Stan shook his head at Butters' question.

"Nah, no one is really going to care. Plus it's Kenny and he wouldn't let anyone bother him." Butters nodded and panted heavily as he tried to keep up with Stan.

"St-Stan?" Butters asked, the dark haired boy slowed to a jog. "How... how did you end up... dating Kyle?"

The black haired seventeen year old smiled affectionately at Butters, who was blushing profusely.

"I _knew_ it," Stan chirruped, grinning at the blonde, "Kyle kind of did it actually. Well, he asked me, anyway. We went to a hockey game and then to Village Inn. Push came to shove and we were boyfriends roaming around Denver. It's not much different than how we were before... so just do whatever you want to do. It's a big step. But... my mom knows and I'm telling my dad tonight. Shelly only knows because she walked in on us... but it's not as scary as I thought."

"She walked in on you doing what?" Stan gave him a look, "You did it in the _butt_?!" he whispered, causing Stan to snicker and smile at Butters' innocence. "Did it hurt?"

"Yeah... a little but it was totally worth it because... well, I dunno, it was Kyle. That made it better."

"So Kyle topped?" Butters asked slightly disbelievingly. Stan nodded slowly, giving him a confused look as they opened the gates to the field entrance.

"We both did... do... when we do it."

"Oh..." Butters trailed off, "so you don't always have to top or bottom?" Stan laughed out loud and shook his head as he patted Butters' shoulder.

"No, it's all preference and up to you, dude," he replied with a grin as he ran down the steps. Butters looked around and grimaced when he didn't see Kenny on the green turf.

_To: Kenny_

_Sent: 1:43 P.M._

_Where are you?_

His heart was pounding wildly as he looked around; he hoped Ike was right. As his eyes flickered through the bleachers, he caught sight of someone and bolted. Stan quickly followed suit.

Butters gasped for air as he approached Kenny, who had stood up from the metal bleachers. He had taken off the dress and heels so he was shivering before them in a pair of boxers too large for his frame.

"I was so worried about you, Ken! Y-you were... amazing. I can't believe you _did_ that..." Kenny shrugged and smiled as Butters enveloped him in a hug. He draped his long arms around the smaller boy's clothed back and secretly relished the warmth of his body. "You're amazing," Butters whispered as he handed Kenny his uniform.

"I was originally just going to say my apology and a song but... I dunno, I saw you guys and got fucking carried away..." the blonde trailed off quietly. Butters blushed and took Kenny's hand, and they both squeezed gently.

"You sang our song..." Kenny nodded.

"Duh, I poured my heart out on that bitch," Butters laughed richly and nodded even though he had tears in his eyes. Butters opened his mouth to speak but was interrupted by Kenny wincing as a small hand smacked the back of his head.

"You _idiot_!" Karen cried, shaking her head as she shoved her older brother lightly. "I'm proud of you... but seriously?! Put some clothes on, Jesus," she added as Kenny let go of Butters' hand to pull on his black Under Armour shirt. It clung to him so much his ribs poked through the fabric.

"Why'd you run?" Kyle asked as he sat on the bleachers. Kenny wiggled around slightly as he pulled on his thigh and knee pads.

"Dramatic effect. I wanted to start the bonfire too but I wanted to get out of that dress. Then I did that and realized my clothes were in the locker room," he replied simply, jumping as he wriggled into the Lyrcra football pants.

"You already had drama on your side," Ike commented, Kenny shrugged as he fitted his shoulder pads.

"It was spontaneous and I looked fucking sexy." Karen rolled her eyes and sat next to Kyle. Ike immediately perched next to her.

"And you're okay with _everything_ that went on in there?" Kyle asked slowly, Kenny nodded once as Stan put his jersey on over his head. He smoothed out the shirt and pulled it down over his gear.

"I don't give a fuck, really," he said, giving Kyle a look that the red-head boy seemed to only understand. "Now, who's ready for some fiah?!" Kenny cried excitedly with a grin as he held out his hand to Karen. The brunette sighed heavily and dug in her pocket before handing him a lighter. He smirked as he flicked the wheel and a small flame burned brightly.


	18. Drenched in Vanilla Twilight

_Author's Note: I remember writing this one, I think Cartman was my favorite part of this chapter, honestly. I feel bad because I want him in it more; I'm just really nervous about writing his character. I am not that evil and couldn't imagine coming up with the stuff he says. Ahh well. We're back to the usual once a week updates for the next five weeks, I'd say. I might have time to update twice a week on occasion. But... we shall see. _

_I really need to finish that midterm paper I have..._

_But this one was a really nostalgic piece because it made me remember high school and then I got a little sad because my gang is so split up now and I miss them. And football season was always my favorite season; going to the games and messing around with friends was the best. And the crappy hot cocoa. _

_Oh, and my football knowledge comes from the fact I played for like... five years. I ended talking about it on my blog, as it's something really personal for me and after today and editing this chapter I had to let it out somewhere. _

_Okay, I'm done rambling. Enjoy. :)_

_Chapter Eighteen: Drenched in Vanilla Twilight_

* * *

The Park County tradition was to host a bonfire before the homecoming game. Each class would say a chant or motto and during the game the seniors would "decorate" the underclassmen cars in the parking lot and sometimes, if daring, the school.

At the bonfire, some people talked to Kenny about his "speech" but it seemed to be a forgotten subject, thankfully. Stan had given a speech at the gathering of teens, and afterward threw a helmet, supposedly from the Pueblo team, into the fire.

They were crazy. They were loud. They were teenagers.

Kyle approached Butters, who was standing close to the fire, and handed him a Sprite and a Coke. He nodded in Kenny's direction and smiled at Butters, who blushed. Kenny was watching from a distance with a grin on his face. He was still wearing the makeup, which looked odd considering he was in his football uniform.

"Stan talked to me," Kyle murmured. Butters' eyes focused on the roaring flames. "I think he's right... just go for what you want. Whatever happens, happens. Everything will work itself out." Butters fumbled for words as his long sleeves fell over his hands.

"I don't k-know what to say. W-we haven't even gone on a date a-and I'm not... not his type. I could never be what he wants," Kyle scoffed loudly and rolled his eyes as Butters spoke.

"You realize Kenny said the same exact thing to Stan?" Butters just blinked. "Just... go.

"Kiss him. Do something he wouldn't expect. Go for what you want." Kyle pushed him forward and Butters sighed heavily.

His feet felt like lead as he slowly walked up to Kenny. Could he grab him and kiss him? Could he actually do something so forward?

"Well hey there, Buttercup," Kenny chirruped as his solitude was opened to company. Butters smiled softly and handed Kenny the Sprite. "Thanks."

"You're welcome. A-after the game d'you w-wanna have sex a-at my place?" Butters' eyes widened as Kenny choked and spit the large gulp of Sprite out in a volcanic eruption of soda and coughs. Spluttering as he wiped his nose and mouth, Kenny stared at Butters.

"You can't just say things like that!" Kyle and Stan glanced over when hearing Kenny's exclamation. Butters shrank back.

"O-oh I'm sorry. I didn't... I-I get it..." Butters trailed off; suddenly it was very hard to breathe.

"Lee, why did you say that?" Butters shrugged his shoulders. "No, seriously." Kenny grabbed his arm but Butters pulled away from him.

"F-forget it, I just.. was bein' stupid... as always," he whimpered, turning away. Kenny was at a loss.

"Leopold!" He cried, running up to him then grabbed his shoulders. "Talk to me, why'd you ask to have sex?"

A tear fell from Butters' right eye and he quickly brushed it away. Kenny cupped his cheeks so he'd look directly at him. Butters just wanted to run.

"Because I-I want you to want me a-and I feel like... if we do that t-then...I'll at least h-have that..." Kenny laughed in disbelief and and gently tapped his hand against Butters' cheeks; he blinked in confusion as Kenny smiled at him.

"Lee, don't you get it?" He asked, "I don't want you to feel that way. What do _you_ want from _me_?"

Time seemed to stop and Butters looked around for help. Stan and Kyle were making it a point to not appear as if they were watching and he felt a knot grip his throat. He turned back to Kenny, who was looking down at him expectantly.

"I dunno."

"_Tell me_ what you want," Butters shoulders quaked at Kenny's whispered words.

"I-I-I want y-you..." he whimpered, as tears rolled down his cheeks. He sobbed as Kenny wiped them away. "I've always o-only ever wanted you. A-and I never want to lose you again. I wanna be your bo-boyfriend... I wanna grow old together in a cottage with a p-puppy. I want you in the rest of my life."

Butters' eyes widened as Kenny fervently kissed him. He melted into the passion and wrapped his arms around Kenny's waist. He didn't care who was watching. It didn't matter anymore, he wasn't scared of anyone knowing, all he wanted was to never lose the flutters in his stomach and the tingling on his lips.

Kenny's lips were slightly chapped and he tasted like pot, cigarettes, and blood. But Butters loved it because he loved Kenny and seven years of denial, repressed emotion, and torment had gone by. He was tired of waiting. Ten months had been wasted in grief when they could have been spent in love. He felt Kenny smile against him and he smiled back.

"W-what... what do you want?" Butters breathed on his lips. Kenny laughed softly and kissed him tenderly once more before pulling back. "All doubt out of your mind, what do you want from _me_?"

"I dunno, do you wanna go on a date with me?"

"That depends on if you just want to fool around," Butters countered. The ash blonde boy shook his head.

"No, you deserve better than that. I like you, I have for a long ass time and I really want to take you out on a date. Whatever you want to do." Butters nodded and laughed quietly. His fingers covered his mouth as he tried to suppress his grin.

"Homecoming counts as a date though, I think," Butters murmured without a stammer.

"Then this Sunday will be our second." Butters felt his cheeks heat. "And something fun always happens on the third date." He rolled his eyes yet couldn't hold back his smile as he realized what just happened.

He was going on a date with Kenny. Two dates, with the idea of a third. And Kenny was holding his hand as they walked back to the bonfire. Were they dating? They were definitely something. But as he looked to Kenny, who was cheering loudly with the rest of the crowd, he realized it didn't matter. They were what they were and time would only tell what they would become. He was just happy. So he raised his fist in the air and cried out with everyone else.

The smell of popcorn and snow overpowered the brightly lit stadium. The cheerleaders wore their winter gear, same as the pep band, and the football players wore long sleeves under their jerseys. The game was close; Pueblo was a field goal ahead of Park County, mostly due to the fact they weren't playing first string.

Kyle pushed through the standing crowd with two hot cocoas and popcorn in his hand. Butters scooted down and took the first cup.

"Thanks! I'll buy next game." Kyle shrugged his shoulders and set down his food and drink. The student section was shouting the school fight song and at the defense.

"Why isn't first string in? We're gonna get murdered!" Kyle groaned as he watched Stan and Kenny talking to each other and laughing.

"Maybe coach is mad?"

"That's bullshit; he'd risk the game 'cause he's butt hurt?"

Cartman was commentating which had practically become a rant on how Pueblo was just a bunch of "Pussy Jews."

"Ahahahaha that sounds like _pussy juice_! Kahl, you're pussy juice!"

"Dammit, Cartman!" Kyle shouted up to the teen who was laughing uncontrollably. Other people had started to laugh as well.

"The plays, Eric, the plays, m'kay?" Mr. Mackey, the other commentator, warned. Cartman scoffed.

"But we're totally sucking balls right nyow. Might as well put Kinny in for that. Ahahahaha!" He chortled once more. "But seriouslah, coach put your best players in or I'm singing the song you sang in the shower room last year." He then began to hum the tune of "Milkshake". Now even Kyle was laughing as Coach Wilson started yelling at Stan, Token, Connor Ashford, a senior fullback, and Kenny, who all ran on the field. Stan and Kenny pushed each other playfully. Five of the current players walked off of the field, happy for the amount of play time they had. The crowd cheered as their most important players took formation and the cheerleaders led a chant.

"Boo... boo Wendy Testaburger!" Cartman said on the intercom as he watched her cheer. "By the way I'm scoring better than you on the ACT in December so HA!" Wendy turned around and curled her hand in a fist. "And our players have assumed their positions... number sixty-nine, Kinny McCormick, will be receiving the balls. And number thirteen has- oh God Mackey, this is too much fun," Cartman said in between fits of laughter. Butters couldn't help it, that one was funny, and as he saw Kenny laughing hysterically on the field he knew it was okay to laugh.

"Oh shit! Stan killed that guy! Oh look at Kinny go, run you poor fuck!"

Butters and Kyle both watched with their jaws to the floor. Stan and Token had ran and passed the ball to each other before narrowly avoiding Pueblo's defense. Kenny bolted for the endzone, practically flying as he barely missed being pummeled to the ground. He ran out of his curl and jumped over a person as they dove for him. He landed gracefully on his feet then veered to the right and tore down the field with lightning speed.

Butters screamed; he was completely open. The Park County side was hysterical as he moved like a blur far too ahead for anyone to catch him. Stan was down, in a dogpile, and Connor was running to help Kenny if he needed it. Which he didn't. As Kenny fled into the endzone, Butters cried out his name and watched as the receiver threw down the ball. He cheered excitedly, jumping up and down, and Connor tackle hugged him in the most "bro-like" way.

"Kinny McCormick has made the third touchdown for Park County and he also just broke the all-time state record for yards rushing. The last record breaker was in 2000 with 8248." Kyle's eyes lit up and he squeezed Butters in an excited hug.

Stan ran up to Kenny and lifted him in a hug before they ran back to the fifty yard line. Kenny was running slower, most likely absorbing the information.

"He's a fast mother fucker. He currently holds Colorado's high school record, like I said, at 8252 in his three year career. Maybe if he keeps it up he can beat the national record. That's 12,144, Kinny. Get on it! He can now be seen being groped by Kahl's hippie boyfriend, Stan."

People looked to Kyle who shook his head in horror. Butters patted his hand.

"It's just Eric..." he murmured, turning back to the game. "I can't believe it... Kenny broke the state record!" he whispered to Kyle, who nodded excitedly.

Two more touchdowns and a field goal were earned before half time. The pep band then played on the field, followed by the cheerleaders and then the director of the board of education appeared to announce homecoming king and queen.

Stan, Kenny, and Token stood net to each other with their helmets in their hands. They were trying to joke around without getting caught. The senior girls stood in front of them, trying to catch the attention in hopes it would help them win a vote even though the results were long entered.

"This year's homecoming king is..." a drum roll was heard; the only people taking it seriously were the seniors. "Stanley Randal Terrance Marsh!"

"That's not fair!" The seniors cried as Kenny ran around, carrying Stan as he did so. The juniors went wild, especially Kyle, who was practically glowing in excitement for his boyfriend. Stan, Kenny, and Token were laughing hilariously as Stan flailed in Kenny's arms. The crowd cheered with them as the board director waited to crown him. Stan was red faced and trying his hardest not to laugh as the crown was placed on his head. Kenny bowed in front of him.

"Stand up!" Stan bellowed, snickering as Kenny shook his head.

"Hail to the KING!" Kenny screamed before grabbing Stan's hand, kissing it, and standing back up.

The director cleared his throat and turned a blind eye before reading the card.

"And our homecoming queen is... no, that can't be right..." he trailed off, reading the list again. "Uh... our homecoming queen is... Leopold James Zachariah Stotch."

Dread coursed through Butters' body as his heart thudded painfully. Did they really say his name? Everyone was dead silent and stared at him with wide eyes and gaping mouths, except Cartman who was roaring with laughter over the loudspeaker.

His face felt hot as tears of humiliation flooded down his cheeks. He stood up, all eyes on him, and in his flighty movements, his cocoa spilled on his feet. Kyle tried to reach out for him and stood up as well. But in the blink of an eye Butters was running down the bleachers in a blur of sobs and shakes.

He had to get away from the looks and the judgment. Cartman's laugh bore into his brain like a parasitic demon and he felt panic rise in his heart and blood. Who would do this? This was a sick joke and Butters was always the punchline. He hated it. He hated everybody... they all voted for him. The mastermind to this prank wasn't the only one at fault; he knew this.

Homecoming queen. He had won that ironic title and it made him sick. His body shook with anguish and anger and he punched the oak tree he leaned on as hard as he could. His hand screamed in pain and he clutched his now bruising knuckles. He'd get grounded. Victimized. Bullied. This was his life; he had been targeted the first week of Kenny's death and now...

He couldn't take it anymore.

For the first time in months he had been happy. But it wasn't fated for him; the worst things happened to him and he didn't understand why. He never did anything wrong. Perhaps it was simply a curse and he'd never get it.

His shoulders wracked with furious sobs and he hugged himself, leaning on the tree for support, and bowed his head as tears poured freely from his eyes.

This was unforgettable. Completely unforgivable. Butters bit his arm and screamed into the skin as fury burned in his blood that now trickled from his teeth puncturing his flesh. He hadn't been this hurt and angry since... since Hawaii.

"Lee?"

Butters looked up and wept woefully as he caught sight of Kenny slowly approaching him. He was covered in sweat, grass stains, and scrapes as he smiled weakly at his best friend. His helmet was in his hand, and he looked beat.

"Y-y-you're gonna get in t-trouble," Butters whimpered as tears fell heavily down his face. "I-I..." he lost his words as he ran up to Kenny. He cried, heartbroken, into his uniform and he clung to him tightly. Kenny held him close and ran a hand through his soft blonde hair. "K-Ken, why me? W-what did I do to deserve this?" Kenny sighed heavily and lifted Butters' chin.

"They do it because they know you won't fight back and they're trying to get a rise outta you. They're fuckin' dicks," Kenny murmured sadly, "and I'm honest to God sorry. They're talking to Cartman, they think he did it. Cartman has always fucked with you and-"

"I'm fucking s-sick and tired of what I can and can't do!" Butters shouted angrily, punching Kenny. It would have hurt his chest but thankfully he had padding. He watched Butters in surprise and covered his fist with his hand. "I'm not nice! I-I'm not gonna sit back and fucking take it anymore! I'm done, Kenny. I just... I just wanna hurt somebody."

"What about me?" Kenny asked seriously. Butters looked at him in awe. He was already banged up and his hair was dripping with sweat. He shook his head. "I've hurt you more than anyone else... I gave you that scar right there. I made everyone resent you back when we were eight and I died and that's how you came up with Professor Chaos. And if it'll make you feel any better..."

"I won't hurt you. That's s-stupid," Butters grumbled, sniffling as he rested his head on Kenny again. "It's just not fair..." he moaned sadly, Kenny nodded and swayed back and forth with Butters in his arms.

"Stan's okay with dancing with you, if you want to."

Butters gave him a look. "Why let them know they got to you? Prove 'em wrong. Give them what they supposedly want because they won't believe you'd actually go out there and accept being homecoming queen." Kenny murmured in his ear, causing Butters to shiver and smile slowly. "Walk out on that fucking field with me and stand up for yourself."

Butters took his hand and wiped his eyes as they began to walk. He rested his head on Kenny's chest and the taller boy wrapped an arm around his waist loosely. His tears stopped and after awhile his shaking and sobs did too. All that was left was sniffles and bloodshot eyes. Kenny's hand caressed his back comfortingly; he felt numb and detached but he knew that Kenny was right. If he wanted to get people to leave him alone he had to be nonchalant about throwing it all back at them.

As they walked, he felt Kenny limp slightly.

"You're hurt," Butters piped up, Kenny shook his head.

"I'm walking off a cramp," he replied quickly, "I haven't been this active since last year and I'm not conditioned," Butters nodded slowly and watched as his face scrunched in discomfort.

When they returned to the field, Mr. Mackey and Principal Withers were talking to Cartman at the sidelines. The chubby boy was yelling and waving his hands around emphatically as he tried to get his point across. Kenny approached them with Butters protectively curled into his body.

"We're sorry Butters, m'kay? It was a prank and we're recalculating the votes," Butters shook his head and took a step away from Kenny.

"No, I'm the homecoming queen. Obviously they voted for me so I want to represent the school," He countered, blushing as Kenny got down on his knees before him. He winked then bowed his head to the grass.

"Hail to the queen!" Kenny shouted, taking Butters' hand and kissing it before standing up.

"Wait, you want to be homecoming queen?" Cartman asked in disbelief. Butters nodded and smiled brightly. "Son of a bitch..." he trailed off. Principal Withers turned to the microphone and smiled awkwardly.

"I am pleased to announce this year's homecoming court. Stanley Randal Terrance Marsh and Leopold James Zachariah Stotch!" He tried to sound as enthusiastic as possible yet it was very difficult. Scattered applause was heard as the small town Colorado occupants tried to grasp what just happened.

The tiara was placed on Butters' head and he was given a bouquet of roses and a sash. He and Stan got pictures together and Kenny watched giddily from the side.

"I'm so proud of you," Stan whispered to Butters as he put his arm around him.

After a brief discussion between the coach and players, the boys ran back out on the field. Butters sat down next to Kyle again, adrenaline flowing through his veins, and he set down the bouquet.

"You and Kenny are un-fucking-believable." Kyle murmured with a smile. "Are you okay?"

"Mhmm," he answered truthfully, "I was pretty bad but Kenny helped," The red haired boy nodded with a smirk. "I-is it okay if I dance with Stan tomorrow? W-we kinda have to." Kyle laughed as he gave another nod.

"Yeah, I'll just sneak a dance with Kenny. Or not. He's an awful dancer." Butters couldn't believe what Kyle had said as he watched the tall blonde move with flowing ease and grace on the field. He had to be able to dance. He was a stripper, after all.

Pueblo was on offense and moving slowly to the endzone. Kyle cheered when Ike managed to tackle their running back to the ground. Stan attempted to chase their quarterback out of bounds but ended up missing him by mere inches. Luckily they were able to keep them from the ten yard line for the remainder of their play.

The third quarter was uneventful as neither team scored. Both teams were slowing down, worn out, and the second string was put in to give the others a chance to rest. By the fourth quarter, Pueblo scored a field goal. Stan and Kenny were put back in, in attempt to score at least once more in the game. Both were slower, Butters noticed, and Kenny appeared to be limping even more than earlier.

They played through the pain and ran the ball to the twenty yard line before they were tackled on the third down. Thankfully, Park County still had possession, so they could run the last down. There were two minutes left in the game and there was a fighting chance another touchdown could be scored. Kyle and Butters were sharing popcorn and sitting in silence as they sat on the edge of their seats.

Stan hiked the ball and one of the sophomores caught it. He ran three yards before being pummeled to the ground in a dog pile. He managed to throw the ball in hopes someone could catch it. Kenny did so, nearly dropping the ball in the process. He hugged it to his chest with one arm and bolted as fast as he could down to the endzone.

It was close, no one could catch him; he had a chance. The crowd was on their feet, cheering and screaming.

"Left, Kenny!" Stan shouted as he tried to outrun the burly player rearing up to the blonde. He was too late, however, and Kenny was thrown on the grass at eight yards. He fell with a sickening pop on his knee and the Pueblo player landed on top of him. He cried out in pain and the referee quickly blew his whistle and ran onto the field along with the medic.

Butters watched as the two knelt down and spoke to Kenny. His face was contorted in pain as the medic touched his knee. Stan was at his side; a familiar tug pulled at Kyle's heart as he heard Kenny cry out in pain. He didn't understand why it sent chills down his spine yet he swore he had heard him in that amount pain before... and it made his stomach squirm with queasiness.

Stan helped the medic pick him up. Kenny looked pale as he trembled from the pain coursing through his leg. Slowly, he walked forward, grabbing onto Stan as he limped across the field. His leg was bent and he was hardly putting any pressure on it. Both teams and sides of the audience clapped as he hobbled to the sidelines. He slumped against Stan as the medic led them away.

Butters and Kyle abandoned the bleachers; Park County had won regardless, a victory of 44-13. They didn't care how it ended. As they walked to the ambulance with open doors, Stan met them, looking sweaty and exhausted.

"How is he?" Kyle asked worriedly, able to see Kenny sitting on the stretcher as his leg was examined. Stan grimaced slightly and ran a hand through his sweat-soaked hair.

"They think it's his ACL and LCL. He might need surgery, but either way he's out." Butters shook his head and Kyle's jaw dropped.

"But he was being scouted..." Stan nodded.

"It was Boulder, they're over there waiting to talk to him. UNL was going to check him out in three weeks because they're looking for another receiver. Fucking bullshit..." Stan trailed off, glancing back to the ambulance. Butters followed his gaze; from a distance he could hear Kenny moaning in pain. He could have had a full ride scholarship, that couldn't be thrown away because of an injury. Stan had gotten a leg injury last year and was able to play in four weeks.

"W-what if it isn't a ligament?"

"It is, I can even tell you that. If it's just LCL he'll be able to play in six weeks but... that'll be playoffs and even then..." Stan trailed off, "but if it's ACL he's out for good and he'll probably need surgery..."

"We can't afford that," a female voice piped. The three boys turned to find Karen walking up to them slowly, with her arms folded over her chest. "We don't have insurance, it's why he doesn't have glasses. There's gotta be something else they can do, Stan?" She asked pleadingly, wavy locks blowing gently over her pale, heart-shaped face as she gazed at the black haired boy.

"If he just needs physical therapy then I'll work with him with the school trainer," he told her reassuringly, "but if he needs surgery he either gets it or he deals with a gimp leg." Karen sighed heavily and pinched the bridge of her nose.

"He needs glasses?" Butters asked, the others looked at him curiously, as if wondering why that was his only question. Karen nodded.

"Mama always said he was farsighted, ever since he was real little. It's why he has shit for grades, 'cause he can't read up close. Usually Kevin would read him his homework, but Kevin's dyslexic... so then it was up to me but he'd always fall asleep."

Butters felt extremely enlightened; he always remembered Kenny having poor test grades and he'd always murmur too fast in his parka or hoodie when he'd have to read out loud. After awhile the teachers would just skip over him. He always had headaches, too. Huh.

"I mentioned that to him," Kyle mumbled, then turned to Stan. "So, which do you think it is? ACL or just LCL?" Stan shrugged.

"I dunno, that's what they're determining now. I'm hoping it's just LCL..." he responded, taking the redhead's hand in his. Kyle smiled lovingly and sighed heavily.

Butters and Karen led the way to the ambulance when they saw Kenny hoist himself out of the vehicle. The scout was still talking to him, the blonde nodded, looking ashen and in an immense amount of pain, yet still smiled weakly.

"We'll be in contact, Kenny, let us know how that knee turns out," the scout said warmly, before walking away. Butters hugged Kenny tightly, and the taller blonde smiled dopily.

"You smell like vanilla," Butters pulled away slowly and tilted his head, something he had learned from Kenny. "Come back here, vanilla."

Stan snickered and Kenny looked at him with an unfazed expression. "They gave me medicine. I don't feel a _thing,_" He chirped in a slight slur. Kyle nodded slowly and turned to Karen, who was giggling into her hand.

"What kind of medicine?"

"Oxy... I feel fuckin' awesome." Butters patted his shoulder and bit his lip to keep from laughing as Kenny sniffed his shoulder. "You smell like vanilla."

"So you said," the blonde replied with a growing smile as Kenny nuzzled him. Kyle was laughing out loud now, and Karen took a step up to her brother.

"Kenny, what did the medic say?"

"I got hurt and I gotta wear a brace for two months and..." he trailed off, staring at his sister.

"And what?" She asked, he shrugged his shoulders.

"I dunno, what were you saying? Guys, we should go party. There's still the party right? I wanna party and I haven't partied in foreverrr."

"You partied last week, you are in no condition-"

"Shut up, mother," Kenny grumbled, smirking at Kyle who was trying his hardest not to laugh at his blissed out expression. "To Clyde's!"

"No drinking, no smoking, you're high enough as it is..." Kyle compromised as Kenny twirled a lock of Butter's hair in his fingers. He examined the blonde hair and then let it be. "Butters, stay with him the entire time."

"Can I go?" Karen asked her brother, who blinked a couple of times before his smile fell. He shook his head and rested his chin on Butters' shoulder; the shorter boy was not minding this affection at all. "Why not?"

"Because. You're too pretty and too good for that kind of stuff, you could get hurt." Karen raised an eyebrow at her brother.

"Ike's going; I'll stay with him the whole time."

"And then he'll slip you a roofie and all hell will break loose, fuckin' Canadians and their sneaky ass tactics. Ass tactic... fantastic. Huh, that kinda rhymes." Kyle and Karen rolled their eyes and watched as he softly bit Butters' shoulder. The blonde jumped and a fiery blush crept on his cheeks. "You don't _taste _like vanilla."

"Ike won't slip me a roofie, he'd be more protective than you... at the moment," Karen quickly added after Kenny shot her a dark look. "Puh-leeze? I'll leave by midnight."

"12:30 at the latest, missy," Kenny barked, causing her to smile brightly and nod. "And don't take any drinks from anyone, even Ike." The blonde then draped his arms over Butters' shoulders as he limped behind him. Butters carried his weight as best he could and put his hands over Kenny's.

"So... what did the medic say happened to your knee?" Stan asked as he helped Butters drag Kenny to his car. Kenny slowly turned his head, still resting on Butters' shoulder, and yawned.

"I tore a liger... lig-a-ment," he said slowly, eyes drooping slightly. "'s'posed to go to the doc for more tests but... not gonna happen. I can just off myself and I'll be fine in the mornin'. Stan, d'you have a gun?"

"NO!" Butters cried suddenly, spinning around to face Kenny, who looked scared. "You're not killing yourself."

"Yeah, that would just make you dead."

"For seven hours," Kenny grumbled in a pout, Butters glared at him and clutched his hands tighter. "Lee... Leeeeeeee? Can I tell you a secret?" He whispered loudly. Kyle and Stan looked back, smiling a little as they held hands secretly. Karen was texting and following close behind. Butters nodded, "I would totally let you fuck me if you ever wanted to. I mean I'm not trying to push, I just think that-"

Butters squeaked and quickly covered Kenny's mouth as he continued to speak. Kyle's eyes widened and Stan laughed into Kyle's shoulder.

"Ken!"

"It's true, I wouldn't let anybody else, ever. And... I like the way you feel. You're warm and soft and comfy. Like a teddy bear. I always wanted a teddy bear." Butters blushed darkly and let go of Kenny's hands. Kenny stopped walking. "I don't wanna."

"We're almost there..." Butters half-whined. Kenny pouted his lower lip.

"But I am hurting and I'm sleepy." The blonde sighed heavily at Kenny's complaint and looked to Stan for help. He draped Kenny's arm over his shoulder and Butters felt relief flood through his body. Kenny's head rested on his shoulder, and he barely moved his feet to walk. Kyle unlocked Stan's car and the other two managed to get him in the backseat. Butters sat next to him and Stan handed him their duffel bags.

"Sorry," the black haired boy said, smiling gently as he shut Butters' door and quickly ran to the front seat. "I'll drop you and Kenny off to get your car later, kay?" The blonde nodded and looked to Kenny who was playing with the window. "We'll go to my house quick so Kenny and I can change and then head to Clyde's. Karen, are you coming with us?" The brunette girl shrugged her shoulders as she sat in the car next to Kenny. Ike knocked on the window, and she opened the door.

"Are you... are you going to the party?" He asked nervously, still wearing his football gear. Karen nodded and he smiled, "cool... uh..."

"Ike, get in the car," Kyle barked, wearing the best poker face he could. The black haired boy blinked. "You have to change anyway, if you have your stuff just come with us."

In a moment he was in the front, sharing a seat with Kyle, and being nervous, uncomfortable, and typical Ike. He was uncomfortable around Kenny, and gave him glances whenever he spoke to Karen, but the blonde was laying on Butters' chest.

Butters could get used to the feeling of Kenny snuggling him. His hair tickled his chin and he felt frail against him except for the football gear. But it was Kenny and although he was currently on a very high narcotic he was still cuddling him. Butters was well aware of the fact that people did weird things like that on medicine. He just had never imagined Kenny being a cuddler; it was nice.

"Lee?" Kenny whispered as Butters ran a hand through his hair; it was sweaty, but he always like to be comforted that way.

"Hmm?" Butters asked quietly, unable to hide his smile as Kenny tightened his hold on him and looked up with wide, sad puppy eyes. He melted at his gaze.

"Don't let me go," he murmured quietly, "don't ever let me go." Kenny grabbed Butters' shirt as he nodded and held him tightly.

"Never," Butters replied.

They arrived at Stan's house. He and Ike quickly ran into his house to change and Butters looked at Kenny who was just staring blankly.

"C'mon, we're home," Butters said, trying not to laugh as Kenny smiled goofily.

"Home sweet home..." he chirped as he took Butters' offered hand and slowly stepped out of the car. He hobbled slightly and leaned against the shorter blonde.

"Do you need help?" Kyle asked, Butters shook his head and held onto Kenny possessively. "I'll be upstairs... see if Stan needs anything."

"Uh-huh..." Butters teased with a smirk. The redhead shot him a look and ran up the stairs as he, Kenny, and Karen entered the house.

"Lee, Kar... if you just let me kill myself I'll be back by the time-"

"No!" They both shouted, Butters nudged him slightly as they entered the guest bathroom on the first floor.

"You have to deal like a normal human being."

"But I'm not normal," Kenny barked, sounding much more sober than he had in the car. "D'you think I'm weird?"

"Yes," Karen breathed in a chuckle as she helped Butters undress him. She took off his shoes and socks while he removed his shoulder pads and jersey.

"In a good way, everyone's weird though. You're funny and pervy and completely out of the box." Butters explained as Karen turned on the water.

"I'll be... out there, if you need any help..." she trailed off as Kenny took off the knee brace.

"'m not a little kid, I can take my pants off," Kenny grumbled as Butters' hands rested on his hips.

"You're injured, hush," Kenny sighed and smirked as Butters pulled off his pants and leg pads, yet kept his boxers on. He winced when he caught sight of Kenny's swollen, bruised knee. "That looks awful," Kenny shrugged and grabbed onto the sink to support his weight.

"Boxers off," Kenny sent him a drugged out "seductive" look as he shucked off his boxers quicker than Butters had imagined. He blushed at the suddenly naked boy in front of him.

"I'd seriously be back in like an hour..." Kenny pressed as he opened the shower door and stepped inside. Butters sighed heavily and sat on the toilet as he ignored the comment. "Do you like kids?"

"Uh... yeah? Why?" he asked as Kenny spit something from his mouth.

"I like kids but I don't want any. I don't wanna give them this curse... it'd kill me and it'd be all my fault. Do you want kids?"

"I guess... I've never thought about it much. It'd be nice though and I hope I'd be a good dad. Where is this coming from?" Kenny poked his head through the door and smiled toothily.

"I think about my future when I shower, among other things." Butters snorted at his offhand comment, "and I'm not feeling up to other things right now."

"I bet not... what have you decided about your future tonight?" Kenny hummed at Butters' question and rinsed his hair as he gave it a thought.

"I'm moving out when I'm eighteen, I'm looking at apartments now. If I go to college I'll go for graphic design and art and open a business or somethin'. If I don't go to college I'll do like a tattoo apprenticeship-y dealie or something, I've decided I have to draw though. I'd like to be in a band. I'd like to move to Washington and get a nice little house and a dog and drink awesome coffee. I want you to stay in my life. I wanna walk Karen down the aisle and know she's gonna have her happily ever after and I wanna be the cool uncle who's like a second dad. Then I'd like to die."

Butters sat there, listening and hanging on to every word like an addict with a line. He couldn't help but feel happy to hear Kenny's future... because he saw a future for himself. Whether or not it was the drugs talking it was reassurance to Butters.

The water turned off and Butters handed Kenny a towel as he opened the door. His hair was falling in shaggy waves on his shoulders and he was slightly red from the heat of the water.

"That sounds like a happy life," he said with a smile. Kenny shrugged as he dried himself off lazily.

"I hope," he replied, shaking his head to fling the water out of his hair. Butters laughed loudly as he watched Kenny, who tilted his head.

"You're like a dog!"

"Woof woof," Kenny answered as he stuck out his tongue. The older boy rolled his eyes and smiled in amusement.

"Sit, boy," he teased, snickering as Kenny did so and pulled on a ratty old long sleeved shirt that clung tightly to him and a pair of jeans Butters had procured from somewhere. He gave Butters a look as he realized they were skinny jeans. They hugged him comfortably and even hung a little baggy, which caused Butters to grimace. "They look nice on you."

"I gots chicken legs and Tweety bird ankles, but thanks," Kenny responded as he tightened the knee brace. He walked slightly unsteady out of the bathroom and smiled at Butters who was watching him. "I have no ass, if you're looking," Kenny commented with a wink. Butters blushed and jokingly patted his backside; he so did have an ass. Kenny's eye widened a little and he looked to Butters with a surprised grin. "You just groped me..."

"And?" Kenny just smiled smugly and locked eyes with Butters, who couldn't bring himself to look away. He felt himself be pushed up against the wall and shivered as he felt Kenny's hand caress his side. He couldn't help it, he thought, as he reached up and brushed the long bangs from Kenny's face. His dazed blue eyes focused somewhat and his cheeks were slightly pink, causing his freckles to show up more than usual.

"I feel like kissing you," Kenny said, probably narrating his own thoughts. Butters blushed and his fingers danced over Kenny's hand.

"You should," Butters suggested with a smile. He met Kenny's lips halfway and wrapped his arms around his neck. It was different, probably because Kenny was high on Oxycodone, but Butters liked the faster and deeper kisses. It caused his knees to buckle and his cheeks to heat as Kenny's mouth dominated his own. "Mmm... K-Ken..." Butters moaned as Kenny's mouth nipped down his jawline and neck. The taller boy's eyes met his and he smirked as his tongue soothed the red mark he had made on his collarbone.

"Lee," Kenny breathed hot against his neck, trembling as he felt Butters caress the skin under his shirt, "I want you..." Butters felt his heart hammer in his chest as he felt Kenny's gentle kisses lead up his throat, to his mouth once more.

"You're just h-high..." Kenny shook his head and pressed his forehead to Butters'. "Ken, we're not in a relationship a-and..." The blonde looked at Butters and smiled softly as his thumb stroked his cheek.

"I love you," Butters furrowed his eyebrows.

"I love you too but that's not getting me in bed with you tonight." Kenny laughed brightly and shook his head as he held Butters to him.

"Wasn't tryin'. I just... hmm..." Kenny trailed off in a hum, resting his head on Butters' once more and closed his eyes. "I'm sorry." Butters rolled his eyes and gave Kenny a quick kiss.

"One day I'll really appreciate it," he replied with a smirk as he trailed his hands down Kenny's lanky arms.

They arrived at the party twenty minutes later. Ike and Karen vanished immediately; Kenny had taken another pill so he was quickly losing common sense. Butters stuck close to him, and Kyle and Stan were nearby, both looking a little too flushed and giggly for Butters to not think about what happened upstairs.

He wasn't too familiar with party code. Everyone drank, most people smoked. There was lots of food and dancing. People had to avoid closed doors; nowhere was safe. So Butters sat on the couch with Kenny, who was stretching his knee, and stared up at the ceiling.

"Want some?" Stan asked, with a red Solo cup in hand and a lit joint. Butters shrugged his shoulders and held out his hand for the joint; maybe it would calm his nerves. He breathed in the sweet smoke and held it in as long as he could. Kenny slowly turned to Butters and laughed goofily.

"What?" Butters asked after exhaling. Kenny shrugged his shoulders and examined his hand carefully.

"I'm dirty..." Stan furrowed his eyebrows as he sat on the chair in Clyde's living room.

"No, you're not." Butters replied as Kenny started scratching at his hand.

"I see it, all over, 's all fucking dirty."

"What is?" Stan asked in a concerned tone as Kenny started to scratch his entire body. He shook his head and looked down at his hands as if he were scared Butters put a hand on the small of his back and took the hand that scratched at his face.

"Me. Getitoff," Both boys looked at each other and Butters slowly wiped at his shoulders and arms.

"Better?" Kenny gave him a look but settled slightly. Kyle sat on the other side of Kenny with his own plastic cup in hand.

"Kyle, 'm I dirty?" Kenny asked, resting his head on his shoulder. Kyle shrugged his shoulders.

"Minded? Yeah." he replied with a smile. "Dude, apparently Wendy and Cartman are having a scream-off outside."

"It's probably foreplay," Stan mumbled, then cringed slightly. "Oh God..." Kyle made a disgusted face and scrubbed at his eyes.

Butters couldn't help but laugh out loud. Their reactions had been hilarious and... anything was probably funny to him now. Kenny was twirling a lock of Kyle's hair in his finger, then letting it bounce like a spring. Kyle was used to this, anyway, so he let Kenny amuse himself.

They talked for awhile and eventually Kenny fell asleep. People had asked the group how he was feeling or if he'd play next game but left the fact that he was sleeping on Butters' chest alone. Sometime ago he managed to wriggle against Butters; his cheek was on his pectoral and his hand had bunched up the cloth around his heart. He was snoring quietly, it was more like a snuffle, and he had curled himself into Butters as if he belonged there all along.

"Who woulda thought Kenny was a cuddler?" Stan asked, smiling affectionately at Butters who shrugged as he raked his fingers gently through his long blonde hair.

"A lot of people say medication brings out the subconscious, which allows people to express what they want the most. Cuddling is a form of reaching out for someone to be comforted or seeking closeness because of-"

"Ike, that's my _brother_!" Karen hissed as they approached the four. Both had their own cups and a bag of chips. Butters eyed her hand and she looked to Ike.

"I gave her like half a shot, don't worry." Ike assured, downing the rest of his before opening the chips. "Anyway, it's true, Karen. Based on his personality and upbringing, Kenny has an intense amount of suppressed emotional and psychological need for personal attachment. Except he can't express that because that's a big part of who he supposedly is. Henceforth, he is currently using Butters as a teddy bear."

"Upbringing?" Karen asked defensively, folding her arms and scooting away from Ike. "We grew up fine..." she trailed off with a dark look in her eyes.

"Considering certain external factors as well as the fact he's the middle child... tell me what happened when your parents fought again?"

"Ugh..." Karen grumbled, already knowing he made his point and won the now argument. "It's pretty obvious," she mumbled. Butters' heart fell, Kyle and Stan looked slightly uncomfortable as they glanced at the McCormick siblings.

"And what would Kenny do?"

"He'd comfort me. Or go to his room or sit on the couch and then dad would get pissed at him for not taking a side."

"The middle child is always the most ignored and the one who usually gets in the most trouble." Karen snorted and bit at the skin around her nails. "So, Stan, to answer your question it makes a lot of sense that Kenny's a cuddler."

Kyle, Stan, and Butters stared at Ike with wide eyes and jaws dropped. They couldn't quite tell if he was serious, but by his look, they felt he meant every word. Kyle pinched the bridge of his nose and shook his head slowly.

"Ike..." he trailed off, laughing quietly. "Kenny is a _friend_ not a psychological study." Ike shrugged his shoulders and glanced at Kenny, who was mouthing something as he slept. He smirked.

"The position he's sleeping in also says he's insecure and-"

"Isaac!" Kyle cried with a laugh, honestly he thought it was kind of funny. Ike smiled; that time he was joking around.

"Okay, fine, I'm done. I'm sorry, Karen." she gave a nod and looked out the window.

"I'm going outside for a bit," Karen mumbled, taking her cup and walking to the back of the house. Ike sighed heavily and facepalmed.

"I'm a fucking idiot," he grumbled; his older brother and friends just smiled at him as he quickly followed the brunette.

"I can't think of Kenny like that," Stan mumbled, "all sad and neglected... he's not. He's okay." Kyle shook his head as he stared at the blonde.

"Yeah, he's kind of resilient." Stan nodded and Butters smiled as Kenny twitched and jerked beneath him. He was a rock, he wasn't the type of person to ask for help. Which is why Butters believed Ike's every word. He could be Kenny's comfort... his rock.

Kyle stood up and left to go to the bathroom and Stan went to get another drink. Butters asked for one, and glanced at Kenny as he started mumbling and whimpering.

"Hey..." Butters murmured, shaking him gently, "Kenny?" The tall boy's face expressed fear and he tossed his head against Butters' chest. "Kenny, wake up." He said a little louder. He knew Kenny would be humiliated if he realized his classmates were watching him suffer a nightmare. Thankfully no one was paying attention.

Stan returned and his face fell as he saw Kenny thrash about on Butters. He nearly jumped over the chair and knelt down in front of Kenny.

"He won't wake up... Ken? Kenny!" Butters cried. Stan sighed heavily and hit Kenny on the face, hard enough to redden his cheek but soft enough to avoid a bruise. The blonde yelped and shot straight up yet his eyes were slightly foggy. He trembled and looked at Butters, scared.

"It was just a nightmare... you're okay," Kenny gasped and laid back down on Butters. He grimaced; he was still asleep, he could see it in his vacant eyes.

"That is not dead which can eternal lie... and with strange aeons even death may die." Kenny mumbled as he stared at the ceiling. Butters felt a cold chill run down his spine and Stan looked as if he had been slapped in the face. The blonde tilted his head.

"He... the cult of Cthulhu. They said that to him... that was almost seven years ago, why would he remember that?" Butters looked to Kenny who was still mumbling and he sighed heavily.

"Ken? Kenny... Kenny!" He shouted; his voice was drowned out by the loud music. But it was enough to jolt Kenny away; he jumped and looked up with wide, aware eyes.

"Whasgoinon?" He asked into Butters chest, he hummed quietly, "mmm... you smell like vanilla."


	19. Falling Apart to Half Time

_Author's Note: Agh, I'm in such a good mood, so here you go._

_Oh, homecoming. How I don't miss you at all... except the mosh pit we started that got us kicked out. And the parties after. But that doesn't count. So, welcome the nostalgia... or the awful memories, whichever you prefer. :)_

_Enjoy!_

_Title from "Dance, Dance" by Fall Out Boy_

_Chapter Nineteen: Falling Apart to Half Time_

* * *

"Kenny, how do I look?"

Kenny looked up from his magazine and dropped his jaw. He blinked, did a double take and smiled softly at the girl who stood in front of him.

Karen wore an emerald green dress Ruby let her borrow that hugged her body comfortably. The skirt went to her lower thigh and was trimmed with black lace. She wore a pair of black heels Ruby had let her borrow and the necklace she had gotten for Christmas last year. Her makeup was light yet accentuated her features.

Kenny's throat felt tight as he nodded.

"You look beautiful, Kar-bear," he struggled to say. His eyes lowered to the floor and he sighed heavily; she wasn't his little girl anymore. She was... "you look like mom in her wedding picture." That was the best picture they had of their mother. Although she was barely seventeen when she had been married, and Kenny was at her hip and Kevin the ringbearer, she had once been gorgeous.

"You mean it?" She asked, overjoyed to hear she could be so pretty. Kenny nodded and she curled into him for a hug.

"Course I do, you did your hair yourself?" she nodded and he lightly touched one of the ringlet curls. "You look great." She smiled and examined her brother.

"You are not wearing that..." he glanced down to his khaki pants and the nicest t-shirt he owned. He tilted his head and she rolled her eyes. "You're going with the homecoming queen. You have to look nice, c'mon..." she trailed off, dragging him to his room. He limped slowly behind her and quickly popped two pills in his mouth before she turned around.

She opened his closet as he sat on his bed and examined the few clothes he had. Three t-shirts, one long sleeved shirt, two pairs of pants, and a pair of shorts. His orange parka was on his bed, he had used it for another blanket last night.

"Here, try these," she found a pair of black pants that Kenny was trying his best for her not to find. Mostly because of why he wore them. "Are these skinny jeans?" he shrugged his shoulders. "Oh my God!" She cried, smiling brightly as she threw them at him. "Well they look like slacks, so they'll work... and why not this..." she trailed off, pulling out a grey shirt. Kenny's eyes widened as she examined the cloth. "No, there's a bloodstain on it," he breathed a sigh of relief when she tossed the fabric on the bed; a green M poked through the folded grey shirt. "Here!" She cried, pulling out a dark grey button up shirt. "It's Kevin's but..." Kenny shrugged and pulled off his t-shirt. He quickly buttoned the shirt and pulled at the sleeves; it was too baggy yet it would suffice. He took the jeans and Karen turned around. He used her shoulder for support as he put on the pants and tightened the brace once more. As she turned around, he tucked the shirt in to the waistband and she sighed.

"Better?" he asked, she shrugged and dragged him to her room.

"You tell me," she replied, pointing to the large, full body mirror. He examined himself and grimaced. The shirt was loose and the pants made him look too skinny. Yet he shrugged and looked to Karen. "I think you look great."

"That's because you think no one is ugly."

"You are not ugly, Kenny." He rolled his eyes and brushed his bangs back. "Thanks for letting me go to the party last night..." he shrugged and grabbed a pair of scissors from her dresser.

"Not a problem," he said, bending his head out of the window. Karen looked at him curiously and gasped as he grabbed his hair and cut the handful. He tossed the hair out of her window and turned to her.

Karen took the pair of scissors and ushered him to the mirror; he had done a semi-decent job considering he simply hacked, but there were jagged bits everywhere. She snipped carefully and silently. By the time she was finished his hair was at his preferred length, the middle of his neck.

"Kenny?" she said, he tilted his head. "You said it again last night, Stan said."

"Said what?"

"The quote from the "Necronomicon."" she responded, Kenny sighed heavily and raked a hand through his hair. "And...k are you okay?" She asked gently. He nodded.

"I'm fine," was his answer and she grimaced. That was always his answer.

"If you ever need to talk... no one can go through everything on their own. But you have to be strong and face your fears."

"When did you get so strong?" He asked jokingly, she shrugged her shoulders and twisted the onyx ring on her finger.

"I... have my guardian angel to thank."

"Oh?" Kenny asked, smiling softly.

"I figured... if I had a guardian angel then bad things were happening to me and he always came when I needed him. And then I thought... maybe my guardian angel needs an angel too. I always wanted to be strong enough for him if he needed it." Karen looked at Kenny sincerely and he felt his heart leap in his chest.

"Did he ever?" Kenny asked, Karen shook her head and he smiled sadly. "Have you seen him recently?" She nodded.

"He's always around," she mumbled with a smile. "Did you ever have a guardian angel?" Kenny shook his head and walked out of her room, with Karen in tow. He slipped on his shoes and waited in their poor excuse of a living room.

"Honestly, I always asked for one... but when I heard you ask for one too... I'm just glad you got your prayers answered and he could help you. I know... I know it was rough on you."

"What about you?" Kenny sighed heavily and felt very uncomfortable. What was the sudden interest in his feelings?

"I got by, Kar. You were always my first concern. I think I turned out all right..." She sighed heavily and leaned against him as they waited for Kyle and Ike. "But... I guess my assurance was when you'd come into my room and sleep with me. I guess I needed it just as much as you did." Karen smiled softy at him and hugged him tightly. "I had a dream last night."

"You never dream." Kenny gave her a look and she rolled her eyes.

"That's the point, silly," he grumbled, "but... promise you won't tell anyone."

"Not even Butters?"

"Not yet." She nodded and zipped her lips.

"I had a dream... that I was following Death around. It looked like limbo and then everything was white and cold... like in a hospital. I just kept going after him and when I grabbed him, Death turned around."

"And...?"

"Karen, it was me. I looked at myself. I was Death."

Silence filled the room. Karen felt a shiver course through her and she looked at Kenny. She shook her head.

"You're not..."

"I don't know. But it scared me. That's the only thing I remember from last night. I don't remember anything I said or did. Except in my dream. I said that quote. Over and over again and... then I woke up here. And I'm fucking terrified." He rested his head on her shoulder as she hugged him close. Kenny relaxed in her hold and squeezed his eyes shut; he kept out the most important part. He had been Death in his dream all along... who he thought he was had turned out to be Butters. And it made his stomach churn and knot.

"You were on Oxycodone... it makes you hallucinate and do things... but I'll ask Ike to look into the Necronomicon."

"I've tried... it like... doesn't exist." Karen gave him a look and he sighed heavily. "It's the book of the dead, who would actually make that?"

"So... what all do you remember from that? Maybe that'll help me understand."

"From what... I've heard Cthulhu was one of the old ones, whatever that is. Only an immortal can kill another immortal. So... if he's an old one and he's an immortal... that makes me one of the old ones. But I don't get it. If it was a curse then how could I be one of the "old ones"? And supposedly the "Necronomicon" has all of the answers to my questions but it doesn't fucking exist." Karen nodded slowly and hugged Kenny comfortingly. Moments passed as they stayed like that, the two of them just sitting there in silence. Bunny sat at their feet and nudged Kenny's hands with her nose. He scratched her head and sighed softly.

"Kenny... your hands," Karen whispered, taking his skeletal palms in hers. She flipped them over and looked at the red, raw skin. He pulled away from her and quickly hid them under his sleeves. "When did you start again?"

"I didn't, they're just chapped," he grumbled uncomfortably. Karen gave him a look and kicked his shin lightly.

"You've been back two days. Two." He sighed heavily and shrugged his shoulders before examining his hands. They were sore to touch and cracked, some of the skin even bled. "Kenny, you're stressed already and if you don't talk to someone-"

"I'm fine, Karen..."

"Bullshit, just talk to me, please?!" She cried, causing Bunny to startle and curl closer to Kenny. He stared at the floor and scratched roughly at his hands, causing her to grab them. "Please?"

"If I don't think about it I won't do it. And I'm thinking about it and I can't help it. Where the fuck is Kyle?"

"I will tell him about this if you don't talk to me," Kenny sighed heavily and turned to Karen who smiled smugly.

"But he'll get his _mother_ involved. There will be tests."

"Talk."

"It-" Kenny was interrupted by a timid knock on the door. He smiled bashfully at Karen, secretly extremely thankful for the interruption, and limped to the door. He unlatched the deadbolt and pulled open the half cracked door.

"H-hey..." Butters trailed off, looking nervous. Kenny eyed him up and down and grinned.

"You look dashing," he chirruped, causing Butters to blush.

"Thanks... um... there was a situation. We're meeting Kyle at his place now... but it's not too good..." Kenny tilted his head, "His parents walked in on him and Stan."

"I thought they were telling them last night." Butters gave him a look.

"You don't remember a thing from last night, do you?" he asked, sighing softly as Kenny shook his head. "Are you two ready?" Both McCormicks nodded and Karen slowly stepped forward, standing behind her brother.

They hurried to Butters' car and drove to Kyle's house. Kenny had wanted to say more to Butters, yet he looked frazzled and kept quiet. He scratched his hands as they parked outside of the Broflovski household.

"Kyle, we need to talk about this!" Sheila yelled as Kyle ran from the house, red-faced and tears streaming down his face. He wore a black suit with a purple tie and his hair was gelled down nicely. Ike ran right after him, looking terrified.

"There's nothing else to say!" Kyle screamed as he dove into the car. He trembled with sobs as heavy tears burned his eyes. "Shit..." he sobbed, burying his face in his hands. Kenny turned around and put his hand on Kyle's knee. The redhead looked up and sniffled as Kenny smiled softly at him.

"It's gonna be okay," Karen gave him a look that he ignored and Kyle choked on his breath.

"H-how do you know? My m-mom kicked Stan out... I-I can't lose him, Kenny. Even if we can't be t-together anymore... I can't..."

"It's just a big shock, I mean your parents love Stan. They always have. Once they get over the fact you're butt buddies it'll all be okay."

"Can you be any more insensitive?" Kyle snapped, glaring at Kenny who felt a pang of hurt as he caught the daggers Kyle sent him.

"Well, Stan's practically part of your family... after a couple days your mom and dad'll be fine and have a talk and everything will be fine. If it were me, it'd probably be a little different, that's all. You and Stan are gonna work out, you always do. We've all been friends since we were like two and they can't suddenly rip that from you guys." Kyle sighed heavily and rested his head on the window. Ike put a hand on his shoulder and Butters grimaced as Stan slammed the door to his house.

"Fuck it! I'm not coming home!" He shouted at the top of his lungs then kicked the sidewalk before he ran to the car. He wore a deep scowl and slid in the front seat, causing Kenny to smush next to Butters. "Fucking Christ, Kyle, it's like they're fucking homophobes."

"I don't understand how they couldn't tell when you were little. I've known all along you'd end up being together," Ike commented with a smirk, Kenny nodded.

"Yeah, dudes, I've been third wheeling it since we were three. Let's just forget about the shit now and go to homecoming." Stan sighed and looked back at Kyle who was staring out the window as tears fell freely from his eyes.

"It's going to be okay," Karen reassured softly, giving Ike a worried glance. He smiled weakly at her and patted her hand. Kyle gave a side glance, then took Stan's hand from the side of the seat.

"Uh... Karen?" Ike mumbled, blushing a little. Kenny glanced back at the flustered boy. Karen looked at him curiously, waiting for him to finish speaking. "I just wanted to say you... you look real nice." She blushed a little.

"Thanks, so do you." Stan caught Kenny's eye and gave a thin smile to his "brother". Butters kept his eyes on the road and remained silent.

"Ky, they were bound to find out sooner or later," Stan piped up, causing the redhead to scoff and wipe his eyes.

"That is not how I pictured it happening!"

"You know a dinner-confession would be an epic failure. At least it wasn't like how Shelly found us." Kyle laughed a little and shrugged his shoulders. "It's just the thing to set my parents off, somehow raising a bisexual son is something that can be a "valid" argument for bad parenting," He grumbled as he rolled his eyes. "I can't fucking wait to get out of that house."

"M-my dad's a fucking hypocrite. He pushed me to be straight because he was bi-curious h-himself and if m-my parents knew I was gay well... well I'd p-probably go back to st-straight camp."

"Well then I'd bust you out and we'd go on an adventure," Kenny said with a smile, causing Butters to roll his eyes and smile a little. "When my dad thought I was gay he stabbed me. But I provoked him so it was kinda funny."

"WHAT?!" Kyle shouted, an inherited trait from his mother. Kenny pursed his lips and Karen covered her face in her hands.

"I told my dad it was his fault I liked sucking dick. 'Cause it was his idea for me to hook in the first place."

"Wait, what?" Karen snapped, eyes sharp on her brother. Butters glanced at Kenny and saw his eyes were slightly unfocused. He grimaced; he was high... and he wasn't sure on what.

"Kenny, what the hell did you just say?" Karen asked angrily as she watched her brother.

"I don't fucking know, Kar. I just say things sometimes."

"Bull fucking shit!" She screamed, causing her older brother to jump. "Is that why you're so messed up? Did dad really do that?"

"I'm not..." he trailed off, pulling his fingers away from his other hand. His skin was beneath his jagged nails and he sighed heavily. "I'm not _messed up_. I'm fine. We'll talk about this another time, Karen. Alone." She looked out the left window and folded her arms over her chest.

The six arrived in silence and quickly got out of the car. Kenny watched as Kyle leaned himself against Stan comfortably as if he didn't care about questioning eyes and what people thought. Stan held him close and led the way. Karen took Ike's hand and followed after, not even looking back to Kenny, who suddenly felt incredibly guilty. Butters poked his side and he looked up from the ground.

"Thanks for asking me to go with you."

"Of course," Kenny murmured, smiling as Butters hugged him, "you look amazing." Butters blushed and took Kenny's hand as they started walking.

"You do too," Kenny shrugged and perked up suddenly.

"I forgot!" He chirped, digging in his pocket. Excitedly, he handed Butters a paper boutonniere. "I made these in class on Friday, sorry if they're bad." Butters grinned and pinned the blue recycled paper flower onto his suit and beamed at Kenny.

"I love it. Thank you, I completely forgot about boutonnieres." Kenny grinned toothily and put his arm around Butters as they walked into the gym.

Strobe lights, disco balls, and pounding dance music filled his ears as he looked around for his friends. The gymnasium was completely dark and muggy due to the dancing people. Butters held on to him tighter and Kenny squeezed him gently; he wouldn't let go if Butters didn't want him to.

They sat and talked for a little bit, but Butters wanted to dance. Stan and Kyle were in a large group as they all "raved" to "Sandstorm" and after the song, Stan pulled him onto the dance floor.

"You should come!" Butters had shouted over the speakers. Kenny shrugged his shoulders then pointed to his knee; he probably shouldn't dance. The blonde sighed heavily and told him he'd be back in a few minutes; that had been a half an hour ago.

Kenny didn't mind really. He liked the atmosphere. Everything was loud and bright and chaotic and appealed to him in so many ways. He could do without the smell of overpowering sweat but he couldn't complain much. Watching everyone have fun was his way of doing things; he wasn't used to being an insider now; everyone had moved on an entire ten months in their lives and yet Kenny was still stuck in the past because the past was his present. Everything was a chaotic mess and he couldn't cope and put the pieces together to move forward. So he simply watched them have fun; it was all he knew how to do. Besides, soon they'd be gone and he'd be left with nothing but those memories. Seeing them happy was what made him happy.

Except he couldn't stop scratching his skin. He couldn't shake the "wrong" feeling and he had a feeling he'd always be uncomfortable. Kenny sighed heavily and rested his head on the table as he watched his friends dance. He didn't understand why he couldn't just let go.

"All right everyone!" The DJ said as he cut the music. "It's time for the homecoming king and queen to dance!" Cheers were heard and some people laughed as Stan and Butters remained on the dance floor as everyone else left the floor. "This is a surely a unique pair we have here... so we should do something a little different."

Stan smiled nervously at Butters, who took his hand and smiled back.

"You ready to do this?" Butter glanced to the table and saw Kenny watching, looking vacant. He nodded.

"O-of c-c-course," he stammered, blushing as Stan's hands rested on his waist. They both furrowed their eyebrows as Secondhand Serenade's "A Twist in My Story" played through the speakers. "I-I thought it was gonna be Taylor Swift." Stan nodded and laughed a little.

"Yeah, tell me about it. She's a fucking cunt," both boys laughed out loud at this and seemed to relax; this wouldn't be so bad.

"So are... are you okay?" Stan nodded and glanced to Kyle who was watching as he talked with Cartman.

"It wouldn't be a big deal with my parents if it were someone else. But... it's me so it's a big fucking deal. They like Kyle, so it'll be okay. After a week my dad's gonna be asking who's pitching and who's catching and my mom will want to take me shopping even though I hate shopping." Butters smiled adoringly at Stan and patted his shoulder as he spoke.

"Well I'm real proud of you... I sure wish I could tell my folks. I doubt I ever will... they'll probably arrange a marriage for me." Stan scoffed yet knew this was potentially true, and that was sad.

"_My whispers turn to shouting  
The shouting turns to tears  
Your tears turn into laughter  
And it takes away our fears  
So you see, this world doesn't matter to me  
I'll give up all I had just to breathe  
The same air as you till the day that I die  
I can't take my eyes off of you..." _

The music played loud over the speakers. They had found their own rhythm and were dancing quite comfortably. It wasn't awkward, they were best friends, and the fact they were making a stand to the school made it so much cooler.

"Stan?" Butters asked quietly, feeling embarrassed as he met the blue-grey eyed boy's gaze. "I... I'm kinda worried about Kenny."

"You don't say..."

"You are too?" Stan nodded and sighed heavily.

"It's just not something we talk about."

"Well, we need to talk about Kenny."

"Isn't there a movie with that title?"

"No, that's Kevin."

"Huh."

Both boys locked their eyes on each other and burst out laughing. Neither quite understood how the exchange was funny, except to them it totally was. And that was okay.

"Anyway, I mean yesterday he seemed fine. But today he's totally off. Something's wrong."

"He's been off for awhile, Kyle thought maybe he started cutting himself but I've seen him in the locker room. But... I dunno. He hasn't seemed quite right since..."

"Since his mom and Karen got in the accident." Butters mumbled. That had been nearly two years ago already. He knew Kenny would never fully heal from the self-inflicted wounds he gouged upon himself that night. He knew he wouldn't allow himself to. Perhaps that's why he was so... unhinged. "But there's something else."

"I'll help you in anyway I can, dude. I know how you feel about him... and he's like my brother. I want him back to normal, too." Butters smiled and hugged Stan as the song ended. People clapped and Cartman booed, but that had been expected. "Thanks for dancing with me, you make a good partner." Butters blushed and lowered his eyes.

"Y-you're welcome, you do too. I didn't even think a-about people w-w-watching." Stan nodded and walked up to Kyle with his arm around Butters. "Sorry for..." he trailed off, eyeing Cartman, "making a big deal about earlier..." he trailed off, catching Kyle's gaze. Kyle shrugged, laughed a little and smiled gently.

"Like I said, not a big deal."

"This next song is a slow song! So for all you couples out there, come on up and dance." The DJ cried, and the opening to "Something" by The Beatles played and Butters watched as Karen and Ike slowly, timidly walked up onto the dance floor. He turned to Kenny and saw him watching with a fading smile, and began to walk over to him.

"Kenny, you should dance..." Butters chirped as he put his elbows on Kenny's shoulders. "Would you dance with me?" If he didn't know any better, Butters would say Kenny had been crying. But he knew Kenny wouldn't cry; he had only ever cried twice that Butters knew of; and he had been completely rattled and traumatized both times.

"I'm sorry I'm a shitty date," Kenny mumbled, scratching at his hands on the table. Butters grabbed them and sat next to him.

"You're bleeding..." he trailed off, examining Kenny's hands as best he could in the dark. Kenny shrugged and smiled softly. "And you're not a shitty date, you're just feeling shitty. D'you wanna talk about it?" Kenny grimaced and shook his head; look where that had gotten him with Karen. Talking didn't do any good. If he spoke then the worst things about him came to the surface. And he couldn't face the fact that he was completely useless and insignificant. He could see it now; everyone was better off without him.

"I'm feeling like I'm not... all here, I'm sorry... I'll dance in a little bit, I promise." Kenny said with a smile. Butters sighed and nodded and gave Kenny's shoulder a squeeze.

"Well, if you change your mind about anything... dancing or talking... I'm here, always," he whispered. The taller blonde felt his lips curl slightly and he nodded.

"Thanks, Lee."

Butters returned to stand next to Stan and Kyle, who were talking with Bebe and Wendy about something. He didn't pay much attention to their conversation, but watched Kenny from a distance. He was completely detached; it made no sense. Perhaps it was part of the process of coming back to life? Except it had been two days; he should have "all his ducks in a row" by now. But he didn't know how that worked, anyway. He still found it difficult to believe. But he played his part well and wore the brightest smile he could as Kyle dragged him out for a throwback "Gangnam Style."

After a few 'club songs' most of which people decided to grind against each other in barely appropriate ways, another slow song played. Butters started toward Kenny but watched Karen approach her older brother and he stopped. She said something to him, Kenny shrugged his shoulders and she threw her hands exasperatedly.

"Did Kenny say anything to you?" Stan asked Butters quietly, he shook his head and watched Karen drag Kenny out onto the floor.

"Everything's fine, he said."

"Kinny's always "fine"," Cartman weighed in on the conversation before returning to a debate with Wendy. Butters considered this, and it appeared Kyle and Stan had too.

"Well obviously it's not..." Kyle trailed off, "but what else can we do? If he won't open up then there's no point in trying anymore." Butters felt his heart ache. He'd never give up on Kenny, his friends wouldn't either, but he was worried. This was supposed to be their first date; if this was how Kenny behaved on dates then Butters would just forget it. It was a bummer and he hated being sad.

"You're moping," Karen murmured to her brother as they danced together slowly. His arms rested on her back and she had draped hers around his neck as they swayed to the slow pop-electronic song. Kenny shook his head and smiled down at her. "You can't give me that, I learned the fake smile from you."

"_Why did you have to break me down,__  
__So badly this time?__  
__Why did you have to break me down,__  
__So badly this life?" _

The song by To Be Juliet's Secret played over the loudspeakers. Kenny tightened his grip and blinked.

"I'm not trying to, I just can't move around a lot." he looked down to his leg and she rolled her eyes. "I'm sorry... about in the car..."

"_Why did you have to run on a night,  
Like this?  
I thought, I made it so beautiful.  
I tried, my best to make it perfect for you.  
Because, you were always so perfect for me." _

"Kenny... please, let me help you. Just talk to me. You said people can't go through things on their own and-"

"I'm different and you know that." Karen scoffed and looked at her brother in disbelief as he swayed with her gently to the song.

"_All I ever wanted was to fly away with you.  
All I ever wanted was to fly away with you..."_

"When were you going to tell me about dad? When were you going to tell me you were a prostitute? When are you ever going to tell me anything, Kenny?" She whisper-shouted to him, tears burning her eyes. Kenny wiped them away and felt his own throat tighten as his eyes stung.

"_So I guess if you go down, I'm going down with you.  
So I guess if you go down, we're going down together.  
(All I ever wanted, was to fly with you.)  
So I guess if you go down, I'm going down with you.  
(All I ever wanted, was to fly together.)  
So I guess if you go down, we're going down together.  
(All I ever wanted, was to fly with you.)  
So I guess if you go down, I'm going down with you.  
(All I ever wanted, was to fly together.)  
So I guess if you go down, we're going down together..."_

"I don't know. Not right now, Kar-bear..." he murmured with a sad smile. She shook her head.

"Well, it's happening now." Kenny sighed heavily and held Karen close to him. He couldn't let her go. He couldn't ruin her.

"I was fourteen, you were twelve. We were real low on money so I helped out with what I could. Dad just set it up. I've never lied to you, Karen."

"_But dear you were so scared that I would, let you fall.  
But dear you were so scared that I would, let you fall.  
But I don't (but I don't) see (see) how I could when, (could when) I can't even take my eves off of you.  
But I don't see how I could when, I can't even take my heart off of you."_

She made a choked sound and squeezed him in a hug. Her head burrowed in his shoulder.

Kenny bowed his head and she kissed his forehead. "Kenny, you're falling apart. What did mama always say to you?"

"Live each day the best you can," He murmured, conspicuously wiping his eyes.

"Because one day... it'll all be gone, and you can't put your friends and me through this worrying. It's only been two days, and I know sometimes you come back different... and it's been longer so maybe you're a little off still... but please, please, just let us help you. You might be immortal but you're still a human. I love you, Kenny. You're the only person I've ever been able to count on, I've only ever felt safest with you."

"_All I ever wanted, was to fly away with you.  
All I ever wanted, was to fly together.  
All I ever wanted, was you..."_

Kenny and Karen stood on the dance floor as the song ended, still holding each other. He flinched as she wiped his cheek and she shook her head with a sad smile.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, she rolled her eyes and laughed as small tears rolled down her cheek.

"We're not finished, Kenny. But for the love of God do _not_ be sorry." She whispered to him as they approached his friends. Karen plastered a smile on her face and clapped him on the shoulder. "Look who I managed to get a dance out of?" She chirped happily, Kenny smiled softly and shrugged his shoulders. He turned to Butters, who wore a face of worry, and took his head.

"Do you... do you wanna go dance?" Kenny asked him quietly. Butters looked up, Cartman's eyes widened, and Kenny smiled.

"Uh... y-yeah, of course." Butters grinned and took Kenny's offered hand. As they walked to the dance floor, Kenny swore he heard Cartman say, "what the actual fuck?!" and Kyle start to yell at him.

Butters smiled toothily at Kenny as he felt his hands tighten at his hips. The shorter blonde looped his hands over Kenny's neck and their distance was closer than most of the others on the dance floor.

"I don't know this song," Butters murmured, Kenny laughed quietly and listened for a few moments.

"It's The Civil Wars. Karen likes them," he responded, looking deep into Butters' eyes as they swayed slowly.

"_You only know what I want you to  
I know everything you don't want me to  
Oh your mouth is poison, your mouth is wine  
You think your dreams are the same as mine..."_

Butters blushed as he felt Kenny rest his head on his shoulder; he was scared about what other people would say or think. But he relaxed, this was Kenny, and leaned his head against Kenny's.

"Are you o-okay?" Butters asked, he felt his heart twinge as Kenny shook his head.

"But I will be." Kenny murmured with a smile. "You don't have to worry about me."

_"Oh I don't love you but I always will  
Oh I don't love you but I always will  
Oh I don't love you but I always will  
I always will..."_

Butters rolled his eyes and chuckled softly. He comfortably ran a hand through Kenny's hair and wanted to kiss him so badly. He refrained.

"But I always do." Butters mumbled to him, "I like your hair cut," Kenny snorted and pulled his head back up.

"Thanks," he smiled a genuine smile, "it was a joint project between Karen and I. I think I scared her when I stuck my head out the window and just chopped it off." Butters' jaw dropped and Kenny fluffed his choppy hair a little bit. "That's how mom used to cut my hair when I was little. That's why it was all spiky and bad." Kenny sighed heavily, "I'm sorry I've been a bummer."

"I'm just worried," Butters replied, smiling weakly. "Cartman l-looked like he shit a brick w-when you asked me to dance." Kenny smirked and glanced to his friends. Stan was talking excitedly to Kyle and Wendy and Cartman stared at them in disbelief with a twitching eye.

"Well, then," Kenny mumbled hot in his ear, "I wonder what he'll do when I do this."

Butters opened his mouth to ask what Kenny had in mind but found a pair of lips silence him in a breathtaking kiss. His first instinct, out of fear, was to pull away, but then he found himself drawn into the touch and the passion in the way Kenny's lips sought companionship. He ran his hands through Kenny's hair and felt the taller boy hold him close as Butters parted Kenny's lips with his tongue, seeking entrance. Kenny's lips enclosed around his tongue and gave a gentle suck, causing Butters to shiver and his knees to buckle. His hands trailed down Kenny's back, kneading his fingers into the taught muscles and bones he could feel, and Kenny's skin twitched beneath his touch. Their tongues met halfway and danced together, neither fighting for dominance; just searching, connecting, seeking more and more passion from the other.

"_I wish you'd hold me when I turn my back  
The less I give the more I get back_  
_Oh your hands can heal, your hands can bruise  
I don't have a choice but I'd still choose you..." _

Butters jumped as he felt something fall onto his cheek. He wiped the skin as their kiss continued; he could hear Cartman having a fit, and he felt another drop. He opened his eyes, lips still locked with Kenny's in their gentle way, and saw Kenny's lashes were wet. Butters wiped the tear falling from his eye lid and held him tighter as they communicated in the way Kenny knew best.

"_Oh I don't love you  
__But I always will  
__Oh I don't love you  
__But I always will..."_

The song continued this repeat, each phrase getting louder and louder. Butters felt Kenny's shoulders tremble and he felt tears fall from his own eyes as held him tightly. Something was wrong and Butters just wanted to help but he had no clue what to do. He wasn't used to this Kenny. He was vulnerable. Butters parted their lips as the song end and felt Kenny rest his forehead on his.

"Kenny, what's wrong?" Kenny's eyes glittered and for a moment Butters saw childlike fear and sadness that gripped to the very depths of his soul; it felt like the life had been choked out of him.

"Just... just stay," he whispered and Butters felt tears leak from his eyes as he held Kenny tightly and swayed slowly. The music had switched to another slow song; Florence and the Machine's "Heavy in Your Arms." Butters briefly smiled at the irony.

Karen watched the display and felt her heart ache as she watched her brother shake. She had seen it before, when she faked being asleep when they were both little and he would finally let his emotions out. But his friends were unaware of the slight movements.

"Fucking faggots... I can't fucking believe Kinny," Cartman grumbled, going into another rant. Wendy hit him, then glanced at Stan, who sent her an appreciative smile, and she smiled back.

Ike slowly walked up to Karen and blushed a little.

"Do you... do you want to go dance again?" He asked bashfully. She smiled and nodded, then took his hand as they quickly walked onto the dance floor, a good distance away from Kenny and Butters. Yet Karen could see Butters was whispering in Kenny's ear.

"Thanks for coming to homecoming with me," Ike murmured, Karen rolled her eyes and smiled.

"Of course, best friends take on freshman homecoming and the world together, right?" Ike laughed quietly and nodded slowly.

"Right." Karen knew that voice. She looked up at Ike, who was a couple of inches taller than her, and tilted her head.

"What's wrong?"

"Is it... is it ever awkward talking to your brother about things? Don't get me wrong, I look up to Kyle, but I find it really difficult to talk to him about relationship stuff. He ends up just telling me how he and Stan have worked through their problems."

"Go to Kenny, he'd be happy to help. He's like a relationship guru." Ike's cheeks flushed and he shook his head. "Why not?"

"He'd kill me!" Karen shook her head and sighed heavily.

"It's just weird for me because he sees me as a five year old girl. He's starting to warm up though; but that's just because I'm his sister. He's really easy to talk to though." Ike sighed and raked a hand through his hair.

"No... he wouldn't."

"Why not?"

"Because... I dunno... I just couldn't..."

Stan and Kyle quickly looked away from the younger siblings and turned their attention to Kenny and Butters. They were still dancing, they hadn't let go of each other since the last song, and it was reassuring.

"We should..." Stan trailed off, tangling his fingers with Kyle's.

"You want to?" Kyle asked, smiling softly, sadly up at Stan, who nodded.

"I've wanted to the entire night." Kyle squeezed his hand and lead him to the dance floor.

"Me too, love of mine." Stan smiled and wrapped his arms around Kyle, causing Cartman to roar in anger and Wendy to argue with him once more. Stan shook his head and laughed out loud as Kyle stifled his own snickers in Stan's chest.

Butters brushed the hair from Kenny's forehead. Kenny looked at him with slightly bloodshot eyes and Butters couldn't help but think he looked so young. He was a mess, completely shattered; something had happened, something was very wrong, and Butters was going to help him piece himself back together.

"Lee, I... can I talk to you?" Kenny asked, taking Butters' hand in his own. Butters nodded and ran his thumb over Kenny's skin; it felt rough and dry. They walked out of the gymnasium and to the bathroom, unbeknownst to them four pairs of eyes had watched them, and as they entered the empty bathroom, Kenny sat on the floor. Butters took a seat beside him "I need help."

"With what?"

"When I was little... I didn't really have a way to vent about my parents arguing and all the shit that went down. So I'd try to control what I could. My room was my place and I'd only stay there. I couldn't stand the other rooms, they were heavy... I couldn't breathe. My room was my place. I could control my room and I could control myself. And somewhere down the line I started a habit and I couldn't stop myself no matter how hard I tried but-"

"Ken, masturbation is not a habit."

Kenny burst out laughing, it felt good to laugh, and Butters blushed darkly. He shook his head and his eyes were bright with humor.

"No, Lee, I didn't mean masturbating... holy fuck, _thank you_..."

"O-oh..." Kenny flashed his pearly whites momentarily then looked at his hands.

"No, I have to have everything a certain way in my room. It might look clean to some and messy to others but it has to be that way to me. And when I get bad I wash my hands because it makes me feel clean, but I'm not clean, Lee, I'm never clean. I'll never be clean. And other times I'll just scratch at myself and I can't stop... I've been doing it all night." He held up his hands and Butters winced at the fingernail scratches that scraped his skin raw.

"Well, what's bothering you?"

"I can't do this, it was too long this time. I'm not used to football, I'm not used to how everyone has changed, I'm not used to school... and I had a dream."

"What happened in the dream?"

"I was following Death in limbo. Then Death turned around to face me and it was me who was Death and suddenly I looked to who had been following me."  
"And?"

"It was you."

Butters faltered and took Kenny's skeletal hand in his.

"It was just a dream, Ken. I once had a dream I was on a search with a stripper who was turned into a dog and we had to find his lover," he reassured uneasily; that seemed very unsettling to Butters. Kenny blinked once.

"How'd that turn out?"

"We drove all around Colorado and found his lover, a stripper. And then the stripper kissed the dog and then the dog turned into a stripper and the stripper turned into a dog." Kenny snickered and Butters laughed quietly, "my point is dreams don't make sense. Sometimes they do but usually they're just completely random. You took Oxy last night, that makes you hallucinate. It's probably because you just came back and you're not completely yourself yet."

Kenny sighed heavily and nodded. "I'm still not over it, either. I probably won't be for awhile. I remember that night like it was yesterday. I had been so cold to you before. I didn't want you to never come back and not realize that I love you. I remember kissing you until you stopped breathing... I remember your blood on me and I didn't even try to wipe it off until it dried because it was warm and it was you and it was all I had left. And now you're here but there is something wrong and... I never want to feel like that again."

"Go out with me," Kenny whispered, resting his head on Butters' shoulder. His words echoed off of the bathroom walls and vibrated in his heart.

"W-what?"

"Leopold, will you go out with me?"

"Like... a date?"

"We have two more of those lined up and I should wait til then but I just... want you."

"You mean like... boyfriends?" Butters asked, Kenny nodded.

"Yes. Will you, Leopold James Stotch, be my boyfriend and better half?"

Butters gasped and felt his heart stammer in his chest as he pressed his lips against Kenny's. Kenny took his hand in his and squeezed.

"Yes, of course, a million times yes. Kenny, are you serious? This is like... I-I've waited three years for that." Kenny smiled and hugged Butters to him tightly. "Oh my God, I'm your b-boyfriend." Kenny smiled and nodded, "we just became boyfriends in a bathroom."

"Not my classiest moment..."

"I love it," Butters whispered, and smiled as Kenny pulled him in for another kiss. Suddenly things were shaping up to a good night.

The last song played at 11:30 and the rush of underclassmen surged through the exit. The boys hung around until most of the people were gone. Kenny had a cigarette at the stop sign across from the school, and gave Karen his "blessing" to go with her friends to Village Inn; it was a big step for him.

Stan and Kyle didn't want to go home, in fact they wanted to go anywhere near their block. Kenny had nearly finished his cigarette and was mildly hungry. They ultimately decided to go to Butters' house for the night after he let slip that his parents were out of town until next Friday for a romantic getaway, or so they said. Considering it was Halloween they figured they would watch horror movies and play video games until they passed out. As they walked to Butters' car they saw some children still trick-or-treating but mostly the junior high kids were out vandalizing and playing pranks.

"My parents aren't there... so we can stay up however late we want. I've got a couple of scary movies and we can make caramel apples or cookies or somethin'. Anyone want a pizza?"

"Lee, chill," Kenny murmured, causing Butters to blush as he felt his hand rest on his knee. "But we should totally make caramel apples. Or just give me the caramel and you all can have apples." He paused, waiting for response from the backseat. "Oh, come on are you two seriously making out?" Butters heard the sound of lips smacking apart.

"Uh... we're usually in the front seat." Stan mumbled a little breathlessly. The sound of Kyle kissing Stan's skin filled the car and Kenny turned around, slightly straddling the passenger seat.

"Dude, why are your pants off?!" He cried, staring at Kyle, who whipped his head around, took Kenny's hair in his hands, and tried to tug him to face the other way.

"Turn around!" Kyle yelped as Kenny slapped his ass.

"You really can't wait five minutes?" He asked curiously, watching Stan's chest heave with deep breaths as Kyle hovered over him.

"Kenny, for the love of God, shut the fuck up and turn around." Stan gasped as Kyle ground his hips into his while he sucked violently on his exposed skin. Kenny made a face, and turned his head to Butters, who giggled at his mocking expression.

"Wait," Kyle piped up, voice a little whiny as Stan did something Kenny couldn't help but think about. "Since when do you call Butters _Lee_?"

Stan groaned in annoyance and Butters chuckled as he slipped his right hand off of the wheel.

"You are such a cockblock," Kenny murmured with a smirk to Butters who laughed at his comment. Stan punched the passenger seat.

"Does it matter?" Butters asked innocently.

"It's just weird-" Kyle was interrupted by a gasp and he quickly stifled a moan. "D-do you not like- oh God- being called "Butters"? Fuck don't stooooop..." he mewled, Kenny hit his head on the headrest and Butters giggled quietly.

"No, it's okay, Kenny calls me Lee or Leo just 'cause he can. But I don't mind being called Butters, honest." He lied; he just didn't want anyone else to call him by his real name. It seemed like Kenny's thing and he wanted to keep it that way.

Kenny gave an awkward squeal as Butters squeezed his ass and snaked his hand in the back of his jeans. He buried his mouth into the headrest and kept quiet as Butters massaged his inner thigh.

"If-if you guys wanna set up the X-Box or somethin' in the basement Ken and I can make pizza and snacks."

Stan agreed in a moan and went back to making out with Kyle in the basement.

As they pulled into Butters' driveway Stan and Kyle high-tailed it into Butters' house, stumbling and laughing in a mess of tangled limbs along the way. He shut off his car and pulled his hand from the back of Kenny's pants as he turned around.

"You okay?" Butters asked, noting the blonde's flushed cheeks and parted lips.

"Mhmm..." Kenny hummed. His breath hitched as Butters nipped at his neck. He sucked hard on his skin; he wanted to mark him. Kenny gripped his shoulder as he gasped.

"We should... go in... and start... nnnnnngh..." Kenny gave up speaking and tilted his head back as Butters crawled on top of him.

"Ken, is it bad to say I'm considering maybe having sex with you?"

"I coulda told you I wanted to do that two years ago," Kenny breathed heavily as Butters rolled his hips against him. He slipped his hands out of Butters' grip and hurriedly unbuttoned his shirt. Butters unzipped Kenny's pants and began to unbutton his shirt as well.

"Is this bad?" Butters asked as he pulled off his shirt. Kenny shook his head and captured his lips in a feverish kiss. Butters moaned quietly and pulled his belt from the loops.

"I don't think so. It's half of what people do in relationships."

"What's the other half?"

"Go on dates, hang out, cuddle, fight..." Kenny trailed off as Butters nuzzled his neck and gently kissed his skin. "God, Lee, you have no idea what you do to me." Butters chuckled and trailed his fingers down Kenny's abdomen.

"I think I have an idea..." he met Kenny's gaze, stared into his lust hazed eyes, and stroked his flushed cheek. "You look pretty like that."

"Pretty?"

"Mhmm." Butters hummed, careful to avoid Kenny's injured leg as he lowered himself onto him.

"I am too damn tall for this car," Kenny grumbled, throwing his head back and hitting it against the door handle.

"What about for my kitchen counter?" Kenny's eyes opened and he laughed a little giddily as Butters whispered in his ear.

"What has gotten into you?" he asked, running his hands up Butters' back. The smaller boy shivered as he nipped his earlobe.

"I dunno, some super tall, hot guy asked me to be his boyfriend and I said yes so..." Kenny smirked and tenderly kissed Butters lips. They remained like that for a few moments, until Kenny's stomach growled. His cheeks heated in embarrassment and Butters chuckled.

"Let's go see about some snackage, I guess..." he trailed off, "but consider the counter."

Kenny chuckled as he shakily zipped his jeans and sat up. Butters was already off of him and standing outside of his car; the tall blonde quickly joined him. They entered the house and headed straight for the kitchen. Butters turned on the radio to drown out the not so hushed noises from the basement.

"I have a couple of pizzas and some stuff to make caramel apples. I got ice cream and we can make cookies. We also have lots of cereal and pasta. What sounds good?"

Kenny scrunched his lips to the side as he considered this.

"Here's what we do. Pop a pizza in the oven, eat the cookie dough, save the ice cream, and cut apple slices and dip them in caramel because I have unattended business to take care of," he growled, shoving Butters against the counter, causing the smaller boy to let out an appreciative squeak. He lifted the boy in his arms and sat him on the marble top. Butters wrapped his arms around Kenny's neck and kissed him gently as he pushed the sleeves off of his shoulders. Kenny's dress shirt fell in a heap on the floor and Butters' hands roamed Kenny's bare skin. Butters arched his back and lifted his hips as Kenny pulled down his suit pants and took off his shoes and socks. He sat on the counter in nothing but his boxers and he couldn't help but laugh in disbelief at his situation.

Moments of passion had passed and in a flurry of skin and kisses and quiet moans and gasps, Kenny was in his boxers stroking Butters' cock and leaving tender love bites down his torso. Butters' eyes were closed his head leaned against the cupboard as pleasure coursed through his body. Every touch sent shivers and tingles down his spine and his blood was boiling with lust as Kenny kissed his hip bones.

He bit his arm as Kenny's mouth took his hand's place and he sucked on Butters. His hands scratched Kenny's scalp and tugged on his choppy hair, causing the boy who was giving him head to moan and dig his nails into Butters' thighs as he continued his ministrations. It was total bliss and Butters lost himself in the moment. He didn't care how he went from being worried about Kenny to having him between his legs working his sweet magic and prolonging what Butters knew would be the hardest orgasm he ever had. Kenny knew exactly what he was doing; he managed to stop before Butters reached his peak and it drove him insane.

His desperate mewls and keening voice as he cried out his name sent a chill down Kenny's spine as he hungrily lapped at his pre-cum and licked around Butters' head playfully.

"Please, Kenny, please, oh..." Butters cried out as Kenny's cheeks hollowed while engulfing him completely down his throat. He couldn't help but thrust; Kenny had been prepared for this and managed to avoid choking. Butters' hips moved erratically and Kenny pinned them down as strongly as he could as he finally milked him to a violent orgasm that caused his entire body to spasm and jerk as wave after wave of pleasure coursed through his blood, through his mind, and his seed shot into Kenny's mouth. Kenny swallowed it all, save for what he couldn't manage to take and accidentally covered his lips and nose. He laughed brightly as he wiped it off with his finger and licked it sensually, causing Butters' softening dick to twitch painfully.

"You look funny," Butters panted as Kenny tried to touch his tongue to his nose and failed miserably. Kenny gave him a seductive look as he grabbed Butters' hand and used his finger to wipe his cum from his face. With pseudo-innocent eyes, Kenny sucked his index finger in his mouth and dragged his teeth gently down the skin. "You are such a slut..." Butters teased, causing Kenny to bat his eye lashes and laugh quietly. "In a good way."

"Only for you, darlin'," Kenny replied before capturing Butters' lips in a gentle kiss. Butters didn't like the taste of himself on Kenny's lips and tongue but he liked the feeling of Kenny's swollen lips on his. "We should really put in that pizza." Butters gave him a look and curled his foot up as he rubbed his toes against the uncomfortable-looking bulge in his skinny jeans.

"You're still hungry?" Kenny smirked and shrugged his shoulders.

"Little bit." Butters giggled and ran his hand through Kenny's hair as he wrapped his legs around his waist. Kenny took a step back, onto Butters' discarded pants, and fell with a thud onto his back. Butters yelped worriedly as he saw Kenny's closed eyes.

"That fucking hurt," Kenny grumbled, rubbing the back of his head, "I think I broke my butt bone."

Butters snickered and kissed his jawline as he undid his jeans like he had in the car. "Jesus, right to the point." Butters pressed kisses on his chest and pulled down his pants.

"Mhmm, I wanna make you feel better," He murmured against Kenny's pallid skin as his fingers danced over his ribcage. Kenny hummed quietly and squirmed as his fingers pressed underneath his ribs. "Oh my God, you're _ticklish_."

"No 'm not," Kenny whispered, smile fading fast. Butters' eyes gleamed mischievously and he poked him in the same spot. Kenny yelped and jerked away from Butters' touch yet he was pinned down as the smaller boy straddled him.

"That is adorable," Butters drawled, pressing his thumbs into Kenny's protruding hip bones, causing him to arch his back and moan quietly. He continued kissing and slightly torturing Kenny as his hands and mouth moved southward. "You know... I am kinda hungry, maybe I should put in the pizza."

"Maybe you should suck my dick," Kenny offered innocently with a smile as he looked down at Butters who burst out laughing.

"I dunno, pizza sounds _really_ good." Kenny scrunched his face as Butters' hand gently brushed over the fabric of his boxer briefs.

"Fine," the darker blonde countered passive aggressively, raising his eyebrows at Butters. The bright blonde boy gave him the same look and lowered his mouth to his underwear, where he teased Kenny into squirming and practically flailing as he pleaded with Butters in a breathy, higher pitched voice than normal. "Oh God..." Kenny gasped as Butters slipped his boxers passed his waist and licked up his shaft. "Please..."

Kenny let out a stream of unintelligible moans and keens as Butters' mouth enclosed around his cock. Butters held down his hips and slowly took his entire length in his mouth as he fought off his gag reflexes. He felt Kenny's hand in his hair, reassuringly running through the tendrils as Butters slowly bobbed his head.

He felt Kenny jerk his hips slightly and Butters looked up at his blissed out expression. This was completely against what he thought was right but he was extremely curious as to what Kenny would do. As he sucked harder on his cock that practically poured pre-cum, Butters dug and dragged his nails against his skin.

Pleasure coursed through his veins as the high pitched mewl practically screamed from Kenny's mouth at the painful scratches. Butters soothed the skin by massaging slowly.

Kenny stifled his moans with his other hand as Butters drew him closer and closer to orgasm.

"Lee," he gasped in a shudder against the boy's ministrations. He screamed in bliss as Butters dug his nails in the back of his thigh and bottom of his ass. "Oh God... oh fuck..." he moaned repeatedly.

Butters stopped his movements as he heard a thud.

"Wha- why'd you stop?" Kenny asked breathlessly, his body trembled in anticipation. Butters' eyes flickered to the door and shrugged before he went back to suckling on his cock and burrowing his nails into Kenny's skin. He could feel Kenny's body twitch and he kept his mouth on his member as he engulfed him as far as his throat would allow without choking.

Pounding feet were heard and Butter' eyes widened as the basement door opened.

"Guys, where the fuck is the food?" Stan barked as he and Kyle walked to the kitchen. Kenny was on the absolute verge of orgasm, he could finish him off or not get caught and leave him in immense pain...

"Fuck, fuck fuck..." Kenny sobbed, body quaking under Butters' touch. "Don't you fucking stop..."

"Jesus Christ!" Kyle cried, causing Butters' mouth to instinctively jerk from Kenny's arousal. "My EYES!"

Stan backed out of the room in hysterical laughter and Butters blushed profusely as he used his body to cover Kenny, who was concentrating very hard on either not coming or not losing his hard on... or both, Butters couldn't tell.

"They didn't even put the pizza in!" Kyle yelled to Stan, who roared with laughter. "I... I need brain bleach..." he trailed off, walking out of the kitchen. Kenny's eyes met with Butters' and he shook his head.

"Do not leave me like this..." Kenny begged, "please?" Butters considered this. He looked at the desperation in Kenny's eyes, his flushed cheeks, his heaving chest, and lengthy cock resting rock hard on his stomach. He could feel his body trembling slightly and Butters smiled softly.

"I think we should make some pizza and watch "The Nightmare Before Christmas,"" Kenny whined as Butters sat up and quickly pulled his boxer briefs and pants back on.

"But... but..."

"Shh..." Butters whispered, kissing Kenny's swollen lips. "It'll be totally worth it. Don't touch yourself or your ass is mine," Butters growled in his ear before nipping the lobe. Kenny stared at him with shocked, lust blown eyes and looked shocked at Butters' change in mannerisms.

"Jesus fuck, why aren't you like this all the time?" Kenny asked, voice trembling as he hesitantly dressed himself, wincing and trying his very hardest to not just finish himself off as he zipped his jeans.

Butters shrugged his shoulders as he popped the pizza in the oven and turned the temperature to 450 degrees.

"I'm just trying different things, I notice you like to be scratched. And you're so used to being this dominant superior guy... I figured why not turn the ropes?"

"It's fucking sexy, that's what," Kenny murmured, rubbing himself against Butters' ass.

"Stop. Now." Butters growled, turning and glaring at Kenny who appeared to be struggling. He then giggled and rested his head on his shoulder as Kenny trembled.

"Evil..." Kenny whispered as Butters sliced apples almost professionally. In sexual-tension filled silence they worked together to prepare a decent snack for the rest of the night. Actually, it was more like Butters was working extra hard to find the best junk in his house so Kyle and Stan wouldn't comment while Kenny sneakily dipped his index finger in the caramel dip.

"Guys... is it safe?" Kyle asked meekly. Kenny sighed and closed his eyes as Butters' brushed his hand over the front of his jeans.

"Yes!" Butters squeaked, smirking at Kenny who gave him the same look. Stan and Kyle entered the kitchen and sat on the counter. Kenny's eyes locked on to the other blue pair and they snickered.

"Oh dear God..." Stan groaned, sliding off the counter and sat on a chair. "So what's the deal?"

"We're making food," Butters replied simply, sitting on the counter. His legs dangled and kicked softly as he tried to avoid laughing.

"No... with you two. Are you like... a thing or a couple or what? Because I really don't think platonic friends would suck each other off."

"I thought Kenny got hurt... I was worried." Kyle grumbled, casting a glare to his tall blonde friend who conveniently found a very interesting magnet on Butters' fridge.

"Well, he _kinda_ did." Kenny gave an awkward laugh as Butters spoke. The raven haired boy made a disgusted face and pinched the bridge of his nose. "But I guess to answer your question, yeah, we're dating."

Kyle made a choking noise as he looked between Kenny and Butters. Stan cried out, "finally!" as he threw his fists in the air and Kenny was playing with the magnet as he tried his best to distract himself.

"Since when?"

"Since we talked in the bathroom at homecoming. Sorry about... umm..." Butters trailed off as he set the plate of apple slices down next to him. Stan and Kyle shrugged their shoulders and laughed softly.

"Dude, it's your house. Congrats, by the way," Stan clapped Butters on the back and shoved Kenny playfully. "Besides, we kinda destroyed your basement guest room." Butters stared at the couple in front of him in slight disgust and sighed heavily.

The four boys headed down to the basement after the timer on the stove went off. Kenny carried the pizza, stomach rumbling as he smelled the cheese and pizza sauce, and Kyle and Stan had set up the DVD player.

"So, we chose "Shaun of the Dead", "The Nightmare Before Christmas", "Sweeney Todd", and the new "Evil Dead". Which one d'you want to watch?" Kyle asked, holding up the four choices. Butters grimaced; he had gotten "Evil Dead" to look cool, he didn't actually want to watch the movie. Kenny shrugged as he laid back comfortably on the couch and took a piece of pizza.

"I'm not in the mood for "Evil Dead"," Kenny mumbled, Stan scoffed.

"C'mon, it talks about the "Necronomicon", you were obsessed with that for years." Kenny's ears perked at the mention of the book.

"Yeah, but they totally just made it evil and have it be about possession and that's fucking stupid."

"Like you know what the actual "Necronomicon" says. You'd be solving a historical literary mystery if you actually knew," Kyle added, Kenny sighed heavily and suddenly felt a little squeamish. He set down the slice of pizza and Butters smiled weakly as he laid against him.

"Compromise- "Sweeney Todd"?" Butters suggested, "O-or Shaun of the Dead, 'cause that's funny." he took Kenny's hand and squeezed gently. Kyle agreed, and Stan popped in the Nick Frost and Simon Pegg duo movie.

Except after a few minutes of the movie they started talking and joking around. Kyle and Stan were throwing around quotes from the movie and Kenny was searching for something in his pocket; he grinned as he pulled out a rolled joint and wiggled it in front of Butters.

"I-I dunno, I don't want my parents coming home and smelling it." Kenny thought for a moment.

"Do you have any cologne? Cheap cologne." Butters tilted his head. Stan dug in his bag and handed him a small bottle. "Dude, Calvin Klein is not cheap."

"I got it for a gift." Kenny sighed and pulled out his lighter from his back pocket and lit his joint. He took a drag, held the smoke in as long as he could, then breathed it through his nose. After a few more puffs, he handed it on to Kyle, who took it graciously. "Don't worry about the smell," Kenny murmured, voice a little coarser than usual. Butters sighed and took the stick from Kyle after he took a couple of hits.

Stan hushed them all as his favorite scene from "Shaun of the Dead" played. He currently had the joint and was watching and laughing as he heard the most famous quote from the movie.

"Take car. Go to mum's. Kill Phil "Sorry!", grab Liz, go to the Winchester, have a nice cold pint, and wait for all of this to blow over. How's that for a slice of fried gold?" Stan quoted along with it and laughed to himself with lit eyes. Kenny shook his head and stood up. He took a few steps away from his friends and flicked the lighter. He sprayed the cologne and Butters squeaked in fear; he didn't want Kenny to burn himself. His eyes widened as the tiny flame suddenly turned into a momentary blow torch.

"Whoa..." Kyle trailed off, Kenny smirked and sprayed Stan's cologne a couple more times.

"I dunno how it works but I used to use Kevin's all the time. But his was fucking Axe and smelled like shit so it didn't matter. Somehow it gets rid of most of the smell though."

"Cool... keep going," Stan trailed off, watching as Kenny began to spray the cologne in a quick pattern, causing the flame to sort of dance as they turned into mini-mushroom balls.

Pretty soon the entire room smelled like Stan and Kenny looked a little woozy as he handed Stan back his bottle of Obsession. He sat down next to Butters and rested his leg on the coffee table.

"Guys, do you think we'll always be like this?" Kyle asked as their attentions slowly turned from the movie. Butters nodded and pulled a blanket over himself and Kenny. The taller blonde seemed to appreciate the warmth and curled his feet under the fleece.

"Of course, we're in a really fucked up brother-boyfriend relationship." Kenny replied, "that sounded way wrong. But you get it." Stan nodded.

"Yeah, like... like Kenny is like my brother, and Butters is like my brother. And you two are together. And Stan and I are together but you're like brothers to each other. But we're not blood related so it's okay."

"But we did the blood oath when we were eleven." Kenny countered, picking up his abandoned piece of pizza.

"Oh. Well fuck me twice, brotha." All of them snickered.

"Are you implying a four-way?" Kenny asked brightly, Kyle kicked his uninjured leg and rolled his eyes. Butters blushed and slid his hands under the blankets to warm them.

"How would that work? We all have the guy parts."

"I think it'd be a huge 69 ass-fucking party, kinda like the human centi-"

"STOP!" Kyle cried, eyes widening in horror, "that's fucking gross!" Kenny smiled sympathetically at Kyle and used his foot to pat his leg comfortingly.

"I had a dream like that..." Stan trailed off, smirking a little. Kenny leaned forward a little, and the black haired boy blushed. "A three-way, I mean. Not the human centipede shit..."

"Do tell!" Kenny chirped eagerly. Butters gave him a glance and felt a smile tug wider on his lips.

"Well it was like a year ago, a little before Kyle and I started dating but we had a thing going on. Well, I always thought you were hot, Kenny-"

"I _know_." He beamed at Stan's blush.

"Anyway," he gave Kyle's hand a squeeze. "Kyle and I were in his room fucking like rabbits and then you walked in." Kenny raised an eyebrows and gave a crooked grin. "Needless to say..."

"Please tell me you made a fucking Kenny sandwich."

"Pretty much, that was one of the hottest dreams I've ever had... sorry, Butters." Butters shrugged and blushed a little; he wasn't a jealous person. Everyone knew Kenny was hot.

"So's that why you always freaked out when I asked about going down on you in the locker room?" Kenny asked teasingly. Stan rolled his eyes, "what can I say? I have the hottest friends."

"You are such a slut," Butters restated in an amused tone as his hand trailed up Kenny's leg. Kenny's eyes locked on his and Butters smiled as he rubbed against his half-hard cock. Kyle and Stan laughed out loud at Butters' accusation and Kenny just smiled.

"But... do you think it'll always be like this? Us just hanging out, being this close?" Kyle asked, more seriously this time. Stan nodded and wrapped his arm around his boyfriend's shoulder.

"Of course," Kenny assured him gently, "I don't know what I'd do without you guys."

"We should all go to school together... get an apartment together." Stan offered, Kenny squirmed and put his hand over his mouth as Butters conspicuously undid his pants.

"Y-yeah..." Kenny breathed, smiling at his friends, "and I can get a job and take care of the apartment and cook while you guys are gone." Kyle furrowed his eyebrows at Kenny.

"You wouldn't have the time, you'd be in school too, dip shit." Kenny shrugged his shoulders, then shook his head.

"C'mon, you guys don't actually think I'll make it into a college. Wal-Mart and night-shifts as a janitor are calling my name." Stan sighed heavily and gave Kenny a sad look.

"I've seen your grades, and you have a chance at a full scholarship."

"Stan, don't give me that shit. We both know that I'm out for good and that football was my only chance at getting enough money to go to a decent college."

"If you get surgery-"

"Are you gonna pay for that? 'Cause I sure as hell can't. I'm dealing with this for life, man." Kenny pointed to his braced leg. Stan grimaced and pinched the bridge of his nose. "I told the scout I wasn't interested."

"What the fuck? Why?!" Kyle cried in outrage.

"Because of my fucking leg. It's a sucky situation but I'm not gonna let them pass up another opportunity waiting for me. I just like playing football, I like running around. I'm not serious about it, either. It's just fun for me. It fucking hurts, Kyle," Kenny mumbled, relaxing as Butters' hand moved up to massage his muscles reassuringly. Butters was upset to hear Kenny talking like this, but he had to imagine how he was feeling.

"It's not like they don't offer grants and student aid."

"I'm not taking loans I can't pay back, that's how my mom got into debt. She was gonna be a nurse but she got pregnant with Karen and her money was used to take care of us when I was real little. My dad saw her as their source of income and she'd just keep taking more and more money from the system so we could eat and have heat and shit. But she dropped out... and I'm not gonna do that. It's okay though, if I get a sweet deal then sure I'll go to college. But I'm not gonna be able to play again and I'm completely okay with that." Stan sighed and shook his head at Kenny, who turned his attention to the television. Kyle looked at his boyfriend and took his hand; there was no point in arguing.

"Where do you guys wanna go?" Butters asked, "I was looking at Boulder but there's this college in Washington I heard of that's real good." Kenny turned to Butters with surprise, and the bright blonde just smiled at him.

"Whitman?" Kyle asked, Butters nodded, "I looked into there, it's so fucking expensive though."

"This is killing my buzz," Stan grumbled, "where's that joint?" Kenny shrugged his shoulders and looked around. Butters held it between his fingers and Kenny lit the end once again as Butters took a hit then passed it to Stan.

Their attention focused on the screen, where the group of survivors decided to blend into the zombie hoard. Stan and Kyle were giggling and making comments to each other and Kenny was watching with a half-baked smile on his face.

He jerked as he felt Butters' hand slide his pants down passed his ass and wrap around his cock through the fabric of his boxers. Kenny bit his lip and kept his eyes on the television as he felt his hand snake into his underwear and slowly stroke his shaft with his thumb. He sent the blonde a look, who just smiled innocently, and nodded to the other couple; they were completely engrossed in the movie.

"Shh..." Kenny's entire body twitched and he felt his nerves and blood scream in overdrive. He laughed incredulously and leaned back a little as he watched the film. "Not a single sound," Kenny nodded and gripped onto the couch as Butters' hand gently squeezed his scrotum then worked its way back up to the tip, where he coated his head with the beads of pre-come.

Kenny heaved a sigh and felt his cheeks heat as Butters' movements became stronger. His eyes blurred out of focus and he closed his eyes and rested his forehead on his hand.

"You okay Kenny?" Kyle asked, he nodded and tried to focus on how to speak.

"Yeah... good..." His toes curled and his nails dug into the armrest of the couch as Butters pumped him discreetly. Kyle nodded and Kenny bit his lip hard as he turned back the movie.

Butters felt Kenny's slight movements. His legs squirmed and tightened slightly as he leaned his head back on Butters' shoulder. The boy in control shivered as Kenny's hand ran through his hair and his lust-blown blue eyes searched his own. He loved the pink in Kenny's cheeks and his half-high, half-pleasure induced smile as his eyes slowly closed and he bit down hard on his lip. Butters slowed down his strokes in attempts to stall Kenny's orgasm.

"Hey, do you like Nutella?" Butters asked, Stan and Kyle nodded.

"Wh-what the fuck is that?" Kenny asked.

"Fucking delicious," Stan answered, "now I want some. Do you have any?" Butters nodded and Stan ran upstairs.

"Did you know that... someone in our class, I can't say who, used it to give someone else a blowjob?" Kyle looked between the two on the couch and cringed.

"That'd be weird and make your dick sticky." Butters shrugged and held Kenny's rock hard member in his hand yet barely made a single movement. Kenny's eyes were desperate as Butters' fingers danced over his shaft lightly.

Stan returned moments later and tossed a jar at Butters, he had one for him and Kyle. Butters took Kenny's hand and dipped his middle finger into the chocolate spread. Kenny opened his mouth to try it but his eyes widened as Butters stuck his finger in his mouth and sucked hard on the skin until there was no trace of chocolate on Kenny's digit or in Butters' mouth. Butters circled his tongue around Kenny's fingers and stroked him firmly once; the boy came in hidden trembles and curling toes as Butters popped his mouth off of his finger. He pumped Kenny until he was completely flaccid in his hand and Butters conspicuously wiped his hand on his blanket.

"Good?" Butters asked as he handed a trembling Kenny the jar. He dipped his own finger into the chocolate-hazelnut spread and offered it to Kenny. He giggled as Kenny licked and sucked it all off, tasting himself on Butters' finger as well. Kenny nodded and smiled knowingly at Butters.

"Do you guys want a room or something?" Stan asked as Butters snuggled into Kenny. They both shook their heads and laughed quietly as they turned back to the movie.

"Wait... how did they get to the Winchester?" Kenny asked in confusion. Stan and Kyle shot him a look and Kenny looked down at the floor, cheeks still dark from Butters' ministrations.

The night passed with another movie and an hour of playing Just Dance 3. Kenny had eaten half of the pizza himself, no one had made a single comment, and by 3:30 in the morning they were crashed on the couches. Except Kenny.

His phone vibrated and he checked the message.

_From: Karen_

_Received: 4:12 a.m._

_Kenny are you at Butters? We need to talk. Im outside of his house. _

Slowly and carefully, Kenny slid out of Butters' cuddling grip. The blonde mumbled and curled into the couch. Tip-toeing up the stairs, he managed to leave without making a single squeak on the floor. He ran through the living room silently and opened the door to find Karen standing in her homecoming dress, shivering. Ruby and Ike were with her as well.

"Shh... what the hell are you guys doing?" Kenny whispered, looking them over. They looked exhausted and cold.

"Dad's home." Karen said in a whisper, causing Kenny's blood to run cold. "We were hanging out in my room and he was just... there."

"He seemed really fucking pissed, so we left." Ruby added sadly, wrapping her arms around herself.

Karen and Kenny stared at each other as if silently communicating, and Kenny sighed heavily.

"Ruby... can... can Karen stay with you for the night? Did you talk to Kev?"

"He said what you said." Karen replied and Kenny nodded; Kevin would be able to calm Stuart down. He was the best at beating him to a pulp and making him second-guess his strength.

"Okay, so... you stay at Ruby's and I'll stay here, okay? Do you have any clothes with you?"

"She can borrow mine, it's okay." Ruby offered, Kenny smiled gratefully at the girl and hugged his sister tight. Ike watched curiously, unsure of what the big deal was, but said nothing.

"Thanks, Kar-bear... it's gonna be okay. Don't worry. I'll go home tomorrow and let you know what's going on."

"He'll-"

"Don't worry," he assured her, then kissed her forehead and gave her his orange parka to wear on the way to Ruby's house. "I love you," he whispered, "everything's gonna be fine."

"I love you too," she murmured, hugging him once more before closing the door behind her.

Kenny kicked the couch and collapsed on it as he tore at his hair. This couldn't be happening so soon; he thought his dad had changed. He thought things had been getting better; maybe since he had come back his old feelings returned. Kenny sighed heavily and sat up.

It was all his fault and there was nothing he could do. Their dad was angry at him because he couldn't keep his mouth shut; Kevin and Karen didn't deserve any backlash. He'd do whatever he could to protect them. He had been wrong. He had chosen to do something stupid... he should have known never to argue back. He could have avoided a lot of hurt if he had just taken the beating in the first place. He was wrong.

Kenny found himself staring in his reflection with the water running over his hands. He was shaking, his hands stung from the soap, and he felt dirty. He touched his angular face and felt his hollow cheeks. He was gaunt, there wasn't much fat on his body. His eyes were a water blue, the only way they looked when he was upset, and tinged red from the pot. As he examined his arms and stomach, bare from sleeping, he was almost a walking skeleton. He could see prominent bones in his body and he felt frail. Breakable. Unstable.

Kenny felt the familiar leap in his stomach and he barely made it to the toilet before he heaved the contents of his stomach into the bowl. His eyes watered and his body shook as he gagged and retched in attempts to rid his body of the horrible feelings burrowing in his blood and brain. His cheek rested against the porcelain bowl and he spit the vomit into the toilet as his stomach clenched and his throat burned with the bile that poured from his mouth.

"Kenny?" He wasn't able to turn around as he heaved once more, every one of his muscles contracting as he vomited painfully. He felt a hand sooth his back and pull his hair from his face as he gagged. "It's okay, just let it out..." Butters murmured, massaging his back gently as Kenny moaned in pain. He remained with his head down until his body stopped shaking and slowly he stood up. Butters handed him a toothbrush and Kenny quietly brushed the acrid taste out of his mouth. "What happened?"

"I think I ate too much." Kenny croaked, hugging Butters, "fuck, dude, my dad's back home." Butters pulled him away and looked into his eyes. "Karen came over... she's staying at Ruby's tonight. I don't know what the fuck I'm supposed to do. But it's all my fucking fault and Kevin has to deal with his bullshit."

"And that's why you got sick?" Kenny sighed heavily.

"I worked myself up..." he murmured quietly.

"Your hands?" Butters looked at the red skin and grimaced. "Sit on the toilet." He opened the medicine cabinet and grabbed out gauze and anti-biotic cream. "You're gonna keep these bandages on unless you shower or actually have to wash your hands. You're g-gonna get an infection if you keep doing that to yourself, your hands are swollen..." Kenny remained silent and let Butters rub in the ointment carefully. He winced as it stung slightly. "It's gonna hurt 'cause your skin is so raw." Butters carefully wrapped his hands, up to the last knuckle of his fingers, and kissed the back of his hand. "Whatever happens with your dad, it's gonna be okay. Because you're Kenny McCormick and I have faith in you."

"You're the first person to say that."

"Well it's true. And I'm gonna be here for you, always."

Kenny smiled sadly and wrapped his arms around Butters in a hug.

He could believe that for awhile.


	20. Almost Thought We Made It Home

_Author's Note: I don't have much to say about this one. I seriously love writing Cartman and Wendy. And this whole chapter is pretty durn cute, if I may say so. My PR, who "edited" these chapters onward (He probably just wanted to read it. I edited them twice after but he doesn't know that. Science majors, pssh.) said he really liked this one and it was among his favorites. He also told me I should write more "sexy stuff" and then I showed him "Of Crimson and Water" and he shut up. It was glorious and I laughed way more than I should have. And then he demanded more of **that**... it's too much pressure!_

_Thanks for reading, reviewing, your favorites, and follows. :)_

Chapter Title from "Fire, Fire" by Flyleaf.

_Chapter Twenty: Almost Thought We Made It Home  
_

* * *

Kenny had been absent from school for two days. Butters had been worried yesterday but now he was on the verge of a nervous breakdown as he bobbed his knee uncontrollably in class. He couldn't sit here and watch the presentations of their mid-term government class. It was too divided into liberals and conservatives and Cartman vs. Wendy even though their fights were just unresolved sexual tension.

"You're pretty much saying a perfect world is one led by white supremacy," Wendy barked from across the room at the brunette, who scoffed and rolled his eyes as he pointed at his Prezi presentation.

"You think it wouldn't be?" Cartman snapped, causing Token to groan and hit his head on the desk. "It wouldn't be a perfect world, Testaburger. A perfect world would be run by _men_. And there would be Shakey's pizzas in every country."

"Oh my God, you sexist pig!" She shrieked, standing up at her desk, "Look at the male leaders in charge now; how is that working out for us?! Name one female politician who has EVER made an idiot of herself!"

"Sarah Palin. Michelle Bachman. Hilary Clinton, Michelle Obama."

"Just because they stand up for what they believe doesn't make them idiots!"

"It _does_, Wendy, because women must realize their only purpose is to get in the fucking kitchen and make me a sandwich. Or get on their knees and suck my dick," Butters looked up at that remark, and watched as Wendy launched herself at the chubby boy in the front of the room.

"You want me on my knees, Eric?" She asked sweetly, he chuckled and went a little red as she lowered herself on the floor.

"That's right," Stan made a gagging noise and turned away from his ex-girlfriend in mortification. Kyle couldn't help but stare with a twitching eye; how were they getting away with this?

Suddenly Wendy punched his groin, causing him to fall on the floor in a loud thud. The classroom cheered as he writhed in pain on the floor and Wendy stood up, kicking Cartman in the stomach.

"I can still kick your ass, fat boy." She hissed, "you may think that's where women belong, but they really belong in the classrooms, in the White House, and on top. Don't fucking forget that," she growled, walking back to her seat.

"If that's foreplay I don't _ever_ wanna know what goes on in the bedroom..." Clyde grumbled to Bebe who giggled quietly and smacked him lightly on the arm.

Butters settled back in his seat and looked down at his paper. He had attempted to take notes on the projects but it resulted in a doodle of Kenny's face. It was nothing but pen scribbles and angles. A knock on the door was heard as Cartman slowly stood up. A bright orange parka dragged itself into the room and Butters' heart stammered with relief.

Except as the hood pulled down there was long brown hair and a girl's face. She handed a note to their teacher and whispered quietly.

"Mhmm..." Mr. Akers mumbled for her to continue.

Butters leaned closer, trying to hear what Karen McCormick had to say, but he could only make out a few words. He grimaced and watched as she clutched her books tightly to her and she looked around the room nervously. A freshman in front of a group of juniors; she looked like a deer in the headlights.

"So should I mark him absent?" Mr. Akers said louder

"I dunno. He should have a note." Karen replied, tightening the strings as her brother did when he was nervous or scared. "I was just supposed to let you know, I'm sorry for interrupting," she addressed the class. Butters looked her over closer and felt his stomach squirm.

She had a black eye.

"Uh... uh Mr. Akers?" Butters asked meekly, Kyle's eyes snapped to him; he looked paler than he had a moment ago. The teacher turned to him, an expression of boredom on his face. "Can I... can I go to the r-re-restroom?"

"-And what about poor people, Wendy? Just like Karen McCormick, who thinks her problems are the most important thing. Well they're not. Poor people put themselves in their situations on purpose and I'm supposed to feel bad for them and think our government owes them a handout?" Wendy stood up once more and her green eyes were ablaze.

"No, not _always_, Eric! But you're a sociopath so you have no empathy for anyone! Imagine if you were impoverished and you had no control of your situation, wouldn't you want someone to help you get back on your feet? Do you think it's right you can get a scholarship? That's a handout from the school so you can get an education..." their bantering continued and Stan groaned in annoyance.

"Jesus Christ..." Craig hissed in the back of the classroom. Butters had waited too long for a response from the teacher and quietly walked out of the room barely noticed.

He ran down the hallway and found Karen at her locker. Her tall body looked surprisingly tiny in the long coat that covered her hands and looked almost like a dress on her. She was searching through her backpack as he tapped her shoulder.

"Hey, is e-everything okay?" He asked gently, Karen sighed heavily and flinched as he reached to her black eye. "What happened? Your lip..." he saw a split in her lower lip and she shrugged her shoulders.

"It's nothing..." she trailed off, wrapping her arms around Butters. He held her tightly and could faintly smell pot, cigarettes, and cinnamon on the cloth. "God I'm like fucking Kenny," she ran a hand through her unusually limp and slightly unkempt hair and shook her hands. It appeared as if she hadn't washed it in a few days. "Promise you won't tell a soul?" Butters nodded and she dragged him to the girls' bathroom.

"I-I can't-"

"Shh..." she whispered, going into the back stall with him after checking to make sure no one was in there. "What all has Kenny told you?"

"Well he stayed the weekend with me and we had a date Sunday. He kinda told me your dad was back and that's why he stayed. But he said it wasn't a big deal and he'd figure it out. But he wasn't here yesterday." Karen nodded. "What happened?"

"Kenny got kicked out of the house," Butters' jaw dropped. "Kevin kicked the shit outta our dad on Sunday after he woke up from his high. After we got home that night there was a big fight and Kenny got in the middle and was kicked out... I don't know if it's permanent. He slept in the truck that night and I told him to come back but he said he won't. Kevin's trying to figure out what to do."

"Holy hell..." Butters trailed off as dread pierced his heart. "What about yesterday? Where's he now?" Karen sighed heavily and lowered her head.

"Yesterday he was gone because I forced him to go to the doctor and he got his license. He's in the nurse's office now." Butters gave her a look, "he didn't get out of the house easily."

"Is that what happened to you?" Karen's eyes lowered.

"This was an accident, I got in the middle of it and I was stupid."

"Karen..."

"Kevin did it... he felt awful." Butters sighed heavily and hugged her. They remained like that for awhile and he rubbed her back. "I don't know what's gonna happen."

Butters pulled away and unlocked the stall door. She held onto his arm and followed him out of the bathroom.

"I'm gonna help out however I can," he murmured to her as they walked to the office. "You sure you're okay?" Karen nodded and smiled softly at him.

They waved at the secretary and walked down the hallway. The nurse was putting away a first aid kit and supplies.

"Where did my brother go?" Karen asked quietly. The nurse turned around and smiled a startled smile.

"You scared me, Ms. McCormick," she replied, "he didn't say, but your brothers should be more careful, dear. That cut could get infected." She smiled and laughed softly as she walked out of the room. Butters looked at her as she dragged him down the hall.

"Do you know where he is?" Karen nodded, ignoring the looks she received by dragging Butters along with her.

"The computer lab. It's bound to be fifth hour and that's his study hall." Butters nodded slowly and felt his stomach churn with nervousness; he didn't know what to expect. They entered the quiet lab, passed the newsroom, and found the blonde hunched in the back corner with his face practically glued to the screen.

"Kenny," Karen said, running up to her brother. He pulled his face from the screen and Butters wasn't sure whether he should wince or ogle him.

There was a large cut on his cheek that looked like it was, in fact, infected. His nose was swollen and crooked, which resulted in two black eyes. Like Karen, Kenny's lip was jacked and swollen and cut at the bottom corner. But he couldn't help looking passed the wounds and to his eyes.

"You have _glasses_." Kenny chuckled and wiggled the black frames a little. "Jesus..." he trailed off, wrapping his arms around Kenny's waist as he rested his head on his taut chest. "Ken, you got kicked out of your house. Wh-what... why didn't you tell me? I've been worried sick. What happened?" Kenny sighed heavily, "you didn't die did you?" The blonde shook his head and stood up from the desk.

"It was just a shit fest from the start. I tried helping Kevin but... I was given two options and I chose getting out of the house. I've got enough money to get by for awhile."

"But what about Karen? You need a home, Kenny. I-I'll talk to my parents, maybe you can take the guest room in the basement, or the one upstairs." Kenny scoffed and took Butters' hand in his.

"You're sweet, but I'm pretty sure your parents hate me enough as it is. Kev might get an apartment and I can stay with him. Kar, too. That was the original plan." Karen had nestled against her brother and he ran his hand through her hair.

"But... where are you staying?"

"Stark's Pond, I have an old blanket and the benches aren't-"

"It snowed last night! You can't stay outside in that weather. You'll get sick, you'll die. Let me help you. At least talk to Kyle or Stan if you won't let me." Kenny grimaced and shrugged his shoulders.

"I have to get to English..." Karen trailed off, hugging Kenny tightly. He kissed her head and held her in his arms protectively. "Talk to me at lunch, let me know what you have planned." She waved to Butters and hurried to get to her class.

Blonde turned to blonde. Butters sniffled and Kenny looked at him curiously.

"I'm sorry I worried you. I don't have my phone charger and I went by your house yesterday and you weren't there." Butters nodded; he had been at Kyle's because he was afraid of being alone in his house at night. His eyes lit up and he smiled brightly at Kenny, who shrank back at his sudden change in emotion.

"My parents are gone 'til Friday..." he explained, Kenny gave him a blank look, until the lightbulb went on and a slow grin to rival the Cheshire cat spread on his face. "You can s-stay with me until then a-and Karen too. Kevin if he w-wants. I mean the house couldn't be d-dirty and he couldn't smoke in the house but... it'd give y'all a place to figure stuff out."

Butters squeaked as Kenny squeezed him in a hug and kissed his cheek. He giggled as Kenny lifted him and swung around slowly.

"You are a genius... would you seriously let me? That'd be so great."

"Yes, of course!" Butters chirped, giggling as he caught Kenny's eyes lit in a blue blaze. Their lips locked in a chaste yet passionate kiss and he felt his lips curl in a smile against his. Butters ran a hand through Kenny's hair and sighed softly. "You look awful. Your nose is broken."

"I'll have Kyle fix it, he did it for me last time." Butters winced and carefully caressed his cheek. He felt Kenny recoil from his touch, but relax. "It's nothing, don't worry." Butters rolled his eyes and ran his hands down Kenny's body. Certain areas he touched caused him to wince or jerk, which pulled on his heart strings; he knew Kenny was probably badly bruised.

"You're not wearing your parka. Or your hoodie." He shook his head.

"I gave them to Karen, in case..." he trailed off, running a hand through his dirty hair. Butters remained silent and glanced to the abandoned computer screen. Kenny followed his eyes and took his hand as he pulled up another chair and sat down. "I was working on this project... remember I told you I like digital art?" Butters nodded and Kenny clicked on a minimized Corel document. "I had just been messing around a bit... not really sure what I was doing, that's how it usually starts. But... look."

Butters examined the unfinished piece and put a hand to his mouth.

The background appeared to be shattered eggshells pieced together. Fragments were missing, and there was a light source, creating a shadowed effect that made it look so real. In a slight silver, gold, peach, and blue tint that created an ethereal skin tone, sinewy lines created two genderless faces, almost as if they were mannequins. They were horizontal, their faces in opposite directions; their noses touched each others' chins and their lips were pressed together in a mismatched bottom to top- top to bottom kiss. The person on bottom was unfinished.

"That's beautiful... you should submit that." Butters murmured, resting his chin on Kenny's shoulder. "D'you have any others on here?"

"Are you kidding me?" Kenny laughed out loud and opened a hidden folder. Butters gawked as hundreds of working documents and finished files filled the screen in tiny icons. "This is what I've done since junior high."

Butters searched through the folder, feeling as if this was something very private, very Kenny. He felt a little intrusive as he opened certain images. Some of them were basic designs and logos, others were intricate drawings like the ones he had always marveled at on Deviant Art. But as he looked to Kenny to question if it was okay to look further, the blonde simply watched him.

There was no specific theme to his artwork. Some of it was happy some of it was extremely morbid. There were a few sexual pieces and a few extremely innocent. Some were very mature and extremely edited and others were immaturely funny renditions of people and things. As he looked through each piece, he had the sense that although there was no specific theme... there was a theme. They represented Kenny; his personality, his traits, his thoughts, emotions, goals, worries, fears, dreams... and it brought tears to Butters' eyes as he stopped on a photo.

"Are you okay?" Kenny asked, putting a hand on Butters' shoulder. Butters nodded and rested his head on Kenny as he examined the piece further.

A digitally drawn picture of a tall, lanky, blonde boy stood in front of a realistic looking mirror. The mirror reflected a young blonde child with a gap toothed grin and dirty hair and bruises. The room the boy was in was very dark but Butters vaguely recognized certain aspects of it.

"Is that how you see yourself?" Kenny shrugged and flipped to the next picture. It was a role reversal, one that was sloppier and looked as if it had been done a few years prior. A small, blonde, bruised boy stared into the same, yet sloppier mirror, and the reflection stared back at him. The reflection was of a young man, who was tall and lanky and gave a crooked grin with his arms over two shadowed people in the reflection.

"The first one I did when I was thirteen. That one I did last year... well, two years ago now..."

"Oh, Kenny..." Butters whimpered, squeezing his bandaged hand tightly.

"The texture was different... it looks worse for a reason. I did one of you and Kyle and Stan." Butters looked at him.

"Can I see?" He nodded and scrolled through his folder a bit before clicking five pictures.

"Same thing... I did the first ones when I was thirteen, and the others last- dammit, two years ago," Butters laughed out loud at the first one.

The piece was of Kyle and Stan looking into a bathroom mirror. Although their hands were in front of them, it was implied they were holding hands and laughing, from what he could tell. They weren't wearing their stocking cap and ushanka, showing that Stan had slightly wavy black hair and Kyle's was quite tame despite what the redhead thought. The mirror reflected two young boys; Stan held bunny ears behind Kyle's head and was sticking his tongue out and Kyle had his eyes closed and was laughing hysterically.

"That's them to a T," Butters laughed as Kenny grinned, "especially them being together." he nodded and smiled brightly at the slightly nostalgic picture.

"I don't remember them never being together. I do have ones where Stan looks in the mirror and sees Kyle and vice versa, though. Those are pretty sweet."

"You should give those to them," Kenny shrugged, then opened the next one. It was of young Stan and Kyle looking at each other in front of a mirror, holding hands. There was a main reflection and an almost transparent one behind it. The first reflection was of them in the same exact positions, just a few years older. The one behind it showed Kyle's head resting on Stan's shoulder and kissing his neck. Stan's hands held Kyle's and they looked totally blissed out in happiness. "I love that one... it's like... imagining what could be?" Kenny nodded and smiled adoringly at Butters.

"Here's you," Kenny opened the document and Butters gasped a little.

A petite teen stood in front of a body-length mirror with extremely bright blonde hair. He could tell from the height of the cheekbones he was supposed to be smiling. Although he was small, he didn't look delicate like Butters always thought he did. And the reflection showed that. Instead of a scared, sad, and vulnerable looking boy, the reflection was of a child who wore a face of strength and happiness.

"That's not me," Butters murmured, feeling his eyes prickle. Kenny opened the next picture. An uneasy, hunched over digital drawing of Butters as a nine year old kid looked in the same mirror, at the same older boy from the previous picture who looked completely, one hundred percent happy. "That's more like me..."

"Well, that's how you see you. And this is the how Stan and Kyle see each other..." he pulled up the second picture of them. "And how I see myself," the picture of a young Kenny crossed Butters' eyes.

"But this is how I see us... that's how I feel you are. And feel they are. And I am. That's the point." He settled on the first picture of Butters, and he heard the boy next to him whimper.

"T-th-that's how you see m-me?" He asked, Kenny nodded and rubbed his thumb over the back of his hand.

"When we were younger, yeah. You were like... really happy and sure of yourself. You always helped me, even though I know you didn't think you did. I mean we weren't always best friends but I always looked up to you." Butters blushed and rested his head on Kenny's shoulder. "And then we were best friends and you told me things and I know you doubt yourself but you carry shit on your shoulders most kids never deal with. I just see you as strong, I guess."

Butters' felt his heart stammer and he cursed at the fact they were in school. Kenny looked like a young child who had just confessed his deepest secret. The way his eyes looked staring at him and the wounds on his face made him look extra vulnerable. But the glasses perched on his nose drove him wild.

"No one has ever... said that about me." Butters murmured as he massaged Kenny's wrists. The dark blonde boy smiled adoringly at him and ran a hand through his hair.

"You're the strongest person I know, Buttercup." Butters blushed at Kenny's admission.

"I could say the same about you... but I don't have a nickname for you," both of them laughed a little and Kenny kissed him delicately.

"Call me whatever you want..." Butters smiled against him and pressed their lips together once more. "I'm not that strong, though."

"To me you are. You're my rock. You've always been this level-head cool dude, even when we were little. Everyone else was so crazy and stuff but you just saw everything as it was and were so chill," Kenny hummed as Butters practically snuggled against him. "Why does it feel like we've been dating way longer than we have been?" Kenny laughed a little and pressed his forehead against Butters'.

"Because nothing has changed in our relationship except the fact we now claim each other. So at your house..." Kenny trailed off, "if you still invite me to stay with you," he added, "do you think..."

"Yes, you can sleep with me." Kenny's cheeks flushed and he shook his head. "Oh, that wasn't what you were askin' w-was it?" The darker blonde shook his head and ran a hand through his hair.

"Do you think... if Karen decides to stay... we could bring Bunny?" Butters nodded brightly; he loved Karen's dog. He had his own dog as well so it wasn't a big deal.

"Of course. You can still sleep with me."

"Duh." Butters giggled and burrowed his head in Kenny's shoulder.

* * *

"Holy shit," Kyle blurted when Kenny and Butters entered the lunch room ten minutes after the bell. They took their usual seats after talking to Karen briefly, not catching the gawking looks Stan and Kyle were sending Kenny, and Butters opened his lunch box. He pulled out a yogurt and some apple slices; his stomach churned uneasily as he stirred his yogurt slowly.

"Dude, eat a cheeseburger," Stan said, then offered one of his to Butters, who blushed and shook his head.

"Kenny, your face. What happened?" Kyle asked, internally cringing at the swollen skin and crooked nose.

"Long story, but apparently you're right about me being far-sighted and it took me for-fucking-ever to find a pair of glasses that weren't hipster or fucking John Lennon style." Kyle rolled his eyes and chuckled softly at Kenny's obvious deflection.

"No, you barely escaped death. But nice job, they look sexy." Stan gave Kyle a look as he laughed in mild shock at what his boyfriend had just said. Kenny grinned smugly, splitting his cut lip in the process.

"You mean the busted face is sexy? Ah shit, dude, you're bleeding everywhere!" Stan handed Kenny a paper towel as he licked at the blood dripping down his face. Kenny shrugged and applied pressure to his lip. The blood had surprisingly started to soak through. "Are you gonna need stitches?" Kenny shook his head.

"I meant the glasses. But seriously, what happened to you?" Kyle asked gently. Butters sent down his food as the smell of blood infiltrated his nose. It made him feel queasy.

"My dad came back home and I got kicked out of the house," he answered truthfully as he wiped the trickle of blood that narrowly missed being absorbed by the paper towel. Butters offered him an apple slice but he shook his head. "You barely have anything for you, I'll be fine," Kenny assured as he nuzzled Butters' neck. The bright blonde giggled and squirmed as his longer hair tickled his skin.

"Wait, what? Your dad kicked you out? Where are you staying?" Stan asked, unable to believe how calm Kenny was as he shared this information.

"He's done worse," Kenny murmured, voice muffled slightly by Butters' skin. "I uh... well... Kyle, can you set my nose again?" Stan narrowed his eyes on the dark blonde across from him.

"Are you working tonight?" Kenny shook his head as he stole a sliced pickle from Stan's tray. "Kay, I'll drive you to my house and then I'll talk to my dad about what to do. There are emancipation laws... maybe..."

"Great, but I've got a place I'm staying so no worries on that." Kenny chirped, squeezing Butters' hand under the table. "And I'll just follow you, I'm gonna talk to coach after school to see what he wants me to do."

"You're _not_ staying at Stark's Pond," Kyle barked, Kenny laughed and felt Butters pat his knee. "And follow how?"

"He-he's stayin' with me, fellas. Don't worry." Butters piped up, causing the power couple to look at the two with smug, knowing, grins. "W-what it's not like we're gonna d-do anything. Karen might be there. A-and Bunny." Stan and Kyle laughed quietly together, as if they knew this super secret.

"Of course Bunny will be there," Stan joked, causing Kenny to furrow his eyebrows in confusion.

"Bunny is my sister's dog..." Kenny said slowly, Kyle and Stan burst out laughing, causing the two blondes to stare at them oddly.

"You call us Style, right?" They nodded. "Well, we've been calling you Bunny for like three years."

Kenny's jaw dropped as he blinked at his two best friends momentarily. His eyes slowly flickered to his sister's table, where she sat joking around with Ike, Ruby, and a few other freshmen he wasn't quite familiar with. His mind began to reel on the possibility that she had been in on that little name-ship with the two conspirators... and Bunny was a _really_ weird name for a dog.

Butters, however, seemed excited they were already worthy enough for a portmanteau.

"You think of rabbits when you think of us?" Stan snickered and Kenny rolled his eyes as he couldn't help but grin at Butters' innocent question. He patted the smaller boy's back and Butters seemed happy with himself as he settled against Kenny.

"Wait, back up..." Kyle piped up, "you said follow me. You don't have a car." Kenny shook his head. "The fuck?"

"I have something better. More... McCormick." Stan rolled his eyes at Kenny as he gulped his Mountain Dew.

"What? A stolen bike?" Kenny scoffed.

"Close. Kevin hooked me up with a friend's motorcycle!" Kenny chirped excitedly. Butters grinned excitedly.

"You got your license?" Kyle asked slightly disbelievingly.

"Yep. Both the regular one and then the... motorcycle license thingy. I did it yesterday after I picked up my glasses." Kyle and Stan nodded and locked eyes for a moment. Stan cleared his throat.

"No offense dude... but where'd you get the money?" He couldn't help but ask. Kenny smirked.

"It was cheap because Kevin is his coke dealer. Shh..." Kenny whispered, causing his friends to roll their eyes, "but I've saved almost every penny I've earned. Now that I'm on my own I'm gonna need to get around somehow. And if I'm driving I'm gonna have to be able to see," he flicked his glasses. "It cost me my ass but I'll earn it all back someday. Totally worth it, it's a sexy bike." Kyle laughed a little at this and smiled happily at Kenny.

"Well, I'm proud of you!" Kyle said honestly. Kenny shrugged his shoulders and glanced to Butters, who squirmed a little as he looked at his lunch.

"Uh... Ken, I'm not hungry anymore. You can have the rest of my lunch." Kenny clicked his tongue as he examined Butters' food.

"Nu-uh. You ate like nothing." He murmured as he examined the half eaten yogurt and most of his apple slices. He looked worriedly at Butters who appeared slightly uneasy as his trembling hands held the spoon.

"Yeah, you hardly eat anymore, dude. It's been like that for... a long time..."

"Ten months," Butters mumbled under his breath. Only Kenny heard him and felt his heart thud painfully in his chest. Butters shoved his food in front of Kenny and gnashed his knuckles under the table. "Fellas, I g-gotta watch my eating habits. My dad says I'm st-starting to get f-fat and boobs and I-I'm shaped like a blobby girl."

"Bull shit..." Kenny grumbled and without shame stuck his hand up Butters sweater and felt around his chest. The blonde boy's cheeks heated in surprise as Kenny groped him in front of the entire high school. "No tits and even if you did I would not be complaining." Butters' blush darkened. "You're like a rail, Lee."

"Actually, _you're_ the rail," Stan said to Kenny, who lowered four bony fingers as he smirked. "But really, Butters, you don't believe that, do you?" Butters shrugged and felt his stomach turn sour and fought off that familiar nauseating churn. He hunched his shoulders and felt his eyes prickle; he wanted to run. Kenny grimaced; he knew all of Butters' body language.

"If you're _really_ not hungry," Kenny finally began, "I'll eat it. I haven't eaten since Saturday so it's tempting me." Kyle and Stan's eyes bugged out of their heads at his confession. Butters just looked at him with a sad smile on his face. "But... I'll only eat this if we go to Taco Bell after your practice is over." Butters nodded.

"And then grocery shopping!" Butters chirped and looked to Kenny as he practically inhaled the entire yogurt cup in a second. Stan looked at him with a competitive glint in his eye; he downed his fries in a blink of an eye. The two football players grinned at each other and Kenny stole another pickle.

"Cheater!" Stan cried. Kyle rolled his eyes as Kenny stuck out his tongue.

Kenny held up a finger as his mouth was full of apples and Stan was cackling across from him. Kyle shook his head and laughed a little and Butters giggled.

"You look like a hamster."

"Mmmphh mmm," Kenny said, voice more muffled than any of them had ever heard. He burst out laughing and had to clamp his mouth shut so he wouldn't spit any of the food out on the table... or Kyle. He took a large swallow and sighed. "I almost died, dude!" he turned to Stan who was still laughing. "Is a hamster a good look?"

"Your cheeks were all chubby," Butters replied, "like..." he trailed off and puffed up his cheeks with air. He squeaked as Kenny clapped his hands on either of them and Kyle tried his hardest to not fall into hysterics.

"Sorry, I couldn't not do that," Kenny murmured with a happy smile. Butters shrugged his shoulders and leaned back against him, smiling too. This was how it should have been. This was how it was always supposed to be. He couldn't help but feel giddy that he finally got to have Kenny, like this, and his friends. Everything was perfect. Even when it wasn't.

Kenny had gone with Stan to talk to their coach after school. Stan clapped his back and joined practice, leaving Kenny to fumble for words as he waited to hear if he had to stay or if he was done for good for the year. The news he had received had not been what he wanted to hear and as he slightly limped back to the school, he couldn't help but feel a little angry and disappointed.

Mostly in himself.

He walked through the halls to the auditorium where Karen and Butters' play practice was. He had never been to one of their practices, he was always at his practices, and most of the time he missed their performances due to game days. He had always heard that the South Park drama department was really good although it was probably the least popular club; Kenny was just glad his sister was able to do something she loved. Same with Butters.

He opened the doors and quietly hobbled to the front row of seats. He set his gym bag down as a leg rest and set his old backpack on the seat next to him. No one was on stage, though it was a really nice, almost professional set, yet he could hear people yelling backstage.

"Bebe, it'll be _fine_!" Kenny heard Karen say. He recognized the blonde's annoyed groan and clicking of heels. He leaned back in the comfortable seat and stretched out his legs as he closed his eyes.

"Fine? Bridon decided to fucking quit! As if we needed him, he's too fucking wishy washy. Dammit, Butters, Wendy, what are we going to do?!"

"Last minute auditions... Butters will have to step up to do his part because we're a week from competition and we don't have the time to teach someone the main part. He's been his understudy, Butters can you do that?"

"Y-yeah, I think so," Butters murmured, walking on stage in costume. Kenny tilted his head; he looked like he was supposed to play a little boy. He was covered in fake dirt and what appeared to be blood; Kenny didn't like it. "I just like playing Gavroche..."

"I know, sweetie. But if you're Jean Valjean it could open so many doors for you. You have the voice. You know the part so well," Bebe coaxed, he sighed heavily and bowed his head. Karen ran out, dressed in baggy trousers, a white shirt, and a trench coat and a hat with her hair tucked back. Was she supposed to play a boy too? Kenny massaged his temples in confusion. He didn't get it.

"But we were brother and sister..." Butters pointed to Karen who grinned.

"Well yeah, but we practically are in real life, anyway," She teased, causing Butters to blush, "we can see if anyone else wants to take the part of Gavroche. I think one of the boys in my class was willing to... wherever he went off to. This is a mess..." Bebe groaned at this and walked out in a beautiful gown. Wendy looked out into the sea of nearly empty chairs and ran a hand through her crazily teased hair. She caught sight of Kenny, however, and waved.

"Hey, Kenny!" Karen chirped, running up stage and sat in front of her brother. Butters snapped around to face her and grinned before running up next to her.

"Hullo," he greeted, watching with raised eyebrows as Wendy and Bebe began to gather the cast to talk. "Gueermo quit and you're taking lead I take it?" Butters nodded and rubbed his knuckles. "Congratulations. What play is this?" The two gave him a look and he shrank back a little.

""Les Miserables,"" Karen replied. "Hey, _you're_ a middle child." Kenny nodded slowly. Butters slowly grinned.

"You can sing."

"_No_." Kenny said, shaking his head, "I am not... Leopold, no_ come back here_!" he yelled, watching as Butters ran to Wendy and Bebe and pointed in his direction. Karen smiled sheepishly at him and he rolled his eyes.

"It's an easy part. You die at the end. So do I. And we'd be siblings. You get this awesome song though and you get shot like four times." Kenny shook his head.

"I can't be in a play, Kar," he mumbled with his head low.

"Oh, you talked to your coach? What'd he say?" He glared at her and stood up slowly, wincing as he felt something in his leg snap.

"I'm out for the season but I get to stay on the team..." Kenny mumbled, she jumped off the stage and hugged him.

"I'm sorry, I know you really like playing and-"

"Not really, it's just something fun to do."

"Well, this is fun too. You're great at singing... and we really need someone good to play Gavroche."

"I can't act..." Kenny mumbled as Karen dragged him to the stairs. "This is a _terrible_ idea."

As he got on the stage, Bebe ran up to him and smiled angelically. He raised his eyebrows and she sighed heavily.

"We're desperate Kenny, I know what I did to you was bad... and I'm sorry. But, I promise I will do whatever you want if you do this for us. You can sing; you have a killer voice. We need you. Just... it's not a super main part but there is some speaking and Butters would work with you to get it down..."

"What's the character?"

"His name is Gavroche. He's this street kid who was kicked out of his house-"

"SOLD!" Kenny cried, laughing at the irony. Karen shook her head. "Sorry, continue." Bebe gave him a questioning look but sighed.

"And he takes care of his two younger brothers, they call him mom. And he helps lead the French Revolution up until he dies stealing ammo from the dead soldiers. He's also eleven."

"...I'm the tallest person in this school, I can _not_ play an eleven year old."

"Well, you could play the main character-"

"No!"

"Then read this," Bebe thrust him a script and turned the pages until she found the audition script. "It's a song... but I've heard your voice. Read this how you would imagine going into the line of fire, fighting for the thing most important to you, and dying for it."

Kenny sighed heavily and read over the verse. He shrugged his shoulders, examined their interested faces and couldn't help but laugh.

"Are you all just going to stare at me as if I'll be performing a miracle?" Karen gave him a look and he slumped his shoulders a little bit. He stepped forward, took a deep breath, and tried not to laugh.

"Little people know, when little people fight, we may look easy pickings but we've got some bite..." Kenny didn't really know how to act like he was shot, he had only ever been shot and it fucking hurt and he didn't think it would be possible to finish a verse when shot. However, he channeled the pain and the agony of feeling the sting run through every nerve and short circuiting of internal organs and body systems. The worst was suffocating. "So never kick a dog because he's just a pup. We'll fight like twenty armies and we won't give up. So you'd better run for cover when the pup grows..." Kenny looked up, suddenly with a horrified expression. "Wait am I supposed to die here? I don't even get to finish?!"

Bebe groaned and Karen covered her face as she laughed quietly.

"Your brother hasn't even _seen_ _Les Mis_?" She asked in disbelief, "yes, Kenny, you die there."

"Oh," was all Kenny said in a quiet voice before he collapsed.

Butters yelped at the sudden thud on the floor. The crew gasped and started to run forward yet Bebe stopped them.

"I haven't seen anyone play dead so well." Butters felt his heart leap as he leaned down and felt for Kenny's heartbeat. He sighed with relief when feeling a calm drumming underneath his fingers. "Okay, get up!" Bebe said, Kenny sat up and rubbed his leg a little. "Kenny, will you _please_ be Gavroche? Yeah you're too tall for the part but we'll cross that bridge when we get to it, you are perfect!" Bebe pleaded as she pouted her lower lip. He rolled his eyes and looked to Butters and Karen who wore the same kicked puppy-eyed expression. Kenny sighed heavily and carefully stood back up; he was careful not to put too much pressure on his injured leg.

"Dammit..." he trailed off, "fine..." then he winced as he was squeezed in a group hug. "I knew I shouldn't have come to watch you guys..."

"But now you'll be at practice with me!" Butters whispered excitedly, "Bebe, I'm gonna see if this fits him." Butters pointed to his costume. She rolled her eyes and gave a knowing smile.

"Be back in five."

"With such time constraints that may be possible..." Kenny teased with a wink, causing Karen to cringe. The curly blonde haired girl patted her back comfortingly as Butters lead him hand in hand to the dressing room. Butters quickly took off his outfit and handed it to Kenny.

"Practices are usually about an hour long on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. Now they're a little longer. You won't have to do too much, I'll cram the lines with you. Thank you... so much!" Butters whispered as Kenny carefully took off his shirt. Butters' eyes widened as Kenny slowly lowered his arms. "Oh my God..."

Kenny looked in the mirror for the first time since Saturday night. His ribcage was black and blue. He had several welts on his chest and stomach and bruises dotted his back. "Oh, Ken..." Butters hugged him loosely and Kenny's stomach twitched as his fingers traced the puckered scar from ten months ago. "This isn't right."

"What isn't right is we're both almost naked and not doing anything about it," Kenny joked, causing Butters to roll his eyes and kiss Kenny softly. He could taste his blood; it made him light headed and he pulled away as he felt sick to his stomach once again. His muscles clenched and tears burned in his eyes when Kenny touched him.

"All... all I see is you bloody and... and your eyes. And the smell... I hate your blood. It was all over me and I wanted it. I wanted it b-because it was warm and a-all I had left of you. How s-sick is that? I'm not... I'm still grieving... and I haven't come to terms with the fact that you are here. I c-can't just switch off that pain, no matter how hard I try. They had to... to sedate me that night. I wouldn't let you go. I _w-won't_."

Kenny hugged him tight and held his head to his chest. He kissed Butters' hair. He felt tears leak from Butters' eyes onto his skin and he breathed in.

"You don't have to let me go... it's okay..." Kenny whispered, "it's gonna be okay... I'm sorry, Leo. I'm _so_ sorry... it's not easy. I know I'm not back to normal... maybe I won't be, I don't know. But I'm here and I'm gonna try my fucking hardest to stay. But I'll always come back. And I'll always come back to you and only you. Because I love you. I love _you_, Leopold James. Being your boyfriend for three days doesn't mean shit when you've been the best part of me for seven years. I mean, it does, but it's just... I dunno. I'll be here, always. And I'll never hurt you again." He whispered, stroking the tears from Butters' cheeks with his thumbs. "But you gotta stop crying 'cause you're gonna make me cry, okay?" Butters nodded and nestled his face in Kenny's chest. Kenny petted his hair soothingly. "These are just bruises. They don't matter and they're gonna fade. It's nothing I'm not used to. But the fact that you're willing to let me and my sister stay with you for a week because of my shit means the world to me. And... think of the bruises as me getting into character or something, I don't know."

Butters wiped his eyes and laughed weakly at Kenny, who fit into the costume except the pants were too short and the shoes too small. Kenny wore it anyway, for now, because it smelled like Butters.

"I don't know h-how we're gonna g-get by having the t-t-tallest person on our cast playing the person who's s-sposed to be the shortest." Kenny shrugged and looked to Butters who had fitted himself in a fancy Victorian suit.

"You shoulda worn _that_ for homecoming," Butters rolled his eyes and pulled Kenny close to him.

"Shh..." he put his finger over Kenny's lips and giggled when he tried to suck on the digit; he resorted to licking. "It means the world to me that you joined the play to help us. And, just so you know, we miss two days of school for our conference and district performances. And if we get first at those w-we go to state so then we can miss two more days of school." Kenny grinned, "we also get to go to a college performance of "Les Mis" next week and that's a half day."

"Why didn't you start bribing me with that instead of puppy eyes?" Kenny joked.

"Because I didn't need to, I mean, I would have. But you willingly joined before I had to bring out the big guns."

"So you _did_ plan bribery?" Butters shrugged and blushed a little. "You're coming along nicely!" Kenny laughed as he pressed his lips against Butters. The smaller boy tangled his hands in his hair and held his hands tightly.

"I can't thank you enough..."

After practice, Kenny, Butters, and Karen had gone to the grocery store. With Karen's black eye and fat lip and Kenny's practically bludgeoned face they received double takes and side glances. The McCormicks didn't seem to mind, though; in fact, Butters would say they seemed almost excited as they talked animatedly to each other and Butters as they followed him as he did his own normal shopping. It hurt Butters' heart to think they probably hadn't had the luxury of buying little more than frozen waffles and pop tarts. He always wondered if that was true; apparently it was.

He told them to get whatever sounded good as he did his basic shopping for the next four days. He didn't have a lot on his list but he figured they'd probably want to get something ridiculously off the wall due to the fact they simply could. They looked like beaten kids in a candy store as they looked down the aisles yet they always returned empty handed.

"Guys, seriously," Butters said upon their most recent return without any snacks or odd food. "Get whatever you want. I've got more than enough money." Karen shrugged her shoulders and looked to Kenny, as she probably always did when she was nervous, who smiled impishly.

"It's okay," Kenny replied quietly and shrank back at Butters' look. "Well, Lee... this is kinda new to us. I know it's stupid, but when our parents got food stamps they usually sold them for drugs and shit. I've only been to a grocery store a few times in my life and that was for off brand waffles or stealing bread. Karen has been more, I guess, since I've been gone, but I don't really know what's good and what's not."

"And sweet stuff makes me sick... I can only eat a tiny bit so..." Karen murmured, twirling a tendril of her brunette locks in her fingers nervously. As Butters stared at them incredulously; he couldn't believe how small they looked; especially since they were both either his height or eight inches taller. He sighed heavily and felt his lower lip tremble at their admission and he smiled softly at the two siblings, who were waiting for him to say something.

"Well, is there anything you don't like?" he asked, Karen nodded.

"I don't like crunchy food. More like... I can't stand hearing people chewing in the same room as me. Ike said it's a neurological disorder or caused by a traumatic experience, but... I dunno. I just hate hearing people chew food. Especially crunchy food. I once punched Kenny when I was in the hospital because he ate one of my ice cubes."

"I'm _still_ sorry," he mumbled, "I'm not picky. I mean, in fourth grade I ate a manatee spleen remember? And my own puke. So obviously my taste buds are fucked up." He received a dark look from a mother with her young children who stared at Kenny and Karen in slight fear. "What do you like? I'll just eat that."

Butters actually facepalmed, and brother and sister looked at each other as if they had done something wrong. Kenny fidgeted a little bit and grimaced.

"Well I don't like Dr. Pepper..." he offered uneasily. "I'm sorry." Butters shook his head and looked back up at them.

"No, I'm not mad. It just... makes me sad that this is new and s-stuff made you hate hearing chewing... and you were desperate enough to eat your own puke because I paid you..." he shook his head; he couldn't do this to himself. "So, you don't like sweet stuff, or crunchy things, or Dr. Pepper. Okay, I can work with this." He started to walk again, then stopped, "do you like chocolate?" he asked them. Karen nodded and Kenny shrugged. "Good, because I know this awesome dessert that has chocolate in it."

"Cool... but you don't need to go all out, hon." An older man shot Kenny a look as he spoke to Butters. The blonde's cheeks heated and Kenny looked at him curiously.

"That's the second time you've called me that." Karen watched them as if they were her favorite couple and Kenny shrugged.

"Do you not like it? I just... I dunno..." Butters was mildly surprised as Kenny's cheeks blushed a little, accentuating the light freckles under his eyes and on the bridge of his nose.

"No, I do, I do... I just never pegged you as the type to use endearments." Kenny shrugged his shoulders and smiled a little. "Shoot, what time did Kyle want to fix your nose?"

"I told him I'd just show up." Kenny said, then roamed the aisle as he looked for something. He returned with a box and set it in the cart. "Didn't you say you liked that stuff?"

Butters nodded and looked at the box of green tea. He shook his head at Kenny and Karen was grinning from ear to ear as if seeing them together was the only thing that made her happy.

"I'm sorry!" She said as they both turned to her, "you two are just cute and Kenny's rarely like this with _anybody_."

Butters continued his shopping and explained how to choose produce and meat to Kenny, or more like his parents' method of choosing the "right" kind of food. He was just about done shopping, now he was getting a couple more yogurts for his lunch, when he heard an end cap fall. He looked, dreading seeing Kenny squished under it, figuring it was highly possible, but relaxed when seeing the tall boy run from his side. He quickly lifted the end cap back in its standing position, then bent down and picked something up. A crying something. A little something.

Butters' felt sick as he watched Kenny sit down and look the little boy over. The dark haired toddler's eyes were red and he was frightened but Kenny was murmuring something to him. He relaxed a little bit and sat on Kenny's lap.

"Where's your mama?" Kenny asked gently; he was in awe at how relaxed and comfortable the child was. Usually kids were freaked out by the presence of strangers, and Kenny was definitely one of the most gruesome looking people in the store.

"I dono." Butters walked up to Kenny slowly and Karen put a hand on his shoulder to stop him.

"Is she here?" The dark ash blonde pressed in a soft voice. The little boy nodded. "Well, I'm gonna help you find her. I bet she's awful worried, huh?"

"We play," The boy chirruped and Kenny laughed a little as he let the boy walk on him.

"You and me? Sure, buddy. What's your mama's name?" Kenny asked with a bright smile.

"Joy!" He squealed happily and Kenny lifted him by the arms and let him jump as he himself stood up.

"And what about you?"

"Spence!"

"Spencer?" He nodded vigorously as he jumped high due to Kenny lifting him. "Cool, my name's Kenny. Let's go find your mama, kay?"

"Kay." Kenny turned to Butters and Karen, "I'm gonna take him to customer service and I'll call you guys when we're done." They nodded, and Kenny bent down to be Spencer's height. "Now, you and your mama are playing hide and seek, remember? But she doesn't know you have _help_. And I'm the best at hide and seek... because I'm always over there, but no one can see me. So you're going to win the game, right?"

"Right!" Butters and Karen heard as they disappeared. Karen hurried to pick up the spilled items from the shelf and Butters felt a little light headed and fuzzy at what he just saw. The brunette returned to his side and smiled a knowing smile as she looped an arm with him.

"Kenny is really good with kids. All our little cousins would always go to him and listen to him when we were little..."

"Uh-huh..." Butters said, a little dazed. Karen giggled and helped him push the cart. "How many cousins do you have?"

"Well, my dad has two brothers and my mom has a brother and three sisters. So... between the times they weren't in jail or passed out high I've got like... twenty. I don't know, probably more now and we hardly see them anymore. They all got out of South Park and Colorado... or they didn't live here in the first place." Butters nodded slowly. "What about you? Do you have cousins?" He shook his head.

"Just an aunt and an uncle," he mumbled, "I had no idea Kenny liked kids." Karen nodded.

"Oh yeah, well, he just likes to make them happy. But we used to babysit for our aunt when she lived here and... don't tell him I said this but he's very motherly." Butters looked at her warily. "No, I'm serious! You'd think he was the 'let's go throw a ball!' kinda guy but he gets all mother-henny and if you get the slightest scrape he is there right away. It's like he has radar for that stuff. But he loves kids, they're like second nature to him."

As they walked up the front, Karen looked like she wanted to say something. Butters waited for her to speak yet she remained silent until they approached the counter.

"Um..." she murmured, helping him set the groceries on the conveyor belt. "I just want to say thanks for this and letting us stay with you. And... I don't want to worry you but... has Kenny seemed a little...?"

"Off?" she nodded, "a little. He told me he felt wrong. And on Saturday night he got sick and was doing that hand thing... but I bandaged them," Butters whispered to her as they waited for the person in front of them to finish paying.

"He's never been like this before. He just seems more... I dunno." Butters nodded, "but this is the longest he's been gone since he was eight. And he was weird when he came back then, too." Butters opened his mouth to ask but was interrupted by a loud cry.

"Thank you, so much!" They heard a woman sob and a few people turned to the customer service desk. Kenny was being hugged by a woman who looked as if she had been crying for hours. She held her son close to her as Kenny shook his head. He said something and the little boy reached for him. Karen turned her attention to Butters, who was watching with google-eyes.

"See? I don't know anyone else who could get..." she trailed off and rolled her eyes as Butters stared at the scene in amazement. He watched as Kenny ruffled Spencer's dark hair and his mother offered Kenny some money. He shook his head and pocketed his hands but she was adamant. She hugged him again and left with her grocery cart full of bags and her son in her arm.

Kenny must have caught sight of them because he ran up to them and smiled warmly.

"She wanted to give me 40 bucks!" he said in disbelief, "I took ten, but..." he glanced at Butters who was staring at him as if he had been star-struck. "Lee?" Karen giggled and started talking to the cashier as their items rang up. Butters just took his hand and squeezed tightly; he didn't know if he could even form words right now. His mind was in a fog and all he could think about was...

He shivered at that, and leaned against Kenny as he paid with his debit card.


	21. Where Do We Go From Here?

_Author's Note: I know I say it a lot but thank you for even giving me and this story a chance. It means a lot and if you've made it this far then I hope this chapter is worth it :). This is just... happy things. Good things. I love the good things. But hold on to the good things. ...why does that remind me of Langston Hughes? *shrug* Anyway, seriously, happy reading! Hope you enjoy. _

_Chapter Title from "Feeling This" by Blink 182_

_Chapter Twenty-One: Where Do We Go From Here?_

* * *

They arrived to Butters' house after Kyle reset Kenny's nose then immediately kicked them out as he and Stan claimed "date night." They picked up Kenny's motorcycle at school and then briefly went to the McCormick household so Karen could get Bunny. Kenny and Karen immediately began to carry the groceries in and quickly had them organized by what the products were. Butters smiled and kissed them both on the cheek; it actually saved him a lot of work. Now, he just had to alphabetize them in his cupboard.

Bunny was sniffing around the house yet stayed mostly by Karen as they helped alphabetize the groceries for Butters.

"You don't have to help," Butters said, "I'll show you your room in a minute," he addressed Karen, who had set her packed bag on the floor.

"Oh, what about Kenny's?" Both boys froze on the spot and Karen gave a surprised laugh."Kidding!" She teased, causing a dark blush to crawl on Butters' cheeks and Kenny to busy himself with the cans. Kenny cleared his throat, tapped his fingers on the counter, and hummed quietly as a blush crept on his cheeks.

Once all of the food was put away, Butters excitedly showed Karen around the house; she had only seen it once and that had been to talk to Kenny the prior Saturday. She said it felt comfortable, homey, and Butters couldn't help but scoff at that. Kenny patted his back and followed them up the carpeted stairs to the guest room.

"There's a room in the basement too, but my room is just right across from here and the basement scares me when I'm alone." Karen nodded as he opened the door and turned on the light. The walls were a light blue with a cream plush carpet; Karen instantly fell in love.

"I love it!" She cried, "I actually get to sleep here?" Butters nodded as she set her bag down and carefully walked in the room as if she'd cause destruction. She touched the bed and couldn't help but lay on it right away. "This is the comfiest bed I've ever been on," Karen said, "thank you so much, Butters!" he shrugged his shoulders and rubbed his knuckles together.

"There's a bathroom connected to this room too, but there's also one down the hall. When my aunt and uncle stay here t-this is where I sleep a-and I don't like sharing with them... and..." Butters trailed off, suddenly very uncomfortable. Butters felt Kenny's hand grab his reassuringly and he calmed down a little. "So whatever you're comfortable with." he finished with a smile.

"I've never had my own bathroom..."

"Well this is your lucky week!" She beamed and squeezed Butters in a hug.

"Thank you so much, for letting me stay here... for giving me this room... for everything."

"Awh, shucks, it's nothin'," He replied, hugging her back. "A-and if you need me for anything I'll just be right across the hall..."

"_And_ Kenny." Both boys blushed and Kenny looked away from his sister who couldn't help but grin. "Guys, it's okay, I'm just waiting for one of you to say it."

"We're dating, Kar. We've slept in the same bed before, anyway," He said with a smile as he leaned against the door. Although she knew this already, she still appeared giddy as she looked at the two of them. "You are _way_ too invested in this."

"I'm just happy my five year old self was right," she replied with a smirk, Kenny scoffed.

"Come on, we were seven and friends, you couldn't have known then!" She nodded, smirking even more like her brother, which slightly creeped out Butters.

"What sounds good for dinner, guys?" Butters said, kind of hungry. "I can make lots of things."

They decided on having spaghetti since it was quick and easy to make. Butters and Karen wouldn't let Kenny help cook except for warming the sauce, and even then he had to wear an oven mitt. He was also in charge of setting the table, which he thought could be more deadly than cooking, but didn't complain.

Butters couldn't help but grin as he glanced at Karen, who was slicing green peppers for a salad, and then to Kenny, who was making sure the table looked perfect and not a single dish or piece of silverware was crooked. The fourteen year old girl tilted her head curiously as she caught his expression and he laughed quietly.

"I'm sorry," he said, his chuckles dying off, "but... this feels more home to me than I usually do. This is what I've always though home should f-feel like." Karen smiled happily and tossed a slice of green pepper at him. Kenny was playing with Bunny, seeing as how the only other task they had given him had been completed, and his younger sister met eyes with Butters and nodded. They both seemed to understand each other completely, and remained silent as they continued cooking.

Once dinner was done, Kenny quickly ran to the sink to wash the dishes. Butters guffawed, causing Kenny to turn around as he finished scrubbing a bowl, and Butters walked up to him, silently, and opened the dishwasher.

"_Lame_," Kenny mumbled, handing the washed bowl to Butters who giggled. "You're Kenny-proofing your house."

"Obviously not, otherwise you wouldn't be here," Butters replied, smiling innocently up at his boyfriend who was grinning toothily. "But yes, my house was specifically designed so in case I became best friends and eventually boyfriends with a death-prone immortal I would have every precaution."

"Ow..." Kenny mumbled, holding up his cut thumb as he dropped a knife.

"Except that," they both laughed and Butters put his arms on Kenny's side as he pressed him against the counter. He kissed his neck and Kenny tilted his head back, granting him access to the areas that made him squirm.

"I would totally say continue..." Kenny mumbled as his cheeks grew flushed against Butters' ministrations. "But... I have homework." Butters gave Kenny a look for a moment, one that questioned his sanity, but that was quickly replaced with excitement.

After they rinsed the dishes and started the washer, Butters led Kenny into the living room where Karen was taking notes from her biology book.

"What homework do you have?" Butters asked as Kenny opened his backpack. He tossed out a couple outfits and pulled out his textbooks and notebooks.

"Anatomy, math, English, government, art, health..."

"So pretty much every one of your classes." Kenny grinned. "All of it due tomorrow?"

"Well, no. But I'm kind of behind because I've done the lessons from the beginning."

"By yourself?" Kenny nodded and opened his anatomy book. "Are you guys talking about the same stuff we are? 'Cause we're on the muscular system now." Butters nodded.

"I'm lost," Kenny admitted, looking down sheepishly. Butters took his book from him and Kenny opened his notebook.

"Okay, do you know the difference between actin and myosin? That goes with your first question." Kenny sighed.

"One is thick the other's thin but I don't know which one."

"Well, how I remember is thin rhymes with actin, get it?" Butters said, causing Kenny to roll his eyes and smile. Butters went through the study sheet with Kenny and gave him more explanation on certain things that confused him more than the book.

"I feel stupid," Kenny groaned as he shut his book. Butters scoffed and shoved him lightly.

"You're not stupid, you missed the first two months of school, you're fine," Kenny sighed heavily and began to read for English. "What's your project topic?" Kenny sighed again.

"Fate picked out Milton. So now I'm reading_ Paradise Lost._" Butters hissed lowly and Kenny gave a curt nod. "I don't get it."

"It's supposed to be Satan's story."

"Yeah, well... Satan loves hell. That's what I don't get. I mean, yeah, it's fiction and a poem but really, the dude's happy... except Hitler wants to have a threesome with Bin Laden but Satan thinks Bin Laden is out to steal Hitler and he still dreams about Saddam even though they've been over for a long time. " Butters raised an eyebrow and slowly nodded.

"Don't make that your argument or you'll fail." Kenny stuck out his tongue, "It's... really good. Kinda, if you can understand it. Definitely Spark Note it." The blonde laughed and rested his head on Butters' shoulder.

"What's your project about?"

"_The Necronomicon_," Butters answered calmly, Kenny looked at Butters disbelievingly. "Seriously."

"You found it?!" he shook his head and Kenny shrank back.

"I'm researching what I can, but I have some from it. More than most people have compiled together. I'm also reading the Egyptian Book of the Dead too. I wanted to surprise you." Kenny smiled happily and wrapped his arm around Butters.

"That's incredible. What have you found?"

"Not much, nothing about you, or your curse. I'll give you what I have."

This seemed to energize Kenny. He quickly read through twenty pages of _Paradise Lost_ and took as many notes as he could possibly stand. Butters had no homework, he used his study halls for studying but knew Kenny had different circumstances, so he was checking Kenny's math homework for him. Kenny moved on to government and finished the two quick worksheets assigned for the past two days.

"How goes the math?" Kenny asked, slamming his government book shut as he peered over Butters' shoulder. The bright blonde boy smiled happily.

"You only missed two, and even then you just missed cosine and tangent. See?" He did the calculations and Kenny stared blankly at the page.

"Shit, I can do basic trig!" Kenny chirped, then smiled smugly as Butters squeezed him excitedly. Karen laughed quietly from her perch on the chair and went back to her homework.

"Case and point as to why you're not stupid," Butters murmured, kissing his cheek. Karen stood up from the couch and set her books down on the table.

"Can I go to Ike's? I got a text from him... Ruby's over there and she's really upset about something." Kenny nodded. "I'll be back by 11:30, I promise." Butters glanced at the clock; it was 8:34.

"Be careful, if you need me to pick you girls up I will. But if you want Ike to walk you home, or Kyle, then you can do that too." Karen sighed heavily and gave a short nod, then closed the door behind her. Kenny turned to Butters, who smiled adoringly at him. "What?"

"You said 'home'," he hummed happily. Kenny shrugged his shoulders and planted a kiss on Butters' jawline.

"I guess it just feels like it," Kenny murmured against his pale skin. Butters shivered as their lips slowly collided in a passionately sloppy kiss. He would never get tired of feeling Kenny's slightly chapped lips against his. But as the kisses grew hotter and his legs became jelly and he lost all reasoning... Butters wanted more. The scent of Kenny drove him mad with lust as he leaned against the couch, and he had grown hard almost embarrassingly fast. Kenny noticed this as he leaned on top of him as they were propped up by the couch. He put his uninjured knee between his legs and caressed Butters in all the ways to make him unwind. He melted beneath Kenny and couldn't help but rut against his leg as he gently ran his hands under Kenny's shirt.

He loved feeling Kenny's chest against his, and the way every muscle in his back moved as his hands explored every inch of his body. At this point, Butters had nearly lost his mind.

"You're so small," Kenny mumbled as his hands massaged his sides. The blonde gasped and rolled his hips against Kenny's knee. The tiniest mewls poured from Butters as Kenny carefully straddled him. He hissed in slight pain as his leg twisted but ignored this as Butters rocked his hips rhythmically.

"I... ahh... want... _something_..." Kenny hummed with bright cheeks as he kissed down Butters' chest.

"Well, you have me...?" Butters stilled when feeling Kenny smile on his skin. He shook his head as he lifted his chin.

"No, Kenny. I uh... wanna... go all the way." He watched the realization dawn on his face and suddenly the mood was serious.

"N-now?" his voice broke slightly, Butters nodded and smiled softly. "_Seriously_?"

"I know it's not special for you b-but I'm sure I'm ready. I've waited way too long and I just want you... it. I want that special moment. I want to... I dunno, Ken. I don't see the point in waiting because... like you said, we have each other. We're different." He laughed nervously and blushed as Kenny sat up off of him.

"I..." he ran a hand through his hair and suddenly looked extremely nervous, which was odd considering this was sex they were talking about, "you're _sure_?" Butters nodded. "Jesus, Lee, it's not just gonna be special for you, okay? I-I know it's kind of scary. I was nervous too- hell, I'm nervous now. So, if you wanna stop or... you're not comfortable or anything... we'll stop. I promise." Butters nodded and kissed him fervently; he felt Kenny's heart race incredibly fast.

"Let's go upstairs..." Butters murmured, sending a side smile to Kenny, then took his hand.

This had not been on his agenda yet it felt right. It didn't matter to him that technically they had only been dating for three days. Kenny was what mattered. And as far as he was concerned he had had him for years. And touching him and feeling his mouth wasn't enough... he needed to feel him. He practically craved him.

Kenny squeezed Butters' hand and stroked the skin.

"D'you have condoms or anything?" He asked, Butters gave a nod as he opened his door and locked it, just in case.

"I don't want it, I want to..." he trailed off, Kenny nodded slowly and hugged Butters loosely. "I have lube too... I just... bought it once and..." Kenny chuckled and locked their lips together with a sweet hunger that Butters knew he could fill. He whimpered and hurriedly kicked off his shoes and wriggled out of his shirt yet Kenny stilled him.

"Let's take this slow," he whispered in his ear, then flicked his tongue against the lobe, which caused Butters to shiver and fall against him. They kissed again and Kenny lost himself in the sensation of their tongues massaging together and Butters' caressing his cheek. He just wanted this to last; he didn't want it to be hurried. After all, he never experienced passionate sex, or making love. It was always just a desperate fuck to get money. Or a quickie with Bebe or some other girls who were desperate under the bleachers in the gym. Or... he shook his head.

Kenny pulled away momentarily to take off his shirt. He sat on the bed and smiled as the bright blonde boy turned on his small stereo. He watched as Butters opened the first drawer to his dresser and pulled out a condom and lube, then turned off the main light. The small lamp on his nightstand was on, however, and Butters crawled onto his bed.

"So what do we..." he trailed off, moaning as Kenny dipped his head in the valley of his shoulder. His hands ran through his hair and over his shoulders, causing goose pimples to rise on his skin. Kenny laid down on the bed; Butters toppled on top of him and they burst into hysterical laughter.

"God, Lee," Kenny whispered as he reached up and trailed his fingers down his arm, "you're so beautiful." Butters blushed and closed the distance between them. He felt Kenny rock hard, through his ripped jeans, and rocked his hips into Kenny's. They moaned in each others' mouths and Butters undid his skinny jeans, then Kenny's.

"You shaved your legs," Kenny mumbled, as his index finger running up his thigh.

"I don't like body hair, and I'm on the swim team. Is that weird?" Kenny shook his head and palmed him through the fabric of his boxer briefs. Butters sighed contentedly and closed his eyes.

"No way, do you think mine are gross?" Butters shook his head and smiled lightly at Kenny.

"Nuh-uh, they're not really hairy and it feels nice on mine. Besides, you shave where it _matters,_" Kenny laughed loudly at that and slowly slipped his underwear down his ankles. Butters did the same, fingers shaking, and suddenly heard his heart hammer in his head. He felt cold... and he had no clue how he was going to manage to fit Kenny into his ass. That scared him the most.

His nerves melted when he felt Kenny stroke him firmly. He closed his eyes and rested his head on Kenny's shoulder as pleasure coursed through his veins. He sucked on the skin and felt Kenny's moan vibrate through his chest.

He heard the cap on the bottle of lubricant open and he stiffened.

"Shh... relax..." Kenny whispered to Butters, who nodded and focused on the feeling of Kenny's perfect hand pumping him into bliss.

Except he didn't feel another hand sneak its way to his puckered hole. Instead, Kenny's face was mostly calm except his eyes were squeezed shut.

"Wait..." Butters said, Kenny looked up with uncomfortable eyes. "You... you're not gonna top?" Kenny sighed heavily and lifted his heavily lidded eyes.

"If you want but... I've never... done this. So I figured it could be special... ahh... for both of us." Butters felt his heart leap and he pounced on Kenny who hissed in pain.

"Sorry, I just... whoa, I can't believe you'd do that..."

"I-I _told_ you I would..." Kenny whispered in a strained voice. "For both of us." Butters blushed and kissed him tenderly. He felt his breath hitch.

"Well... if you want, I can do that for ya," Butters gestured to Kenny's uncomfortable-looking position. Kenny blushed, and for the first time Butters realized he was nervous too. He kissed him again and caressed his face as he told Kenny to get comfortable. They were both shaking as Kenny slowly spread his legs. Butters caressed his stomach as his mouth ventured south.

He grabbed the lube and rubbed it on his fingers. Kenny stiffened slightly as he heard Butters hiss; he rubbed his leg soothingly.

"It's kinda cold... sorry," he murmured, planting a kiss on his hip bone as his right hand went passed his scrotum to Kenny's already lubed entrance. "Shh..." he whispered, stroking Kenny's half hard cock.

He felt his muscles clench against the intruding finger and he gasped sharply.

"I'm sorry..." Butters whispered as he stopped moving.

"No, no, it's fine..." Kenny gasped. Butters soothingly rubbed his stomach and sucked on the soft flesh of his inner thigh. He felt Kenny slowly loosen so he carefully slid his finger in, up to the third knuckle.

"You're really tight," Kenny laughed and moaned a little in pain.

"Virgin asshole..." he murmured, Butters blushed and slowly pulled his finger out, "fucking weird..." he couldn't help but laugh at Kenny's comments. "No, I don't understand how people find pleasure in this, it fucking burns." Butters giggled as he pressed kisses to Kenny's hip. As he pumped his finger he found it easier to move and Kenny had grown quiet except for a few sharp intakes of breath whenever his finger slid back in.

The blonde moaned as Butters entered a second finger; he couldn't tell if it was in pain or pleasure. He could feel his muscles clench and unclench again as he prepared to get used to a bigger intrusion. It took less time to get accustomed and Kenny had looped his fingers with Butters' free hand.

"W-whoa!" Kenny gasped; his toes curled and his hips arched as he sought that electric feeling once more. Butters jumped in fear as he felt the jerky movements.

"Are you okay? I can stop and..."

"Don't fucking stop, do that again!" Kenny exclaimed airily. Butters hooked his fingers slightly as he had and felt his cock twitch at the sound of Kenny's quiet mewls and pants. His nails into the blankets as overwhelming pleasure shot through his body. "G-go faster... oh God, yes..." Kenny purred. Butters moaned at the sound and he nipped at the bony flesh of Kenny's hip. He added a third finger, which unlike the first two, Kenny moaned and was rock hard, with pre-cum dripping from the tip of his arousal.

"Do... do you want me to use a condom?" He asked Kenny, who was blissed out as he rocked his hips against Butters' fingers.

"N-no... God..." he moaned, then shivered as Butters pulled his fingers out. "A-are you sure about this?"

"Yes, of course. I really want this. And you. And the fact you let me top 'cause you want it to be special too is amazing. I love you." Butters murmured. "Are _you_ sure about this?" He asked as he slid hip to hip with Kenny.

"I love you too. But you're about to rip my ass apart so I'm a _little_ nervous," They both laughed quietly and Butters captured his lips in a kiss before rubbing his cock with lube.

"I don't want it to hurt you" Kenny shrugged, "And I'm not sure if it does or not but... I'm sorry if it does. I just... this means so much to me," Butters whispered. Kenny smiled weakly and caressed his cheek before they kissed.

"Me too. Don't... don't be nervous. It's just me," Kenny murmured, and Butters scoffed and shook his head.

"You say that as if you're insignificant... Kenny, I love you. And the fact that you would do this... so it's special for both of us..." Kenny tucked his hair behind his ear and heaved a soft sigh.

"I always kinda hoped you'd be the one to do this. I just, it's always been you. Okay, now I'm kinda psyching myself out." Butters laughed a little, "Just... if you're ready, I'm ready." Butters watched the look of anxiousness cross over his face. He caressed his face and slowly slid himself into Kenny. He was extremely tight and hot and he wanted to thrust so bad. Except he looked at Kenny and saw the raw expression on his face and felt himself still within him. He took a deep, shuddering breath, and hugged Butters tightly.

"I'm sorry, we don't-"

"It's fine, I'm okay... just... don't move," he gasped, burrowing his face in Butters' chest. Butters felt his muscles spasm against him; with the heat and tightness he knew he wouldn't last long at all. Holding still was helping and feeling Kenny's slight movements made it hurt. But he knew he couldn't complain about pain.

Butters stroked his cheek and rubbed his back soothingly. He felt an uncomfortable moan vibrate against his chest.

"I see you," he whispered, drawing Kenny's lowered eyes to lock on his.

At this moment, Butters knew he had complete control. A surge of dominance he never had before coursed through his veins. He could make Kenny scream in pleasure or in pain. It was up to him. He had him in control; Kenny was completely vulnerable.

Both boys knew this. The fact Kenny had been so willing to cast down his usual guard and have such an intimate moment amazed Butters. Because he knew it hurt more than physically; this was the last fragment of Kenny's shattered innocence. He had preserved it for himself because it was his to lose. He was ready to give it away, let Butters have what had been the most important part of himself. This was what Kenny had been hiding all along; he was scared, he was vulnerable, he didn't want to let go of the last part of his innocence because it had all been taken from him too soon. But Butters was worth it. Butters deserved it. Because he had given him so much more...

"I see you..." he repeated, kissing the tears that had fallen on his pink-tinged cheeks. Kenny smiled and his shoulders trembled as he gasped softly. "And I love you. And you don't have to be scared or afraid to let go... because I'll be there to catch the pieces." Kenny whimpered and smiled weakly at Butters as he ran a hand through his blonde hair.

"I love you," Kenny whispered, breathing through his nose as he wrapped his legs around Butters' waist. "I-It's okay," he murmured, rolling his hips slowly, causing Butters to moan quietly into Kenny's shoulder. "Just... go slow."

Every thrust and every rock brought them closer together. Their foreheads were pressed up against each other's and they were kissing... on the lips, the nose, cheeks... where ever they could possibly touch. They held each other tightly and Kenny burrowed his face in Butters shoulder. He moaned as he felt Butters massage his back and he grew less and less tense.

"O-oh God..." Butters looked down at Kenny who had his head resting back on the pillow now. His eyes were closed and his mouth was parted as their hips met in a rhythm that suited them perfectly. He thrust a little harder and Kenny gasped at the force. "Nnngh..."

Butters moaned as he was allowed to move faster. His body was flooded by lust and he needed to go harder, deeper, to feel Kenny's tightness completely engulf him, to feel his fingers scratch his back, and to hear his moans and soft cries. They both sounded the same, it had been difficult to say who was louder than who now, and Butters just wanted to...

His eyes widened as he suddenly found himself lying down on the bed. Kenny smirked down at him and kissed his nose as he held each of his hands. The sound of skin slapping against skin filled the air, except for the CD playing on repeat and their gradually raising voices.

Butters let out a mewl as Kenny expertly and experimentally rolled his hips against Butters. He was surprised to hear Kenny cry out and he looked up to find him breathing hard. His eyes were glazed with dark, lustful pupils, and his cheeks and chest were flushed as he slowly pressed down on Butters' arousal, deepening the feelings, savoring the passion he had never allowed himself to have.

"Jesus, is that Florence and the Machine playing?" Butters tilted his head in confusion as Kenny continued to control the pace; he knew Butters was close and wanted to prolong it. He was also trying to position himself so he constantly hit his prostate.

"What...?" Butters gasped, listening to his stereo. Was that really what Kenny was thinking about now? "Well... it's a good song, at least."

"Yeah..." Kenny moaned, wrapping his legs around Butters' waist again as he turned them over once more, slightly tired of moving as much as he had. "But it's a sadder song, why can't it be like... oh..." his body shuddered as Butters' hips rocked erratically into his; the movements were unpredictable and inexperienced, and in the most endearing way Kenny wanted more of that.

Butters moaned as he latched his mouth on Kenny's collarbone. He bit the skin and faintly tasted blood but quickly wiped it away before it made him sick. The blonde beneath him had arched his hips at the pain and as Butters thrust almost too fast for his own liking, Kenny keened in a high pitched tone Butters hadn't known was possible for his boyfriend to hit. It rang in Butters ears and he cried out in a panting moan as he felt his muscles clench around his swollen cock.

"K-Ken... I'm gonna..." he whined into his skin as Kenny's chest heaved for breath.

"Almost there, just don't..." Butters bucked as deep as he could into Kenny; he couldn't hold out any longer. His body began to spasm uncontrollably as euphoric waves of pure oblivion crashed upon Butters. His eyes locked on Kenny's who were half wide yet half closed, which didn't make sense to Butters. Kenny when feeling Butters thrust against his prostate for the last time and stroke him, he completely lost it. His body convulsed as if he had been electrocuted and his muscles clenched and unclenched as his body rode out the last of his orgasm. Kenny felt Butters' hot come fill him and his eyes rolled back at the thought. His body shuddered at the last few pulses of pleasure and he threw himself back on the pillow as Butters slowly pulled out of him.

Butters gasped as he laid down on his bed and tried to catch his breath. He had never felt something so powerful from him; his mind was completely blank as he looked over to Kenny with exhaustion in his eyes. The taller blonde remained still as his lungs heaved for air and he wiped sweat from his brow. Slowly, their eyes met and Butters giggled a little.

"We just..." he murmured, curling in to Kenny's side. He smiled softly and ran a hand through Butters' sweat soaked hair and nodded. "That was... I don't even _know_..."

"Mhmm..." Kenny mumbled, kissing Butters' neck as he curled his head on his arm. He remained on his back, still, and Butters tilted his head. "I don't wanna move. It'll hurt and your sheets are gonna be ruined."

"How?"

"Spunk stains sheets, I mean, we pretty much failed at that already but... I'm already feeling it." Butters kissed him gently and ran a hand through his hair. He felt Kenny's heart flutter in his chest and he kissed where the organ lay underneath skin, muscle, and bone.

"I don't care, about the staining, I mean. Are you feeling okay? Did I hurt you?" Kenny shrugged his shoulders and rubbed circles into Butters' back as he snuggled against him.

"Good. But don't worry 'bout it, Lee. I knew it was gonna hurt a little. And if I'm sore I'll just... claim leg injury." Butters giggled and rubbed his abs soothingly. "By the way, I totally get why people do it up the ass, now." They kissed once more and Butters blushed a little as he rubbed Kenny's bum.

"We should probably get cleaned up..." Kenny whined at Butters suggestion and hugged him tight.

"I just wanna sleep..." Butters glanced at the clock and sighed heavily; Karen wouldn't be home for more than an hour. But he also knew Kenny was going to be in a world of hurt tomorrow because after awhile he didn't really go easy on him; then again that was his own say so.

"Fine, either I can shower by myself and you can sleep. Or you can join me..." Kenny was standing in a few moments and followed Butters out of his room and to the bathroom.

It was all either of them had ever wanted. As they stepped into the hot shower together, they couldn't help but laugh and Butters curled up against Kenny. They stayed like that, just the two of them, until the water ran cold and they couldn't stand the chill. But they kissed under the shower head and laughed as they stared into each others' eyes happily.

"God, I love you," Kenny whispered as Butters handed him a towel to dry off. Butters nuzzled into his chest and Kenny wrapped the towel around the both of them

They went back to Butters' room after getting dressed and Butters quickly changed the sheets. Kenny crawled onto the bed as soon as Butters finished folding the comforter and curled up on his stomach.

Butters laid down next to him and was barely able to lift his head onto the crook of his arm before Kenny fell asleep.

Butters closed his eyes and ran his fingers over Kenny's back. He smiled at the quiet mumbles and snuffles Kenny made as he slept and he loved feeling his breath tickle his skin. He kissed his head and lazily reached over to his phone as he caressed his back. He had a text from his mom that said they were going to bed and she hoped he was okay alone, he quickly closed out of the chat and went to an unread text from Kyle:

_From: Kyle_

_Received: 9:58 P.M_

_The Misfits just walked in on me and Stan. OMFG._

Butters giggled quietly, which caused Kenny to mumble and snuggle in closer to Butters' chest as he quickly typed a reply.

_To: Kyle  
Sent: 10:04 P.M_

_Doing what? _

He still smiled as he set his phone on his chest and sat up a bit. He was tired, yes, but he wanted to see Kenny comfortable and peaceful. Butters laughed as Kenny mumbled incoherently and grabbed at his shirt lovingly. His phone vibrated quietly and he opened the new text.

_From: Kyle_

_Recieved: 10:05 PM_

_I was in a very awkward position, handcuffed and Stan was giving me a rim. They looked kinda scared and then ran out laughing. _

Butters couldn't help but laugh in surprise as he read the text and quickly replied. His laugh startled Kenny, who sat up without hesitation and looked ready to kill. When he saw the amused expression on Butters' face, however, he relaxed and slumped against him.

"Wha-?" Kenny asked, resting his cheek on his shoulder. Butters shrugged.

"You look really cute when you first wake up," Kenny stuck out his tongue and rubbed Butters' stomach. "And Karen and Ike walked in on Style."

"I could kill 'em," Kenny grumbled apathetically, yet smiled a little. "How bad?"

"Kyle was handcuffed and Stan was giving him a rim job." The sleepy blonde's jaw dropped as he looked at Butters in mild shock. "Ken, you wouldn't... ever wanna do that... would ya?" He felt Kenny slide off his chest as he sat up once more. His cheeks heated as their noses lightly pressed together. He hummed quietly and kissed Butters' nose.

"I know that's something you're not comfortable talking about and I respect that. And I know how difficult it would be for you to do that. I don't really care, if I ever want to do something you're not open to... let me know. Or if you want to do something, too. I just want you to feel safe with me. And I won't do anything you don't want to do."

"What if I wanna do something that you don't?" Butters asked, Kenny shrugged.

"I'd do it, but that's just 'cause I'm me and it's gonna be really rare to find something I wouldn't wanna try," Butters smiled softly and kissed him.

"You're kind of a masochist, you know that right?"

"In my own weird way, yeah. But that could be fun for you, right?" Kenny whispered coyly, causing Butters to roll his eyes and blush a little.

"But you're an _amazing_ masochist," Kenny snickered quietly as he caressed Butters' side. "Thanks for bein' patient with me. How're you feeling?"

"Uh, okay. It aches a little but is it weird to say I kinda like it? Kinda feels like you're still in there, too. But not. I dunno how to explain it. But I'm not really complaining." he made a face as he slowly situated his bottom half and Butters smiled weakly.

"I don't know if that's weird or not but it's kinda hot." Kenny grinned and nudged his shoulder as he kissed his neck innocently.

"Well, you're kinda hot," They both laughed at that. Butters sighed contentedly as Kenny played with his hair in the comfortable silence. "Lee?" He asked looking at him with wide blue eyes that Butters swore he could get lost in if he gazed long enough. "I only ever wanted to do that with you... I'd never be this comfortable with anyone else. You... you make me feel safe, too. You helped keep me innocent and good and... oh this is _stupid_."

"No," Butters assured, cupping his cheek, "tell me, please?" Kenny sighed and his cheeks turned pink.

"You just didn't make me feel worthless and I just felt like a normal kid. I never thought I'd know what it's like to make love with someone and... I'm glad I can feel like that with you. Yeah, it kinda hurts but I love it and I want it to because it was done by you and that means you have a piece of me and... it was perfect. I like reminders that I'm with you, not hickeys or anything... well I don't mind those, but I don't wanna show it off. I guess... it's like I'm claimed. It's why I bite and scratch... I don't want to hurt you, I just like the reminder."

Butters smiled weakly and Kenny held him close. "I guess I'm a little vulnerable right now," he continued bashfully, "'cause I just woke up and it's weird for me to just... realize like... I just did that and the only thing I can claim as "virginity" is gone and I sound like a fucking chick... it's stupid, I know." Butters shook his head and massaged Kenny's bony sides.

"It's not stupid, and you haven't lost it. Because you're not just the pervy cool guy. Deep down you're still an innocent boy who went through hell, who's scared, who wants to believe everything'll be okay, who just wants to be loved and wanted. I mean you're the one who still runs around Stark's Pond with your sister chasing fireflies and claiming they're fairies."

"They _are_ fairies," Kenny grumbled with a child-like glare. Butters smiled and held him tighter.

"Right... I get it. I know you better than I know myself and you feel that way too. You never had a chance to be much of a kid and I'm sorry for that, I'm so sorry. You went out of your way to make sure Karen had that childhood and kept an innocent mind. Hell, you sold your body for her. Because you were afraid she'd turn out like you; damaged. I always just wanted to be your friend... but I also wanted to save you 'cause no one else seemed to care. I mean sure Style did but they were too invested in their friendship. You had no one and I wanted to be that someone for you. I wanted to help you find the pieces again." He heard a watery laugh from the boy next to him. Apparently, he hit home too hard. "Shoot, I'm sorry..."

Kenny laughed a little and shrugged his shoulders. He shook his head and sighed as he snuggled against Butters.

"You didn't stutter once," he whispered as he stroked Butters' cheek. "I love you," was all he said. Nothing else needed to be said. Butters held him protectively as he drifted off to sleep.

An hour dragged by and Butters was half asleep when his door opened. He turned on his lamp as Karen entered the room. She smiled softly as she looked to her brother, who looked almost ten years younger as he curled up against Butters. His head was on his chest and he clutched him softly, like a teddy bear, as he breathed out of his mouth.

"Is he okay?" Butters nodded, "sorry I'm late, I didn't know you'd go to bed so early."

"Nah, we just ended up crashed here." Butters replied, drawing with his fingernails on Kenny's back. Karen was already in her pajamas and she looked worn out. "How's Ruby?"

"She and her mom got in an argument like usual but she didn't want to talk so we just watched re-runs of "The Big Bang Theory." She kept saying Ike and I were like Penny and Leonard."

"Nah, more like..." he paused, then shook his head, "no, I think she's right." Karen groaned quietly as he smiled impishly.

"Whatever," Karen mumbled, "Then we walked in on a scene worthy for Pornhub." Butters seemed a bit surprised of her knowledge but didn't express any shock as he nodded.

"So I heard."

"I saw more of Stan and Kyle than I ever wanted to. It was all skin and limbs and... _butts_..." Butters chuckled a little and she sat on the bed. "Um..." she trailed off with an awkward tone as her cheeks darkened. Butters followed her line of vision and felt his heart drop to his stomach as he caught sight of his bottle of lubricant.

"It's not..." Karen gave him a look, one only ever seen on Kenny's face, and he blushed.

"Oh my God, did you guys do it?" She asked smugly, he shrugged his shoulders and looked up at his ceiling. His glow in the dark stars were especially bright tonight...

"I changed the sheets," he mumbled finally, causing her to snicker.

"Was it your first time?" Butters' cheeks grew even darker. "Aww... Sorry, we're just kinda open about this stuff. Especially Kevin, he's _very_ open about it. Kenny gets huffy but you can tell 'cause he's all ambiguously smug." Butters nodded; he could definitely imagine that.

"It was really nice. This is _really_ awkward..." he composed himself a little, he knew Karen would ask questions so he'd appease her without giving her too many details, "it was everything I imagined and more..." he trailed off, then shook his head. She really didn't need to know anything else. It was a fairy tale moment, for him; he wouldn't have changed a thing. But she didn't seem too happy to have information kept from her. He tried his best to ignore this as he looked back up at his glow in the dark stars. He needed more pink ones.

"Except...?" She pressed. He sighed and shook his head.

"You should get your stuff ready for tomorrow," Karen scoffed.

"Nice try, _Kenny_," She teased. "Tell me! Please? I'm just curious." Butters glanced down at Kenny who was mouthing something yet he couldn't read his lips.

"You're too invested in this relationship."

"You're my real life OTP! Of _course_ I am!" Karen cried as she spastically flailed her arms, then covered her mouth as Kenny stirred a little. He simply burrowed his head in Butters' armpit and shifted his position as he whined in his sleep.

"OTPs only work in fandoms, dear Destiel shipper." She stuck her tongue out and folded her arms.

"What made it different than how you thought your first time would be? I know it was. I can tell." Butters laughed a little at this, he couldn't help it, and opened his mouth to say something to deflect her completely. Yet Kenny groaned in his sleep and draped his arm over Butters' stomach as he lifted his head. His eyes were glazed over as he looked at him through heavy lids and Butters felt his stomach sink.

"Lee." He croaked sleepily, then moaned as he stretched his legs.

"Shh... go back to sleep," Butters whispered in a soothing tone. He felt Kenny's legs wrap around his waist. Silently, he prayed Kenny would listen and fall back asleep; loud snoring would be much appreciated right now, even though it wasn't loud and it was kind of adorable.

"My butt hurts," Kenny pouted. Butters slapped his forehead and Karen's eyes lit up as she covered her mouth with both hands as she squeaked and laughed in surprise. She leaned back and fell off the bed with a loud thud while she chortled yet it didn't phase Kenny. Butters furrowed his eyebrows; it wasn't _that_ funny.

"I'm sorry Ken, now go back to sleep. We'll talk about it tomorrow." Kenny sighed in content, then moaned quietly.

"They should make ice packs for your ass," he slurred a little. Butters couldn't help but chuckle at that. "Hmm?"

"Do you want a donut pillow?" he teased, Kenny raised his eyebrows slightly, but kept his eyes closed, and Butters couldn't help but think how adorably hilarious he looked.

"Wuz that? I wanna donut." Karen cackled from the floor and Butters stifled his giggles.

"Just... just go back to sleep. You're really tired."

"Kay..." Karen laughed into her hand at his innocent tone, "don' forget to catch the dragon... we need the four legged sign..." he trailed off in a quiet snore.

"What?" Butters pressed, smiling wider. Kenny whined and shook his head. His bangs fell in his closed eyes.

"The _dragon_!" Butters tilted his head and Karen was laughing hysterically on the floor. He heard her feet thump on the floor as she kicked and flailed.

"What dragon?" Kenny groaned in annoyance and nuzzled his head in Butters' chest rather than his armpit. He mumbled unintelligibly and his hold on Butters' shirt loosened. He brushed his bangs out of Kenny's eyes.

"Oh my God... sorry for laughing, I'm just..." Karen trailed off, "you know as weird as this should be, it's not weird." Butters shrugged; it was definitely weird for him.

"Yeah..."

"You're the first person I know who's had sex who has described it as "nice", by the way," Butters lifted his shoulders once more and listened to Kenny's calm breathing. "But... I'm glad it was, that makes me feel good. That you have have each other and it's nice and stable... it makes me not worry," Butters nodded and she looked up at him with eyes similar to Kenny's except in color. "D'you think I'll have that?"

"Oh, Karen," Butters said, scooting over so she could fit in the bed. He knew she usually slept with Kenny and hadn't actually expected her to stay in the guest room. "I know you will. I mean you're so smart and pretty, you're incredibly talented, and so caring. I think that's why Kenny worries so much. You're so compassionate and he doesn't want you hurt."

"No, he doesn't want my innocence raped, to put it in Kevin's words. Kev thinks I should have experience and Kenny is neurotic with me."

"They're both right. You can't be completely sheltered but there's some stuff you shouldn't know about yet. And you have to be extremely careful." Karen sighed.

"I guess... but thanks for talking to me like I'm just a person rather than _kid_ _sister_. I want what you guys have..." Butters smiled at her.

"What you'll have will be completely different. No relationship is the same, I say this based on the three years of this... thing we had rather than the three days we've been dating. I mean, Stan half the time eats vegetarian with Kyle and Kyle has like this internal alarm that wakes him up at 3:45 and 5:30 in the morning because that's when Stan gets up in the middle of the night." Karen shook her head and laughed in disbelief. "But they're... like two souls split in two that found each other. They can't be apart, even if they wanted to be. It's not co-dependence like Ike says it's just... always Style." Karen had rested her head in the crook of Kenny's arm and the sleeping boy had instinctively draped his arm around her.

"Kinda like you and Kenny..." she mumbled sleepily. Butters tilted his head and turned to look at her.

"What d'you-" he stopped speaking and grimaced as he saw the brunette curled up, asleep, against her older brother. He sighed, rested his head on Kenny's temple, and closed his eyes. But her comment loomed in the back of his mind, and in his dreams.

* * *

The next day had gone by in a slightly painful blur. Kenny found himself using his foot as a cushion to soothe the dull ache and soreness. He couldn't read another page of _Paradise Lost_, it was making his head pound, so he poked Kyle on the shoulder. The redhead turned to face him as he closed his copy of _The Divine Comedy_.

"Your wrists sore?" he whispered with a smirk as he pointed to the wrist brace on Kyle's right hand. His cheeks flamed and he rolled his eyes.

"I have carpal tunnel, asswipe," Kyle whispered nervously, then turned his attention to the seat on his other side.

Cartman was arguing with Wendy about the main idea of _The Scarlet Letter_. He had chosen the book to spite her after hearing this was her project book. Their teacher actually thought it was a good idea but they had to present different points, which he thought could be interesting. Except, somehow, the argument had turned personal and now Cartman was telling Wendy she was a whore. Stan seemed a little upset at this and had even tried to get Cartman to shut up but Wendy told him to stay out of it. This was their daily dose of the Candy Cartmanburger Quarrel, as called by Bebe, and Kenny seemed a little scared as Wendy stood up and threw her book at Cartman.

"That is IT, Eric!" She screamed, slamming her hands down on his desk. The chubby boy smiled smugly up at her. "I'm done, you win! I can't _take_ it anymore!" A collective gasp went around the room. Kenny sank down in his desk and winced a little.

"Wait, what did you say, ho?" Cartman asked, taken aback.

"I'm done, Eric. We've done this for almost twelve years. You've personally attacked me and everyone else who cares about you. For what? Pride? Envy? Fear? Well, I've had it. I don't care anymore. You win, all of whatever you find so rewarding in this. I don't care. Just don't talk to me ever again." Her last words wavered and Kenny heard someone whistle lowly from the back. The room was full of awkward tension and Kenny looked to Cartman.

He looked as if he had been slapped in the face. Realization dawned on him that all these years Cartman fought with her because of the silly childish idea that the boy who picks on you really likes you. Except in this case, it was true, because deep down they all knew he was some messed up little boy. He furrowed his eyebrows, he had personally already thought they were a couple, but Cartman looked genuinely hurt and he felt bad.

Cartman opened his mouth to say something but Wendy had already packed her bag and moved to the back of the class.

"Wendy, _wait_!" He said, yet she didn't stop and he ran a hand through his straight brown hair. From all of the times Kenny had seen him cry, he looked about ready to.

"Wendy," Kenny piped up suddenly, causing all eyes to turn to him, including the raven haired girl. Cartman looked at him with a wary and curious look, as he expected him to say something to get back at him for the times he had picked on him.

"What?" She snapped at him and for a moment Kenny was afraid to speak. He sat up a little more and winced as he adjusted his position in the desk.

"I just think Cartman has something he wants to say to you." She rolled her eyes and sneered a little. He knew she was hurt, she was usually friendly with him, especially now that he was in the play, and so he began to speak again. "Maybe an apology?" he hinted to Cartman, who groaned in annoyance.

"If Eric wants to say something to me, he doesn't need his poor stoner lackey to tell me." Everyone's eyes widened at her offhand comment and she suddenly realized what she said. Kenny looked at her with a blank face and he shook his head. "Kenny, I didn't mean-"

"No, you're right, it's cool," he mumbled, flipping open his book and rested his head on his hand as he stared at the words that just seemed to be a jumbled mess of confusion that he couldn't comprehend now.

"Dude..." Stan trailed off to Wendy, who looked disgusted with herself.

"Thank you, Kinny," Cartman said, standing up, towering over Wendy's 5'4" frame. He was one of the taller boys in their class, and he seemed proud of this. "Wendy, I was going to say I'm sorry. But boo, Wendy, boo..." he said, repeating his words he said at age ten, she looked at him with tear-filled eyes. "Yeah, Kinny may be fuckin' poorer than fuckin' dirt-"

Language, Eric!" Their teacher warned, Kenny scoffed and flipped the page furiously in his book, accidentally ripping it. He felt a hand on his shoulder and turned to find Butters smiling at him. He gave a nod.

"And I know I give him shit all the time but that's what we do. And it's not fucking cool-"

"Eric Cartman!"

"Sorry, sorry," he grumbled with more than a hint of sarcasm to their teacher, " to talk to one of my bros like that. Only I can do that, 'cause he's okay with it." Another irritated scoff, "but he's cool. And he was trying to help me, so thank you, Kinny."

"Mhmm," he said through gritted teeth and tight lips. He hissed as he got a paper cut turning the next page. He slammed the book down and walked up to the teacher. Butters jumped at his sudden movements and Kyle turned to face the bright blonde. "I'm gonna take a piss," he grumbled, taking the hall pass without hearing what their teacher had to say, if anything, and limped out of the classroom.

Kenny rubbed his temples in front of the mirror and turned on the water. His hands were softer for the first time in years and he scratched at the skin. The abrasions turned bloody and soon he was scrubbing at them as hard as he could to feel the burn of the soap in his skin. Blood began to tint the water and he felt his hands shake as the soap stung the raw skin.

He looked up and saw his hollowed face and bruised eyes. His nose was swollen and he was mostly black and blue except the red cuts on his face. Kenny shook his head; Wendy was right. He shouldn't have bothered.

And suddenly he felt guilty as his hands throbbed in pain. He would never rid the awful feeling of never being good enough and the muddy feeling of his blood from his veins. He felt heavy; like an anvil ready to drop. He searched for the bandages Butters had gotten for him yet he must have left them on his counter; now he couldn't hide it.

Sighing, he splashed his face with cold water, wiped his hands on his long sleeve, and walked back to the classroom. He was glad no one had come to check on him; they were probably too enthralled in the Cartmanburger saga.

He opened the door and felt all eyes on him as he hobbled back to his seat and opened the book. Blood stained the corner of the page and he rolled his eyes as he focused on the words rather than the argument Cartman and Wendy were in.

"_Of spring __of __Heav'n __and Earth, and all __Earths __Lord,  
That such an __Enemie __we have, who seeks  
Our ruin, both by thee __informd __I __learne__,  
And from the parting Angel __over-heard__  
As in a __shadie __nook I stood behind,  
Just then __returnd __at shut of Evening __Flours__.  
But that thou __shouldst __my firmness __therfore __doubt  
To God or thee, because we have a foe  
May tempt it, I expected not to hear.  
His violence thou __fear'st __not, being such,  
As __wee__, not capable of death or __paine__,  
Can either not __receave__, or can __repell__.  
His fraud is then thy fear, which plain __inferrs__  
Thy equal fear that my firm Faith and Love  
Can by his fraud be __shak'n __or __seduc't__;  
Thoughts, which how found they __harbour __in thy __brest__  
Adam, __misthough_t_of her to thee so dear?"_

"-I fucking _like_ you, bitch!" Kenny looked up from his book at Cartman's outburst, "don't you fucking get it? I just wanted you to notice me, God damn it!"

"Oh fucking hell..." Craig grumbled from the back as he continued reading.

"You... like me?" Wendy gasped. Kenny furrowed his eyebrows in confusion but kept this to himself, he was staying out of it. He felt someone poke his shoulder and looked up to find Kyle looking at his book. Except he realized his gaze was on his desk. He jumped back, startled, when he saw blood pooling around his hands. "How... how long?"

"Since we did that stupid fucking flag debate!" Wendy's eyes widened and Cartman was shaking with anger and embarrassment.

Kyle tilted his head and Kenny shook his, using his black long sleeved Pearl Jam shirt to wipe the blood.

"But you... I... we..."

"You, Wendy, _you_. Not me." Cartman growled, "and I'm a leader. I'm gonna speak my damn mind and you're gonna accept it and if you don't then... follow your own advice. Don't talk to me. But say sorry to Kinny first, ho."

"It's fine," Kenny said in monotone, causing Craig to smirk in the back; a page from the master's book. Stan shook his head and leaned back in his chair as he heard Kenny speak. Cartman made an annoyed sound as well but laughed a little.

"But you're not a lackey. And you're not a lowlife either, I'm sorry," Wendy said, Kenny rolled his eyes and waved her off nonchalantly.

"I said _don't_," Kenny growled darkly; this time his voice sent chills down even Craig's spine.

"Ken?" he heard Butters murmur and he slowly turned to the boy sitting on his left. His angry look faded slightly. "Y-your hands..." he whispered, handing him a couple of large band-aids; the ones he had forgotten at his house.

"Thanks," Kenny murmured, flashing him a quiet smile as he pocketed the band-aids. He'd put them on later.

"Eric, can we talk in private about this?" Wendy asked him, looking around the classroom with shifting, nervous eyes. The brunette sighed heavily and shrugged his shoulders.

"I dunno, Wendy, I mean if you've got something to say to me you should say it in front of the whole class, seeing as how you never want to speak to me, specifically, again." She sniffled and rolled her eyes as tears rolled down her face.

"You're everything I can't stand in a person," She said, "you're lazy, chauvinistic, loud, obnoxious, rude, racist, sexist, homophobic, anti-Semitic, and completely bigoted." Cartman scoffed and gave her a look as if to say, "your point?", to which Kyle pinched the bridge of his nose and shook his head. "But... I've seen a different side of you and I wish Bebe had been right all those years ago."

"Don't drag me into this!" She cried from Kenny's right. Wendy ignored her comment and sat down in her original seat.

"And for some unknown reason, maybe it's fate, or karma, or I don't know, but I like you too. Somehow. And it sickens me."

"Me too." Cartman said, "because you're like the total opposite of me and stand for everything I fucking hate."

"But I still take the tops off double-stuffed Oreos to make a quadruple-stuffed Oreo. And then I put the tops together in the bag." Cartman chuckled and nodded. Stan looked curiously between the two and gave up; he opened his book, _The Posthumous Papers of the Pickwick Club_ by Charles Dickens.

"Me too." Kenny rolled his eyes and closed his book in time for the bell. He was the first one out of the classroom and hid in the back of the dark computer lab, as he always did, and closed his eyes. He didn't feel like drawing today.

After government Kenny headed to the lunch room. He avoided Wendy and Cartman, who had started another argument except that one had been loaded with sexual tension. Bebe tried to talk to him but he quickly told her he was just tired and everything was fine, because everything was always fine. People just pissed him off.

Sitting on the long bench at the lunch table was highly uncomfortable so he resorted to sitting on his foot. It was awkward, but at least it wasn't hard. Kenny glanced around the room, searching for nothing in particular as he dug in his pocket. His eyes settled briefly on his sister, who was talking to the goth kid Firkle; he furrowed his eyebrows in confusion but shrugged his shoulders. He glanced to the door once more before popping a pill conspicuously in his mouth. He jumped as Kyle sat across from him; the auburn-haired boy gave him an odd look at his sudden jumpiness.

"You look like hell," Kenny smirked at Kyle, who rolled his eyes, "I'm sorry your sister walked in on us."

"Ehh, it didn't seem to scar her. She didn't really talk about that this morning. I was asleep when she got back so Lee must have talked to her." Kyle nodded slowly, still not used to hearing the variant of Butters' name.

"Are you okay about what happened in English?"

"Yes, _mother_, I'm okay. I'm just tired and..." he trailed off, smiling happily as he felt familiar fingers rub his shoulders and back. "Hey," he greeted Butters who sat next to him and hummed quietly with secretive laughter. Kyle watched the display between the two and shrugged his shoulders before opening his lunch; tofuburger.

"How's your day goin'?" Butters asked Kenny, who shrugged and squeezed his hand under the table.

"Better now," Kyle rolled his eyes yet smiled at Kenny's cheesy comment, "nah, it's all right. I'm just..." he trailed off, then made a content sound as Butters grinned at him.

"Uh-huh..." Butters said, as if Kenny had spoken in some secret language they knew. Kyle knew it was all just body language; he had grown to understand some of Kenny's looks and body placement. He didn't get it this time though, and he suddenly felt like a third wheel. He was happy when Stan joined them and kissed Kyle on the cheek.

"I totally passed my chemistry test!" He exclaimed, "except for the extra credit I drew her a fail whale."

"The answer was three iron for every chromium," Kyle replied, causing Stan to grimace. "...but I'm proud of you!" The black haired boy made a mocking face, because he knew Kyle had gotten every single question right, including the extra credit. They glanced to Kenny and Butters who were just staring at each other with knowing, small smiles as if they were speaking.

"Guys." Stan said, Butters giggled and Kenny lowered his head as he laughed a little. "_Guys_!" They both looked to him with innocent expressions and he rolled his eyes. "What's up?"

"Not much in here," Kenny replied, looking up at the ceiling, "just some metal rafters and a basketball I think I threw up there two years ago..." Kyle couldn't help but laugh and Stan rolled his eyes with an amused smile.

"Very funny, I mean with you two." Butters shrugged his shoulders and looked to Kenny who also raised his shoulders. "Oh my God, Ky, fix them." He turned to his boyfriend who was watching them with narrowed eyes.

"So, how'd your guys' first night go?" Kyle asked, dipping a carrot in peanut butter, "Karen said you guys were doing homework when she left. Otherwise we woulda asked you to hang out." Kenny smirked at Kyle and chuckled.

"But if you had done that you wouldn't have been rimmed to oblivion, am I right?" He asked, causing Kyle to blush and Stan to hit his head on the table.

"It's _normal_!" He groaned, voice muffled by the table. Kenny nodded slowly and looped his arm around Butters. The smaller boy settled in his hold, comfortable, and took his first bite of his yogurt. Kyle watched them and his eyes settled on Butters as if scoping him out, analyzing his every movements.

"You had sex, didn't you?" He more stated than asked, causing Stan to lift his head and Butters to flush and tense. Kenny busied himself with his can of Sprite, suddenly very thirsty, and Butters fumbled for words as he dropped his spoon in his yogurt cup.

"W-what ma-makes you say t-th-that?" He asked, internally cursing himself for his stammer. He felt Kenny's hand rub his thigh reassuringly, and he calmed down a little; it was all in confidence. Kyle shrugged his shoulders and looked between the two.

"Holy shit, you _did_!" Stan said, grinning wide as he caught Butters' deep blush and Kenny's slightly pink cheeks. "Well fuck, guys, that's... do I congratulate them? I don't know what to do." Stan turned to Kyle who was laughing at his boyfriend. Kenny just stared at him with raised eyebrows and was also trying not to laugh. "How was it?"

"Incredible," they both said in unison, causing them to look at each other with wide eyes. Kyle shook his head and smiled affectionately at them. "Whoa..." Kenny said, "we're like twins!"

"No, don't..." Butters moaned, "people think twincest is hot..." Kenny made a face and chuckled.

"Well if we were twins I would too!" Butters slapped his palm on his forehead and shook his head as Kenny snickered. Stan's eye twitched as he listened to the conversation and couldn't help but shudder in mild disgust.

"So, how'd you guys decide to?" Stan asked, "I mean, we actually did it on our first date." Kenny shrugged his shoulders and looked to Butters.

"I-I dunno, we just kinda... were kissin' and stuff an' then I said I wanted to... y'know and he was kinda nervous but we went up to my room and we d-did it. Nothing real romantic," except to Butters it had been the most intimate night of his life and he squeezed Kenny's hand under the table.

"Well, we did it in Stan's car so..." Kyle trailed off, "you've got the advantage there." Kenny sent Stan a thumbs up, who rolled his eyes but nodded. "So, did it hurt? I had to use an ice pack after the first time. Stan cried." Kyle asked Butters, who blushed and shrugged his shoulders.

"I didn't _cry_," Kyle rolled his eyes and patted Stan's shoulder in a sarcastic manner.

"Um... I don't really know..." Butters said, unsure of what to say. Kenny burst out laughing and hugged his arms around Butters as he took one of his crackers. "Want some?"

"Nah," Kenny murmured softly, not really hungry.

"Well, is it like tolerable? I remember it hurt like hell the first two days, I stayed home the day after, actually." Butters once again shrugged his shoulders and took a bite of his yogurt.

"No, that's why I'm sitting on my foot." Stan raised his head and looked at Kenny like a meerkat. Kyle snapped his head to look from Butters to Kenny.

"Wait, _you_-?" He asked, watching Kenny's cheeks grow pink which was a tell-tale sign that he was beyond nervous. His light freckles peeked out from the blush and Kyle looked to Butters who hid his head. "S-sorry, I just thought..."

"So did I!" Butters exclaimed, giggling a little bit. "He didn't even t-tell me he just..."

"Holy shit, Kenny's a catcher." Stan said, in shock as he looked at the blonde who was unusually red in the face. "No wonder you're grouchy."

"Hey!" Kenny snapped, straightening a little and wincing as he did so. "Dammit..."

"How bad does it hurt?" Kyle asked, a little seriously now. "It shouldn't be that bad."

"W-well..." Butters trailed off, "not to get all d-detailed but he kept t-telling me to go harder." Kyle's eyes widened at Kenny, who now hid his head in his hands and gave a high pitched laugh.

"When it stopped hurting," he mumbled through his hands, Kyle hid his smile and tilted his head back.

"Well, you could have some bruising if that happened, does it hurt inside or around it?"

"Oh my God, I'm done..." Kenny said, slamming his head on the table.

"No, really! There's a difference. Inside is bruising, around it is probably tearing. Either way, ice it." Kenny sighed heavily and looked up at Kyle through blonde bangs.

"It's not that bad. I just think my ass is on fire... been there, done that," Kyle rolled his eyes and handed him some Ibuprofen, which he took dry. "It was so fucking hot though. Like... shit, I didn't know feeling that good was possible," he said again, locking eyes with Butters.

"Just wait til you're used to it." Kyle said, "but I can't help but ask... how did you end up bottoming?" Kenny shrugged his shoulders.

"Well, I'd never bottomed before. So I just thought... 'cause... I dunno..." he trailed off uncomfortably; but enough was said. Kyle and Stan looked at him with dopey eyes and he sighed, "don't look at me like that." Butters rested his head on Kenny's shoulder and kissed his neck.

"It was so special," Butters whispered, Kenny smiled and kissed his forehead.

"But, how do you make it so it doesn't hurt at all?" Kyle and Stan beamed at each other.

"Practice," Kyle told him, "lots and lots of practice. But I'd definitely wait a couple days. Unless you're that much of a masochist." The two blondes looked at each other and Kenny smirked. "Oh God," Kyle grumbled, catching their looks. "There's always gonna be a little burn but it won't feel so intrusive. As long as you start off gentle... unless you're into rough play," he gave a look to Stan, who choked on his sandwich. "It won't hurt. Kenny?" Kyle said, grabbing the dark blonde's attention. "I just want to say... what you did was really sweet." Butters smiled happily and Kenny blushed as he shrugged his shoulders; he could be sweet.

And as he held Butters against him he knew, as he had known, it was so worth it.


	22. Run For Cover

_Author's Note: This could not be avoided. This had to be told sometime and right now I just want to tell you to brace yourselves. I cannot give away the specific trigger warnings in these next two chapters, but things happen, moreso in the next chapter. And these subjects are not taken lightly as the next few chapters are based off of true events._

_That being said if anyone ever needs to talk to someone about anything, not specifically this, but just someone to listen, just shoot me a message here or something on Tumblr. I forgot to mention that in the very beginning I think; a lot of the things I've written already are based on true events in my life. And they continue to be. So I know what all of this is like... and if you do too, and if you're unsure of who to talk to or anything sometimes it's easier to talk to a stranger. And I can be that stranger if you need or want. _

_I don't take what I write lightly, or the emotions behind it. Everyone has a story to tell and if you need yours to be heard then I'll listen._

_This is for you, Cal; your story is finally heard and I'm not the only one who will listen anymore. I'm sorry for everything. I love you so much. _

_Chapter Twenty-Two:_

_For Those Who Need a True Story Part I- Run For Cover_

* * *

Kenny remembered the shocked voices when he first appeared on the stage for _Les Miserables_. Bebe managed to find ways to make him look smaller, mostly he had to crouch, which did fit with the character, or he stood in the back or on the stage whereas others would stand on risers and platforms. It had worked well and in the following four days he found himself cramming lines with Butters when he got off from work. It paid off; his efforts went rewarded and he found it to be kind of fun. He was also able to joke around without getting in trouble, which almost always happened at football practice. So it was a nice break.

Karen was excited because in this play she was the older sibling, although it wasn't every really discussed in the play, and that she could actually be in an organization with Kenny. After practices Kenny hung around the school for a bit with the rest of the cast but hurried off to work until midnight. He'd come home, tired, sit on the couch, and finish his homework. He'd go upstairs to find Butters asleep, with Karen next to him, or sometimes Butters would wait up and greet him with drooping eyes as he walked in the house.

He always told Kenny he looked exhausted. But Kenny needed the money. After this week he would be getting a second legit job, anyway, so he had to prepare to only get a couple hours of sleep during the week. It was hard; but he managed in the way he knew best. Kyle had clucked over him yet he told his mother hen he was fine.

And now he stood in front of Bebe, waiting to go on stage during the high school performance, and felt like he was going to puke.

"You'll be fine," she said in her Cosette outfit. She smiled at him and kissed his cheek. "Stop worrying, asshole."

"If I fuck up the lines don't hate me," he whispered, she rolled her eyes.

"I couldn't hate you no matter how hard I tried, sweetie. Thank you for doing this," she told him, hugging him tightly. "You're on in a minute." Kenny groaned, nerves biting his stomach, and she squeezed his hand, "you'll be great."

He had been watching Butters perform; he had been amazing. His voice was much better than he led Kenny to believe and he was so proud. Especially when considering the little time he had been given to memorize the lines. The crowd seemed to love him and Clyde, who was playing Javert. This was great for Butters; it gave him a start to the acting career Kenny knew he wanted. And Wendy played on his heartstrings with her performance as Fantine. She played desperate well, and he could all but relate. It was tragic, her story, and Wendy made him believe she felt the same. Her singing in, "I Dreamed a Dream" had made him choke up, and the way Butters and her acted together expressed pure chemistry that he wouldn't have seen otherwise.

He was amazed at all of their acting skills and knew he was about to be the laughingstock of the show. With a deep breath, he waved to Bebe and snuck onto the stage. No one knew he was in the play, so he was ready for surprise.

He popped up at the top of their makeshift elephant, and he heard a couple of people gasp; probably Stan and Kyle.

"_C'mon boys!"_ He yelled as child-like as he could, then jumped down and ran through all of the extras and crew members playing random people. He led the group of a few boys to the pile of bread they had, as everyone started to sing, "Look Down." He dove through the crowd, making sure to keep low, and appeared in front of their little coach and took a deep breath before starting to sing.

"_How do you do? My name's Gavroche__  
__These are my people, here's my patch__  
__Not much to look at, nothing posh__  
__Nothing that you'd call up to scratch__  
__This is my school, my high society__  
__Here in the slums of Saint Michele__  
__We live on crumbs of humble piety__  
__Tough on the teeth, but what the hell!__  
__Think you're poor?__  
__Think you're free?__  
__Follow me, follow me!"_ He jumped through the coach and onto the risers as he found his perch on the second un-moving coach.

"___There was a time we killed the king  
____We tried to change the world too fast.  
____Now we have got another king  
____And he's no better than the last.  
____This was the land that fought for liberty.  
____Now when we fight, we fight for bread.  
____Here is the thing about equality -  
____Everyone's equal when they're dead.  
____Take your place! Take your chance!  
____Vive la France! Vive la France!"__  
_

He lifted his fist and took Kevin Stoley's hand as they ran to the others. The play continued and Kenny was happy to be more of a background character, of course he knew he was one of the most important parts. But he was in awe as he watched his sister sing in a pure soprano voice he had never heard before from her.

The time had flown and soon they were standing in their makeshift barricade. Kenny had been lifted more than a few times, considering he was supposed to be a small boy. Thankfully, to Clyde, and various others who lifted or carried him he was incredibly light. He played the throw-about boy really well, and tried his best to seem like a little boy as he sang to Clyde- er- Javert, his song "Little People."

He found himself almost choked up as he watched Karen's death. It brought chills down his spine even now, though he had seen it in the practice time again. He hated it. She did it so beautifully. Now he found himself sneaking through the scene as "The Second Attack" began. He saw Stan and Kyle watching in pure amazement at their two best friends on stage.

After he led them in "Do You Hear the People Sing," he quietly sneaked passed everyone who was talking and ambling about to figure out who would get the ammunition. He crouched down and crawled onto the stage.

_"Little people know, when  
__Little people fight, we  
__May look easy pickings  
__But we've got some bite!"_ He sang with as much of a British accent as he could. A clap of a gun was heard and he jerked his body like he knew too well from being shot. He hit the blood pouch conspicuously and it soaked through his beige shirt.

"_So never kick a dog  
Because he's just a pup  
We'll fight like twenty armies  
And we won't give up..." _Another shot was heard and he faltered as if he had been shot again. He shook and reached for one of the French men.

_"So you'd better run for cover  
When the pup grows..." _

He trailed off, body shaking, as he was shot at again and collapsed and acted dead. Acting dead was weird because he had never tried it before now, it felt way too fake. But he could hold his breath for a long time and he got the vacant eye stare down to a T. He heard and felt Kevin cry over him and quickly pick him up. He remained limp in his arms and he carried him off stage.

Karen hugged him tightly and kissed his cheek. He ran a hand through her hair smiled as tears fell from her eyes.

"Don't ever die in a stupid play again," she whispered, causing him to laugh and nod.

"Likewise."

After the play, before curtain call, Bebe hugged him tightly and told him he did an amazing job. He highly doubted it, but took the compliment and the kiss on the cheek. Butters jumped in his arms and wrapped his legs around his waist as he cheered and whispered everything Kenny wanted to hear. His hands rested on Butters' ass, and they kissed briefly before the curtain opened. They barely had time to separate for curtain call. The cast ran out as their names were called, Kenny went with Kevin Stoley and a sophomore who played some character who was important but went unnamed in his head. They bowed and split up to each sides of the stage. The last person to be called was Butters, and as he sheepishly walked on stage he was greeted with screams and warming applause that brought tears to his eyes.

"Here is your cast for this year's production of _Les Miserables_!" The theatre director, Ms. Billis announced happily as she clapped for them. They all bowed and as soon as they let go of each others' hands Kenny ran up to Butters and hugged him tightly.

"They loved you!" He cheered happily as Butters nodded with tears in his eyes.

"Was I really that good?" He asked, Kenny nodded emphatically and laughed as Karen joined him on his group hug. "You were too, Kenny. You were amazing. Best you've been yet." Kenny smiled a little and kissed Butters' forehead.

"Dude, you didn't tell us you were in this!" Kyle said as he ran up to the stage, "you're our little Gavroche," He teased affectionately.

"Ahh, shaddup," Kenny grumbled, sticking his tongue out. "I was _forced_." Karen rolled her eyes and Butters shoved him. "Kind of."

"Well, all of you were great, I actually paid attention to this one. Hey, last year's spring play bored everyone!" Butters shrugged; it was true. He even loathed it.

"Karen, you almost made me cry," Kyle said, causing the girl to blush. Ike joined his brother and smiled happily at the brunette.

"I'm sorry," she murmured, Kyle shook his head.

"No, that's a good thing. You two," he ushered to the siblings, "have natural talent for singing, and I'm sure you're going to be a lead in all the plays now." Kyle told her assuredly. She jumped down from the stage and hugged him tightly as she thanked him. "You were just like how Samantha Barks played her. And somehow, you made Gavroche work," Kenny grinned, "and _you_," he turned to Butters, shaking his head, "they couldn't have picked a better Jean Valjean."

"It was Bridon Gueermo, he quit. I was originally Gavroche."

"Well thank God that asshole quit," Stan said, clapping him on the shoulder, "you were fucking awesome."

The bell rang and Kyle told Butters and Kenny they could come over if they wanted. It was the last night they would have together alone in Butters' house, however, and Butters wanted to make the most of it. Kenny was taking him on a ride on his motorcycle, and then the rest of the night was theirs. Up until 10:00 and then he would ask his parents if Kenny and Karen could stay with them for awhile.

They quickly changed out of their costumes and Karen walked home with Ruby. She told Kenny she'd be back at Butters' house by 8:00 and he waved her off. As they approached Kenny's black motorcycle, Butters looked a little weary.

"It's okay, you'll just hold on to my waist, it's really easy." Kenny said, handing him his helmet.

"What about you?" Kenny scoffed.

"I'm not gonna crash, I'll be fine." Butters didn't like the idea of him on a motorcycle without a helmet, especially because he was death-prone. Yet he couldn't argue as Kenny started the bike and the motor purred; he looked really hot on the bike and Butters' felt a blush creep on his cheeks. He sat on the back and scooted close to Kenny. "Are you comfortable?" Kenny asked, Butters nodded. "Okay, so all I need to say is if I turn, kinda tilt the direction I need to go, not a lot but other than that just stay still. And hold on to me, I don't want you falling off." Kenny said, Butters wrapped his arms tightly around him and rested his head on the back of his shoulder. He squeaked as they started moving and in a moment they were flying down the road.

"Oh my God!" Butters cried as the cool early November wind stung through his jacket. He clutched Kenny tighter and closed his eyes. Kenny was being careful and cautious with Butters, he knew that, and soon they were out of South Park heading fast down the highway. Butters opened his eyes and looked around. The helmet was tinted so it was like looking through a pair of sunglasses; everything was just like riding in a car except there was no protective vehicle around him. He felt Kenny's shirt whip against his body and goose pimples had risen on his bare arms. The change in temperature from the top of a hill to the bottom amazed Butters, and he laughed a little.

"Better?" Kenny asked, turning his head slightly. Butters nodded against him and slipped his hand under the front of his shirt. "Don't go south, I'll end up in a ditch," Kenny warned with a smirk as Butters' massaged his taut muscles.

"This is so cool," Butters murmured as his fingers danced over Kenny's warm abdomen. He chuckled quietly and nodded as he drove aimlessly on open empty roads. "I wish this didn't have to end." Kenny nodded and stopped at the upcoming sign. He turned around and smiled at Butters. His hair was windblown and his cheeks looked chapped from the wind.

"I know, babe, but it was the best week ever," Kenny said with a gentle smile. "And hopefully Kyle's dad gets back to me about the emancipation thingy so maybe I can get my life on track. Kevin was looking for apartments but if I'm emancipated I can just get my own and then you can stay with me," Butters smiled and nuzzled Kenny's neck as he turned left.

By the time they arrived back at Butters' house Kenny was shivering and it was dark. Butters knew it was 8:30 and that left them an hour and a half before his parents were home. Kenny parked his motorcycle on the side and Butters looked to his house.

His heart stammered and he felt an internal kick to his stomach as he saw his parents' car in the driveway.

"Oh. Shit." He whispered, handing Kenny the helmet as he ran to the front door. He jumped back when his dad opened the door and shoved Karen out with her bag. Her eyes were wet and she looked terrified. "_Dad_!" He cried, feeling guilty as he held Karen against him.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, sobbing in his shoulder, "I'm so sorry."

"Butters you are grounded! I can not _believe_ you disobeyed your mother and I. We were gone five days. FIVE DAYS! We said no friends, curfew is at six and bedtime at eight. You hardly called, hardly let us know what was going on and we come home to find... this, this... _trash_ sitting in our living room! Is this your girlfriend?"

"U-uh s-s-sir..."

"I'm not finished!" His dad screamed. Karen let go of him and ran to Kenny who was walking up slowly from his bike. He held her close as he approached the Stotch household. "We found your condoms... you and this little slut are having sex in our house! She's that McCormick girl, right? Just wait until I tell her father about this!"

"No!" Kenny cried, as his sister wailed against his chest, "don't tell him! Please?" Kenny begged, "It's my fault, I... I asked Le-Butters if I could stay with him just last night, for... for homework help and it was really late." He held his sister tightly, protectively, as he faltered for words.

"Oh, so it was you?" Stephen barked, giving Kenny a sarcastically sympathetic look, "and you're so fine about your sister being our son's whore?! You come into our house uninvited, you steal, you vandalize, you manipulate and you're nothing but trouble! I knew it the moment I first met you. Did you force him to let you stay here? Or was my son willing?" Butters felt tears stream down his face as he looked to Kenny who hung his head low.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Stotch, I just-"

"ANSWER THE QUESTION!"

"I'm not having sex with Karen!" Butters shouted, causing three pairs of eyes to look at him. Kenny and Karen shook their heads at him, silently begging him to not say anything more. "I... I made love to Kenny, because I _love_ him, dad! They were tired... a-and you always t-taught me to lend a h-helping hand. Kenny's my boyfriend, a-and you're gonna have to get used to it! B-because he's not goin' _anywhere_!" Stephen turned from his son to Kenny and shook his head as he stepped forward.

"Is that so? You and my son are sinning in my household? Did you convince him? You know he's nothing but a pushover, you made him do it!"

"NO!" Butters wailed, tears falling free, "I'm gay, dad!"

"No you're not, you went to therapy! Years and years of therapy and they said you were better! _You_ said you were better!"

"I-I said I was b-b-better because there was n-nothing _wrong_ with me!" He stammered in a sob. He wanted to run to Kenny but knew he'd get in even more trouble. Kenny looked helpless and he wanted to do something, anything, but knew that given the situation it wouldn't be a good idea.

"_You_, you bottom-feeding white trash," Stephen Stotch growled at Kenny and grabbed him by the collar. Karen yelped and tried to pull her brother back. He stiffened and braced himself for a hit or a beating. "Stay the hell away from my son, never speak to him again. You've done nothing but corrupt him. And as soon as you leave I will be calling your deadbeat father."

"No," Kenny said in a murmur, eyes staring into Stephen's angry pools.

"What did you say?"

"K-Kenny..." Butters pleaded, but his call went unheard. He had to stop this; his parents weren't supposed to find out... at least not like this. Not now. He could just make this go away until they could talk about this like normal people. He almost laughed at that; his family was the farthest from normal. They would never talk about this. All he wanted to do was make sure Kenny and Karen were both okay. Butters knew Kenny could easily handle the situation; he just couldn't bare to see either of them hurt, in any way. The sooner they were out of his father's target zone the sooner he could be the bulls-eye.

"You can ban me from your house, you can do all you can but I'm _never_ leaving him. And you'll just have to deal with that." Stephen laughed darkly and turned to Butters.

"Butters! Tell this boy you're done with him." Kenny locked eyes on Butters who had crumpled to the floor in heaving sobs. "Tell him you're done with his trickery. And you never want to see him again." Butters shook his head as he raised his glance.

"K-Kenny..."

"No." he whispered, watching as Butters picked himself up.

"Ken, I-I'm sorry. I-I..." he gnashed his knuckles together; they were bleeding now but he wanted it. He wanted the pain. "I d-don't want to s-s-see you... y-you need to go."

"Lee-"

"Please?!" He wailed, looking at Kenny desperately. "Go... _p-please_! G-g-go."

Karen was crying in her hands as she looked to Kenny. He gave Butters one last look, murmured an apology and walked to his motorcycle with his eyes to the ground. Karen followed behind, trying her hardest not to fall to pieces in front of her brother.

"If I see you anywhere near my son again, I will call the authorities!" Stephen hollered at Kenny, who trembled as he started the ignition. Karen hugged him tightly and cried in his shoulder as he drove away. The rumble of the engine drowned out the scream of fury he stifled in the sleeve of his parka. The whites of his eyes turned red as he sped down Butters' street; he silently thanked God for the fact it was so cold out because the biting wind brought tears to his eyes.

"K-Kenny?" Karen whimpered as they parked by the train tracks. "Kenny, what... what are you gonna do?" She whispered, feeling sick as she heard him sniffle. He turned around and she wrapped her arms around him as she saw his bloodshot eyes. He wiped his nose, not caring that it hurt, and rested his head on his shoulder.

"Fuck..." he gasped, clinging to his sister as she petted his hair affectionately. "Um... you gotta... you gotta get on home, Kar-bear. I'm gonna.. go to Kyle's and talk to him a-about... shit..." he sighed, exhaling shakily as he wiped his eyes. "It's not fucking fair." She shook her head and burrowed her head in Kenny's chest. He kissed his sister's forehead as he turned off his motorcycle.

They entered the poor excuse of a house and Karen held on to her stoic brother tightly. Kevin looked up from the floor and their dad was passed out on the couch, as usual.

"The fuck happened?" Kevin asked gruffly. Kenny shook his head before he walked to Kevin's room. "Hey, what the fuck you think you're doin'?" He barked, grabbing Kenny roughly by his collar. Kenny hissed in pain as he was practically slammed on the wall, but he said nothing.

"Kenny, _don't_..." Karen whimpered as she watched her brother fall apart in front of her.

The dark blonde looked away from her and pushed Kevin off of him. He grabbed his brother by the arm and practically shoved the older boy, who was considerably taller and heavier than him, into his room.

"W-what do you got?" Kenny asked, walking to the dresser Kevin had made in shop a month before he dropped out of high school. Kevin pulled him back and pushed him away. "Quick, I gotta split before dad wakes up."

"Why d'you wanna know?" Kevin growled back. "You ain't snortin, you ain't gonna shoot up. You smoke and that's it, I made a promise to mom and-"

"I did too and she's fucking _dead_, Kevin!" Kenny screamed, "and you're one to talk, you fucking hypocrite. Show me what you got, I'll pay you double."

"Like you got the fuckin' money." Kenny just gave him a look, dug in his pocket, and pulled out a hundred dollar bill. "Shit..."

"What does that cover? I don't want fucking Ritalin like you always give me, 'cause it doesn't work anymore, I'm tired... I can't sleep, I just... give me _something!_" Kenny growled as he sat on his brother's broken mattress. It reeked of sex and drugs in his room. Kevin shook his head and laughed lowly as he opened the bottom drawer of his dresser.

"You're for real? What about Karen?"

"She'll be fine tonight. Take me to Denver... I need to get fucking laid. And not with these fucking prudes, the real deal..." Kevin shook his head as he opened an off-brand Tylenol bottle and pulled out two large, orange pills. He handed them to Kenny, who immediately popped them in his mouth, and looked at the syringe in his drawer. He shook his head as he followed his little brother's gaze.

"I dunno if you should-"

"Fuck off," Kenny growled as he reached for the syringe and pulled up his sleeve. Kevin kept his eyes low as he mixed the water and shards. Kenny took it from him, knowing he would end up trying to persuade him not to, and pushed out the air from the syringe. He filled it with the meth and jerked away from his brother.

"You're gonna trip balls, dude, you already took some heavy shit, I mean speed'll do you just fine."

"Like it fucking matters!" Kenny yelled back, "if I die I'll come back in a day. Big fuckin' deal," Kenny tapped his vein on his left arm, then stuck the needle in.

"Shit, Kenny, _don't_-" Kevin reached for the syringe and punched the wall when he saw his brother inject it, faster than his high reflexes could stop him. "Fuck you, asshole!" Kevin shouted, then shoved his younger brother off his bed. Kenny just laughed as he fell on the floor and stared up at the ceiling.

"Take me to Denver, Kev. I need a fuck..." He felt like he was cheesing all over again, except there was no big-tittied woman and it felt a million times better. Everything just felt good and he didn't care. He swore he could hear his blood slush in his veins... he felt so aware. He closed his eyes as a content smile crossed his face. He sighed softly as his veins flooded crystal and his thoughts ran on empty. The rush was fighting to take him away from reality and finally he just let go; he was free.

Nothing could hurt him tonight. Not anymore. Never again.

He was invincible.


	23. Time Stood Still

_Author's Note: _

**_Important:_**

_Like I said in the previous chapter, I cannot state the trigger warnings but know there are some serious issues discussed in this chapter. If you would like to not read and wait for the next chapter then that is fine, I understand. If you're squeamish I advise waiting. This is probably the one story I would want to tell out of all of them from this huge ass story... because this is a one-hundred percent true story. And it is not for the faint of heart. And if you have been through anything, don't be afraid to talk to someone; anyone.  
_

_This is your final warning, if you are easily bothered and are faint of heart or have various do not read this chapter._

___I asked permission to use this because it effects the person I care the most about. So between the two of us, we want to thank you for giving this story a chance to be heard... because he never had a chance to talk about it. No one would listen; people laughed. No one cared. _

_I'm so sorry. Your story isn't unimportant, your suffering has made you stronger than you know and I love you all the same and even more for it. _

_Chapter title from "Sleepwalking" by Bring Me The Horizon_

_Chapter Twenty-Three:_

_For Those Who Need a True Story Part II- Time Stood Still_

* * *

"Harder! Harder, you fucking bitch, oh fuck, just like that..."

"You want more?"

"Fuck yes! _Fuck_ me..."

"Shut your fucking mouth and take it."

Kyle moaned crudely as Stan bit the flesh of his ass before he resumed his deep, furious thrusting. He gripped the arm rest of the couch and hung his head over the edge as he ground himself down into the cushion.

"Don't fucking stop, fuck fuck fuck fuuuuuuuck..." Kyle keened biting down on the arm rest as Stan slapped his ass. Their skin smacked against each other beautifully and Kyle felt his lover's cock throb within him. He clenched his muscles and heard Stan let out a guttural groan as he plowed into his ass.

"You fucking cockslut," Stan growled, biting his ear gently. "Oh God, baby..."

Stan heard his phone ring from his discarded pants pocket. It was the third call and it temporarily brought him out of his bliss as he contemplated the situation. However, Kyle clenched his muscles once more and he cried out as he spilled his seed into Kyle. The redhead moaned and shuddered violently under him as his furious strokes coaxed him to a toe-curling orgasm.

They gasped and Stan placed kisses along Kyle's shoulder as they attempted to compose themselves. The taller boy turned over and smiled lovingly into Stan's eyes as he ran a hand through his hair.

"Am I really a cockslut?"

"You're _my_ cockslut and I fucking love it. I fucking love-" Kyle's house phone rang and Stan shook his head. "Jesus, our phones have been going off for fucking hours."

"Nah," Kyle breathed lazily as he kissed Stan's neck and trailed his finger through the white streaks of jizz on his stomach. He placed his finger on Stan's lip and laughed as he licked it sensually. The answering machine beeped and silence filled the air. "See? Telemarket-"

"Ike? Ky-Kyle? It's Karen..." he heard a sob on the answering machine and threw Stan off of him as he ran to look for the landline phone. "I-I tried calling before and it's a mess... I didn't know who else to c-c-call-" Ike came running down the stairs and took the phone. He flipped off his naked brother and ran into the kitchen.

"What's up?" he heard his brother ask. Silence filled the air and Stan quickly dressed himself. He threw Kyle his clothes and he barely had time to hop into his skinny jeans before Ike ran in looking sick. "We need to do something."

"What happened?" Kyle asked as he squirmed into his t-shirt.

"Long story short, Butters' dad found out they were dating and Kenny and Butters broke up." Stan hissed lowly, "no,_ wait_. Kenny and Kevin got high and went to Denver and she got a call from Kevin saying he doesn't know where Kenny went. And she got a call from him... and something happened... she heard screaming and... not a _good_ screaming."

"The fuck? Shit... fucking shit..." Stan said, grabbing his car keys and running out of Kyle's house. Ike followed his brother and Kyle stopped him as they approached the car.

"Go to Karen, she needs you."

"But-"

"Isaac! Karen needs you. Go to her. Bring her here or Stark's Pond. I-I'll call you." Kyle hugged him tightly for a second then jumped into Stan's car. They peeled out of the driveway and Kyle slammed his fist on the door.

"What do you think..." Stan trailed off, "do you think he's okay?" Kyle grabbed Stan's phone from his pocket and flipped through their missed calls. One from Butters, three from Karen, one from Kenny. The latest was Karen. He didn't know who to call first, so he dialed Kenny on his phone and Butters on Stan's.

Kenny's went to an automated voice message and he cursed as he hung up the phone. However, on the third ring someone answered Butters'.

"Stan, I'm g-g-grounded," he heard him whimper.

"Oh," Kyle said, "well I have a question about chemistry. My phone died."

"Put it on speaker!" He heard Stephen Stotch yell. He shook his head and Stan looked ready to kill.

"S-sorry dad. I only got a c-couple minutes, K-Kyle."

"Well this question is beyond my _ken_," he said, using his vocabulary in hopes to hint to Butters. He heard him clear his throat.

"O-okay?"

"I can't remember... what the unit of frequency is." There was a moment of silence on the phone, and Kyle felt Butters knew exactly what he was saying. And maybe understood more of what happened to Kenny than they did.

"T-that's Hertz, Kyle. You should k-know that." He sounded as if he were choking back a sob. There was a sniffle and a shaky breath, and right now Kyle wanted to hug him.

"Oh, wow, yeah, I remember now. Thanks for helping my _ken_, it's _Hertz_." He put emphasis on the two words and heard Butters whimper.

"How bad is it... t-that you... d-don't remember?" He quickly added the second half of his question when he heard his father stand up and start to walk over to him.

"I don't really know the answer to that question. I'll talk to you soon."

"B-b-b-bye." he hung up and set Stan's phone on the console. Kyle looked to his boyfriend and wiped his eyes.

"I fucking hate his dad," Kyle murmured. Stan rubbed his shoulders and drove faster than he'd normally be comfortable with. He picked up his phone and called Kenny once more. It rang and went to the message again and he groaned in annoyance. "We don't even know where he is!"

"Well, his phone's on, right?" Kyle nodded, "do you have Tracking Pro?"

"Fucking genius!" Kyle said, quickly scrolling through his phone and turning on the app. He called Ike on Stan's phone and waited for his brother to answer as his phone loaded the application.

"All she knows is he and Kevin went to Denver and she got a call from Kevin saying he didn't know where Kenny was, and a call from Kenny with like... serious shit going on."

"Does she know where they went?" Kyle said, stomach clenching in disgust.

"No, but Ruby's over too trying to calm her down because I'm trying to figure this shit out. I'm gonna ask mom if Karen can stay the night... maybe Ruby too. Do I tell her about Kenny?"

"Yes, as much as he'll hate me for it." Kyle knew that wasn't true but he'd definitely be upset about being outted to who he considered his second family. "Tell Karen everything's going to be okay, we're gonna get Kenny and he'll be fine." He heard her sobbing from the other line and he grimaced. "I love you, Ike."

"Love you too, bye." His brother hung up and Kyle ran a hand through his hair.

The drive to Denver was silent except for Kyle's nervous breathing and Stan's fingers tapping on the steering wheel. He felt Stan grab his hand and he squeezed tightly. It didn't make sense how a man could be so cruel, to ruin his son's happiness. And he didn't know why Kenny was being so fucking stupid.

He doubted Kenny and Butters were actually broken up; it had probably been an act. Everything had been so good today, this week, for them. It was almost like karma came to kick them in the ass.

After nearly two hours they arrived in Denver. Stan had to use the restroom but that was the least of his concern and Kyle was looking antsy as he tried to track Kenny's GPS.

"Shit, it's Colfax." Kyle said, shaking his head, "it looks like 14th Avenue. He can't be back there, Stan, you know what it was like..."

Stan drove to Exit 278. He tapped his fingers nervously; he hated this area but at least it wasn't Five Points. He kept right on the fork and continued driving; it was beginning to sleet so he had to slow down. His nervousness grew as they approached Quebec Street. He kept his eyes forward and tried ignored the people on the street he knew were prostitutes and junkies. He didn't have to assume; this area was full of them. Of course this is where Kenny would end up.

"Park here," Kyle said as they approached 14th Avenue. Stan did so, and made sure he locked his car before walking close, but not too close, to Kyle. The rise of anxiety caused his stomach to churn and he tried to hold back the feeling of nausea. "I hope he's okay... why the fuck would he be around here? He..." he trailed off, looking down a dark alley. His eyes met with Stan's and he pointed to the GPS on his phone. They were standing where Kenny was.

"Mother fucker," Stan whispered, holding Kyle's arm as they slowly walked into the alley. A homeless man watched them and laughed with manic eyes as he blew into his hands. Kyle shrank closer to Stan and he shined his phone in front of him.

"K-Kenny?" Kyle called, looking all around. He grimaced when seeing no one. He scowled when seeing they had passed him. Kyle looked around for a discarded phone but found none. His GPS blinked and he looked up from the ground. He swore his heart stopped.

He met eyes with Stan and felt dread course through his veins as he stood up in front of a dumpster.

"H-he _wouldn't_..." he trailed off, opening the lid. He covered his hand as he screamed and scrambled back in horror. Stan held him tight and pressed a kiss to his head. His heart pounded violently in his chest as tears burned his eyes. He gazed down into the dumpster; amidst the trash and the rotten food he set frantic eyes on Kenny. He cringed and shivered in a curled ball, naked, and covered in blood as the lid opened and exposed him.

"N-no! G-g-get away f-from me!" He let out a wail of agony as he fell on his back, trying to crawl backwards away from Stan and Kyle.

"Kenny, it's okay..." the raven-haired boy coaxed with a voice of uncertainty as he reached out to him. He yelped in surprise as Kenny punched him square in the nose. Blood leaked from his nostrils and he watched as Kenny jumped out of the dumpster and ran to the back of the alley on shaky legs, trying to cover himself and scratch at his skin at the same time. "Wait!"

"Don't fucking_ t_-_touch_ me!" he heard Kenny sob in a broken voice. Kyle looked down at the fallen snow and saw bloody footprints. He fell in a crumpled heap on the ground. A miserable, weak whine sounded from the flinching boy as Kyle approached him. His hands covered most of his face."P-please...?!" he begged, eyes dilated more than either of them had ever seen on a human. He looked feral.

"Kenny, it's Kyle, I'm not gonna hurt you. I'm here to help you... c'mon," He outstretched his hand and Kenny pulled his legs up to his chest as he turned his face to the asphalt. Kyle put a hand on his injured knee and he heard Kenny moan in pain as he slowly pulled down his legs. Kyle turned his head and blinked back tears as he watched Kenny spread his legs for him. There was so much blood ... he didn't know where it was coming from. "N-no, not that, you're going home."

"NO!" Kenny bellowed, leaning up on his elbows, body still spread for Kyle or whoever he imagined. "Not home, don't take me there... I don't have a home, I don't have anything, you can't take me to nothing..." Stan wiped his nose and felt himself barely choke down his vomit. "J-just make it feel good, huh, Ky? I-I'll be quiet. I-I won't tell... promise. Just make me feel good. It hurts, oh God, it hurts..." Kyle rubbed at his eyes and Stan lifted Kenny in his arms. He took off his jacket and wrapped it over his knobby shoulders. Kenny sobbed in the crook of his arm and Stan could see his face was battered; blood crusted over a swollen eye, there was a cut over his lip, and splatters of dried blood covered his face and had matted his hair. "Just make me feel good..."

"You're not going home, you're going to Kyle's house, okay? It's Stan and Kyle... we're not going to touch you, we're not going to hurt you. Just tell us what happened. Why... why are you bleeding?"

"S-Stan," Kyle gasped as his stomach heaved, then turned around and threw up. He clutched Kenny's faded, bloody jeans in his hands and vomited until everything he had eaten during the day was now in disgusting chunks in the alley. Kyle burped a little, then grimaced and wiped his mouth. Stan rubbed his back and Kenny looked at them with feral eyes. "Stan, it's... it's really bad."

"Well there's blood on his face but-"

"No, he's bleeding from... between his legs..." Stan grimaced as he felt the nausea churn uneasily in his stomach upon hearing his realization. Kenny fell on weak legs and screamed in pain. His blood-curdling shriek echoed off the walls and he curled up in a ball as he dug his nails in his skin. "K-Kenny, do you remember _anything_ that happened?" he asked gently, putting a hand on his shoulder. Stan carefully lifted him and heard him whisper the same two words over and over, but he couldn't understand what they were. Kenny whimpered and curled up in Stan's arms. "Kenny?"

"I just got h-high... I needed to focus, needed to forget, I just..." Kenny whimpered in a strained voice, "and I wanted to get fucked." Kyle closed his eyes and leaned against the wall for a moment. The blonde's bloody hand stroked Stan's face and stained his skin and hair with his blood. "And... I remember just... so fast... there was... I don't... three guys? Three guys. Yeah. A-and..." an agonizing wail was muffled against Stan's shoulders, who fought back tears as he rubbed his back. Kyle held up his phone, showing Stan he was recording.

"Kenny, we're your best friends... you can tell us anything."

"I didn't care at first 'cause I was high... and Lee broke up with me and I figured this was what I was m-meant to be all along, just lowlife... whore..." Stan's hand adjusted on Kenny's back and he felt the taller boy kick. His sudden movements caused him to seize with pain, and Kyle watched his entire face freeze.

He couldn't go to his house. He had to go to the hospital; something was terribly wrong.

"B-but then they started choking me... and one of them made me...drink his piss and then after they... they all fucked me...two at a time I think, I remember choking and my nose burned... everything was hot and I was on fire... there was so much... I-I heard... a b-bottle break... and they _laughed_... and there was screaming, it was so loud... I just wanted it to stop... but it was me, I was screaming and I didn't even know it... and I couldn't stop, I couldn't do anything, I..."

"_N-no_..." Kyle trailed off, looking at Kenny's naked legs. Biting his lip he caught a glimpse of the back of his thigh in the streetlight; glass was sticking out of his skin.

Fuck.

"A-and... they were so evil. They sounded like... like Cthulhu. Not Satan... he's nice. But... they were evil. T-two of them... they... I think they held my legs back? I don't remember, Kyle, I don't... I'm sorry... and then I just felt like... my insides were going through a grinder. Over... and _over_ again... j-j-just let me die..."

Stan's hands trembled as he held Kenny tightly, protectively, and Kyle opened the car door. He sat down in the back and Stan carefully helped him lay down. He looked up at Kyle with distant eyes and broke out in uncontrollable sobs once more. His hair was matted with sweat and blood and other things Kyle didn't want to think about. He kissed Kenny's forehead and stroked his hair from his face.

He looked like faded innocence. Tarnished and ruined but bright and beautiful.

"Make it stop..." he whimpered weakly against him as Stan quickly drove out of the area. Kyle looked at him as he held him close.

"Make what?"

"I'm so hot... there's bugs in my skin and I can't stop... it hurts, Ky, it hurts so bad..." Kyle wiped his eyes and held Kenny's hand as he laid on him.

"Can I... can I look down there to make sure there wasn't external damage?" he knew it was pointless to ask; if they had done what Kenny said he probably didn't want to look, anyway. Kenny shook his head and closed his legs, shrieking as he did so. "It's okay, it's okay, Kenny... shh. Stan, we need to go to the hospital."

"No, no, no, I don't... insurance... it fucking hurts... m-mom... I want my mom."

"Fuck, don't worry about anything. Just calm down, you're safe... she... she's with you. I promise." He whispered. Stan sniffled in the front seat and adjusted the mirror to look at his boyfriend and best friend. It made him sick to see Kenny so...

Kyle dialed his mom first. He couldn't stop himself from crying as he waited for her to pick up.

"Bubbeleh, where are you? What's going on?" Her concerned tone was music to his ears and he couldn't control the whimper that tore from his throat.

"Mommy..." he sobbed, and he heard her hush him comfortingly, "I don't know what to do. We got a call from Karen and-and we went to Denver and Kenny... they raped him, mom. We gotta get him to the hospital but he doesn't have insurance b-but... it's really bad."

"Oh, baby... oh that poor boy, I don't- _Gerald_!" he heard his mother cry, "We're leaving right away. If what you say is true he needs medical attention _now_. Take him to a hospital, now!"

"W-we are..."

"I love you, Bubbeh." she said, Kyle sniffled and kept a protective arm on Kenny.

"I love you too," he replied, hanging up the phone. Stan turned on 17th Avenue and sped through the streets to 19th. He hesitated to call Butters but knew it wouldn't be smart; he didn't want him to get in trouble.

As soon as they pulled up to the hospital, Stan ran in to get help. Kyle held Kenny, who trembled and jerked violently in his arms. His breaths were shudders and hitched gasps, and he was clammy.

"Don't let them take me..." he whispered, gripping Kyle's wrists too hard. He kept silent and nodded.

"You're gonna be okay, dude, I'll be there the whole time. You just need to get looked at and make sure you're okay."

"That was Lee's..." Kenny whispered as tears flooded down his baby-blue eyes. Kyle looked at him curiously, "it was Lee's alone. I just wanted to be innocent. I didn't wanna know. But I had to know I had to grow up... I just wanted to be like _you_." Kyle felt his throat tighten. "Lee was the only one to have the last of... I was innocent... I saved it for him. A-and they... I just wanted my innocence to die happy, Ky. I just wanted to be happy. I wanted to be just like you..."

"Oh, Kenny..." he moaned woefully, kissing his forehead again as he rocked him slowly. The nurses approached and quickly opened the door. Kenny screamed. Kyle got out of the car and sobbed against Stan as Kenny struggled.

"Ky, please?! Stan, help!" He screamed at the top of his lungs. Kyle shook his head and Stan hugged him tightly as he watched them sedate Kenny. They laid him on a stretcher and wheeled him in to the emergency room.

"We called the authorities. They want to hear any information you have." Stan nodded and held Kyle in his arms as they slowly walked inside.

They waited until the police arrived and they went into a private room. Stan was extremely nervous and Kyle was shaken by what Kenny had said. He couldn't get over it. Any of it. They way he looked and sounded. That wasn't Kenny in there that was... he shook his head.

Maybe it _was_ Kenny.

"Does your friend have a history of drug use?" The officer asked, Stan and Kyle looked at each other and slowly nodded. They didn't want to lie but they didn't want Kenny in trouble.

"Only pot... a-and not a lot," Stan said. The police chief nodded and took notes.

"So he _never_ used amphetamines?" Kyle shook his head.

"Never, he hated them. He never wanted to get into that stuff because of his parents."

"His parents?"

"They made... make... meth. His dad does, now, anyway." The officer nodded again and looked at the two boys.

"What about prostitution? Did you know that Kenneth had been hired as a prostitute?" They both glanced at each other and nodded.

"We, we found him one night. His dad... his dad said he or his sister had to do it so Kenny did. We told him to stop and he did. He hasn't done it since. He did it to protect his sister." Kyle felt like he was trying to soften the words, but it was the truth.

"Right..." the officer trailed off in a doubtful tone, "do you have any idea what happened tonight? Do you know if, perhaps your friend is lying and just got in too deep...?"

"_No_!" Kyle snapped, Stan held his hand and he sighed, "no, I know Kenny. He's like... my brother. I have a recording. He told us what happened." Kyle played back the recording he had made as they walked to the car and watched as the officer rubbed his chin and looked to Kyle.

"Can I take this as evidence?" Kyle looked taken aback.

"My phone?" The policeman laughed a little and shook his head.

"The recording, that tells us a lot of information, some of it pretty graphic, that we'd have to ask him. And judging by his current state that's not gonna do real well with him." Kyle forwarded the recording in a text.

"How is he?" Stan asked eagerly, finally finding the courage to speak up. The brown haired man sighed heavily and looked at the two boys with sad eyes.

"I can't tell you that, the doctor will be in shortly. If you two find out any more information let us know. We'll be talking to his sister when she arrives. Thank you for your cooperation and honesty."

Stan and Kyle went back to the waiting room, looking shell-shocked and trying their best not to cry. Kyle rested his head on Stan's lap as they waited for news. They looked up as Kyle's parents came in the doors, with Ike holding Karen under his arm as she cried against him. Stan blinked as a tall dark haired boy followed behind, looking furious, and ran up to the receptionists desk.

"Where's my brother?" Kevin McCormick barked, "tell me they didn't arrest him." His voice sounded pleading, urgent. Stan hated it. The receptionist look scared at the towering figure as she shook her head. "_Where is he_?!"

"Kenneth McCormick? He-he's..." she flipped through papers, "he's in the O.R. right now. He suffered severe hemorrhaging and tearing and they're doing blood tests to find out if he's contracted any diseases, sir."

"They fucking _raped_ him?!" Kevin shouted, Karen ran up to her brother and pulled him back as he shook as his blood boiled and fury surged through his veins, "they fucking raped my baby brother?!"

Kyle felt tears slip out of his eyes at the desperation and raging fury emanating from Kevin. He had never seen him so protective, so caring. No one in his family had ever gone out of their way to make sure Kenny was okay. He shook his head and felt Ike hug him tightly.

"Oh, Bubbeh," Sheila Broflovski cooed as she ran to Kyle. He rested her head on her bosom and cried against her as she patted his back. Gerald was pacing in the back, trying to keep a calm mind as he assessed the situation.

The police came up to Kevin and he looked ready to kill yet they calmed him down and said it was only to find out about what happened. He quietly followed them without looking back; he held Karen's hand as she trailed anxiously behind him.

"Mom, it's a mess... he... he cried on me. He was covered in blood and he said... they... why did they do that to him, mom?" He asked, sounding like a young child. Stan stood in the back, biting the skin on his thumb and looking ready to cry and run. Sheila caught his eye and opened her right arm to him. He let out a choked sob and found solace in her arms as he cried in her shoulder.

"Oh, my boys... that poor Kenny, it's always been such a sad situation. My poor boys," she herself was crying as she petted their hair and kissed their foreheads. "You're both so brave, going all this way for your friend. I'm so proud. So, so proud. I know I may not always seem it, and I know I haven't been completely accepting of your relationship, but I am so proud of you. You're both good boys." Stan sniffled and cried harder against her; he hadn't been hugged by his mother or father since he was ten years old. He hadn't realized he missed such motherly affection.

"W-what's gonna happen to him?" Stan blubbered, wiping his eyes and sniffling as he finally pulled away from her. Sheila sighed heavily and looked to Gerald, who stepped forward.

"There will be an investigation to find the assailants and hopefully they'll be caught. His father is being questioned... but as far as we know he had nothing to do with this. I can talk to him again tomorrow..."

"And... and will Kenny be okay?" Kyle asked weakly, Sheila looked uncertain as she nodded.

"Kenny's a very strong boy, he'll be okay." She assured her son as she ran a hand through his red tendrils. "Your father and I have decided that Kenny and Karen will be staying with us, at least for awhile. Is that okay, Kyle?" He nodded and looked to Ike, who looked scared and lonely. "We can discuss arrangements later, but they both need a good, stable home for right now."

Kenny's doctor walked out with her clipboard and a somber face. Stan ran up to her and opened his mouth to speak yet he couldn't find words. She turned to Mr. and Mrs. Broflovski.

"Are you Mr. McCormick's parents?" She asked, Gerald shook his head.

"We are family friends, currently the McCormicks are under my family's care; we're their guardians without the legalities." Kyle liked the sound of that. The doctor nodded and read through the papers. She glanced warily at Stan and Kyle, sighed, and turned to Gerald.

"There was severe trauma to his rectum as well as hemorrhaging, severe tearing, and bruising. He required stitches and we'll be checking regularly for bleeding. There was no organ damage, he's very lucky. However, he was given methamphetamine which makes the blood tests difficult. We may be able to detect sexually transmitted diseases early. He'll be groggy when he wakes up andhe'll be suffering from withdrawals for at least three days. Although it could be up to fourteen. He'll be staying here at least two days and if he needs in-patient treatment that may be an option."

"But he's never used meth before, he shouldn't have the withdrawal..." The doctor smiled sadly at Stan and shook her head.

"Meth is a one time and you're hooked drug, he's going to want it. And based on his records he has been prescribed with Ritalin since he was eight years old, which is an amphetamine itself. The effects are different, but... he'll have withdrawal nonetheless. Given his family history it may not be wise to have him return home until he can cope with the withdrawal."

"W-what's it gonna do to him?" Kyle asked.

"He'll feel overheated and suffer from mild insomnia. He will also be lethargic and possibly feel dehydrated. There will be mood swings. He'll probably feel depressed and edgy and he'll need support, for this as well as what he went through tonight." Stan and Kyle nodded; the black-haired boy squeezed his boyfriend's hand. They all would need support. "He's in recovery now but you may visit him in a half an hour. He might not be awake but if he is don't startle him. We're going to have a psychologist and trauma therapist speak to him tomorrow." She said, gave a smile, and let them be.

Karen and Kevin spoke with his doctor across the room when they emerged from speaking with the police. Karen was practically hiding against Kevin as they listened to what she had to say. She led them down the hall; they were the first to visit, understandably so.

They all waited quietly, unsure of what to say. Time seemed to slow down and the air was thick with tension. Kevin walked out, looking paler than when Kyle had last seen him, and his eyes looked tinged with red. He had been crying. Seeing him like that made Kyle feel sick; that wasn't the Kevin McCormick he knew.

He approached the Broflovskis and smiled weakly.

"Thank you, for bringin' Karen," He said quietly, voice a little shaky as he shook Gerald's hand. "And thank you for takin' 'em in. I'm sorry for any inconvenience. I-I'm so sorry..." He sounded so mature, so... beat down. Kyle's parents shook their heads and Sheila wrapped her arms around him in a hug.

Stan excused himself as he watched Kevin fall apart in her arms. Kyle closed his eyes and covered his ears as he heard his pained sobs.

Kevin was a shell. Kevin didn't have emotions. He was an asshole. Yet he was a horrible sobbing mess because this was the first time he had been hugged since he was a toddler and deep down he knew this was all his fault, even though no one would ever know.

He had told the cops he had given him his ADHD medicine, as they usually did whenever Kenny was questioned. That passed through okay. He said he wasn't aware of Kenny taking anything else other than that and they both went to a party. He had lost track of his brother, but knew Kenny was against using meth and there wasn't any at the party they went to as far as he knew.

So sometime between getting to the party and his brother getting raped, Kenny had either shot up or had been injected with meth. That's what he told the police, that is. Kenny wasn't going to go down for this, and a sick part of him was thankful his brother would be too fucked up to change his story.

But this was something he would carry with him the rest of his life. Just like he had years ago, he failed Kenny once again. He had never been able to protect him from everything... or anything. Kenny had always looked up to him, for some stupid reason, and whenever Kevin saw that old costume in the closet he knew that a piece of him had stuck with Kenny all along. But still here he was failing at protecting him, at being there, at being his big brother.

He always failed him.

"You are _always_ welcome to stay with us too, Kevin," Gerald said, patting his back as he wiped his eyes and coughed a little. He shrugged his shoulders and ran a hand through his hair. "I'm real proud of you kids, I know you've been through a lot and... I'm really sorry about how things turned out. Your dad... he just... he got lost somewhere down the line. But he can be found again..." Kevin scoffed and coughed harder into his sleeve.

"I'm not sure 'bout that," He pointed down the hall, "because this life he led... this is his fault. He... he _ruined_ my baby brother." His words were bitter as he spat them with as much self-hatred as he could. He had ruined him. He was the one behind this, not their father. But it was easy to switch the blame because if it weren't for Stuart McCormick than he wouldn't be here. He figured the world would be better off.

Sheila and Gerald remained silent as Kevin walked out without saying another word.

Stan was on his way to return to his post next to Kyle when a nurse stopped him.

"Do you want to go in and see your friend?" She asked. A big part of him said, no, he didn't want to because he didn't want to see Kenny like that, but he nodded. He ran to grab Kyle and found him texting on his phone.

"Butters texted me from this online app. I haven't told him how bad, he knows Kenny was hurt. He said the police are over at Kenny's now." Kyle said in a shaky voice. Stan took his hand and lead him to the nurse, who directed them to Kenny's room. He read the name on the door K. McCormick and swore he had seen that before; he shook this feeling off as the nurse opened the door.

"Kenny, you have some more visitors," the young nurse said sweetly. Karen looked up with bloodshot eyes and smiled sadly at the two.

"He just closed his eyes." she told them, "Ken?" She whispered, brushing his blood-crusted hair with a wet wash cloth. He whimpered and flinched against her touch and opened his left eye. The right was swollen shut; the black and blue had crept across almost all of the right side of his face.

"Kyle... Stan?" he asked quietly. Stan had never heard him sound so broken. He looked as if he had been stripped to his core and those eyes; he had never seen such sad eyes. "Hey."

"Hey, dude," the black haired teen said, shaking as he sat on the chair across from him. Kyle sat on his lap and reached for Kenny's hand. He pulled away and shifted closer to Karen. "How're you feeling?" He asked gently, smiling softly at him though it took all of his strength to lift the muscles.

"Not..." he murmured in a weak, slurred voice. "Kar-" he breathed, face distorting in pain. She barely lifted a bowl before he heaved. Kyle looked to Stan with tears in his eyes and shook his head. He squeezed his side and held his hands on his hips.

"It's okay, just let it out, it's gonna help you..." Kenny's shoulders wracked with sobs as he threw up in the bowl. She held back his hair and kissed his head. He breathed heavily and slowly laid back on the pillow, totally worn out. Karen flushed the contents down the toilet, wrote in a tablet, and handed him a glass of water. "It's the drugs... they want him to drink lots of water, starting now so withdrawals aren't so bad. It shouldn't be, considering it was his first time." Karen explained, looking scared as Kenny twitched slightly.

As Kyle watched his friend, he had the sinking feeling that this was, in fact, not his first time. At least with the Ritalin. They had all stopped taking it years ago and Kenny was so incredibly focused; if anyone in his family suffered from ADHD it was Kevin.

"Is Butters coming?" Kenny asked, voice soft. Kyle scrolled through his text. Stan shook his head.

"Not tonight, dude."

"Good..." This shocked them and tears fell from Kenny's eyes as he stared up at the ceiling, "he c-can't see me like..." Kyle opened the unread message from Butters.

_From: Butters  
Received: 10:56 PM_

_What happened? Don't hide it from me._

_To: Butters  
Sent: 10:57PM_

_I don't know if I should say. But... he was raped. There's more to it but he can tell you. I'm so sorry._

Kyle set down his phone and couldn't help but watch as Kenny scratched at his arms as if he had something on them... or in them. Karen took his hands and he fought her off yet the sedatives made him sluggish so he ended up giving up.

"See you like what?" Stan asked, Kyle shot him a look but Stan wanted Kenny to open up to them rather than a stupid psychologist.

"Messed up. Raw. My nurse told my asshole was practically shreds. Said I'm... lucky to be alive."

"You _are_," Kenny scoffed and closed his eyes as tears trickled down his cheeks, over his bruised lips.

"That was _his_. It wasn't just so he didn't feel alone losing his virginity. I didn't want anyone else to have that. But he threw me away so maybe... I gave it away too. Maybe this was all my fault. I was high after all. Why didn't he fight? Why didn't I fight? It's only fair the last shred of innocence I had gets torn to shreds, right?" he laughed softly and moaned in pain, "I'm a real sucker for preserving the youth. Ask Karen, she hates it."

Stan glanced to Kyle who looked upset, not angry, not sad. He watched Kenny's fist curl and Karen put her hand on his.

"Don't get angry, it's gonna be okay," she said, "remember when we were little and mom and dad were high on the rock? We remember what we used to do?" Kyle felt like he was intruding on an intimate moment as Kenny nodded sluggishly.

"_Oh Lord, won't you buy me a Mercedes Benz?  
My friends all drive Porsches, I must make amends.  
Worked hard all my lifetime, no help from my friends,  
So Lord, won't you buy me a Mercedes Benz?"_ Karen sang the Janis Joplin song softly as she caressed Kenny's left arm, careful to avoid the needle-sized hole in his forearm.

"_Oh Lord, won't you buy me a color TV?  
Dialing For Dollars is trying to find me.  
I wait for delivery each day until three,  
So oh Lord, won't you buy me a color TV?"_ Kenny mumbled more than sang. But the tone was sad and as Kyle and Stan listened they couldn't help but think that they related more to the song than they wanted to accept.

"_Oh Lord, won't you buy me a night on the town?  
I'm counting on you, Lord, please don't let me down.  
Prove that you love me and buy the next round,  
Oh Lord, won't you buy me a night on the town?"_ Kyle's phone vibrated and he was afraid to read the text. He opened it however, and felt a sharp pang of dread.

_From: Butters  
Received: 11:03 PM_

_No._

That single lettered text was enough to make Kyle start to cry.

"_Oh Lord, won't you buy me a Mercedes Benz?  
My friends all drive Porsches, I must make amends-"_ Kenny stopped singing and turned to look at him, breaking the almost-happy moment between brother and sister. Kenny shook on the spot.

"I'm sorry," Kenny whimpered, watching as Stan held Kyle tightly, "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to... God, fuck... I hate this. I hate... I hate me. Can you fix it? You guys can fix it. It's a good thing Lee doesn't wanna s-see me, I'd just hurt him too. I'd just-" Karen pushed the button on his IV and in a few moments he fell asleep. She wiped her eyes and looked at the two boys, who looked terrified.

"He's not crazy, he's high. He'll be better."

"Karen, they _broke_ him." Stan said, looking at his friend, who looked the most normal since they had first entered the room. She gasped in a sob as she nodded.

"Kevin couldn't even look at him... it's like he could feel it. He's not Kenny... or well, the Kenny we know." Kyle brushed a hand through his hair and squeezed his hand. They would help him. They'd bring Kenny back. "I just can't piece him back together... I can't, and I thought I could... w-why? Why him? I just... "

They both hugged her tight; and for the first time that night she was able to break from holding the shattered pieces of her brothers and her life.


	24. Cross-Fade

_Author's Note: Thank you for reading. Thank you for taking the time to listen. _

_There is a trigger warning for this chapter as well. _

_Chapter Twenty-Four: Cross-Fade_

* * *

_Raped_.

Butters stared in the mirror in the dark and blinked. His blue eyes seemed to glow back at him as he touched his face. He felt swollen from crying. His heart and soul were raw. His lungs ached with every breath and he tilted his head to the ceiling as his eyes prickled. He couldn't cry, he had run dry and now everything just hurt. Everything was raw and real and his throat felt blistered from his screams, his body was raw from the beatings, and he choked on air as he tried to breathe.

_Kenny had been raped._

His shoulders wracked with sobs as he knelt down on the floor. The food in his stomach made him nauseous. Everything was wrong. Everything got fucked up because he couldn't defend himself. Kenny deserved better. He hadn't meant to hurt him, push him to an all-time low and try to numb the pain he had caused him. He hurt him; he always hurt him. Kenny didn't deserve the hell he was put through... because of him, because of anyone.

_Butters closed his eyes and sighed._

He opened his mouth and lowered his head into the toilet bowl. His fingers felt like snakes as he slid them in his mouth, passed his tongue, and down his throat. He gagged and pushed farther. Maybe if he lost weight he'd get a couple of months off of his grounding. His dad said he had breasts. His dad said he had curve. He was too soft. Too girly. He lurched forward as he jammed them as far as he could possibly reach, gouging for that relief and salvation that he was finally good enough.

_But he liked feeling girly. He liked feeling soft._

He silently retched into the toilet bowl. The acrid taste was relief. He could purge his body of everything wrong. He could purge his body of this horrible nagging feeling that wouldn't go away. He was wrong. He just wanted to feel normal. To feel right. To be everything he wanted to be. But under the reign of his psychotic parents he would end up miserable. He couldn't keep living a lie, he couldn't keep hurting the people he loved the most.

_He would end up like his father. He would hurt his kid too._

Butters shoved his fingers farther down his throat and let out a strained sob.

_To get rid of the pain. To get rid of the hurt. To get rid of the worry._

He just wanted to be happy.

_Puking would make his dad happy. __But food mad him happy._

Being with a girl would make his dad happy.

_He just wanted Kenny._

But Kenny was ruined.

_Raped_.

Because of him.

_Just like him. _

Oh God, how that thought made him shiver to the bone. His stomach clenched and he shuddered as dry sobs wracked his shoulders. He could feel the fingers and the hand and the tongue and the fear. The paralyzing thought and worry that it would never end, the anxiety of waiting, the false hope... it was endless. He didn't want to know what happened to Kenny. He didn't want Kenny to know what that was like. To be stripped of everything and laid out, vulnerable, waiting for the touches and the bites and the thrusts to end. He didn't want Kenny to experience something like that, or to feel ruined and wrong. But he had to know.

_He would find out._

This time, he threw up without his fingers.


	25. Breathe in Safety

_Author's Note: So... that was a little rough. I want to thank everyone for sticking through and taking the time to first check out this story, as well as read the past couple of chapters. I have a slight aversion to wanting to go back and make sure they're 100% proofread myself. I wanted to thank the people who have left reviews, messaged me, and taken the time to wonder and ask, because it really means a lot. So thank you. _

_Right now, for the most part, it's a rollercoaster ride upward now :). These next few chapters will be delicate, however; mostly because I've just poured salt on open wounds. So for the most part these should be pretty easy reads. _

_I want to answer a few common questions right here though:_

_Yes, I've been leaving subtle hints and subtext in the previous chapters that kind of led up to chapter 22-24. I leave hints for everything in my writing, so stuff from the first couple of chapters is brought up even in the current chapters I'm writing. There is always something that connects everything, if something doesn't make sense it will be explained later. Little phrases and offhand comments can play huge roles. That's a big part of how I write and I don't really know why. It's just me. They're not things you would necessarily look out for, but if you took the time you could find them. (This makes me question every author's word choice, by the way.)_

_Yes, Kenny was taking uppers since before he died for ten months (since he was 8... actually), and he resumed after he came back. The uppers included Ritalin, and speed, which kind of led to his choice to shooting up (drastic, I know). Yes, I've been hinting that Butters is dealing with eating disorders. And yes, Stephen Stotch is an unbearable assface and I won't write him any other way. _

_No, I will not be killing Kenny so he doesn't have to deal with the physical effects. Honestly I think that would be the worst thing I could do, especially for Butters, and he also promised Butters he would try not to die. However, he could die sometime within the timeline so that he doesn't have to deal with it. I personally didn't write it that way, but you can see it how you want. It doesn't stop the emotional and mental trauma from staying, though._

_And no, this did not happen to me. As explained in the previous chapters this was my SO's story. He's doing great, and it's been two years. I did get his permission to use this topic and the details with it, and yes he did read it... I honestly think he's read all of my work. He also extends a thank you. _

_If you have any other questions or you want to talk, just shoot me a PM. I love talking to people. These are just based off of similar questions I was asked so I figured quite a few people could be wondering. So, I now step back and extend to you this next chapter! _

_I still say Kevin is one of my favorites. _

_Chapter title from "Justice and Mercy" by Flyleaf_

_Chapter Twenty-Five: Breathe in Safety_

* * *

Four days had gone by. Kevin watched his little brother sleep and was afraid to touch him.

Kenny wasn't porcelain.

Kenny was _Kenny; r_esilient, sarcastic, a genius, quick-witted. Kenny was what he had always wanted to be. Except now he was covered in scratches from subconscious itching. He was gaunt from lack of hunger and pale from three days of migraines. His breathing was shaky.

He considered suffocating him. He'd wake up in his bed in a couple hours completely new. Completely better. Completely _Kenny_.

But he hated seeing his little brother dead. He hated that curse he had. Because as his older brother he could do nothing to stop it. So he stayed away and treated Kenny like a pariah. He didn't want to deal with realizing he failed with the person he should have been closest to.

"Ya little shit," Kevin mumbled, finally touching Kenny's shoulder. His blonde brother stirred and looked up slowly with eyes that matched his. Kevin smiled weakly and Kenny jerked away from him instinctively with fear shining bright, before settling slightly. "How you feelin'?"

It was early morning. He had arrived just before visiting hours began. He wanted to be here before his friends, but then realized it was Tuesday and they had school, so his efforts were kind of stupid. But Kenny had been happy to see him when he briefly woke up. It had been the first semi-smile Kevin had seen on his brother in, well, years, really.

"'m shaky." Kenny mumbled, "My body hurts."

The psychologist declared therapy unnecessary. Kevin knew Kenny was just able to fake it like a pro. He learned from his big brother, after all.

"Y'know why, right?" Kenny nodded and whimpered a little, before resting his head on Kevin's hand. "They're not gonna get away with that. If the cops can't find 'em, I will."

"Kev, don't..." Kenny mumbled.

"You're my brother, ya shit. I'd fucking kill for you." Kenny stared up at him and smiled softly. His lips were chapped and bloody. "Don'tcha gotta do some bath shit or somethin'?"

"I don't wanna get up. I feel like I'll explode if I do." Kenny yelped and punched as he felt his brother's arms under his legs and back. He initially fought but heard Kevin hush him.

"Trust me..."

Kevin was the only person who was taller than Kenny. He was also bulkier. He was the kind of person who, even if he was well dressed and the sweetest guy, kids would cry at first sight of his towering figure. And he wasn't one for looking sharp or being sweet.

Kevin opened the bathroom door and Kenny closed his eyes as he sat on the toilet. His eyes watered at the shooting pain running through his body and he stood on wobbly legs. Kevin ran some warm water and put in the medicinal soap.

"Y-you're not gonna stay in here, are you?" Kenny asked warily. He didn't like being around anyone when he was bathing. He never had, even when he was a kid, but now it was worse. He had gotten violent the first time Kyle tried to stay with him. The only slight exception was Karen, and even then he had to be semi-dressed.

"No, I'll be right outside the door," Kevin assured, smiling weakly. And he literally was. He sat down on the floor and twirled his lighter in his hands as he leaned against the wall.

"Kev?" He heard Kenny's small voice, muffled call from inside the bathroom.

"Yeah?" Kevin replied, resting his head on the wall. He hated how young Kenny sounded. Suddenly he was five years old again, crying to Kevin, who shoved him down and laughed at him for crying. Only he'd be there for him now.

"I'm... scared."

Neither of them said anything for a while. It was a confession Kevin felt his brother had been holding back for over a decade. The silence was his answer, though. Kevin was too.

"Don't be," he replied, voice choking up, "I'm here, bud."

Kenny didn't respond but his soft sniffles echoed in the bathroom. Kevin stood up and began to pace. He was livid at the bastards who did this to him... but mostly he was angry with himself. He was the one who gave Kenny the drugs in the first place. He had been the one to take him to Denver. And even before that, as they were kids, he could have been there for his siblings. Yet he had left them to fend for themselves; he scoffed as he realized just how good that turned out.

A knock on the door was heard and a nurse walked in. She smiled sweetly at Kevin who gave a weak smile back.

"We have the papers for Kenny's release, if you want to sign them up front. All of his vitals were good this morning and I just want to take his temperature once more. But other than that he's all set to go on home." Kevin nodded.

"Uh... okay. Well he's washin' up right now." The nurse nodded and looked a little embarrassed, or perhaps nervous. Kevin didn't think much of it; he was used to that reaction. He grabbed the clothes he had brought for Kenny and headed to the door. "Kenny?" He rapped his knuckles on the door twice, "can I come in?"

"No." Kevin sighed heavily.

"I just wanna give ya your clothes, we're gonna head on home after-"

"I don't wanna go home!" He rubbed his temples as Kenny whined like a child, and he glanced to the nurse, who had stepped closer.

"To Kyle's, you're goin' to Kyle's. Kay?" He heard the water start to drain and Kenny grunt in pain as he probably struggled to get out of the tub. "Can I come in now?"

"Hold on..." Kevin shook his head; he vaguely remembered a scene like this that happened between Kenny and their mom when Kenny was potty training. He always locked the door in their bathroom so no one would or could go in when he had to go. Their mom hated it. But he didn't play with the toilet paper like Kevin had done the first time he was left alone in his own potty training days. He was always modest at home; he knew he was quite open in public which was probably somewhat a go at getting attention due to the neglect. But he was always the quiet one at home. Always by himself. Except if Karen went in his room.

Kevin sighed as he tried to think of what their mom would do in this situation. Things would be a lot different if she were here; she'd probably be in there with Kenny right now. She probably wouldn't have let him go for the past four days. They probably would have moved out of that God forsaken house and actually had a decent life; she had told him she was saving up enough to get an apartment. That's why Kevin had started to buckle down... he was going to help her pay for their own place.

He was still saving up.

Kenny unlocked the door and Kevin outstretched his hand. Kenny had wrapped the robe he had been given around himself so only his feet and hands showed. He quickly shut the door and locked it again. Kevin grimaced.

"I don't know what to do." He mumbled to himself. The nurse thought he spoke to her, she brightened a little.

"Just don't treat him like a victim. That's the last thing he needs... treat him like you always do." She said, he looked down at her and gave a soft chuckle. If he did that, he'd probably end up scaring him. "He has a lot to adjust to, a lot to cope with, so you have to be patient. But don't walk on egg shells."

"Thanks," he replied, giving her a genuine smile. He wasn't a rag doll. He was Kenny. He was his stupid little brother.

Kenny opened the door and slowly walked out. He looked tired and hungry and his eyes were almost grey; Kevin didn't like it. He grabbed Kenny's bag that he had brought for him and looked to his brother.

"Ready?" Kenny sighed heavily and nodded.

As he walked, he felt Kenny move closer and closer to him. Kevin glanced down at him; he saw the terrified look in his eyes, and looped his arm over his brother's shoulder. Kenny hugged close to him. He'd protect him; no one was going to hurt him.

Kevin read through the paper work and signed the release form. The doctor and receptionist told Kenny to take it easy and he nodded as he stared at the floor. Kevin led him through the door and to his old pickup truck he had bought. It was a two-tone, rusting, crappy Chevy that had a leaking radiator but it got him where he needed to go. He tossed Kenny's bag in the bed and went to the passenger side. He pulled down the back of the seat so it would lay down all the way. Kenny gave him a look and Kevin shrugged.

"They said you can't sit yet."

"Like I'm gonna follow every rule they gave me," Kenny grumbled, Kevin gave him a stern look, which had been unexpected. Kenny sighed and carefully laid on his side as he wriggled in the seat. Normally he would have fought, or punched Kevin. The brunette shook his head as he looked at his brother with dismal eyes. But he had to be normal.

"Now, want some lunch? I'm fuckin' starved."

"I can only eat soft food." Kenny mumbled, "and I'm not hungry." Kevin scoffed; he hadn't been hungry for four days.

"Well, I'm getting a burger. You can get ice cream or somethin'." Kenny sighed and rested his head on Kevin's arm as he started the engine and drove. Kenny remained silent for a little bit, then looked up at him. The brunette furrowed his eyebrows as Kenny quietly laughed. "What?"

"You still listen to Rob Zombie?" Kevin rolled his eyes and lightly tapped him on his forehead.

"Fuck you, I don't listen to fuckin' hipster music like you."

"It's not hipster, it's just not industrial or whatever the fuck Zombie is."

"You like Nine Inch Nails though, right?" Kenny shrugged, then nodded. "Good. What's your favorite band?" Kevin didn't really know that much about Kenny. It kind of made him sad now that he thought about it.

"You can't ask me that. That's like asking what my favorite movie is. Give me a genre or a time period."

"Shit, son!" Kevin exclaimed, laughing a little. Kenny wore a semblance of a smile. "You're so fuckin' weird." he couldn't help but laugh as Kenny's nose wrinkled in his own quiet chuckles. "Uh... what's your favorite _genre_," he emphasized the word, "of current bands and artists?"

"Rock," his little brother deadpanned. Kevin groaned and Kenny actually shook as he laughed.

"You fucker."

"I dunno, Flogging Molly is up there, and Dropkick Murphys."

"Good bands... you like industrial?"

"You live for that shit. And don't get me started on death metal. Behemoth drives me up a wall."

"What about Cradle of Filth?"

"Ehh..."

"Slipknot?"

"I prefer Stone Sour." Kevin shrugged; he could give him that one. "I'm not into the screaming as much as the ability to rock out. And then some music I just like to chill to. Like The Offspring. Or Cage The Elephant is a good band to listen to when smoking. But sometimes I listen to The Pixies and The Ramones. The Sex Pistols are good. And I really like that one band you listened to all the time that I can never remember the name of, and Breaking Benjamin. But my favorite will always be Flogging Molly."

"That's your Irish roots," Kenny gave him a look.

"Aren't we Scottish?"

"Fuck if I know. All I know is we definitely have drinking blood, my tolerance is scary high." Kenny scoffed and smiled a little. "What's your favorite movie?"

"Didn't I just-"

"What fucking ever. Name a movie."

"I dunno... "Fight Club."" He couldn't help but grin.

"For real?" Kevin asked as he turned at the light. Kenny nodded. "Mine too."

They sat in silence as Kevin pulled up to a Burger King. He ordered enough food for two, yet figured Kenny wouldn't eat it. If he didn't then he had dinner for work. He also ordered Kenny an ice cream cone.

"You gotta eat somethin'," he told his sneering brother as he pulled up to pay for the fast food. Kenny rolled his eyes and flipped through the songs on the "Hellbilly Deluxe" CD. After awhile he grew bored and started rifling through the stack of pirated CDs. Kevin handed him the ice cream cone and he looked at it for a few moments. Kenny took a tentative lick and grimaced.

"I don't want it."

"Kenny, come on, I don't want you goin' all anorexic on me," he teased, trying to muster the biggest grin possible. But seeing the expression on his brother's face made it hard to even smile.

"I can't eat it..." Kevin gave him a look as he parked in the empty lot to quickly eat his Whopper.

"Why not?" he asked with his mouth stuffed, Kenny stared at the cone and felt his eyes burn.

"It's vanilla."

The brown haired boy looked at his brother and realized he was about to cry. He took the cone from him and stuck it on his dashboard; fuck it if it melted a little, he'd still eat it. Maybe.

"What's wrong with fucking vanilla? It's your favorite... or was that Karen's...? I don't remember."

"It reminds me of Lee." Kevin furrowed his eyebrows yet his face softened as tears rolled down Kenny's cheeks. He had dealt with mood swings from his parents during their withdrawals; Kenny was nothing compared to them. Except it was worse because none of it was his fault. Kevin curled his fist. He couldn't think about it.

"Lee?" he asked, confused. Kenny sniffled and wiped his eyes as he coughed.

"Butters." Oh.

_Oh._

Kevin looked at the ice cream cone and although he didn't want to ask _why_ the vanilla ice cream reminded him of Butters, he knew it was bothering Kenny. So as he drove away he tossed it out the window.

"What happened, anyway?" He asked, "I mean, you guys were uh..." he paused, looking for a better choice of words, "together, right?" Kenny nodded.

"I don't really wanna talk about it," his little brother whispered weakly. Kevin grimaced and kept silent as he eventually drove out of Denver.

He tensed as he felt his brother's head rest on his shoulders. The brunette said nothing and kept his eyes on the road; he couldn't worry. He had spent too much time doing that.

This would be a long two hours. But Kevin was proud he had found out they actually had some stuff in common. And he took out the mix CD he made of black metal and industrial music and switched it for some good old Aerosmith; he knew Kenny liked them.

"Hey," Kevin said after nearly a half hour passed by without speaking. He looked down at his brother and sighed at the sight of his sleeping form. He patted his shoulder and pulled his old leather jacket out from behind his back and covered Kenny with it.

It was the little things that mattered, Kevin thought.

He kept his eyes on the road and tapped his fingers along to the song on the faded leather steering wheel.

"Love you, shithead," he mumbled as he rolled down the window and lit a cigarette.

* * *

People had targeted her as soon as she walked in to school wearing Kenny's hoodie. She was shaken and Ike kept by her at all times. He told people to shut up. He told them to stay away. Ruby got suspended for punching someone in the face for bugging her best friend.

Karen spent half the day in the third floor girl's bathroom; no one ever went up there, anyway.

Kyle and Stan were also bombarded by people in their class. They asked why Kenny wasn't there. They asked why the cops had been at their house. They asked if he was arrested. It was so bad that by fourth hour Kyle had ditched class and sat under the bleachers in the gym with Stan. They sat in silence. They had no clue what to say.

What more could be said?

Butters kept his eyes low and his bag close as he avoided peoples' questions. Just like Stan and Kyle, they asked him what he knew. But he didn't know anything. His worry for Kenny nagged at his mind all weekend. He hadn't slept except for two hours the night before. His parents kept him busy with chores and re-doing chores. There was no time for him to text Kenny or anyone else.

Not that anyone tried to get a hold of him.

By fifth hour he was gagging in the third floor boy's bathroom; the bathroom no one ever went into because apparently there was a suicide. Puking made him feel better. Puking made him feel more in control. He sat against the wall after his stomach was completely empty and bit into his arm as he screamed in rage.

Kyle had set next to Stan in chemistry and began his homework. He felt Stan's breath hot on his neck and he smiled a little.

"Kenny's coming back today, right?" Stan whispered so only Kyle could hear. He nodded.

"Kevin picked him up."

"Karen's a nervous wreck."

"So is Butters." They looked to the boy who was shaking almost as bad as Tweek.

As they returned to their homework, an announcement was made over the intercom.

"Will all the students please report to the gym for an assembly?" Principal Withers addressed. Stan and Kyle were eager to get out of class; they threw their stuff in their bags and started for the door yet stopped. Butters approached them with heavy bags under his eyes and no usual smile or "hey fellas!"

"Is it true?" He whispered to them for the first time in two days. "What you said?" Kyle sighed heavily and nodded. Butters' face contorted as tears fell from his eyes and Kyle wrapped his arms around him tightly and ran his hands through his hair as he sobbed. People stared and began to whisper and Stan flipped them off.

"How... how is he?" Butters finally managed to whimper in a muffled voice.

"Not good, but he'll be better."

"What happened?"

"We'll talk after school... can you?" Butters sighed heavily and nodded as they walked to the gym.

"I'll tell my parents practice ran late..."

Butters sat with them in the second row. Everyone was talking and some underclassmen were goofing around. There was no public speaker. This wasn't a pep rally.

"Attention students," Principal Withers began, "as high school students you are faced with many challenges. Relationships, balancing school work and a social life, normal teenage woes. Yet others carry with them issues and challenges most can't comprehend. Loss, disorders, abuse, rape..."

Kyle turned to Stan and Butters stiffened in his seat.

"It has been brought to my attention that over the weekend one of our fellow students was viciously harmed. The student was taken to the hospital and is stable, but during a time like this one must ask questions and be confused. I understand this. But now is the time for any of you to speak up. If something has ever happened to you, you must stand up for yourself and speak up. I know you've heard this since childhood but I cannot stress the issue enough. This person could have died. This person could have been _you_.

"For the next two weeks we will have in-class discussions about how to cope with traumas. We have also hired counselors for anyone to speak to if anyone needs to discuss any issues they have. Does anyone have any questions?"

Kyle watched as Karen stormed out of the gym, fists clenched and hazel eyes ablaze. He remained seated. The doors seemed to scream shut in her wake and everyone was left in the following silence.

Someone raised their hand. "Yes?"

"What happened to this person?" Stan shook his head and bit at the skin around his fingernails until they bled.

"That information is confidential. However, I can say it is information you wouldn't want to hear."

The bleachers behind them creaked. The three glanced behind to catch a blur of blue and black practically fly down the steps. A conspicuous middle finger was shot as the tall, pale teen followed behind Karen. He left behind a strong, tense air. Butters' eyes followed him, wondering why he was leaving, and if he didn't care at all. He had to remind himself that no one knew what happened to Kenny except them. Craig was just an asshole.

"Yeah we would!" Someone shouted, quiet murmurs ensued.

"This assembly is dismissed. Remember if you need to talk there are many people who want to help you. School is also dismissed." The students cheered and poured out of the gym. Stan and Kyle turned to Butters, who was abnormally paler.

"That was about K-Kenny wasn't it?" Stan nodded.

"People are gonna know when he comes back."

"W-w-when is he?" Butters couldn't help but ask.

"Not til next week. I'm taking his homework for him. He and Karen are living at my house until either Kevin gets an apartment or Kenny is emancipated and can get his own." Butters looked up.

"He-he's at your house?"

"Not yet, but he will be." Kyle smiled a little at his hopeful expression, "hey, we're partners in pre-calc and we've got that big assignment coming up. Why don't you come over tonight?" Butters blushed a little and sighed heavily.

"I-I'm not s'posed to go anywhere b-b-but school and home."

"Not even for homework?" Stan said, smiling a little. Butters sighed and shrugged.

"Tell me... tell me what happened. Everything." Stan and Kyle looked at each other and Kyle took Butters' hand.

"We got a call from Karen on Friday, she was really upset and Ike told us something happened. He was upset and Karen doesn't know everything that happened but he and Kevin went to Kevin's room, then went up to Denver to party. According to the report sometime at the party Kenny either shot up, or someone shot him up, but Kevin wasn't sure where he went off to." The redhead suddenly found it difficult to talk and turned to Stan. The shorter of the two wrapped his arm around Butters' shoulder and sighed.

"We found him in a dumpster around 14th and Quebec. We took him to the hospital and he had to get surgery and he's been having withdrawal symptoms and they wanted the edge to wear off before he went home." Butters tried his hardest to understand the information yet he knew they were leaving some out. Stan and Kyle wouldn't be so shell-shocked if that had been the case. He had to know.

"What else?" Kyle closed his eyes and shook his head. Stan squeezed him tighter and gazed at Butters sadly.

"It's..." Kyle pulled out his phone and pressed a button.

_"I just got high... I needed to focuses, needed to forget, I just... and I wanted to get fucked."_ Butters heard Kenny's distant, detached voice and could tell that he was both higher than a kite and in pain. _"And... I remember just... so fast... there was... I don't... three guys? Three guys. Yeah. A-and..." _

_"Kenny, we're your best friends... you can tell us anything."_

_"I didn't care at first 'cause I was high... and Lee broke up with me and I figured this was what I was m-meant to be all along, just lowlife... whore..."_ Butters' shoulders shook violently as he sobbed. This was his fault. This was all his fault. _"B-but then they started choking me... and one of them made me...drink his piss and then after they... they all fucked my ass...two at a time I think, I remember choking and my nose burned... everything was hot and I was on fire... there was so much... I heard a b-bottle break... they laughed..." _Butters felt his stomach squirm with nausea as he heard the gruesome words. His head swam as he listened toe very word on the recording. This didn't sound like Kenny at all. _"And there was screaming, it was so loud; I just wanted it to stop. But it was me. I was screaming and I didn't even know it and I couldn't stop, I couldn't do anything, I..."_

_"N-no..." _

_"A-and... they were so evil. They sounded like... like Cthulhu. Not Satan... he's nice. But... they were evil. T-two of them... they... I think they held my legs back? I don't remember, Kyle, I don't... I'm sorry... and then I just felt like... my insides were going through a grinder. Over and over again... just let me die."_

Butters looked up and forced down the bile that was begging to surface. He took a shaky breath and shook his head as he looked at his two best friends.

"T-th-they r-raped him w-w-with a broken bottle?" Stan nodded once. "But... _no_..." Butters felt frozen as he tried to take in what he had heard and had been told. Kenny was shattered. And he hadn't been there for him. He had been selfish. He had stayed away because he actually felt his father was right. Of course Kenny wasn't a bad influence he just thought maybe Kenny would find someone better to be with. But they were best friends, he should have been there. He should have helped save him.

Instead he was making himself throw up. Because he had to be perfect.

He felt both Kyle and Stan hold him tight and for the first time since Friday night he allowed himself to cry. His face felt hot and his eyes burned as the tears poured down his cheeks and neck.

"H-how bad was it?"

"We found him in the dumpster. He was high still, and he said if I took it easy on him and made him feel good then he'd be good and stay quiet. And then he just went berzerk. The nurses had to sedate him when they tried to get him from the car... he's been really moody and he hasn't eaten. They had to give him nutrients through an IV to sustain him. He just hasn't had an appetite." Butters sniffled, "I shouldn't be telling you this."

"Y-yes you should, I-I deserve to know." Butters stammered. "Is he h-here? Can we go see him? W-will he even w-w-want to see me?" Stan nodded and pulled his keys from his pocket.

"Yeah, he should be back. Depending on when Kevin got there. We can go head over, we'll sneak you."

They walked to their lockers and quickly packed their book bags. Kyle went to Kenny's and grabbed his books for him. The smell of cigarettes overwhelmed his nose right away, but he found a small picture of him and Butters in the corner of his door. He said nothing and shut the top locker.

They walked to Stan's car and Butters sat on the middle seat in the back He glanced at the fabric around him and felt his stomach churn.

"S-Stan?" he said quietly as he pulled out of the parking lot. The black haired boy looked at him momentarily as he turned on his iPod and handed it to Kyle. Alternative rock played softly to make the silence comfortable in case there was any on the short drive to Kyle's. "T-there's blood on your seat."

"Shit, I forgot..." Stan said, "uh... I was gonna clean it but... just cover it with my bag." Butters did as he was told and scooted as far away as he possibly could. He didn't want to think about it but he couldn't help it. That was Kenny's blood. It had been real all along. Suddenly he felt feverish. Like he had his blood on his hands and it was warm and it was the last reminder of his life. The last of his faded innocence.

Karen was waiting on the front porch when they pulled into the driveway. She watched patiently, eyes distant, and she smiled a little as she saw the three boys. Her eyes lingered on Butters, who lowered his eyes.

"They're not home. I called them both but neither of them answered." Kyle shrugged his shoulders and unlocked his house. Stan and Butters slowly walked in, but waited in the doorway.

"We're just gonna set our stuff inside, okay?" Kyle said, "then we'll wait with you. If you want." Karen nodded a little and rested her head on her hands once more as she stared like a little girl down the road. She hugged herself and shivered a little; Kyle smiled weakly.

They sat on the stoop with her and she leaned her head on Butters' shoulder. He felt tears prickle his eyes once more as he turned to the brunette.

"Y-you don't hate me?" He asked finally, she shook her head.

"I get why you did what you did. I could never hate you, neither could Kenny. But... Kenny's just... not Kenny." That was the way they were all describing it. No one knew the right words to say. Butters held her and she allowed a few tears to escape but she kept a strong stare down the road, waiting. Like always.

"That assembly was fucking dumb," Stan grumbled. Karen scoffed.

"Like they really care," She mumbled, braiding a few strands of her hair together. Kyle heaved a heavy sigh and shuddered a little.

Cars drove by and silence overtook them all. It wasn't awkward, there was just nothing to say. Stan held Kyle's hand and Karen found comfort resting against Butters. He held her reassuringly and felt his heart hammering faster and faster with anxiety and nerves.

Karen perked up suddenly. She stood up and ran to the edge of the driveway, causing the three boys to look at each other curiously; there was no car. Except, down the block, Kevin's truck turned onto Kyle and Stan's street.

Stan shook his head in disbelief. "They must have fucking radar or something," he half-joked to Kyle, who laughed. Butters smiled weakly; he was sure they did.

Kevin looked tired as he turned off the ignition and stepped out of the seemingly empty truck. He hugged Karen and ruffled her hair as he told her something, low enough so only she could hear. The nineteen year old glanced to Kyle's house, saw the three boys, and waved a little as he opened his door once more and handed her a small bag.

Butters watched as he walked to the passenger door and he held his breath. It had been four days since he had seen Kenny or heard his voice. He didn't know what to expect.

"Just... stay calm," Kyle whispered to him, "act like everything is normal. And don't cry in front of him." Kevin seemed to disappear in the passenger seat for a moment, except his feet, and he kicked the door closed as he walked forward. Kenny was curled up, fast asleep in his arms.

Butters felt a lurch in his heart as his eyes set on the boy who looked as if he were in ruins. He looked so small in his brother's arms. So young and helpless and broken. Faded.

Kyle and stood up and Kevin lifted his hand from under Kenny's legs to press his finger to his lips. They nodded and Kyle opened the door for him. Kenny's head rested on his shoulder and he looked sickly as Kevin carried him to the living room.

"Is the couch okay?" He asked, Kyle shrugged. "He's been out since Denver. I figured I should wake him to take some meds soon but..."

"Is this the first he's slept on his own?" Kyle asked in a whisper. Kevin nodded. Butters felt a kick in the gut as Stan helped Kevin adjust him on the couch. They laid him on his side and he moaned a little in his sleep as he tried to turn on his stomach. This was worse than he had thought. This was a bad idea to come here. He needed air.

He ran out of the house and on the front porch. Butters gasped for the November air that seemed to chill his lungs. He loved the biting cold in his throat. The air was suffocating in Kyle's house.

All he wanted to do was hold Kenny and make him feel better. But he was probably the last person he wanted to see.

Butters jumped as he heard loud boots thump behind him. He turned and came face to chest with Kevin, who towered nearly a foot over him.

"Butters," he said in a gruff but soft voice. The blonde stammered and was ready to be hit, but relaxed as Kevin lit a cigarette. "I know somethin' happened between you an' Kenny. I dunno what exactly but... whatever it is, I need what's best for him right now. And I _think_ that's you. I don't care 'bout the fact that you may have broken up or whatever, I don't wanna know the details. Just... he needs all the support he can right now and I hate seein' him like this. That's my kid brother and that's not him in there."

"K-Kevin, I'm s-sorry but..." he trailed off, "I think it is."

Kevin remained silent as he took a long drag of his cigarette and held in the smoke as long as he could. As he exhaled, he met Butters' eyes.

"I know," he whispered, bowing his head, "and that's the fucking sucky part 'bout it."

Butters went back inside to leave Kevin on his own for awhile. There was a complete three-sixty personality change in Kenny's older brother. He had never cared about Kenny or Karen and now suddenly Kenny was "his baby brother." It didn't make sense. Or perhaps he had been like that all along, he didn't know.

He just didn't know.

Butters walked into the living room once more and found Karen combing Kenny's hair. Just like he had done for her when she was in a coma. His long, skinny arm dangled off the couch and his face was pressed against the arm rest. Kyle was sitting on the floor next to him, leaning against Stan who was playing his guitar softly.

It was completely surreal. He felt like he just walked in to a stoner's party and everyone was passed out high. Only everyone was completely sober and that's what didn't make sense.

"H-he looks so..." he trailed off. Little? Innocent? Those weren't the right words. Fragile. And Kenny wasn't fragile.

Except Butters knew the truth. He was fragile. He was scared and hurt and shattered. They had simply brought out his secret, hidden emotions. And seeing all that Kenny was, and was afraid to be, made him feel sick. Made him want to be there for him even more.

He wanted to touch him. Wanted to hold him. Wanted to tell him everything would be okay. But he didn't know if that was true. He didn't want him to break any more.

Kenny moaned and opened his bleary eyes. His face contorted and Kyle had grown to recognize this look. He grabbed the trash can under the end table just before Kenny vomited all over the carpet. He watched as the redhead covered his ears against Kenny's retching. It was all just dry heaves and bile; there was nothing in his stomach. Karen rubbed his back and felt his forehead as he gagged, and Butters buried his face in his hands.

"Where...?" He moaned, blinking as he looked around. He settled down when realizing he was in Kyle's living room and rested his head once more. "S-sorry," he whispered hoarsely. Kyle shrugged his shoulders and Karen took the small trash can to the kitchen. "How long was I..." he trailed off, eyes widening as he locked his gaze on Butters. He whimpered.

"Hey, Ken," Butters said, forcing a smile. Kenny shook his head and buried his face in the couch. No one could understand what he was saying, but Butters felt as if he wasn't welcome. Karen ran into the room and looked between Kenny and Butters, who had gotten up and was preparing to leave.

"Don't," she whispered to him, "it's not you... well, it is, but... don't go. Please?" She begged. He sighed heavily, heart breaking as he turned to Kenny who was shaking. "Kenny, Kenny, it's okay... he knows, he knows everything." he murmured something to her and she sighed. "That doesn't matter." She paused and ran a hand through his hair, "don't say that, you don't mean that."

"I really should-"

"Stay," Kyle told him, grabbing his hand. Kevin walked in and looked between the younger boys and his sister.

"Hey, Kenny," he said, grinning as he approached his brother. He had his hand behind his back. "I got somethin' for ya," Kenny lifted his head and Butters saw his eyes were tinged red and heavy dark bags from lack of sleep. Kevin held out a DVD and Stan guffawed. "I got ya "Fight Club" in case you wanted to watch it with your buds, or I could come over sometime and we can watch it, since it's our favorite movie." Karen looked at her brother curiously. Kenny leaned on the arm rest as he took the movie from Kevin.

"Thanks," he said, smiling the saddest smile any of them had ever seen. "I'd like that." he scratched at his arms and Karen took his hands. Butters noticed there were red scrapes all over his forearms and hands.

"Are you hungry? Mrs. Broflovski made some soup for you." Kenny shook his head.

"'m fine," he whispered, wincing as he adjusted and sat up. Instead of staying down, he stood up and took a couple of breaths before looking at Butters. He just stared and Butters stepped forward, then recoiled as Kenny flinched and hid behind Kevin.

He wouldn't let him go near him. Butters remembered Kyle told him not to cry. He bit his lip and smiled at Kenny.

"I'm glad you're okay," he said, "and I know things left off badly. But... I didn't mean it, Ken. I hope you believe me. I could never break up with you. And I'm sorry about my dad. But once he calms down I'm gonna... I'm gonna tell him. That is, if you still want to be with me."

"Butters..." Stan said, but Kenny slowly moved away from his brother.

"J-just don't...don't_ t-touch_ me." Kenny whimpered, arms wrapped around himself as he looked at Butters; he looked so small, and his eyes were so far away even though they were looking right at him. Butters shook his head.

"Never, not if you don't want me to."

"Kenny, you gotta take your medicine." Kevin told him, Kenny sighed. "I'll fuckin' hit you, dweeb." Kenny sneered and Kevin handed him his bottle. At first Kyle and Stan looked worried, but Kenny smirked, his genuine Kenny smirk, as he popped the pill dry and stuck his tongue out to spite his brother. "What? You want a fuckin' lollipop or somethin'?"

"Dude..." Stan said in disbelief, causing the two brothers to look at him. Karen looked mildly shocked and for a moment Butters saw that normal Kenny spit-fire as he looked at Butters.

"You gonna eat?" Kevin asked his brother, who still shook his head.

"I'm not hungry," The brunette glanced at Kyle momentarily before turning to his brother.

"Not hungry? Huh, I remember sixteen year of dealin' with your ass always complainin' 'cause you were hungry. Now you're here in a house that actually has some semi-fuckin' decent food and stayin' with people who give a shit about you and you're gonna be ungrateful to them?"

"_Kevin_!" Karen gasped, he shook his head at his sister and looked back at Kenny who lowered his eyes.

"No, look at me!" Kevin barked, causing all of them to jump. Stan watched in mild awe as Kevin gripped his brother's shoulder. "You've never been ungrateful in your fuckin' life and you're treating us all like shit. Now get in that fuckin' kitchen, sit your ass down, and thank Mr. and Mrs. Broflovski for letting you stay here when they get home. And quit your fuckin' moping. Yeah, what happened fucking sucks and I'm sorry and I am fuckin' pissed as hell. But dwelling ain't gonna do shit 'cept make you feel worse. This isn't you. You'd be makin' us all feel better. Get over yourself."

"Holy shit." Kyle murmured at Kevin's scolding.

Except he had apparently gone a little too far. Kenny stared at him for a moment with those eyes he had seen too much over the past four days and Kevin faltered. "Wait, Kenny, I-" he pinched his nose as tears welled in Kenny's eyes. His lip trembled and his nails dug at his skin as he walked silently in to the kitchen.

"What the _hell_ was that?" Karen growled darkly to her brother, who was speechless.

"The nurse said to treat him normal!" He whisper-shouted to her, "it's better than treating him like he's a special fuckin' snowflake." Karen groaned in annoyance.

"Yeah, treat him normal after he's not suffering from withdrawals, jackass," she hissed as she ran into the kitchen. Kyle looked to Kevin, who looked upset with himself and smiled a little.

"Hey, at least you got him to do it," Kevin scoffed and sighed heavily.

Kenny leaned against the counter and Karen looked to Kyle as he entered the room.

"Do you want anything to eat?" Kyle asked him, "I mean it doesn't have to be soup, we just had that last night. I can make burgers or-"

"I can only eat soft food, Ky," Kenny said in a small voice that shook Kyle's heart, "um... but yeah, I can get it. I'm sorry, uh... I mean is it okay if I get it? You don't have to go out of your way."

"Yeah, dude, go ahead. You kinda live here now so, have at it." Kyle laughed a little and opened the fridge. Kenny smiled slightly at him and Stan gave his boyfriend an uneasy look. Butters wasn't sure if he really should stay. Kenny hadn't said much to him and he didn't want him to focus on their messed up relationship, if they still had one. He needed to heal; he was probably the last person he wanted to see right now.

"You don't want any more?" Kyle asked, noting Kenny's half bowl. He knew he shouldn't have made a comment but it seemed natural. But maybe Kevin was right; they shouldn't hold back because Kenny went through something traumatic. He didn't need the egg-shell method.

"I-I just... I'm fine with this," his cheeks blushed a little as he put the bowl in the microwave and covered it with a napkin. "I don't wanna be the only person eating though, that's fuckin' weird." Kyle gave him a look and Kenny lowered his eyes as he waited for the microwave to stop. Butters felt his stomach rumble quietly and Stan turned to him. Butters blushed darkly and shrugged his shoulders.

"Small lunch," he said nonchalantly. Kyle smirked and started searching through his cupboards. Kenny coughed a little in his arm and winced.

"Lee?" He asked gingerly, "c-can I talk to you? Alone?" Butters nodded with wide eyes. Karen smiled at him reassuringly as he walked out of the kitchen with Kenny. He thought he would stop in the living room but Kenny walked all the way to the first floor office; which was the farthest room from the kitchen.

"Kenny... I..." he didn't know what to say. There was so much running through his mind but his heart stammered violently and he couldn't find the strength to move his mouth or make his vocal chords work. He knew what he wanted to say, what he thought Kenny should hear, but suddenly it all seemed pointless. There was nothing to say. They both knew.

Sorry wouldn't cut it. Sorry wouldn't fix the fact that Kenny got fucked up and raped. Sorry wouldn't fix the fact that Butters wasn't man enough to stand up to his dad. Sorry wouldn't change the fact that Butters knew exactly how Kenny felt. Sorry wouldn't fix anything.

But he wasn't sorry, and neither was Kenny, so that didn't really matter. Everything would be settled in its own time; the air wouldn't be so suffocating and his body would eventually relax. Kenny shook his head.

"How are you...?" was all he managed. He knew it was stupid but he couldn't bear to say those two words. They were unnecessary.

"J-just... I'm not feeling anything, right now. I seem to have developed your stutter," he smiled a little and Butters blushed. "But... I... I don't really know who else to tell and I don't want anyone else to know this." Butters nodded and instinctively reached out for Kenny's hand. He watched him jerk, then felt his cold fingers loosely loop with his. "This is really... really weird for me to talk about. But... I don't know who else to really tell. I mean, you've been my best friend for like seven years and you're kinda my boyfriend..." Butters couldn't help but feel his lips twitch upward at that. "I'm not gonna be okay with... some things for awhile. It's not just about the situation... but it's the drugs. I don't like being touched. It'll get better. But... but... I'm afraid to eat." Butters tilted his head. "It's not the drugs, at first it was but I'm really hungry now. It's mostly just my pain meds messing with me now, anyway." Butters saw the tiny needle-hole in his arm and felt his heart thud painfully.

"Why are you afraid to eat? You have to, otherwise you're gonna starve to death." Oh, he was such a hypocrite. Kenny sighed heavily and flushed ever so slightly.

"It's not eating, it's what happens _after_ eating that I'm afraid of." Butters blushed a little and nodded slowly. He laughed quietly and Kenny's eyes were on the floor.

"Oh..." Butters trailed off lowly. "What all... what all did they do down there?"

"I have stitches because... they... there was a broken bottle... and I had some glass left and there was tearing... I don't remember everything, I'm happy about that," Kenny whispered in an uncomfortable voice.

"Well, that's gotta hurt." Kenny couldn't help but let out a quiet chuckle at his bluntness and Butters smiled a little more. "Didn't they like give you medicine or somethin' for that?" Kenny blushed and shrugged his shoulders, "Ken, you do realize just last week you went to the bathroom while I was showering, right? And I will never forget that one time when you pretty much got the whole town sick."

"That's different," Kenny murmured, cheeks darker than Butters had ever seen them before. Yeah, it was different. Last week held so much happiness. Last week Kenny had been completely open with him and joking around and not this fragmented person before him now. "But yeah... I figured I could just not eat except when I have to so then by the time I've healed more it'll be better." Butters gave him a blank look and he blushed even more.

"Well, you know about my problem I had when I was younger," Kenny nodded, "you can't be afraid to eat. But... I won't tell anyone." Kenny smiled and murmured a quiet thanks. His shaking hand held Butters' a little tighter.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, causing the bright blonde to look at him curiously. "That I couldn't stop them. That was s'posed to be yours. That was our moment and now I don't even..."

"Ken, this doesn't change _anything_. Remember... remember what I said that night? How I'll always have that last part of you? I do. I do have it. It's not ruined. It's right here." He said, touching his heart. "It means more to me than you'll ever know and I don't look at you any differently than I did that night. Sure, I'm mad as hell for what they did to you but... it doesn't change _you_. It doesn't change us, does it? Unless you want it to." Kenny shook his head. "Things are gonna be tougher now, for both of us. But I'm gonna fight until I die to be with you. Okay? As long as you're willing to do the same."

"I am." They both tried their best to smile; Butters wished he could see his grin. He wasn't used to these quiet smiles and vulnerable looks.

"Can I... can I hug you?" Kenny nodded and slowly outstretched his arms, though he looked highly uncomfortable. Butters wrapped his arms cautiously around Kenny's waist, causing him to tense at first yet he relaxed as he rested his head on Butters' shoulder. Butters could feel him tremble in his arms and he willed himself to not kiss him. It was enough to feel him tight in his arms, that's all he really needed. The rest would catch up eventually.

Kenny and Butters walked back to the kitchen and found their friends and siblings talking as they waited for food to cook in either the oven or the microwave. Kevin was the first to notice their presence and immediately went up to Kenny.

"Listen, I'm sorry, I was just... bein' myself. Y'know, plus I just want you happy. I hate seeing you sad." Kenny nodded and shrugged his shoulders. "You don't look very sad."

"Mood swings," Kenny mumbled, "one second I'll be laughing my ass off the next I'll be all snot and tears and fists." He half teased. "It's the pain meds I think." He added as he caught the concerned faces of his siblings.

"I take it your little talk went well?" Stan asked the two blondes who nodded and smiled.

"Yep," Butters said and Kenny just smiled weakly as he grabbed his bowl of soup from the microwave and a spoon. All eyes turned to Kenny and he raised the bowl a bit in agreement as he sipped the broth off of the spoon.

"Never better."


End file.
